Archive for the ‘Food & Drink Humor’ Category

Bad Taste? (Limerick)

Saturday, April 27th, 2024

“Tell me, why are you dating that bum?”
Said a gal to her strict-vegan chum.
“Yes, that fellow’s no saint,
But the man sure can paint!
Plus the guy has a very green thumb.”

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SHOT or SHOTS at the end of any one line.(Submission Deadline: April 6, 2024)

Saturday, March 9th, 2024

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SHOT or SHOTS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PICTURES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PICTURE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
AMUSING, DOCTOR, NEUROTIC, POSTPONE, VANITY.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 7, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 6, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SHOT or SHOTS-Rhyme Limerick:

“That damn bartender’s AWOL,” said Scott
To his prep cook. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
“Though I’ve never mixed drinks,
I can do it, methinks,
So I gladly will give it a shot.”

And here’s my Picture-Themed Limerick:

“Gotta rush to the bookshop. I’m late!
I am meeting another blind date.
And that chick better look
Like her pic, or I’ll book
It, cuz boy, am I sick of pic-bait!”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

An old woman who loved to complain,
Was neurotic and stubborn and vain.
When her doctor prescribed
Her a cane, the gal gibed:
“That will ruin my look. Where’s your brain?”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Showers v. Tubs (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 13th, 2024

Why bathe, when a shower is handy?
Dirty water and soap scum ain’t dandy!
Though I’m forced to concede
That in tubs you can read…
Plus it’s tough to, while show’ring, sip brandy.

The Brawl (Limerick)

Thursday, January 25th, 2024

A powerful felon named Paul
Got embroiled at a bar in a brawl.
It’s still going on now.
Root against him? And how!
He is headed, I hope, for a fall.

The Temptress (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024

The temptress exclaimed, “Take a lick.
But hurry! You must make it quick,
Or I’ll eat it alone.
Hey, you’ve broken my cone.
Ice cream’s melting all over your… Ick!

The Grumbly Staffer (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 16th, 2024

“Work’s a slog,” grumbled Bob on his blog.
“I’m bogged down in my backlog; a cog
On a wheel that won’t stop.
I must go till I drop,
Though there’s time for a… Who stole my grog?!?”

Dickering Over Dining (Limerick)

Saturday, December 16th, 2023

“Let’s not eat here,” said Brad. “It’s for nerds.
And I’ve heard that the food tastes like turds.”
But Brad’s meal-mate insisted
And raved: “Can’t resist it!”
Brad ended up eating his words.

Screw It? (Limerick)

Thursday, December 14th, 2023

It’s “Screwdriver Day.” Yay! Hooray!
Which type should be cheered? Well, they say
It’s the drink; not the tool.
(The reverse would be cruel.)
I intend to start early. Good day!

(National Screwdriver Day is celebrated on December 14th.)

Celebrating The Bagel? (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 12th, 2023

“It’s Bagel Day. Buy one! Don’t dally!”
That order did NOT cause my sally
To a favorite store;
Such commands I’ll ignore,
For I always prefer a bialy.

(“National Have A Bagel Day” is celebrated on December 11th, and National Bagel Day is celebrated on January 15th.)

“Cookie Day” Ode (Limerick)

Monday, December 4th, 2023

It’s “Cookie Day” Lovely! How sweet!
They must surely mean cookies we eat,
And not info that’s stored
By the sites we’ve explored,
For the latter ain’t always a treat!

(National Cookie Day is celebrated annually on December 4.)

Naysayer Ray (Limerick)

Friday, December 1st, 2023

“Do I eat like a horse? Nay,” said Ray.
“So stop saying I do, right away!
I stand falsely accused
And feel bruised, yet amused,
For the truth is I never touch hay!”

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CATCH or CATCHES at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 9, 2023)

Saturday, November 11th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CATCH or CATCHES at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MISTAKES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best MISTAKE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
FAULTY, HUSTLE, MEAN, POT, STICK.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 10, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 9, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CATCH/CATCHES-Rhyme Limerick:

Said a woman who’d just married Irv,
“Many friends tried to stop me. What nerve!
Do I love the guy? Natch!
He’s a wonderful catch…
Though I’m keeping divorce in reserve.”

And here’s my MISTAKE-Themed Limerick:

A thickheaded fellow named Fred
Had dreamed of becoming a Fed.
But it wasn’t to be;
In an interview, he
Kept confusing “dead drop” with “drop dead.”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

“This table is sticky. Please clean it,”
Said a restaurant patron. “I mean it!”
“I’ll be glad to,” the server
Replied with great fervor.
“But I can’t find my rag. Have you seen it?

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

The Dissatisfied Patron (Limerick)

Sunday, October 22nd, 2023

“Chef, your food has a terrible taste!
Take it back! You prepared it in haste,”
Griped a large, nasty man.
The reply, said deadpan:
“Well at least it won’t go to your waist.”

Hail To The Chef (Limerick)

Friday, October 20th, 2023

The chef was a world-famous man,
Whose cuisine had its roots in Spokane.
But his famed bistro failed
And his customers bailed.
Seems success was a flash in the pan.

(International Chefs Day falls on October 20th.)

Droll Thoughts (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 4th, 2023

I sometimes feel hearty and hale,
And at other times, dauntingly frail.
When the latter takes hold,
I feel achy and old
And have droll thoughts like “maybe try kale.”

(National Kale Day falls on the first Wednesday of October.)

The Negotiation (Limerick)

Thursday, September 21st, 2023

“Your masala’s delicious! Great flavor,”
Raved a customer, currying favor.
Then she added, “But please
Make it hotter. Don’t tease!”
Said the chef, “Fine, but first sign this waiver!”

Bar Fight (Limerick)

Saturday, August 26th, 2023

I gawked at a gent just last night,
Who judiciously broke up a fight
By emitting one bellow.
Seems each drunken fellow
On hearing the judge, saw the light.

Celebrate Anisette Day? Don’t Make Me! (Limerick)

Sunday, July 2nd, 2023

Though it’s Anisette Day, I don’t care.
I can’t bear any bev’rage or fare
With a licorice taste.
I would rather chew paste!
Me touch tarragon? Not on a dare!

(For some unfathomable reason, “National Anisette Day” is celebrated on July 2.)

Lush Limerick

Monday, June 26th, 2023

A fellow who’s known as a lush
Was downing his drinks in a rush.
“If I’m late,” he proclaimed,
“She who shall not be named
Says from now on she’ll ‘only serve mush!'”

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DRINK or DRINKS at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 22, 2023)

Saturday, June 24th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DRINK or DRINKS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TASTE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TASTE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: ACE, AFRAID, FUNCTION, JADED, UPSET.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 23, 2023 , right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 22, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my DRINK/DRINKS-Rhyme Limerick:

A nurse who appears on the brink
Of a breakdown stopped seeing her shrink.
“He’s been making me worse,”
She asserts with a curse.
“Plus he claims that I drove him to drink.”

And here’s my TASTE-Themed Limerick:

A gal with a poor sense of style
Hadn’t bought any clothes in a while.
So she purchased a dress,
A bright red, tasteless mess,
Way too ugly and gross to defile.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

I’m afraid that I’m being replaced
Based on nothing important; I’ve aced
All my functions and more,
Yet they’ve shown me the door.
Their grievance? They claim I eat paste.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!