Archive for July, 2009

Satirical Blind Date Contract

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

Many years ago I wrote a satirical blind date agreement entitled Bracing For That Blind Date. It turns out, oddly enough, that some people actually sign serious pre-date contracts.

Here’s how my more light-hearted contract begins:

Bracing For That Blind Date
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Are you facing yet another blind date with fear and dread? Are you tempted to throttle anyone who cajoles you into going out with an allegedly attractive friend? Believe it or not, blind dates can actually be fun. All you have to do is work out a few details in advance:

AGREEMENT entered into this ____ day of ______, 20__ by two jittery people hereinafter referred to as “Male” and “Female”.

WHEREAS, a mutual friend is nagging Male and Female to go out on a date;

WHEREAS, Male and Female loathe blind dates and believe that people foolish enough to go out on them deserve whatever they get;

WHEREAS, their mutual friend assures Male and Female that they both have wonderful personalities;

WHEREAS, Male and Female would rather undergo root canal than date, but it is the only way they know to get their friend off their backs; and

WHEREAS, Male and Female believe that a pre-date agreement will minimize the pain and suffering normally associated with blind dates.

NOW, THEREFORE, Male and Female hereby agree to the following blind date terms: … (My blind date contract continues here.)

Frank Verse

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

Frank Verse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A very strange fellow named Frank
Ran for gov on a rather odd plank:
If you make me your gov,
You can practice free love.
And he meant it. It wasn’t a prank.

Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Kindle Controversy

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

It sounds like something out of George Orwell: E-book editions of 1984 and Animal Farm have been vanishing from people’s personal Kindles. I might add that these e-books have been purchased and fully paid for.

Amazon, at the request of an Orwellian publisher, has been repossessing these e-books without permission and refunding the purchase price. (More commentary here, plus my three verse limerick about this outrageous invasion of privacy, plus an update about Amazon’s welcome Kindle policy change.)

Update: If you would like to read this general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here.

If you would like to read my other political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.

And my limerick about Kindle blogs is here.

Crotchety Ode

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

A crotchety fellow named Rich
Would always complain, “Life’s a bitch!”
He griped and he grumbled
Whenever plans tumbled,
Cuz kvetching for Rich was his niche.

Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

A Limerick For The NetWits

Saturday, July 4th, 2009

Happy birthday to The NetWits, a group of Internet humorists launched ten years ago. I’m proud to be one of its founding members.

A Limerick For The NetWits
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A decade ago, way back when,
The NetWits was born. Now it’s ten:
Filled with laugh-loving folks
Posting columns and jokes,
Waxing witty with keyboard and pen.

Strategic Verse

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

Agency Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was an agent, quite tough,
Who cut all his deals in the buff.
When his clients asked why,
He would give this reply:
“When I’m nude, no one dares give me guff.”

Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.