Archive for May, 2007

Bugged By Mosquitoes

Thursday, May 31st, 2007

Bugged By Mosquitoes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mosquitoes are driving me mad.
Seems a zillion are biting me—bad!
Sprays and lotions don’t work;
They keep chomping and lurk,
While ignoring my husband—the cad!

Update: August 20 is World Mosquito Day.

Ode To The Can-Do Comic, Fran Capo (Entertaining New Yorkers Series) Updated

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007

Without planning to, I seem to have launched an “Entertaining New Yorkers” series of limericks.  (First there was O’Donnell V. The Donald, and next came my limerick about Stride Pianist Judy Carmichael.)

Today’s entertaining New Yorker limerick is a tribute to my good friend Fran Capo, an author, comedienne, motivational speaker, voiceover artist, actress, and adventurer. She’s also a Guinness world record holder — the world’s fastest talking female, clocking in at 603.32 words per minute:

Ode To The Can-Do Comic, Fran Capo (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Comic Capo (I know her as Fran)
Lives her life by the motto: “I can!”
She’s a fast-talking head. 
(So the Guinness guys said.)
I’m a friend of hers—also a fan.

UPDATE: Here’s a recent four minute video clip of Fran Capo on CNN International.

Airing My Airline Gripes

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007

Airing My Airline Gripes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To travel by plane was once pleasant,
But flying’s horrific at present.
And that pre-flight routine—
Those airlines must mean
To make everyone feel like a peasant. 

(My travel humor is archived here.)

Captured By CAPTCHA

Monday, May 21st, 2007

If you’ve ever registered for a site or an email list, you’re surely familiar with those frustrating anti-spam CAPTCHA forms. CAPTCHA, which is an acronym for “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart,” generally does a really good job of  blocking … me:

Captured By CAPTCHA (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The CAPTCHA form used on their site
Quickly conquered computerized blight,
Because bots can’t decode
Any image it showed.
But then neither can I—there’s my plight.

(You can find more of my technology humor here.

No Sweat Divorce

Monday, May 21st, 2007

No Sweat Divorce (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“My husband and I are estranged,”
Said the wife, “’cause he acts so deranged.
His behavior’s aberrant
And vexingly errant.
I wish he could just be exchanged.”  

(Can you imagine if divorce were as easy as shopping? And no, this isn’t autobiographical … although I do enjoying poking fun at my wonderful husband from time to time.)

Yet Another American Idol Limerick

Monday, May 21st, 2007

As regular readers know, watching American Idol is one of my guilty pleasures.  But it sure wasn’t much of a pleasure last week, when mellifluous Melinda was sent packing and Blake wasn’t:

Yet Another American Idol Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Melinda was beat out by Blake?
Now that’s what I call a mistake!
He’s all shtick and no voice.
What a terrible choice!
I suspect that his fans ain’t awake. 

Only In Queens, New York (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 15th, 2007

Only In Queens, New York  (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Wanna ride?” says a cop on the force.
I decline, though politely, of course.
I am tired, it’s true,
But my joints do not rue
My refusal. He’s riding a horse.

(True story:  A New York City cop on horseback offered me a ride after I complimented him on his beautiful (and gigantic) horse. Though tempted for roughly a nano-second, I took pity on my back and said a cowardly “no thanks.”) 

Bandwidth Blues

Monday, May 14th, 2007

Do you work with anybody like this?  I sure hope not!

Bandwidth Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I’ve no bandwidth for that,” some folks say.
It’s their style of responding, “No way!
I’ve no time. I am beat.
I have deadlines to meet.
I’m maxed out. I can’t help you. Okay?”

Mother’s Day Limerick Contest Results — And The Winners Are…

Sunday, May 13th, 2007

Thanks to all of you who participated in this, my second limerick writing contest. (And yes, another contest will be coming soon.)

The response to my Mother’s Day limerick contest exceeded my wildest hopes – 87 poems were submitted. Your delightful entries and enthusiasm has made this a fun experience for me and, I hope, for you.

Before I announce the winners, I want to thank contest sponsor Billy Jones a/k/a Billy The Blogging Poet, who is providing prize matching funds.

And speaking of prizes, I’m awarding (including the matching funds) a First Prize ($50 in PayPal cash), a Second Prize ($20 in PayPal cash), and four Honorable Mentions. And the winners are…

FIRST PRIZE goes to Mephistopheles for a limerick that made me laugh out loud:

When you’re shrunk by one shrink or another,
‘Cause you’re pissed at your sister or brother,
Does your tongue tend to trip
In a Freudian slip—
Saying one thing while meaning your mother?

SECOND PRIZE goes to Peter Sheil for this moving tribute to his mother:

“It’s the hospital here, please come fast!”
There we sat, with our thoughts from the past.
At the side of her bed
Nothing more could be said.
One short breath … then one more … then her last.

And four HONORABLE MENTIONS go to (listed in submission order):

Jesse Frankovich:
My mommy is loving and caring,
Only sometimes a bit overbearing:
“Make your bed! Clean your room!
Mow the lawn! Don’t presume
You can play all day long! And stop swearing!”

A mother is patient and kind,
Forgiving, forbearing, refined;
But mind if she cracks,
When stressed to the max,
‘Cos she’ll wallop your sorry behind.

As a baby I loved my dear mother
‘Till she gave me my sweet little brother.
But hang on there mum
What’s that lump in your tum,
O.M.G. is she baking another?

Mary Lou Healy’s The Steamy Novel:
That marvelous mother of mine
Thought my penchant for reading was fine.
She gave me a book.
Before letting me look,
Ripped out eighty through page eighty-nine!

Congratulations to all the winners, and thanks again to everybody who participated. (You can read all of the entries here.)

And please stay tuned — I’ll be announcing another limerick contest very soon right here in this blog — probably mid-June.

More 24, Please

Monday, May 7th, 2007

As just about everyone knows, 24 is a popular, award-winning Fox television series about a federal counter-terrorism unit (CTU) in Los Angeles. It stars Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer, on whom everyone perpetually counts.  

I was surprised to read that the “devotees of 24  [are] struggling to keep the faith” because hubby Mark and I are big fans:

More 24, Please (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m hooked on the show 24.
Those CTU plots I adore.
And I’m counting on Jack
To defuse each attack
And survive at least one season more.

Night On The Town — Judy Carmichael, Stride Pianist

Sunday, May 6th, 2007

I live in New York City, so my husband Mark and I often catch great musical acts, plays, art shows, and other entertainment and cultural diversions in the Big Apple.

Why don’t I write about our New York fun?  I keep meaning to, but quickly forget to. Blame ADD, a bad memory, or just being a wee bit disorganized.

Anyway, I’ve decided to launch a new posting category — Night On The Town — in which I’ll write more regularly about our Manhattan adventures … in theory, anyway.

And what better way to start, than with the wonderful Judy Carmichael!  We caught her stride piano act Friday night at the Knickerbocker Bar and Grill, and she was excellent, as always. Mark and I own every one of her recordings!

For those who don’t know what stride piano is, it’s a musical style that originated in Harlem early in the 20th century.  And nobody does it better than Judy Carmichael.  In fact I love her playing so much, I’ve written her a limerick:

Ode To Judy Carmichael (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Judy Carmichael’s known for her stride.
She’s a pianist of note far and wide—
A female Fats Waller.
You’ll whoop and you’ll holler
With joy at her musical ride.

Linky Love

Sunday, May 6th, 2007

Some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Political Madness