Limerick Flight (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was planning his flight…*

or

A woman was planning her flight…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Flight
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was sipping a flight
Of tequilas one wintery night.
He was trying to choose
The right kind of booze
To escape from his terror of height.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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113 Responses to “Limerick Flight (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Ira Bloom says:

    A woman was pondering flight,
    From a date who was not very bright:
    “Oh I don’t mind the booze,
    Or those horrible shoes,
    But his aphorisms are so trite!”

  2. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A hideous man on a flight
    Met the hag who would be Mrs. Right.
    The electrical failed,
    They bumped and they flailed.
    O the beauty of love adverse sight!

  3. Gary Hallock says:

    I’m really not planning a flight
    But with “sequestration,” I might
    Because TSA
    Had cut backs, they say
    So things may just work out all right

  4. rbasler says:

    A man named Sebastian Flyte
    Couldn’t seem to do anything right
    His sister inquisited,
    In “Brideshead Revisted,”
    “This COMMONER got an invite?

  5. Hoot Gibson says:

    An inmate planning her flight
    From her jailcell one cold, clear night
    Her head stuck twixt the bars
    Was radiated by Mars.
    Now she understands mankind all right.

  6. Claudia says:

    a fellow was planning his flight
    from jail on a wintery night
    he dug a big hole
    met earthworms and moles
    & never climbed out to the light

  7. kaykuala says:

    A fellow was planning his flight
    From the nasty lady of great might
    He was pulverized
    Stomped to size
    Was glad just to be out of her sight

    Hank

  8. Mark Kane says:

    This damsel would often take flight,
    At the first sign of day’s morning light.
    But this time she lingered,
    She loved how he fingered.
    All in all she would say a good knight.

  9. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow was planning his flight
    That took place on halloween night
    He called the flight attendant a bitch
    And began to itch
    Finally being turned into a dust mite

  10. John Sardo says:

    A woman was planning her flight
    Sweet Alice was seeking delight
    She packed her fine scanties
    Matching bras and silk panties
    Seeking pleasures anew day and night.

  11. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was planning his flight
    With Alice who proved quite a sight.
    He dreamed of new pleasure
    Delight beyond measure
    Cialis for Alice his flame did ignite.

  12. As Martha was planning their flight,
    her sense was that something’s not right.
    Why is there three?
    There’s my husband and me.
    It’s his mistress that started the fight.

  13. A fellow while planning his flight,
    watched a plane fly right over that night.
    It then burst into flames
    from the nearby war games.
    Wished he’d planned for a train in hindsight.

  14. Craig says:

    A Kitty Hawk gal dreamed of flight,
    How she wished she could soar like a kite.
    Then she met Orville’s brother
    And soon would discover
    She’d finally met Mr. Wright.

  15. Eugene Fedorov says:

    A miserable mistress took flight
    For being abused every night:
    Each time when excited
    Her lover recited
    Those limericks that he did write.

  16. Willy Turner (EWWBL) says:

    A poet was planning a flight
    Of sweet fancy one recent night;
    But, wouldn’t you know,
    Drank too much gin, sloe,
    Fell asleep then awoke with a fright.

    That poet who did plan a flight,
    Had a hangover from being tight.
    He took aspirins, two,
    Then went to the zoo
    Where he watched all the chimpanzees fight.

    A chimpanzee too planned a flight
    After seeing the poet, sad sight.
    Chimp, filled with outrage,
    Broke out of his cage
    And went scampering into the night.

    Now that chimp who did take a night flight,
    Savored freedom, thought all would be right.
    How sad to relate
    The poor chimp got ate
    By the poet who cooked him that night.

    Back to poet who first planned his flight,
    The one who cooked chimp late that night,
    He now swings with ease
    As if on trapeze,
    From his couch to the chandelier light.

  17. scott says:

    A woman was planning her flight.
    Which way would she travel tonight?
    To get to her goal,
    and end up at the pole.
    This trip was for pleasure, alright.

  18. Mark Kane says:

    A drinker was missing his flight,
    Till the transferring gate came in sight.
    Still woozy from flying,
    With no plans for drying,
    He’d like to stay high as a kite.

  19. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A lawyer went into a flight,
    Gave his plagiarist client a fright,
    Infringed on his space,
    Lost his trademarked good grace,
    Barked his patented “Don’t copy! Write!”

  20. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A Bostonian chats on a flight
    With a Portlander, then they invite
    A Minneapolitan—
    How metropolitan!
    Guy from Denver: “This group needs an -ite.”

  21. Rich (In Name Only) in Reno says:

    A fellow was planning his flight
    From his many crimes, none of them sleight
    He crammed his valises
    With his clothes, damn the creases
    And slipped off like a thief in the night

    Traveling straight as an arrow
    He fled to Rio de Janeiro
    Where no law might petition
    His forced extradition
    And on his loot live like a pharaoh

    So off for climes warm and sunny
    The scoundrel, he fled with his money
    Once out of their reach
    He’d lazed on the beach
    And ogle Brazilian waxed honeys

    But in Brazil, love don’t come cheap
    Especially when one is a creep
    So to frolic about
    Our boy had to shell out
    And his lady loves required upkeep

    So as his finances did dwindle
    Our fellow concocted a swindle
    With the old gold mine con
    In the deep Amazon
    His good life he sought to rekindle

    But Brazilians, they have seen all
    Of the scams, be they big or small
    And they smelled something funny
    In his spiel for seed money
    And so no one returned his phone call

    Soon enough, our felonious bloke
    Found himself irreversibly broke
    All his lady loves fair
    They gave him the air
    As his fortune it went up in smoke

    So our fellow, he lives on the beach
    Still safely out of the laws reach
    Where he works on his tan
    As he sits on his can
    And listens to the seagulls screech

  22. Sue Dulley says:

    A man who was booked on a flight
    Arrived at the airport all right
    But he got the date wrong
    So was told (not in song)
    We’re sorry, Tonight’s not The Night.

  23. Sue Dulley says:

    A dreamer was planning a flight
    In his fantasies one winter night
    He chose Istanbul,
    He imagined it full
    Of all kinds of Turkish delight.

  24. Sue Dulley says:

    I’m not really planning a flight,
    It’s great to stay home and have light!
    Today we’d no power
    For over an hour.
    Tonight I’ll sit tight and just write.

  25. With an S on his chest he takes flight
    In the battle of wrong versus right
    But when mano a mano
    The man sings soprano
    His fetching red briefs are too tight

  26. John Larkin says:

    A woman was planning her flight,
    looking forward to feeling delight.
    She was jolted awake
    when paired with Spring-break
    and the noise kept on going all night.

  27. Sue Dulley says:

    Yoda was one night a flight
    planning, to star on the right
    second. The Redeye
    He was, as a Jedi,
    Intending to fly on, that knight.

  28. sister AE says:

    A fellow was planning his flight,
    in spite of his cold (up all night).
    With hanky and tissues
    to deal with his issues,
    all he needed was one good gesundheit!

  29. Green Speck says:

    Two brothers were planning a flight
    Among the stars and birds, like a kite
    Folks laughed at them
    That didn’t douse their flame
    Yes, they were Orville and Wilbur Wright.

  30. Nessa says:

    A woman was planning her flight
    to outrun the emotional blight
    of boredom and tears
    and unmentionable fears
    from the block on her ability to write

    Keep Up the Fight

  31. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was planning a flight
    From things that go bump in the night.
    But there were the Jedi
    Right there on the red-eye.
    And the Force? It was with him. (How trite!)

  32. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was planning a flight
    From 30 degrees Fahrenheit.
    “I know I will freeze
    Below 30 degrees
    But thirty-three might feel right.”

  33. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was fully in flight
    From a scantily clad troglodyte.
    I know you have fair skin
    But leave on your bear skin
    Your bare skin is causing me fright.

  34. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was planning a flight
    From a menacing high stalactite.
    Said his friends, Don’t be silly
    And run willy-nilly
    What you see is a mere stalagmite.

  35. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    There was no international flight,
    If I’m getting the history right,
    Yet some planes and a tent
    Very stealthily went
    From Kuwait to Iraq overnight.

  36. Sue Dulley says:

    The objects in space make their flight,
    We see them if they sent us light
    in enough time to reach us
    And what does that teach us?
    We’re light-years away in their sight.

  37. Lois Douthitt says:

    “Mile high club”? he winked on the flight,
    And the stewardess replied that she might
    Have just what he demanded–
    Winking back as she handed
    Him a sandwich 12 inches in height.

  38. Hosts of angels, wings beating in flight
    Held celestial bodies just right
    Physics pulled back the curtain
    But I’m still uncertain
    How ‘quantums’ can shed any light

  39. A fellow was planning a flight
    But began with bordellos that night
    In between lust and haste
    The man’s pants were misplaced
    So they grounded the Casanovite

  40. Before his career’d taken flight
    Yogi Berra quotes all sounded trite
    Much later however
    They sounded more clever
    Like “Errors I made can’t be right”

  41. First she gasped then she took off in flight
    In the morning, when first she caught sight
    Of his thing, oh so ugly
    With which she had smugly
    Gone humpety bump in the night

  42. Ulysses was planning a flight
    From the Siren’s bay late in the night
    He would face the high sea
    In his bid to be free
    ‘Cuz, his bark was much worse in their bight

  43. A couple was planning a flight
    With the mile high club in their sight
    But the john was so small
    That he leaned ‘gainst the wall
    And the door handle got a delight

  44. A fellow was planning a flight
    ‘Cuz the DA intends to indict
    So he’ll snorkel and scuba
    Lay low in Aruba
    And old Beach Boys lyrics recite

  45. yt cai says:

    A convict was planning his flight
    Under the dark cover of night
    he dyed his garb beige
    took off from his cage
    The Birdman flew right out of sight

  46. yt cai says:

    Frank got sick at the onset of flight
    His barf bag was closed awful tight
    shaking fingers fumbled
    the red eye staff grumbled
    Things really took off about midnight

  47. yt cai says:

    Out of a cave the bats they took flight
    Frightening shapes obscured the moonlight
    this vampire mania
    in Transylvania
    Produced a bad case of overbite

  48. A fellow whose mind oft’ took flight
    Found himself in a bit of a plight
    He arrived at the dance
    But forgot to wear pants
    His dance card was full the whole night

  49. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A woman went into a flight
    Of sneezing one amorous night.
    Each tempestuous breath,
    Each rough little death,
    Pressed her lover to say: “gesund-tight.”

  50. gs batty says:

    a fellow was planning his flight
    to begin in the middle of the night
    but his wife caught wind
    of the pickle he was in
    and now there’s a hell of a fight

  51. Wanda Psycho says:

    A woman was planning her flight
    As she drove calmly into the night
    Bloody axe in the trunk
    Cheating husband dead in his bunk
    Destination Mexico seemed about right

  52. Ira Bloom says:

    A fellow whose language takes flight,
    Is disparaged as too erudite.
    His use of allusion
    Affects such confusion
    Most people regard him with spite.

  53. Tim James says:

    A dim guy who tried to take flight
    From reality late in the night
    Encountered some troubles
    (A snoot full of bubbles)
    When he snorted not coke but a Sprite.

  54. JulesPaige says:

    A woman was planning her flight
    From a beau who was just not quite right
    Wanted his way all the time
    She stopped playing his mime
    Felt great to be free and outta his sight!

    © JP/davh

  55. Edmund Conti says:

    A woman once tried to take flight
    From a randy Bohemian knight
    But the Czech in the mail
    Wouldn’t verge from the trail
    And his lance at a glance was upright.

  56. Edmund Conti says:

    A woman felt she must take flight
    From a horny hip hermaphrodite.
    When he lowered his pants
    Then she knew at a glance
    That somehow things weren’t quite right.

  57. Edmund Conti says:

    A woman was planning her flight
    From an overblown pre-Raphaelite.
    His theories on art
    All resembled a fart
    Of a blowhard far out on the Right.

  58. Some creatures, in danger, take flight
    Others, when pressed, will fight
    And the third category
    (Their end will be gory)
    Just freeze, then die of fright.

  59. a chick thought she could take flight
    in the scary darkness of the night.
    Was it too much Italian absinth or that extra tab of acid
    that made her fashion a noose and scaffold
    and launch herself from the mountains into the light

  60. A fellow was planning a flight
    On Google Earth, monitor bright,
    In quest of a plot,
    A choice building lot
    For future. This flight was fore site.

  61. brian miller says:

    a fellow was planning his flight
    and planned to get on that night
    but his card declined
    he just reclined
    and waited for the oncoming blight.

  62. Tim James says:

    A fellow was planning his flight
    When an on-line chat promised delight.
    But the gal he would bed
    Was in true life a Fed.
    Next week the D. A. will indict.

  63. Natasha says:

    A fellow who was planning his flight
    Fell asleep and dreamed of a kite
    He got caught in the tail
    a huge epic fail
    and awoke from the most awful fright

  64. ninotaziz says:

    A fellow was holding a flight
    When he stripped one wintery night.
    He was trying to let loose
    And fly like a goose
    But the shocked cabin crew took fright!

  65. Stan Ski says:

    Tequila… heights… thanks for the tip ;)

  66. Craig says:

    A lim’rick idea takes flight
    Then the rhyming words line up just right
    From there, should be easy
    But oh Jeezy Chreezy!
    I can’t get the word count to quite …

  67. Diane Groothuis says:

    An elephant planning a flight
    Decided to travel quite light
    He packed up his trunk
    With some bread and a hunk
    Of cheese ‘case he needed a bite.

  68. Diane Groothuis says:

    That elephant had planned his flight
    With departure time quite late at night
    But he just could not sit
    In that small cock pit
    So his trip on the whole was quite shite..

  69. Diane Groothuis says:

    The elephant who’d planned his flight
    And found that his trip was quite shite
    Said “Next time I’ll opt fer
    A large heli-copter
    And then I won’t get so uptight”.

  70. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A fellow was planning his flight,
    And was thinking, if lucky, he might
    Join the mile-high club,
    But his thing’s but a nub;
    Therefore, it, and his chances were slight.

  71. Diane Groothuis says:

    The elephant who’d planned his flight
    In a ‘copter to not get uptight
    Found that life in Australia
    For him was a failure
    It was last one out turn off the light.

  72. Edmund Conti says:

    One evening they cancelled a flight
    For a jet-setting hip Brooklynite.
    But he had other means
    For arriving in Queens
    The BMT runs day and night.

  73. Edmund Conti says:

    One day I was planning a flight
    From my hometown (call me Gothamite)
    But just as I feared
    The Bat-Signal appeared
    And, yes, it’s for me–the Dark Knight.

  74. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was playing “The Flight
    of the Bumblebee” (one pure delight)
    When the Red Phone from NATO
    Rang, “Come and bring Kato,
    Green Hornet, we need you tonight.”

  75. Bob Dvorak says:

    A bit of whimsy…

    A fellow was planning his flight.
    Sold his house out, no matter how trite.
    A knife went with ease
    At a cent more than fleas:
    For the sword? It is pennier than the mite.

  76. Edmund Conti says:

    Last year I was planning a flight
    From those things that go bump in the night.
    “Think blue or think pink,”
    Said my idiot shrink,
    “Out of mind,” (fifty bucks!) “out of sight.”

  77. Edmund Conti says:

    Last week I was planning a flight
    That forced me to fly in the night.
    “If this is the red-eye,”
    Then screw it,folks.” said I.
    Said the guy in the front, “Shut the light.”

  78. Mark Kane says:

    Bounding stairs, passing flight after flight,
    With her penthouse apartment in sight.
    As he rushed through the door,
    Dragging both to the floor,
    He unleashed their joined passions all night.

  79. Mark Kane says:

    An actress was late for her flight,
    Till her transferring gate came in sight.
    T.S.A. Hold my plane!
    They replied: “You insane?”
    No I’m famous and flexing my might.

  80. William Preston says:

    ACROSS THE NIAGARA ESCARPMENT

    The fellows who planned the great flight
    of the locks that ascended the height
    that would take the slim Erie
    all the way to Lake Erie
    were learning, but they got it right.

    DEPARTURE

    A fellow was planning his flight
    from the place where he stayed for the night;
    all the moans that he heard,
    from sublime to absurd,
    were the right sounds to heighten his fright.

  81. Sue Dulley says:

    She’s survived a most harrowing flight
    By closing her eyelids up tight
    But what makes her shiver,
    They land on the river!
    That pilot’s a hero all right.

  82. Sue Dulley says:

    She refuses to do airplane flight
    She’s afraid of confinement and height
    The nearest she’ll get
    Is through her TV set -
    She’ll watch Project Runway tonight.

  83. A fellow was planning his flight
    off to subterranean light
    Yet as he started the car
    His wife trilled from afar
    You’ll have a much better time HERE tonight :)

  84. a woman was planning her flight
    three weeks worth of tossing all night
    the day finally arrived
    she lost courage and dived
    duvet snuggling with all of her might

  85. a fellow was planning his flight
    to a far off island paradise site
    he got far as his car
    when he stuck in the tar
    unable to make leaving his family right

  86. a woman was planning her flight
    into the arms of a lover that night
    perfumed and dressed
    she suddenly stressed
    grabbed her husband and quickly undressed

  87. Obama was planning his flight
    from filibuster to a fair fight
    Yet they were not ready
    To stand straight and steady
    He sat in the Lincoln bedroom all night

  88. Michelle was planning her flight
    in her dreams running to fight
    Bane o’er reasoned debate
    Shook him til called her mate-
    “Wake up! You’ve been boss-turning all night”

  89. Sue Dulley says:

    His ‘arrows’ are missing a flight
    If it wasn’t for which he just might
    Try to get satisfaction
    And practise subtraction
    Around the pub dartboard tonight.

  90. Sue Dulley says:

    An Irishman once took a flight
    On Aer Lingus. The name might excite,
    But don’t get me wrong
    It means not ‘Air Tongue’
    But ‘Air Fleet’, per one internet site.

  91. Edmund Conti says:

    A young man was planning a flight
    His troth by mistake he did plight.
    Yes, he spoiled the broth
    Just by plighting his troth.
    In the soup now and serving him right.

  92. Diane Groothuis says:

    A hostess one night on a flight
    Was serving some “Baker’s Delight”
    “Will you have some bread?”
    She carefully said
    His reply with a wink was “I might”.

  93. Charley Simmons says:

    THE VAMPIRE ALWAYS TOOK FLIGHT.
    BEFORE THE DAWN’S FIRST RAYS OF LIGHT.
    LEAVING LADIES PALE AND SHAKING,
    FOR HIS LOVE THEIR HEARTS BREAKING.
    HE’LL BE BACK FOR MORE NECKING TONIGHT.

  94. Craig says:

    First the red suit had problems in flight,
    Then the lead and his staff had a fight,
    But now Iron Man 3
    Has a green light – whoopee!
    The “Save Ferrous!” folks helped make it right.

  95. Craig says:

    I woke up today in a fright
    ‘Bout the lim’rick I dreamed up last night.
    Thought I’d written it down
    But it’s not to be foun’ –
    And the damn thing was funny as shite!

  96. Tim James says:

    A woman was taking a flight
    In a sports car, at ninety, one night.
    As her ticket was written,
    She watched the cop, smitten,
    A clear case of love at first cite.

  97. A woman was planning a flight
    Of fancy: delicious delight.
    For foods that would suit ‘er
    She used her computer,
    Enjoying them each byte by byte.

  98. Charley Simmons says:

    A young eagle on his first flight
    Got tangled up in a kite.
    A young boy reeled him in
    Turned him loose with a grin.
    And got his butt clawed just for spite.

  99. Charley Simmons says:

    A woman was planning her flight
    With her lover the very next night.
    Never being a prig, Expectations were big
    And her thoughts made her squeal with delight.

  100. Edmund Conti says:

    A woman was planning a flight
    Far off to the Isle of Wight
    But you’re doing it wong
    You should go to Hong Kong
    And there you’ll be doing it right.

  101. Edmund Conti says:

    A woman was planning a flight
    To sightsee in the Dolomite
    But suburban or rural
    That word must be plural
    Unless it’s a mineral. Right?

  102. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman was planning a flight
    To Chicago and back in a night,
    With a stop in Winnetka,
    Where they would expect her;
    If not, it’s considered a slight.

  103. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was planning his flight
    To an island of earthly delight,
    Where they slumber all day,
    The better to play
    At feasting and dancing all night.

  104. Dr. Goose says:

    A defendant was planning his flight,
    Concluding he probably might
    Be better at large
    Than up on a charge
    Where chance of acquittal was slight.

  105. Dr. Goose says:

    The modern commercial air flight
    Is not such an airborne delight.
    To take off and land,
    You have to be scanned
    And groped from the left to the right.

  106. Dr. Goose says:

    Denzel was terrific in “Flight” –
    Like Sulley, but only non-white;
    Though disaster he missed,
    In a Hollywood twist,
    He’s indicted for flying while tight.

  107. Dr. Goose says:

    Seat 32D on a flight
    To Paris, in coach, overnight,
    Was enthralled by romance
    A mile high, bound for France;
    Neither E, F nor G would requite.

  108. nelderini says:

    A fellow was planning his flight
    To keep the connections all tight
    (He hated to wait)
    Then it sat at the gate
    “At this rate, we’ll be here all night”

  109. Carolyn Henly says:

    A bat who was just learning flight
    Kept whacking a tall stalagmite.
    When asked why answered he:
    “Well, I clearly can’t C, ”
    So I can’t find the darn stalactite.”

  110. Carolyn Henly says:

    A penguin was longing for flight;
    Asked the gods why he suffered this plight.
    Said they: “It’s the fate
    Yer can read in your nat-
    Ure. It’s writ there in plain black and white.”

  111. Diane Groothuis says:

    A passenger planning a flight
    Sealed up his valise watertight
    This trip’s aeronautical
    But in case it turns nautical
    I’m keeping my options closed tight.

  112. A woman was planning her flight
    wishing she could travel light
    her suitcase’s girth
    did not make it worth
    the time to balance wheels right!

    A woman was planning her flight
    wising she could travel light.
    Not willing to part
    with her wheeled mini-mart,
    her boyfriend now joins every flight.

  113. madkane says:

    Thanks everyone for all your delightful limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 104.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Rays.