Satirical Blind Date Contract
Here’s how my more light-hearted contract begins:
Bracing For That Blind Date
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Are you facing yet another blind date with fear and dread? Are you tempted to throttle anyone who cajoles you into going out with an allegedly attractive friend? Believe it or not, blind dates can actually be fun. All you have to do is work out a few details in advance:
AGREEMENT entered into this ____ day of ______, 20__ by two jittery people hereinafter referred to as “Male” and “Female”.
WHEREAS, a mutual friend is nagging Male and Female to go out on a date;
WHEREAS, Male and Female loathe blind dates and believe that people foolish enough to go out on them deserve whatever they get;
WHEREAS, their mutual friend assures Male and Female that they both have wonderful personalities;
WHEREAS, Male and Female would rather undergo root canal than date, but it is the only way they know to get their friend off their backs; and
WHEREAS, Male and Female believe that a pre-date agreement will minimize the pain and suffering normally associated with blind dates.
NOW, THEREFORE, Male and Female hereby agree to the following blind date terms: … (My blind date contract continues here.)