Archive for the ‘Food & Drink Humor’ Category

Where Have All The Good Chocolate Bars Gone? (Limerick)

Friday, December 9th, 2016

I would love a good chocolate bar,
But most of it tastes under par.
Are my standards too strict?
I confess, I feel licked;
Find a bonbon unmarred? None so far!

Me Celebrate Greasy Foods Day? Not On Your Life! (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 25th, 2016

I do not understand the appeal
Of a greasy and fat-laden meal.
Yet folks by the tons
Risk getting the runs
From fried items, with heart-stopping zeal.

Happy Greasy Foods Day! (October 25)

It’s Bologna Day — No Baloney! (Limerick)

Monday, October 24th, 2016

At the taste of bologna, I groan.
Processed meats make me cringe, gag, and moan.
Yet for some, they’re a treat.
Keep your mystery meat,
Else my face shall be meeting my “throne.”

Happy National Bologna Day! (October 24)

Celebrate Punch Day? Not Me!

Tuesday, September 20th, 2016

Serving punch at your party or brunch?
It won’t go with whatever we munch.
You apparently think
It’s a heavenly drink,
But it’s not. Please desist. Thanks a bunch.

Happy Punch Day!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SACK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Sunday, August 21st, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SACK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to HEAT, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best HEAT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on September 4, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 3, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A gal in the mood for a snack
Was tempted to purchase a sack
Filled with pretzels and chips,
Which would go to her hips.
How she wished it would go to her rack.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

A Mixed Up Baker (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 13th, 2016

“Please help me get out of my fix.
I was fixing to bake with a mix,
And I thought I had butter
Behind all the clutter.
May I borrow a couple of sticks?”

“Your question is very confusing,”
Was the answer. “What mix are you using
That requires two sticks
Of butter? I’d nix
Such a mix and just stick to your boozing.”

Spilling The Beans About “Eat Beans Day” (Limerick)

Sunday, July 3rd, 2016

Happy “Eat Beans Day!”

A man was incensed because beans
Caused an ailment he’d had since his teens;
His digestion was marred
To the point he was barred
From small rooms, though allowed in latrines.

Limerick Ode To Bourbon Day

Tuesday, June 14th, 2016

Today is a big day for bourbon,
But my taste for it doesn’t need curbin’.
Now tequila and wine
And cognac are fine.
But the flavor of bourbon? Disturbin’!

Happy National Bourbon Day! (June 14)

Asparagus Day? Why? (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 24th, 2016

Asparagus doesn’t appeal to me,
And it guts what might be a good meal to me.
Brussels sprouts can be yummy.
With brocc’li I’m chummy.
But asparagus spears are “no deal” to me.

May 24 is Asparagus Day.

The Nose Knows (Limerick)

Saturday, April 30th, 2016

I follow the smells where they lead me.
“I want you,” I cry. They don’t heed me.
Then my senses all quicken;
It’s barbecue chicken!
How I long to say, “Neighbors, please feed me.”

Happy National Sense Of Smell Day! (last Saturday of April)

Yet Another St. Patrick’s Day Limerick

Thursday, March 17th, 2016

On St. Patrick’s Day food I’m not keen.
Its corned beef and cabbage cuisine
Makes my stomach feel queer,
And the same goes for beer.
Partake… and I’ll surely turn green.

Limerick Ode To Chopsticks

Saturday, February 6th, 2016

Happy National Chopsticks Day! (February 6)

Eating East Asian food drives me nuts.
The reason? Alas, I’m a klutz
And am dreadful with chopsticks;
I frequently drop sticks…
So must stick to a fork like a putz.

Happy “Take A Cruise Day!” (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2016

For some inexplicable reason, today’s “Take A Cruise Day,” which is my excuse for this limerick:

While a fellow was off on a cruise,
He smoked grass and kept knocking back booze.
“When I’m seasick,” he said,
“Weed and hootch soothe my head.
And I’d rather be woozy from wooze*.”

* “Wooze” is slang for the combination of weed and booze.

Limerick Ode To Brussels Sprouts

Sunday, January 31st, 2016

Happy “Eat Brussels Sprouts Day!”

Though for most of my life I had doubts
About choking down cooked Brussels sprouts,
I flout them no more;
Well prepared, they’re top drawer.
Now I tout ’em instead. No more pouts!

Cheesy Limerick

Wednesday, January 20th, 2016

A man who should never eat cheese,
Ignores ev’ry cough and each wheeze
That comes in reaction
And once led to traction;
He can’t hack cheese-attraction disease.

Happy National Cheese Lovers Day, which is celebrated on January 20th.

Note: National Cheese Day falls on June 4th.

Gunning For A Hot, Spicy Meal (Limerick)

Saturday, January 16th, 2016

My “Dear Chef” limerick, just in time for International Hot and Spicy Food Day (Jan. 16):

Dear Chef:
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My pref’rence is food that is hot;
Not in contrast to cold, but that’s got
Lots of tongue-burning spice.
This Thai entree with rice
Should attack me. Is THAT your best shot?

Happy National Spaghetti Day (Limerick)

Monday, January 4th, 2016

Today’s a big day for spaghetti,
Although no one is throwing confetti.
Not too thin, not too thick,
It is reas’nably quick
To prepare, though disdained by the petty.

(National Spaghetti Day is January 4. This isn’t to be confused with National Pasta Day, which is Oct.17.)

Limerick Ode To Drinking Straw Day (Jan. 3)

Saturday, January 2nd, 2016

Few inventions inspire my awe,
But I’m rather impressed with the straw.
Sucking liquid through tubes
Is suggestive of lubes…
Although straw men still stick in my craw.

(National Drinking Straw Day is celebrated on January 3, in honor of Marvin Stone’s January 3, 1888 patent.)

Not That I’m Complaining, But… (Limerick)

Thursday, December 24th, 2015

I’m not writing a climate-change screed,
But I’d wager most folks would concede
This is crazy as heck:
Icy drinks on our deck,
Late December, New York. Coat? No need!

No Longer Tied To Ties (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015

Guys who despise ties (and who doesn’t?) will love New York City’s new gender discrimination rule banning restaurants from requiring ties for male diners only.

A male-only necktie demand
In Big Apple rest’rants is banned.
This new rule now protects
Our poor fellows’ sore necks.
How grand that such sexism’s panned!