Archive for October, 2011

Slippery Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, October 30th, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who just let it slip…

or

A woman who just let it slip…

Here’s mine:

Slippery Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who just let it slip
That his wife got a tuck and a nip
Threw their marriage off course
And was sued for divorce.
Maybe next time he’ll zip up his lip.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (33)

Sunday, October 30th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:

A woman was telling a tale
Of a date with a flesh-grabbing male:
‘Told him, “You with the paws!
“Don’t go thinking because
“This date’s ‘blind’ it’s okay to use Braille!”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Basler, Bruce Niedt, Emily a/k/a Looking For Roots, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Ira Bloom, Robert Schechter, and Ruth Henson Feder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Robert Basler:

A fellow was telling a tale
On his big application to Yale:
He had biked across France,
Taught the lame how to dance,
And drunk rum from the real Holy Grail.

Bruce Niedt:

A fellow was telling a tale
Of a wolf bite he got on the trail.
“I’ll feel much better soon —
Hey, is that the full moon?”
Now he’s growing a snout and a tail.

Emily a/k/a Looking For Roots:

A fellow was telling a tale,
But the plot had the pace of a snail.
His friends all walked out,
And he started to pout
‘Cuz his whale of a tale was a fail.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A woman was telling a tale
Of the crowds at an underwear sale.
She pushed, shoved, and hit
Just for one bra that fit
And emerged much more perky, but pale.

Ira Bloom:

A fellow was telling a tale,
Of a harlot he’d chanced to impale:
“I had this erection;
Alas! No protection!
Next I knew, I was lifting her veil.”

Robert Schechter:

A fellow was telling a tale
Which he tried hard to peddle. No sale,
For the folks in his state
Learned he’d gone on a date
Though he’d claimed he’d been hiking a trail.

Ruth Henson Feder:

A woman was telling a tale
‘Bout a piss-poor excuse for a male
Who was three hours late
On their very first date,
Stiffed the bill, and was thrown into jail.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

Blocked Limerick

Thursday, October 27th, 2011

Thursday Think Tank invites us to write a poem about writer’s block. I was almost too blocked to write this limerick:

Blocked Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal was attempting to write
Something clever and witty, with bite.
But alas her poor muse
Went on strike — too much booze.
What a plight: All her verses are trite!

Sleep-Deprived Limerick

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

Sleep-Deprived Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An inventor was trying to nap,
But snoozing just wasn’t on tap.
His constant fixation
With tech innovation
Required a sleep-prompting app.

(Author’s Note: I’m not an inventor, but I’m a life-long insomniac who could use such an application.)

Limerick Tale (Limerick-Off Monday)

Saturday, October 22nd, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was telling a tale…

or

A woman was telling a tale…

Here’s mine:

Limerick Tale
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was telling a tale
Of the time that he landed in jail.
It was mostly untrue,
But he told it on cue
Cuz he thought that it made him sound male.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (32)

Saturday, October 22nd, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A woman who’d taken a shot
At the bar with a tall, rugged Scot
Was just starting to flirt
When she peeked up his skirt
And exclaimed, “Is that all that you’ve got?”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Shawn Thorsen, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Colleen Murphy, and RJ Clarken. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Jesse Levy:

A fellow who’d taken a shot
At an opened up Senator’s slot
Got caught in a scandal
Involving a sandal.
A shoe-in I guess he is not!

Johanna Richmond:

A fellow who’d taken a shot
At his neighbor’s antique flower pot
Got a nasty surprise
For that move-not-so-wise:
Steamin’ St Bernard poop through his slot.

Shawn Thorsen:

A woman who’d taken a shot
Of some brew from a simmering pot
Grew a prehensile tail
And oozed slime like a snail …
T’was a gastropod monkey, begot!

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

A fellow who’d taken a shot
At writing still searched for a plot.
“I am sure I”ll be fine
When I find that first line!”
Do editors wait? They do not!

Colleen Murphy:

A fellow who’d taken a shot
Had practiced his shooting a lot.
But he still had no aim
When he shot at his game,
So he ended with naught in his pot.

RJ Clarken:

A fellow who’d taken a shot
At crashing a chi-chi night spot
Paid a thou for a drink
And much more for ‘wink-wink.’
The next day? Just a sot with no pot.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

Birthday Limerick For Franz Liszt

Saturday, October 22nd, 2011

Today, October 22, is the birthday of the Hungarian virtuoso pianist/composer/conductor Franz Liszt. Some people consider Liszt to be the world’s first rock star.

Birthday Limerick For Franz Liszt
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The pianist/composer named Liszt
Was as hot as the cancan and twist:
Caused a Beatle-like heat—
Gals would swoon from his beat
And the sounds he produced with each wrist.

Limerick Ode to the iPhone’s Siri

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

No Siri for me — I’m serious!

I’m referring to Apple’s wise-cracking, female-voiced digital personal assistant, now available on the iPhone 4S.

Limerick Ode to the iPhone’s Siri
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a newfangled Apple bot, Siri—
A bantering gal, rather eerie.
What a talkative lass!
I’m planning to pass.
Would a male bot be somewhat less cheery?

National Nut Day — No Baloney! (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 19th, 2011

October’s a big month for holidays. No, I’m not talking about Halloween. I’m referring to National Nut Day And National Bologna Day, October 22 and October 24, respectively. (And no, National Nut Day doesn’t celebrate politicians, although it should.)

National Nut Day — No Baloney! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a day for ‘most any old food—
Launched by salesmen, I’m forced to conclude.
October touts nuts
And bologna. Cold Cuts
Day is March, though. I plan to get stewed.

Trendy Men, Heal Thyselves! (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

For those of you who visit this blog to keep up with trends, here’s the latest: High heels for men.

Trendy Men, Heal Thyselves! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

High heels worn by men on the rise?
I’m warning you guys, that ain’t wise.
It’s painful, unhealthy—
Makes foot doctors wealthy.
Spike this trend ere it reaches new highs.

Take A Shot At Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, October 16th, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who’d taken a shot…

or

A woman who’d taken a shot…

Here’s mine:

Take A Shot At Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who’d taken a shot
At a gal, once his lover, now not,
Missed her heart, hit her arm
And still did her great harm.
Now he sleeps on an old jailhouse cot.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

UPDATE: April 23 is Lover’s Day

Limerick of the Week (31)

Sunday, October 16th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:

A fellow at work on a case
Dressed his client in white pearls and lace.
But her prints on the gun
Proved she was the one.
“Burn in hell!” shrieked the host Nancy Grace.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Johanna Richmond, and Rachel Hoyt a/k/a Rhyme Me A Smile. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

A woman at work on a case
Of a guy who was gone with no trace
Was intrigued by the clue
That his sexy wife, Sue,
Wore a satisfied smirk on her face.

David McCormick:

A fellow at work on a case
Yelled, “What hamfister sketched out this face?!
“Suspect’s eyes/ears transposed?!
“Two-tone lips?! Double-nosed?!” …
“Name’s Picasso, he’s new round the place.”

Johanna Richmond:

A fellow at work on a case
Galactic’ly tumbled from grace:
Through judicial robe zipper
Out slipped the big dipper
When “All rise!” reverbed through the place

Rachel Hoyt a/k/a Rhyme Me A Smile: (related news story)

A woman at work on a case
Had Batman show up at her place.
Said he saw in the sky
The bat signal (no lie)
But she just didn’t trust his thin face.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

Limerick Ode To Hot Dog Heckling

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

The hot dog throwing incident almost made me feel sorry for Tiger Woods. Of course, if Tiger Woods sang Italian opera, it would have been fruit.

Limerick Ode To Hot Dog Heckling
By Madeleine Begun kane

An inventive new golf misdemeanor
Is attack Tiger Woods with a wiener.
Yes, a hot dog was thrown
And a frank critique shown.
It could have been worse: Orangina?

Limerick Ode To The Derrière

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

Limerick Ode To The Derrière
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Whatever you call a behind,
Be it fanny or tush, I don’t mind.
Ass will do just as well.
Rump and buttocks are swell,
Just so long as they work as designed.

A Case Of Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

Saturday, October 8th, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman at work on a case…

or

A fellow at work on a case…

Here’s mine:

A Case Of Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman at work on a case
Was finding some facts hard to face.
She feared that her client
(A mild-mannered giant)
Killed his wife cuz he wanted more space.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (30)

Saturday, October 8th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog, on Facebook, and on GooglePlus) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to J COSMO NEWBERY who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:

A guy in the mood for a bite
Ate a candle and half a flashlight.
“I’m on a new diet,
I urge you to try it,
Now I’m lighter but not very bright.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Veralynne Bosko Pepper, RJ Clarken, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Mark Megson, and Pari Cooper. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Veralynne Bosko Pepper:

A guy in the mood for a bite
Stepped out, in a cape, for the night.
It was foggy and gray.
WOW! He LOVED it that way!
Let’s see now … whose neck’s the right height?

RJ Clarken:

A gal in the mood for a bite
Gets a call for a dinner invite.
Andrew Zimmern’s her date:
Bizarre food’s on the plate.
Change of mood. She says, “Fasting tonight.”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A guy in the mood for a bite
Told a gal who was not very bright,
“Just give me a taste
Of your soft, little waist,
and I promise that’s all for the night.”

Mark Megson:

A guy in the mood for a bite
Found a tasty one during his flight:
The air hostess’s rear
Was deliciously near.
He gave the poor girl quite a fright.

Pari Cooper:

A gal in the mood for a bite
Thought she’d thaw something out for that night.
When she opened the freezer,
The sight didn’t please her.
In fact she lost all appetite.

When the stench from the box hit the air,
She thought she saw something like hair!
A whole body dismembered,
But then she remembered,
She’d bought Dahmer’s old Frigidaire!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

Flaring Verse (Limerick and Haiku)

Tuesday, October 4th, 2011

Jenn’s haiku theme this week is flare. So I decided to have some homonym fun, writing a flair limerick and a flare haiku:

A woman who dressed with much flair,
Wearing clothes I for one would not dare,
One morning looked odd—
Neither stylish, nor mod—
Alas, she was utterly bare.

*****

When bad tempers flare,
they tend to bare* grievances
best left buried.

*****

*In my haiku, I changed bear to bare after my husband Mark pointed out my error. Since I’m always pointing out his errors, Mark really enjoyed this. :)

A Limerick Bite (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A guy in the mood for a bite…

or

A gal in the mood for a bite…

Here’s mine:

A Limerick Bite
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A guy in the mood for a bite
Was upset — not one rest’rant in sight.
All he found was a deli
Whose odor was smelly.
Did he live through his meal there? Not quite.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (29)

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to PHYLLIS STERLING SMITH a/k/a Granny Smith, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow was going to bat
For a law client monstrously fat.
When she lay down on hubby,
A man merely tubby,
She mashed him as flat as a slat.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jesse Levy, Pari Cooper, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Steph Holdridge, Linda Moss, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Jesse Levy:

A woman was going to bat
For a local disgraced Democrat.
He tweeted his junk!
He’s a punk not a hunk.
His career? Well now, that ended that.

Pari Cooper:

A fellow was going to bat,
Had a dick that was long as “all that”.
He rounded each base,
In a three legged race,
Then tripped on his balls and fell flat.

David McCormick:

A fellow was going to bat
So he donned, for protection, a hat;
Gloves and shirt, lightly padded;
Then furtively added
A cup for his this and his that.

Steph Holdridge:

A fella was going to bat
For a gal who was losing her flat.
He stopped the eviction
With a tale that was fiction,
And moved in with his dog and his cat.

Linda Moss:

A fellow was going to bat.
From nowhere appeared a black cat.
He threw up his hand,
Tossed the bat in the sand.
Superstition will trick you like that!

Johanna Richmond:

A fellow was going to bat
For a perky, pump-lovin’ pack rat;
Her footwear collection
(A shoo-in erection)
Could heal him in five minutes flat.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.