Posts Tagged ‘Divorce Humor’

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GROWN or GROAN at the end of any one line

Saturday, March 23rd, 2019

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GROWN or GROAN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DIVORCE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DIVORCE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 7, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 6, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Whenever a fellow would nap
His collie would leap on his lap.
Then he’d groan and he’d moan.
(The dog was full-grown.)
How he longed for a dog-warning app.

And here’s my Divorce-themed limerick:

Although “civil,” it’s certain to vex
And is rarely divorced from bad sex.
It takes courtrooms and cash,
Zealous Esqs who are brash:
It’s converting your spouse to an ex.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Happy National Grammar Day (March 4)

Tuesday, March 4th, 2014

Happy National Grammar Day (March 4).

Grammar Gripes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A grammar-fanatic would gripe
To his wife about language, and snipe:
“Your syntax is bad!”
She’d respond, really mad:
“I’ll divorce you if down you don’t pipe.”

Reality TV Shows That Will Never Be Produced

Thursday, November 14th, 2013

In a recent Washington Post Style Invitational contest (Week 1043), we were challenged to invent fake celebrity reality shows. I enjoyed many of the winning entries, especially several of the Honorable Mentions. So be sure to click that link and read about those never-to-be shows.

Alas, no ink for me this week. But here are my three non-winning entries:

“Dancing Behind Bars.” Former “Dancing with the Stars” judge Bruno Tonioli launches his quest for “fast on their feet felons,” after running out of minimally talented dancers in the general population. “Inmates have so much talent, it’s criminal,” raves Bruno. “The cat burglars have stolen my heart! And those death row moves are killer!”

“The Sex Factor.” After losing control of the Miss USA and Miss Universe franchises in yet another bankruptcy, Donald Trump makes a comeback with a weekly beauty contest that, according to Trump, will be “really big” with “lots of bikinis and no interviews.” Says Trump, “girls should be seen and not heard … unless they went to Wharton.”

“Dancing Up In Mars” marks a “new frontier in reality TV, taking dance competitions to the next step.” Says host Newt Gingrich, “the gravity difference presents a grave challenge. But on the upside, Mars doesn’t enforce alimony laws. So no more checks to my six (or is it seven?) exes.”

Limerick Fix (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, September 15th, 2013

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow got into a fix…*

or

A fellow was trying to fix…*

or

A woman who needed a fix…*

or

A man who demands a quick fix…*

(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Fix
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow got into a fix
After betting on rather poor picks.
Not casinos or horses—
I’m talking divorces;
He married four henpecking chicks.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Remorseful Limerick

Thursday, November 29th, 2012

Remorseful Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was feeling remorse
About taking an ill-advised course:
He’d married a gal
Who was also his pal,
Before he’d secured a divorce.

Trippy Limerick

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman was planning a trip…

Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

A woman was planning a trip,
When her husband said, “Please, get a grip.
Our bank account’s low.
We have one-way cash flow.”
But his wife said, “Enough with your lip!”

“You’ve been wasting our cash at the track
And on poker and possibly crack.
I’m sick of this life
And of being your wife.
So goodbye, it is you who should pack.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!

Pigheaded Limerick

Sunday, October 17th, 2010

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow whose car had been towed…

Here’s mine. (It’s a three-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Pigheaded Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow whose car had been towed
Freaked out when he heard what he owed.
“Highway robb’ry,” he yelled.
Then he sued — price upheld,
Plus penalties — made him explode.

So he threatened to file an appeal,
Though his wife said, “Enough! Make a deal!”
He responded, “No way!
I simply won’t pay.
Let them keep my damn automobile.”

But then he was hit with a lien.
And his wife said, “You see what I mean?
End this now or perforce
I will sue for divorce.”
That’s what comes of the stubbornness gene.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!

Limerick Affairs

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who had an affair…

Here’s mine:

Limerick Affairs
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who had an affair
Got caught by his lovely wife, Claire.
She considered divorce —
Took a far diff’rent course.
Now her spouse does not live anywhere.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Brassy Limerick

Thursday, May 20th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A brassy old woman named Joan…

Here’s the limerick I wrote with that line. (It’s a three-verser, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Brassy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A brassy old woman named Joan
Loves the trumpet, but hates the trombone.
When people ask why
She says, “Married a guy
Who played bone with a terrible tone.”

She continues, “He made my head ache,
And he played it all night, for God’s sake.
I divorced him on grounds
Of cacophonic sounds.
Then I wed a French horn-playing rake.”

“He cheated on me day and night.
So I fin’ly said, go fly a kite!
Now I’m single again
And I’ll never date men
Who play brass, cuz those guys ain’t polite.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Miserly Limerick

Monday, April 19th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A miserly fellow name Joe…

Here’s the limerick I wrote with that line. (It’s a two-verser, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Miserly Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A miserly fellow name Joe
Was obsessed with his weekly cash flow.
The guy was so petty,
He ordered wife Betty
To flush once a day. She said, “No!”

Then he yelled, “You are wasteful and low!”
But she said, “It’s distasteful. No go!”
So he sued for divorce—
An asinine course.
Now the lawyers have all of his dough.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Musical Chairs

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A symphony cellist named Kate…

Here’s the limerick I wrote with that line. (It’s a two-verser, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Musical Chairs
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A symphony cellist named Kate
Shares her stand with a man, once her mate.
Though they play well in sync,
She thinks him a fink
And longs for his move out of state.

But orchestra jobs are quite rare,
And he can’t find a gig on a dare.
Sadly, neither can she,
So together they’ll be
Making music. At least she’s first chair.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

No Sweat Divorce

Monday, May 21st, 2007

No Sweat Divorce (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“My husband and I are estranged,”
Said the wife, “’cause he acts so deranged.
His behavior’s aberrant
And vexingly errant.
I wish he could just be exchanged.”  

(Can you imagine if divorce were as easy as shopping? And no, this isn’t autobiographical … although I do enjoying poking fun at my wonderful husband from time to time.)

Litigation Ode

Monday, February 12th, 2007

Litigation Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“You don’t care about others. You’re callous,”
Said the plaintiff, with undisguised malice.
“Well, you haven’t been sweet,”
He replied in a beat,
“Since the night that we wed, my dear Alice.”