MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

Dear Spring
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear spring, you are late once again. 
Yet you claim that you’ve been here, since when?
Thirty days?  That can’t be:
It’s still cold out, you see.
And some sun would be nice, now and then.

Note: I feel almost guilty posting this, since yesterday’s weather was delightful.  But a couple of days ago, when Totally Optional Prompts prompted me to write it, it was unseasonably cold.

Technorati Tags: Weather Verse, Seasonal Humor, Spring Limerick

Three haiku to “celebrate” an unseasonably cold first day of spring:

Calendar says spring,
But the weather disagrees.
Hope they work it out.

New York guys and gals
Greet springtime in their shirtsleeves
While winter mocks them. 

Spring shyly appears,
Taps winter on the shoulder,
Vows to try again.

(Inspired by One Single Impression’s spring prompt. And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my latest poetry prompt. How do you participate? Just write a haiku or limerick about poetry or writing and use Mr. Linky to post your themed link.)

Technorati Tags: Spring Haiku, Weather Poetry, Writing Prompts, Seasonal Poems, New York Verse

Weathering New York Weather
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The weather outside isn’t nice,
And the walks are all covered with ice.
I seem to recall
That it’s technic’ly fall.
Would I leave New York City? No dice!

(You can find more of my seasonal (and holiday) humor here and more of my New York humor here.)

For more ice-inspired writing visit Inspire Me Thursday.

Technorati Tags: Seasonal Humor, Weather Poetry, Cold Autumn, Chilly Fall, New York City

Ms. Legal Person returns by popular demand with advice for the holiday season.  “Your free help was worth every penny,” wrote one satisfied reader.  “Do you have malpractice insurance?” wrote … oops, wrong letter.  

Okay, enough with the accolades and on with your questions:

Q: They hung mistletoe in my office, and I’m highly offended.

A: Why?

Q: It’s sexual harassment.

A: I see. Has anyone ever kissed you while you were standing under the mistletoe?

Q: No.

A: What about when you weren’t standing under the mistletoe.

Q. Certainly not.

A: That’s what I thought.

*****

Q: My birthday falls right before Christmas and I always get short-changed. Do I have any legal recourse? 

A: You suffer from Badly Timed Birthday Syndrome. Fortunately, last year’s Anti-Discrimination and Mental Health Care Reform Bill included the Birthday Rehabilitation Act. It allows you to petition any federal judge to modify your birthday by no more than 30 days.  

Q: That’s great news!

A: You need only prove that your birthday coincides with a key holiday, causing pain and suffering and depriving you of your fair share of attention and gifts.

Q: Wow! Can I also modify my birth year?

A: How old are you?

Q: 37.

A: I’m afraid not. But you’re free to lie like everyone else.

*****

Ms. Legal Person answers more of your holiday questions here. 

(You can find more holiday humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Holiday Fun, Christmas Humor, Law Humor

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! And now that Thanksgiving’s over, have you finished shopping for holiday gifts yet?  And braced yourself for your office Christmas party?  And how’s that list of New Year’s resolutions coming? 

Aren’t holidays fun?

But getting back to the world of poetry, Totally Optional Prompts has asked for animal poems.  So here’s a very short one:

My parents’ poodle—
Their beloved pet,
The grandchild I denied them.

For a much lighter look at the same subject, here’s my humorous essay called A Poodle Tale.

Last, but not least, I’ve just start creating short humor videos starring — you guessed it — moi! So if you get a chance please check out My Family Needs Me on my other blog.

Technorati Tags: Holiday Verse, Poodle Humor, Pet Poems

There’s nothing quite like a tough mental challenge.  And I sure had a good time with this one, prompting me to write something (in my case, a limerick) using these three words: phone, stumbled and windy.

The Joys Of Winter
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It was windy and snowy.  I stumbled.
Then I fell and my keys and phone tumbled
And slid down the ice.
I yelled words not so nice.
“How rude!” an old passerby grumbled.

And speaking of winter, it’s almost time to start worrying about your office Christmas party.

Technorati Tags: Winter Humor, Seasonal Humor, Weather, Bad Manners, Poetry Prompts

Bugged By Mosquitos (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mosquitos are driving me mad.
Seems a zillion are biting me—bad!
Sprays and lotions don’t work;
They keep chomping and lurk,
While ignoring my husband—the cad!

Technorati Tags: Bugs, Mosquitos, Insect Bites, Outdoors, Summer Gripes, Summer Humor, Insect and Bug Humor, Husband and Wife Humor

Thanks to all of you who participated in this, my first limerick writing contest.  (And yes, I’ll be holding these contests regularly.)

The response to my spring limerick contest exceeded my wildest hopes - nearly 60 poems were submitted.  In fact, there were so many wonderful entries — some poignant, some laugh-out-loud funny — that it was hard to select the winners. 

But the voting’s in and the panel has rendered its decision.  Okay, I admit it –  it was a panel of one – me.  Still, I did so much arguing with myself, that it felt like a much larger panel.

I’m awarding a First Prize ($25 in PayPal cash), a Second Prize ($10 in PayPal cash), and five Honorable Mentions.  And the winners are…  

FIRST PRIZE goes to Graham Lester for this lovely limerick:

Blossoms bloom, we’re in love, and it’s Spring!
How delightful, you’re going to sing!
You’re as sweet as a flower,
Yet I’m suddenly sour
As you say, “And now something by Sting. . .”

SECOND PRIZE goes to Bob Dvorak for this fine limerick:

Flight of fancy, my love taking wing
Joins the jaybirds and bluebirds that sing
As the days burgeon long –
Hear my heart beating strong
For my darling. I love you. It’s spring!

And five HONORABLE MENTIONS go to (in no particular order) …

J. E. Pettit:
It’s springtime, which means that my fancy
Is turning to thoughts of my Nancy.
But marry this summer?
I’d have to be dumber;
Her husband would kill us! Too chancy!

hugh t:
Passion’s flames have died down to an ember:
She is April; I’m chill December.
It’s a rather sad thing
To remember one’s Spring
When there’s not much spring left in one’s member.

Richard Stehr:
Through the winter I slog and I schlep,
But in spring there’s a spring in my step.
All the birds are in song,
And I’m singing along
With a throat that is strong…and not strep.

Mephistopheles:
That “Sproing!” that we hear is the sound
As our greenery springs from the ground.
Every Spring, there’s a chance
We’ll get rioting plants,
When their mainsprings get overly wound.

David Franks:
Though it’s cold, I find winter infernal–
Its dim, lifeless stay seems eternal.
Take this hiemal night!
Give me growth, life and light:
My favorite days are the vernal.

Congratulations to all the winners, and thanks again to everybody who participated. (You can read all of the entries here.)

And please stay tuned — I’ll be announcing another limerick contest very soon right here in this blog. I should be posting something about it mid-April, just as soon as I get my tax return done. And the topics will be — you guessed it — money and taxes.

Technorati Tags: Limerick Contest, Spring Limericks, Contest Results, Winning Spring Limericks, Spring Poetry, Seasonal Verse

Writing my Is It Spring Yet? limerick gave me an idea to launch the first of what I hope will be many limerick writing contests.

So here’s my challenge: Write a limerick related somehow to the subject of spring and post it here in my comments.  I’ll announce the winners on the first day of spring.   The first prize will be $25.  The second prize will be $10.  Both prizes will be paid via PayPal.

I’m looking forward to reading your entries!

UPDATE: This contest is officially closed and the spring limerick contest winners and their winning entries are here.

Please check back on this blog in mid-April, when I expect to announce a new limerick contest. 

Technorati Tags: Limerick Contest, Spring Limericks, Writing Contests

Is It Spring Yet?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We are having a foul-weather bout—
Lots of snow, sleet, and hail—not a drought.
Cabin fever has struck,
And my husband feels stuck,
Trapped indoors, starved for sun—must go out. 

Technorati Tags: Cabin Fever, Weather Humor, Snow, Sleet, Hail, Husband Humor, Marriage, Indoors, Outdoors, Sun

Here’s another limerick about our recent New York snow and ice storm: 

The Up Side Of Winter
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Outside our abode, it ain’t nice;
There’s snow on the ground and there’s ice.
But I’m snug in my house—
Just me and my spouse
And our mouse. Leave this haven? No dice! 

Technorati Tags: Weather Humor, Snow, Ice, Storm, Winter, House, Home, Seasons, Marriage

My latest limerick was inspired by this week’s New York weather: 

Wintry Woes
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In winter, a job I’d not pick
Is wielding an ice pick, when sick.
I abhor it, when well
And, when ill, well, it’s hell.
Oh my heavens, the hail’s coming quick! 

Technorati Tags: Weather Humor, Winter, Hail, Ice, Snow, Ice Picks, Tools, Chores, Illness