Archive for January, 2010

Fight Firewalls With Kindle

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

My humorist pal Rose Valenta recently created a Kindle version of her blog and inspired me to do the same. Why? Because many employers are getting strict about web access, blocking employees from reading their favorite blogs and sites — even while they’re on a break or at lunch.

But your boss can’t control what you read on your Kindle. And Amazon makes it easy for bloggers to create Kindle blog editions, allowing fans to bypass their bosses and keep up with their reading.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Fight Firewalls With Kindle
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re at work, but on break — want to read.
But your boss did a dastardly deed:
Your fav’rites are blocked.
Your net access is locked.
But he can’t stop a Kindle blog feed.

My News: I’ve created Kindle versions of both my blogs. So if you’d like to read this general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here. And if you’d like to read my other political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.

Attention Fellow Bloggers: If you’d like to publish your own blog on Amazon Kindle, Amazon makes it pretty easy and has a helpful Kindle Blog FAQ here. You can also find some useful info over at Mashable and some Kindle badges and icons here.

Warning: Reading blogs on Kindle isn’t free, except for the 14-day free trial for each blog. Monthly Kindle blog subscription fees are controlled by Amazon and priced at either $0.99 per month or $1.99 per month. Moreover, only 30% of the revenue goes to the blogger.

And Now For The Sales Pitch: Each of my two blogs is priced at $0.99 per month.

So if you’re a Kindle owner, I hope you’ll give the Kindle version of this humor blog and/or the Kindle version of my political satire blog a try.

Just What Drivers Need — More Distractions!

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

I’m as big a web addict as the next woman. But do we really need Internet-enabled dashboards in our cars? Don’t drivers already have enough to distract them? Sorry, but this concept just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Insane auto technology like this cries out for a limerick:

Just What Drivers Need — More Distractions!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Are you feeling too focused while driving?
Well, help from your dashboard’s arriving:
Watch the net in your car.
Yes, wherever you are
You can surf. Wish you luck with surviving.

Dear Jay

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

I’m on Team CoCo, as you can tell from my Conan-Leno talk show wars limerick.

But unlike many Team CoCo members, I put most of the blame on NBC … and not on Jay Leno. NBC, after all, has been treating both O’Brien and Leno like two very pricey pawns. And doing it incompetently, to boot.

Jay’s been taking quite the beating in the press. So I watched Jay’s Monday night attempt to repair his image and set the record straight with interest. Unfortunately, I found his humble, nice guy shtick overdone and just a wee bit nauseating. Methinks Leno has gotten some really bad public relations advice.

And speaking of advice, here’s some advice for Jay Leno in limerick form:

Dear Jay
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Jay, you sure poured it on thick.
You’re a poor, lowly country-boy hick?
You just do what your told?
Merely one of the fold?
Give your PR adviser a kick.

Go, Conan!

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

A limerick in honor of Conan O’Brien’s Solomon-like decision about the Tonight Show — not to “seriously damage what [he considers] to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting,” (I wrote it both as a fan and as a recovering lawyer.)

Go, Conan!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Conan, I’m glad you refused.
By your Network, you’ve sure been abused.
You’re right to be teed.
You’re a class act, indeed.
NBC’s breach can not be excused.

Update: I haven’t seen Conan’s contract. But here’s NBC’s argument, as I understand it: NBC can legally air The Tonight Show with Conan at 12:05 a.m. after a new half-hour Leno show, because O’Brien’s contract doesn’t specify a time. I don’t buy it.

Following NBC’s argument to its logical conclusion, NBC could air The Tonight Show at 4:00 a.m., or even at noon. In fact, by NBC’s reasoning, Conan could have stayed at his old 12:35 a.m. slot and Jay could have kept his original 11:35 p.m. Tonight Show slot. All NBC would have had to do would be to change the names of the shows: Conan’s to the Tonight Show, and Jay’s to the Jay Leno Show. Sorry, NBC, this doesn’t pass the straight-faced test.

One more point: Rumor has it that Jay’s contract specifies a 10 p.m. time, and that (the argument goes) this weakens Conan’s position. I disagree. Conan O’Brien was being promoted to a show that already existed in a specific time slot, whereas Jay’s show was being created from scratch. So they are not analogous situations.

Update 2: Is this a slam dunk for Conan? No. But as a “recovering lawyer” who litigated my share of contract disputes, I’d rather take Conan’s case to a jury.

Simon, Say It Ain’t So!

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

“Insult judge” Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol at the end of this season. How will I ever survive?

Simon, Say It Ain’t So! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Simon, your snark’s sometimes mean,
But on Idol you’re surely the dean.
Your vocal critiques
Are the smartest most weeks.
Will I watch it post-Cowell? Not keen!

How To Muck Up Gift-Giving

Monday, January 11th, 2010

Some men send their wives Hallmark greeting cards. Then there’s Dick Kleis of Zwingle, Iowa, who got a bit more “creative” on his wife Carole’s birthday. He spent three hours spelling out a huge love note in 120,000 pounds of “good, soft, gushy, warm” manure. And proving that there’s no accounting for taste, his wife actually liked it, saying her hubby “dung good”.

Attention, dear hubby Mark … and any other man who might be inspired by this story on a birthday, anniversary, or Valentine’s Day: Don’t even think about it!

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

How To Muck Up Gift-Giving
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear hubby, I’d really be miffed
If you gave me manure as a gift.
Now I don’t expect plush
If you ain’t feeling flush.
But dung? Sweet revenge will be swift.

Shoo, Heels!

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

I’m short. Five-foot-zero, to be specific. But I never wear heels. Okay, I do have one pair of special-occasion shoes with a one-inch heel. Does that even count?

I forswore high heels way back in my early twenties. Why? Isn’t it obvious? Because they hurt! Besides, even if I braved three-inch heels, I’d still be really short. Plus I’ve never thought teetering was all that sexy.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Shoo, Heels!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m short, but wear flats — never heels.
Cuz they hurt. Gals, you know how it feels.
So my word to height seekers:
Just give me some sneakers,
Or flip flops, or better yet — wheels.