Posts Tagged ‘Caffeine Humor’

Erecting The Case For Coffee (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 27th, 2015

Good news for men worried about ED — coffee’s good for you:

According to new research from The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston, men who drink the caffeine equivalent of two to three cups of coffee per day are less likely to have erectile dysfunction.

Erecting The Case For Coffee (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear men, avoid pills and injections,
Yet hold on to your manly erections:
Drinking coffee each day
Drives dysfunction away
And prevents disappointing defections.

Elephant Dung Coffee Beans? I’ll Pass! (Limerick)

Thursday, August 21st, 2014

Elephant Dung Coffee Beans? I’ll Pass! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This brew concept’s hard to digest.
It’s a crappy plan — far from the best:
Amp up elephant mash
With coffee beans. Rash?
Grab a stool and retrieve. Have a fest!

*****

Yes, Canadian entrepreneur Blake Dinkin produces Black Ivory Coffee in Thailand’s “Golden Triangle” via elephant dung. Of course his website describes it rather more genteelly as “Naturally refined by elephants and made from 100% Thai Arabica coffee beans.”

*****

I previously wrote about Chinese panda-dung giftware on my other blog.

An Invention With Bite (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

Do we really need this invention?

Coffee lovers may be able to get a shot of caffeine right from the toothbrush, if a patent from Colgate-Palmolive goes through.

No need for the double latte down the street: That caffeine could be administered through a patch while you’re polishing those pearlies.

According to the patent application, “The present invention pertains to an oral care implement generally, and more particularly to a toothbrush that releases a chemical into the mouth during use.”

An Invention With Bite (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Can’t wait for your morning caffeine?
Need a fix before brewing that bean?
Too rushed for that rush?
Well a fancy new brush
Could replace that caffeine-filled canteen.

I refer to a new application
For a patent. If granted, your ration
Of morning caffeine
Could arrive as you clean
All your teeth with your toothbrush. Ovation!

Limerick Scenes (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, April 21st, 2013

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who often made scenes…*

or

A fellow who often made scenes…*

or

An artist was working on scenes…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Scenes
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who often made scenes
Liked to gripe about “man and machines.”
She thought gadgets depraved,
And yet bitterly raved:
“My espresso grind isn’t worth beans!”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Healthy Complaint

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

Healthy Complaint (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dark choc’late, caffeine, and red wine
Might harm us, or may be just fine.
Ev’ry news item muddies
My mind with new studies.
Please make up your mind: What’s benign?

(Prompted by We Write Poems, which encouraged poets to use two prompts at once. I used health and chocolate.)

You might also enjoy my Are Health Studies Making Us Sick? and Margarine Is Good For You. Oops — Never Mind!

Ode To Breakfast (and a Caffeinated Haiku)

Friday, March 25th, 2011

Did you know that today, March 25th, is International Waffle Day? Me neither. And if you feel compelled to celebrate waffles twice each year, National Waffle Day and the waffle iron patent are celebrated on August 24th.

So why am I telling you this? Because I’m obediently rising to the challenge of writing a poem about breakfast. And I stumbled upon all this waffle nonsense while doing some poetic procrastination.

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Ode to Breakfast
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Oatmeal breaks my fast
when I arise,
though it tastes like paste
in breakfast guise.

Why not something else
I don’t despise?
Cuz I hate each choice
those chefs devise.

Waffles, eggs, French toast
grits — some may prize.
But hot oatmeal’s quick.
So enough with the “whys.”

*****

While I’m at it, here’s a haiku about my favorite morning (and afternoon and pretty much all day) beverage:

Coffee never tempts,
but denied cappuccino
then call me verklempt.

*****

UPDATE: October 29 is National Oatmeal Day.

Caffeinated Verse

Monday, September 15th, 2008

Just in time for National Coffee Day! (September 29)

Caffeinated Verse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ve rarely been tempted by tea,
And coffee does nothing for me.
Cappuccino,  however —
Can’t miss it.  Not ever!
Addicted? Heck no!  I’ll take three.

*****

Here’s the same sentiment in its concise haiku version. (I prefer it in limerick form.)

I never drink tea.
Hot coffee? No, not for me.
Capuccino? Oui!

*****

(Updated with National Coffee Day info and new haiku)