Fickle Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A popular gal who was fickle
Found herself in a terrible pickle:
A fellow she spurned
Launched a web site that turned
Her long wooers-list into a trickle.
Archive for September, 2011
Fickle Limerick
Thursday, September 29th, 2011Batty Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Saturday, September 24th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was going to bat…
or
A woman was going to bat…
Here’s mine:
Batty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was going to bat
For a gal who, most thought, was a rat.
He had motives impure
And had plans to ensure
That he got lots of tit for his tat.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (28)
Saturday, September 24th, 2011It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to RJ CLARKEN who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:
A guy who was fast on his feet
Courted courtesan gal Marguerite.
He danced her, romanced her
And then he unpantsed her.
Camille? Il est très bittersweet.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Earlybird, Scott Crowder, Daisy Mae Simon, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A guy who was fast on his feet
Was viewed as a sexual treat.
But the ladies agreed
His incredible speed
Disappointed them under the sheet.
Earlybird:
A gal who was fast on her feet
Decided to learn how to tweet.
Her fingers are fitter
From learning to Twitter.
But she never gets up from her seat.
Scott Crowder:
A guy who was fast on his feet,
Took the sportscaster gal to his suite,
And made hot, dirty love,
With the soon to be Guv.
Just a wild mama grizzly in heat.
Daisy Mae Simon:
A guy who is fast on his feet
Will appear on TV to compete
Despite onemillionmoms
Raising outrageous qualms.
A huge win for Chaz B. would be sweet!
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A gal who was fast on her feet,
When caught in a clinch indiscreet,
Said: “My dear, I am told
That the cure for a cold
Is to heighten one’s bodily heat.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Amusing Verse … I Hope
Wednesday, September 21st, 2011One of my favorite poetry prompt sites, One Single Impression, has asked its poet-participants to propose word prompts for upcoming editions. I suggested the word “amuse,” which will be used next week, starting September 25th. Here’s a limerick and haiku I wrote for the occasion:
Amusing Verse … I Hope
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I try to amuse when I write,
In my quest to pen verse that has bite.
But sometimes my muse
Lets me down. Yes j’accuse!
I suspect that it does it for spite.
*****
Poetry prompt sites
inspire, amuse, bring friends,
awaken muses.
*****
Dear Deer (Limerick and Photo)
Monday, September 19th, 2011A month or so ago, hubby Mark took a wonderful photo of a deer just a couple of feet from our deck in Putnam Valley, New York. I’ve finally written a companion limerick for that image:
Dear Deer
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear deer, you’re adorable, true.
But there’s one thing about you, I rue:
Your habit of munching
And supping and lunching
On fruit my hub’s hoping to chew.
Fast Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, September 18th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
As an experiment, I’m offering a freestyle limerick option this week, in addition to my preset pair of lines.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was fast on her feet…
or
A guy who was fast on his feet…
or
Any First Line You Choose
Here’s mine:
Fast Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was fast on her feet
Knew a winner she yearned to unseat.
So she challenged the champ
At violin camp,
Where strong arms can outpace someone fleet.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line (and/or your freestyle limerick) and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (27)
Sunday, September 18th, 2011It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A gal who was covered in sweat
Vowed, “Girl! That’s your last pirouette!
“Admit it! You grew too
“Rotund for your tutu!
“BELLY dancing is now your best bet!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Mark Megson, Ira Bloom, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, RJ Clarken, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who was covered in sweat
While performing a horny sextet,
Between visions impure
And a skilled embouchure,
Earned the “Rusty Trombone” sobriquet.
Mark Megson:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Was arrested for humping his pet.
“It was choking” he cried
“So the Heimlich I tried,
An action that I now regret!”
Ira Bloom:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Told his friend, while collecting a bet:
“It may seem a fiasco
To guzzle Tabasco—
I do it to get out of debt.”
Madeleine Sara Maddocks:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Made his lady loves rather upset.
As he slipped and he slithered
His ardour just withered,
Leaving appetites sorely unmet.
RJ Clarken:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Had the hots for a sexy brunette.
So he said, “It sounds screwy:
You make me feel dewy!”
That line hasn’t worked for him yet.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A guy who was covered with sweat,
Indignant, rushed Pooch to the vet.
“She encountered a rake.
What means should I take?
I’m not ready for puppies just yet!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Greedy Acrostic Limerick
Wednesday, September 14th, 2011My addiction to writing acrostic limericks continues apace:
Greedy Acrostic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Gorging gleefully all through his meal,
Ramming relish on meatloaf with zeal,
Energetically, endlessly,
Eating tremendously —
Done? Not so long as there’s veal.
Limerick Ode To The New Yorker Festival
Tuesday, September 13th, 2011The New Yorker Festival is holding a limerick contest, and the winner gets a batch of Festival tickets for two. Here’s my entry:
Limerick Ode To The New Yorker Festival
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The New Yorker is hosting a fête —
A must-see for the erudite set.
Famous people galore
Shall be speaking full-bore,
And no intellect’s need goes unmet.
Sweaty Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, September 11th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A guy who was covered in sweat…
or
A gal who was covered in sweat…
Here’s mine:
Sweaty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A guy who was covered in sweat
Had gambled and lost a large bet.
His setback was bad,
His wife really mad,
And all he had left was regret.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity by commenting on my Facebook post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (26)
Sunday, September 11th, 2011It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to Ira Bloom who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow was trying to dine
On a meat which he couldn’t define.
It was beaten with mallets
And sauteed with shallots;
For roadkill, he thought it divine.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Linda Scheller, Charles Mashburn a/k/a Marbles In My Pocket, and Neal Pattison. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David McCormick:
A fellow was trying to dine.
Of his sirloin, there still was no sign;
Told the waiter his plight,
“Will I sit here all night?”
“Oh no, sir, we close up at nine.”
Johanna Richmond:
A woman was trying to dine
When her date, a bit touched by the wine,
Took dessert down below
Where she heard him cry, “Whoa,
Crème brûlée never tasted so fine!”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman was trying to dine
When he whispered, “These breasts are so fine.”
Her face got beet red.
From the table she fled.
But he just meant his Chicken Divine.
Linda Scheller:
A fellow was trying to dine
On his caviar, fois gras and wine.
He looked through the glass,
Saw a match-selling lass
And then muttered, “Oh well. I’ve got mine.”
Charles Mashburn:
A fellow was trying to dine
But mostly he drank lots of wine,
Became quite unstable,
Slipped under the table.
His wife said, “Oh no, he’s not mine.”
Neal Pattison:
A man who was trying to dine.
Saw his fork had a speck on one tine.
Was it pepper or spice?
Was it rats? Was it mice?
He decided to stick with the wine.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. It was an especially strong group of poems, and I had a very tough time choosing.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Operatic Acrostic Limerick
Wednesday, September 7th, 2011Operatic Acrostic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oh that tenor who’s playing the king
Pierces eardrums while trying to sing.
Easy notes he should reach
Really readily screech,
As we grab some bananas to fling.
(Prompted by Acrostic Only)
If you’d like to read the opera-related humor column that won me the 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor, here’s my Guide For The Opera Impaired.
Dining On Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, September 4th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying to dine…
or
A woman was trying to dine…
Here’s mine:
Dining On Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was trying to dine,
When a teenager started to whine.
Then a baby chimed in —
Spoiled his steak. What a sin!
So he yelled, “Damn those children of mine!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Taking Stock Of Acrostic Limericks
Friday, September 2nd, 2011As I mention from time to time, I love the mental challenge of writing acrostic limericks. So on the first of each month, I eagerly visit Acrostic Only for its latest batch of prompts.
Taking Stock Of Acrostic Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Seems investments are dropping like flies,
Trouncing prices and deals that looked wise.
On Wall Street our shares
Crash and fall down the stairs —
Killed retirement plans on the rise.
Depressing Haiku of the Day
Friday, September 2nd, 2011Labor Day’s coming —
the jobless labor to find
cause to celebrate.
Sorry about the downer haiku. To compensate, here are two old humor columns of mine: Just In Time For Labor Day, Some Job Interview Humor and Working Stiffed.
