Someone dared me to write a latke limerick. (No need to check your calendars. Hanukkah’s still in December.)
A latke debate has emerged:
“Eat latkes with sugar,” Mark urged.
“Using sugar sounds weird,”
Sev’ral said. Others cheered.
As for me, latkes ought to be purged.
It’s your birthday, dear brother, so try
To have fun. (Maybe even get high.)
And I also must say
On this wonderful day:
How dare you be younger than I!
It’s “National Prom Day” today.
Why in March, of all months? Who’s to say?
I’ve heard proms can be fun.
(Not that I’ve been to one.)
But I’m happy to cheer ’em. Hooray!
Today you may celebrate pie;
It’s “National Pie Day.” That’s why.
But pies never tempt me,
So kindly exempt me.
Choc’late layer cake? THAT I would buy.
We chipped in; threw a party for Jill.
Her friend Carl held our cash in a till.
Had to twist the man’s arms
And call the gendarmes
To get him to foot the damn bill.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MAIN or MANE or MAINE or DOMAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BILLS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BILLS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 14, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 13, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my MAIN/MANE/MAINE/DOMAIN-rhyme limerick:
A wicked young woman from Maine
Had a mane that was dyed “pink champagne.”
Her name was Rosé
“No not ‘Rose,'” she would say
With disdain, being prickly and vain.
And here’s my BILLS-themed limerick:
The hall had a lovely array
Of flowers on fragrant display.
But the bride wasn’t pleased,
“I’m allergic,” she wheezed.
“If I’m dead, don’t expect me to pay.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
The new year is coming up fast,
As I think of the world’s recent past.
It feels like the brink,
So to hope I shall drink:
Next year’s GOT to be better than last.
*****
Resolution Disclaimer:
Resolutions ain’t sticky, I fear,
Be it sugar, tobacco or beer.
If you’ve broken that pledge,
Please don’t be on edge.
No worries! There’s always NEXT year.
*****
Drunken Limerick:
Can I write silly verse after drinking?
Let’s see. Wait a second — I’m thinking.
Can’t come up with a verse
Or a rhyme. Even worse,
I suspect that this limerick’s stinking.
Sean Connery’s speech drives me mad
Cuz his diction is fiendishly bad.
Yet he’s worshipped, adored;
Fervid film buffs, un-Moored,
Won’t shush up their Sean-mimicry fad.
On St. Patrick’s Day food I’m not keen.
Its corned beef and cabbage cuisine
Makes my stomach feel queer,
And the same goes for beer.
Partake… and I’ll surely turn green.
At the start of each year, it’s tradition
To draw up a vow-list, the mission
Being clean up one’s act
In some way. But in fact,
Our lapses soon lead to contrition.
For her party, she planned lots of glitter,
But forgot; she’s a bit of a flitter.
So nothing was clinquant.
That gal was delinquent…
Also smart; this cut down on the litter.
Pandemonium Day has arrived,
A fete that sounds rather contrived,
Because chaos surrounds us,
Abounds and confounds us.
So don’t count on it being high-fived.
The U.N. has decreed June 21 to be International Day Of Yoga … which gives me a handy excuse to post this silly limerick:
A gal doing yoga while dressed
In a toga, when questioned, confessed
That her garb did not work—
Turned her poses berserk.
So instead of relaxed, she was stressed.
My lim’rick obsession’s severe;
I write rhymes night and day ev’ry year.
My addiction is brutal.
Resistance is futile…
And I warrant the fault lies with Lear.
Happy birthday, Edward Lear, and Happy Limerick Day!
It’s Limerick Day, in honor of Edward Lear’s birthday on May 12th, and so…
Yet Another Limerick Day Ode to Edward Lear
By Madeleine Begun Kane
On May 12th I must celebrate Lear,
Though he’s mostly to blame, it is clear,
For my rhyming affliction
And lim’rick addiction;
I’m perversely a fan, so I cheer.
“It’s home-made” is just one of those lines
Often used after everyone dines,
And they’re serving dessert.
That’s when guests ought not blurt:
“Tell the truth; it’s a mix — ‘Duncan Hines.'”
Happy birthday to Duncan Hines — author, food critic, and founder of the company that bears his name. (March 26, 1880 – March 15, 1959)
(You might think that I use mixes; I couldn’t possibly comment.)
Happy Pi Day! (The last time I wrote a limerick for Pi Day, I was one day late. But this time I decided to be as precise as Pi.)
Limerick Ode To Pi Day (March 14th)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The math’matical constant called “Pi”
Is Greek to your average guy.
“Transcendental,” some call it,
But most people maul it;
Comprehension is pie in the sky.
Happy National Punctuation Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When you punctuate, please don’t be rash.
Over-use can turn prose into ash.
And a comma misplaced
Lays your writing to waste.
Mark my words … or your readers shall dash.
