MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

Ode To An Absent-Minded Husband
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your umbrella can not have gone far.
Can’t believe how forgetful you are!
If we still had each cent
On umbrellas you’ve spent,
We’d have cash to put gas in our car.

Note: My otherwise wonderful husband has lost so many umbrellas over the years, our umbrella fund could actually gas up at least a dozen cars … even at today’s prices.

Thanks to Simply Snickers for the “umbrella” prompt, Weekend Wordsmith for the “torrential rain” prompt, and Sunday Scribblings for its “family” prompt.

Technorati Tags: Cars Limerick, Gas Price Humor, Absent-Mindedness, Family Verse, Money Poetry, Marriage Poems, Relationships Poetry, Weather Limerick, Husband Humor

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is relatives. (Thanks to Read Write Poem’s aunt prompt, which inspired this broader theme including any family member.) First, my limerick:

Crazy Aunts
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

Crazy aunt in your fam’ly? Let’s see:
Does she scoff at conventions with glee?
Fail to act quite her age?
Give advice strangely sage?
In my fam’ly, the crazy aunt’s me.

And now my haiku:

He made an offer
That I just could not refuse:
Marital bliss.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about a relative. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have two whole weeks!  Why? Because I still haven’t started my tax return.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your family-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Technorati Tags: Family Limerick, Relatives Haiku, Writing Prompts, Family Verse, Aunt Poetry, Funny Relatives

This week’s challenge over at 3WW is to write something that uses these three words: Apology, Consider, and Distant. Here’s my limerick:

Rejected Apology
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your apology isn’t enough.
You always act distant and gruff.
You never consider
My feelings.  I’m bitter.
So stuff it.  Enough with your guff!

And speaking of challenges, there’s still time to participate in my time-themed poetry prompt.

Technorati Tags: Apology Limerick, Argument Verse, Relationship Poems, Writing Prompts

Romance — A Foreign Concept?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Instead of your long-winded rants,”
Says the gal, “I’d prefer some romance.”
Then her husband replies
With a glint in his eyes:
“Tell me, where do you think you are — France?”

(Inspired by the “Romance” prompt over at Totally Optional Prompts. And speaking of prompts, there’s still time to give my “bad jobs” prompt a try.)

Technorati Tags: Romantic Verse, Romance Limerick, Relationships and Marriage Humor, France, Foreign Concepts

Miss Dating? Not me!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Before I was married I dated
Hardly ever, cause dating I hated.
Then I met hubby Mark,
Which created a spark.
Elated, we dated and mated.

(For more date-related poems, visit Sunday Scribblings)

NOTE: If you like to write limericks or haiku, give my new poetry prompt a try.  My latest topic is right on the money.

Technorati Tags: Date Humor, Dating Limerick, Sunday Scribblings,

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is lies and deception. First, my limerick: 

“Your excuse simply can’t be believed.
You’re a liar! I feel quite deceived,”
Said the gal, as she wept,
To her lover, who’d slept
With her mother. (I guess she was peeved.)

And now, my haiku:

People who maintain
That they are always honest
Are surely lying.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about lies and deception. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Technorati Tags: Lies, Deception, Betrayal, Relationship Haiku, Lover’s Quarrel

When prompted to use the words curious, eventually, and shower in a poem, this haiku more or less wrote itself:

I am curious:
Will you eventually
Shower?  I hope so.

And here’s another haiku, this one inspired by an earth-themed prompt:

There’s no earthly way
I’d ever vote for global
Warming deniers.

Technorati Tags: 3 Word Wednesday Prompt, Writers Island, Cleanliness Humor,  Shower Verse, Global Warming, Earth Poetry

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is love at first sight or, if you prefer, simply love. Here’s my love at first sight limerick: 

Amoré Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

‘Twas amoré (yes, love) at first sight
When I met my dear husband that night.
We’ve been wed thirty years—
So much laughter, some tears.
Mark, my husband, remains Mr. Right. 

And here’s my haiku on the same theme:

I laughed at the thought
Of love at first sight, but our
Love had the last laugh.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about love at first sight or some other love-related topic. When you’ve posted your poem, please return here and add a direct link to your love verse, using Mr. Linky.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Technorati Tags: Limerick and Haiku Prompts, Love Poetry,  Romance Limerick,  Marriage Verse, Love At First Sight, Poetry Prompts, Romance Poem, Amoré

The Definitive Bad Date (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A salty young gal is enraged
When she learns that her date is engaged,
So she curses the fellow—
Spews hate with a bellow,
Then shoots. Guess her anger ain’t staged.

NOTE: This limerick was loosely inspired by the inaugural edition of Totally Optional Prompts, which is an outgrowth of the late, lamented Poetry Thursday.

(You can find more of my dating humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Date Humor, Men and Women, Violence, Anger

Taking Our Marriage’s Temperature
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My husband and I can agree
On most everything—“a” straight through “z”.
But as husband and wife
We suffer much strife
Over temp settings—heat and AC.

(We argue over our TV’s remote control too, but it refuses to rhyme.)

Technorati Tags: Marriage Limerick, Temperature Humor, Compatibility, Husbands, Wife Humor, Heat Humor, AC Humor, TV Remote Control, Spousal Humor, Husbands and Wives

I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence.  Why do I say that? Because I’d never heard the phrase “five-second rule” until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he’d just dropped on the floor.  (And yes, we’re still married.)

I naively assumed that Mark was the only person crazy enough to think germs politely wait five seconds before they attach themselves to goodies. But apparently lots of people (mostly men, I’m assuming) believe that if you drop food on the floor and pick it up really, really fast, it’s safe to eat. 

In fact, the belief’s so widespread that some scientists (who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their time) actually studied the issue. And yes, they concluded that the rule isn’t valid. (Did you really need me — or the scientists — to tell you that?)

This leads to my latest limerick, in which I use the word date instead of husband to protect the guilty … and because husband has too many damned syllables:  

The Five-Second What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My date dropped dessert on the dirt.
“Please don’t eat it,” I managed to blurt,
As he started to chew
On his now blackened goo,
Saying “5-second rule — it won’t hurt.”

And now it’s time for another poll:

(You can find more of my marriage humor here and more of my food humor here.)

=========

And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Blog Carnival For Game Designers
* Business Communications Carnival
* Jim Donovan’s Hosting a Fun Poetry Competition

Technorati Tags: Five-Second Rule, Food rules, Science Humor, Scientists, Scientific Studies, Germs, Husbands, Marital Relationships, Dating

A Modest Dating Proposal For Anxious Guys  (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Introducing your gal to your mom?
Are you worried your intro will bomb?
Well here’s some advice
So the meeting goes nice:
First tell her your date’s name is Tom.

Technorati Tags: Dating, Moms, Mothers, Parents, Parenting, Dates, Introductions, Meetings, Gender Issues, Modest Proposal

Married To Money
By Madeleine Begun Kane

He’s a cheapskate, so stingy with cash,
That he threw an embarrassing bash:
When his daughter was wed
He paid eight bucks a head,
So no band, booze, or blooms — only hash.

I have lots more money humor here.  And don’t forget to enter my money-themed limerick contest with money prizes. Okay, not a lot of money, but still…

Technorati Tags: Wedding Limerick, Money Limerick, Husband Wife Limerick, Marriage Limerick, Family Humor, Cheapskate Humor, Parenting, Parents, Fathers, Dads, Stinginess. Stingy, Cash, Band, Flowers, Hash

Bugged By Mosquitos (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mosquitos are driving me mad.
Seems a zillion are biting me—bad!
Sprays and lotions don’t work;
They keep chomping and lurk,
While ignoring my husband—the cad!

Technorati Tags: Bugs, Mosquitos, Insect Bites, Outdoors, Summer Gripes, Summer Humor, Insect and Bug Humor, Husband and Wife Humor

No Sweat Divorce (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“My husband and I are estranged,”
Said the wife, “’cause he acts so deranged.
His behavior’s aberrant
And vexingly errant.
I wish he could just be exchanged.”  

(Can you imagine if divorce were as easy as shopping? And no, this isn’t autobiographical … although I do enjoying poking fun at my wonderful husband from time to time.)

Technorati Tags: Divorce Humor, Marriage Satire, Husband and Wife Humor Shopping Humor

My spring limerick contest was such a success, I’ve decided to hold limerick contests regularly.  And it’s time for another one. 

So here’s my challenge: Write a limerick related to the subject of mothers and post it here in a comment to this post no later than Saturday, May 12, 2007.  I’ll announce the winners on Mother’s Day, May 13, 2007.

The first prize will be $25.  The second prize will be $10.  Both prizes will be paid via PayPal.

So, what exactly is a limerick?  It’s a five line poem with an AABBA rhyme scheme and a very specific meter exemplified by these winning entries. (For more information about limericks check out these fine sites: Encyclospeedia Oedilfica and OEDILF.)

I’m looking forward to reading your entries!

UPDATE: The prize money has just doubled, thanks to a matching funds contest sponsorship by Billy Jones a/k/a Billy The Blogging Poet. Thanks to Billy’s generosity,  there now will be $50 in first prize money and $20 in second prize money. Very cool, Billy!

UPDATE 2: This contest is now over, and the winners list and winning entries are posted here. Thanks for your wonderful entries, and stay tuned — another limerick contest is coming soon.

Technorati Tags: Limerick Contest, Mother’s Day Limericks, Writing Contests, Moms Humor, Parents Humor, Parenting Humor

A Doggone Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“It’s so cute!” said the child, with delight.
“You can’t have it,” said Mom. “Puppies bite.
It’s adorable, true,
But dogs nip, bark, and chew,
And your Daddy will cower in fright.” 

Technorati Tags: Animal Satire, Pet Humor, Child Humor, Parental Humor, Family Fun

Chafing At “Chick”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a guy calls a woman a chick,
It strikes me as sexist and sick.
But my comments are tame;
Unless Richard’s his name,
I’m polite and I don’t call him dick.

Technorati Tags: Sexism Humor, Feminism Humor, Men Women, Male Female Relationships

A Rueful Rhyme
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your inventions are brilliant, it’s true.
Yes, you’re smart; it’s your rudeness I rue.
I regret that I met you,
My failure to vet you,
And, mostly, my saying, “I do.” 

Technorati Tags: Relationship Fun, Working Humor, Vetting Humor, Husband Wife Humor, Marriage Satire

Belated Apology
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Your apology’s rather belated,”
Said the gal to a fellow she hated.
“Your delay makes me fear
That it isn’t sincere—
You still had your hair when we dated!” 

Technorati Tags: Dating Satire, Apologies Humor, Baldness Humor, Hair Humor, Romance Humor, Men and Women Humor