Said the man to his lawyer, “That bitch
Of a wife wed me just cuz I’m rich.
She will spend till I’m broke
And she won’t let me toke,
So I think it’s high time for a switch.”
Archive for the ‘Bawdy Limericks’ Category
The Complaint (Limerick)
Monday, August 17th, 2026An Arresting Lass (Limerick)
Monday, April 7th, 2025As the cop brought her in, the young lass
Acknowledged she’d done something crass:
“In hindsight,” she said,
When her rights had been read,
“I shouldn’t have bared my cute ass.”
The Dancer (Limerick)
Monday, April 29th, 2024A convivial fellow from France
Took the stage and performed a short dance.
He was graceful and masked.
“Did you like it?” he asked.
Though most clapped, I said, “Next time, wear pants!”
Happy “International Dance Day!” (April 29th each year)
A Hairy Tale (Limerick)
Friday, April 19th, 2024I went gray at a premature age,
But embraced it and hoped to look sage.
For a lawyer sans penis
Back then? Mars v. Venus!
Young, female, and short — NOT the rage!
The Immensely Tense Woman (Limerick)
Wednesday, February 21st, 2024A gal who had problems immense
Was frequently worried and tense.
She’d complain about money
And work and her “honey.”
(About sex she was still on the fence.)
An Ambitious Builder, but NOT The One You Think (Limerick)
Sunday, February 18th, 2024A young builder who loved his reflection
Was determined to win an election.
But voters were vexed
Cuz he constantly flexed…
And was caught with a public erection.
The Temptress (Limerick)
Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024The temptress exclaimed, “Take a lick.
But hurry! You must make it quick,
Or I’ll eat it alone.
Hey, you’ve broken my cone.
Ice cream’s melting all over your… Ick!
Drumming Up Decadence (Limerick)
Wednesday, November 15th, 2023What’s my excuse for posting this limerick? It’s November 15th, National Drumming Day.
A drummer had hoped to ensnare
An au pair in a sordid affair:
“Your breasts are so sweet.
May I fondle each teat?”
“You’ve some pair,” she said. “Beat it! No! Ne’er!”
An Athletic Test (Limerick)
Monday, November 13th, 2023An athlete ran nude down the street
And was caught by the cops — no mean feat.
He explained (all erect)
“‘Twas a test to detect
If detectives on foot can be fleet.”
Lustful Limerick
Monday, December 12th, 2022A gal was impressed by the thrust
Of an argument made against lust.
But the man who had made it
Had mated or dated
Each person in town with a bust.
A Touching Scene (Limerick)
Sunday, December 4th, 2022An amorous fellow named Jack
Was eagerly stroking her rack.
When he asked, “How’s my touch?
Is the pressure too much?”
She replied, “How ’bout scratching my back!”
Yet Another Brassy Limerick
Monday, October 10th, 2022Most orchestra members would groan
At the principal trumpeter’s tone.
But his job was secure,
Cuz his lips held allure
For the maestro, a horny old crone.
*****
National Trumpet Day falls on October 10.
Half-Baked Limerick
Friday, September 30th, 2022A baker was well on his way
To a lifetime of waste and decay,
When he met a cute gal
Who said, “Listen up pal!
Straighten out, or no rolls in the hay.”
(September 30 is National Bakery Day.)
Lusting For Lusty Limericks? (Limerick)
Monday, September 12th, 2022Must a lim’rick be bawdy and lusty?
Has that “rule” become mis’rably musty?
I like lims of all kinds
From both lewd and chaste minds,
Even those just a tad upper crusty.
I Won’t Be Celebrating “Naked Bike Ride Day” (Limerick)
Saturday, June 11th, 2022Riding bikes while you’re naked sounds odd,
No matter the shape of your bod.
If you’re nude and ride past,
Kindly pedal by fast.
And do NOT expect ME to applaud!
(World Naked Bike Ride Day is celebrated each year on the second Saturday of June.)
The “Innocent” Punster (Limerick)
Friday, May 20th, 2022A boy was bawled out by the nuns
For his sly use of off-color puns.
But he swore “I’m not punning!”
(The fellow was cunning.)
“Besides baking, just what’s done with buns?”
A Failure To Communicate (Limerick)
Monday, April 18th, 2022A largely deaf fellow named Ben
Relished sex in his new girlfriend’s den.
But she’d talk during sex,
(Very much like his ex.)
His confusing reply? “Come again.”
Limerick Gymnastics
Wednesday, January 26th, 2022Two newly-wed gymnasts were sacked
And told it was time to get packed:
“Since the pair of you wed,
You are always in bed.”
Their defense? “Life’s a balancing act.”
“Bucket Lists” Leave Me Listless (Limerick)
Tuesday, January 11th, 2022There are folks who develop a bucket list;
Pre-death dreams, goals, and treks to Nantucket list.
But to heck with that checklist!
I don’t need a trek-list!
I DO have a chuck-it and fuck-it list.
