Posts Tagged ‘Liquor Humor’

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SPILL at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Saturday, October 3rd, 2015

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using SPILL at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A chef, upon spotting a spill
From a gin bottle, started to grill
All his washers and cooks,
Asking “Which of you crooks
Made this mess?” But his proof remained nil.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Ode to National Scotch Day (July 27)

Monday, July 27th, 2015

Limerick Ode To National Scotch Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I hate to complain or to carp.
About liquor it’s rare that I harp.
But I’d scotch any notion
Of drinking a potion
Whose wet-carpet smell is so sharp.

A Spirited Weekend (Limerick)

Thursday, June 11th, 2015

A Spirited Weekend (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This weekend, two drinks duke it out:
Gin and bourbon — which one has more clout?
Though “World Gin Day” comes first,
Save a bit of your thirst.
Next is bourbon … but no time for stout.

NOTE: World Gin Day is celebrated on the 2nd Saturday of June. National Bourbon Day, on the other hand, is always celebrated on June 14.

Limerick Ode To Bartender Appreciation Day

Friday, December 5th, 2014

Happy Bartender Appreciation Day! (first Friday of December)

Limerick Ode To Bartender Appreciation Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow walked into a bar
And ordered a “smoked cable car.”
“Outta rum,” barkeep said.
“How’s a sidecar instead?”
It was close but, alas, no cigar.

*****

When you are ailing,
a bartender’s frequently
a stout companion.

******

UPDATE: February 24 is World Bartender Day.

Limerick For National Rum Day

Saturday, August 16th, 2014

Happy National Rum Day! (August 16)

Limerick For National Rum Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal called her husband a lout
And threatened to highball it out
If he kept drinking rum.
He at first was struck dumb,
Then obligingly switched up to stout.

Happy World Cocktail Day (May 13th)

Tuesday, May 13th, 2014

Limerick Ode To The Cocktail
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We celebrate cocktails in May:
May 13th is “World Cocktail Day.” Yay!
But I hope you won’t laugh
When I say on behalf
Of its worshippers: Why just one day?

(On May 13, 1806, The Balance and Columbian Repository, an upstate New York newspaper, published the first known definition of the word “cock-tail,” as “a stimulating liquor, composed of spirits of any kind, sugar, water and bitters.”)

Another “Food” I Won’t Be Trying (Limerick)

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

Two back-to-back Italy-inspired limericks! What the heck’s going on with that country?

Another “Food” I Won’t Be Trying (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s something that sounds quite incredible:
A beer you can eat cuz it’s spreadable.
Since I don’t even think
That beer’s tasty to drink,
Beer on ice cream or toast sounds inedible.

(Here’s yesterday’s limerick about those poor Italian husbands who can no longer afford an apartment for their mistresses. And here’s the news story about Italy’s latest culinary concoction: spreadable beer.)

Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)

Friday, August 16th, 2013

Happy National Rum Day! (August 16)

Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man was balled out out by his mum,
Who told him to stop making rum.
“That’s my bus’ness,” he said.
“It’s my butter and bread.”
But he chewed on it. Now he makes gum.

At The Risk Of Dating Myself, This Doesn’t Pass The Smell Test (Limerick)

Thursday, August 15th, 2013

I wish I were making this London singles event up, but apparently not:

You like pub crawls? Then here’s some great news
For singles who care about loos
And do not mind their scent:
There’s a singles event—
Toilet dates. I’d prefer just the booze.

Limerick Flight (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, March 3rd, 2013

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was planning his flight…*

or

A woman was planning her flight…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Flight
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was sipping a flight
Of tequilas one wintery night.
He was trying to choose
The right kind of booze
To escape from his terror of height.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Port (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, December 23rd, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was sipping some port…*

or

A woman was sipping some port…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Port
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A tall lawyer was sipping some port,
While doing some prep work for court.
He drank more than he should have.
Too bad, cuz he could have
Prevailed, but instead came up short.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

When Readings Go From Verse To Worse

Thursday, December 13th, 2012

I was asked to read several limericks at the third annual Los Angeles Limerick Fest Wednesday night, held at the Altadena Ale House. Since I live in New York City, arrangements were made for me to read them via phone.

As you can tell from this limerick, my reading went awry:

When Readings Go From Verse To Worse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Reading limerick verse from afar
Via phone to a mike in a bar
Is a risky affair:
Noise and feedback will blare.
Pass the sidecar. I’m still below par.

Limerick Ode To National Martini Day

Monday, June 18th, 2012

Tomorrow, June 19, is National Martini Day. I figured it was best to celebrate with a limerick … before starting on that martini:

Limerick Ode To National Martini Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The martini’s a drink for the tough,
Cuz that cocktail is strong, sometimes rough.
Most favor it gin-filled,
Which leaves me chagrin-filled.
Use tequila instead? Won’t rebuff!

Limerick Ode To National Wine Day (May 25)

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

Are you all ready to celebrate National Wine Day?

Limerick Ode To National Wine Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s Wine Day on May twenty-five.
Don’t go guzzling your beer in some dive.
Sip a rich cabernet,
Pinot, aligoté,
But mull this: when you drink, do not drive.

(You can find more of my wine and food humor here.)

Ginning Up Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, March 4th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s who won last week.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who was partial to gin…*

or

A gal who was partial to gin…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Ginning Up Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man who was partial to gin
Played it often and tended to win.
When encouraged to switch
And play poker, he’d bitch:
“Gin is wholesome, but poker’s a sin.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To National Margarita Day

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

February 22, 2012 is National Margarita Day! (Perversely enough, it’s also World Thinking Day.)

But I’d rather write a limerick about margaritas:

Limerick Ode To National Margarita Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Margarita Day’s here, so Olé!
Send agave tequila my way.
Don’t need worms or a mix
For a spirited fix.
Add some juice, triple sec. Make my day!

Valentine’s Day Limerick and Haiku Too

Tuesday, February 14th, 2012

Yet Another Valentine’s Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

St. Valentine’s Day can be risky
Cuz the men folk do tend to get frisky.
And watch out for the pious:
They sure like to try us
Before and yes after their whiskey.

*****
St. Valentine’s Day
may be over in theory–
never in spirit.

Blocked Limerick

Thursday, October 27th, 2011

Thursday Think Tank invites us to write a poem about writer’s block. I was almost too blocked to write this limerick:

Blocked Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal was attempting to write
Something clever and witty, with bite.
But alas her poor muse
Went on strike — too much booze.
What a plight: All her verses are trite!

Ticked Off By Facebook’s Ticker (2 Limericks)

Wednesday, September 21st, 2011

I’ve been trying to find something good to say about Facebook’s new News Feed, and here it is: It’s very inspirational! Last night it inspired me to write this dizzy limerick. And now I’ve written two more:

If you like things that constantly flicker,
You’re sure to enjoy Facebook’s ticker.
As for me, I must flee:
My sore brain needs Chablis,
So I’m off for some Advil and liquor.

*****

I am not one to bitch and to bicker,
But I hate Facebook’s stupid new ticker.
It makes my brain ache!
How much more can I take?
Enough with the scrolling and flicker!

*****

(Here’s a fun post about limericks, where you can submit your own.)

UPDATE: Good news! I’ve found a solution to Facebook’s terrible News Ticker problem. You can read all about it here, including a celebratory limerick.

Amusing Wine?

Monday, January 22nd, 2007

Amusing Wine?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When experts say wine is amusing,
It’s a compliment. Ain’t that confusing?
Why laugh at a wine
If you think that it’s fine?
Methinks they do far too much boozing.

(My food and drink humor is collected here.

Update: Happy Drink Wine Day! (February 18th)