The weather’s been putrid this week
And it needs a lot more than a tweak.
It’s unbearably wet,
I’m covered in sweat,
And my sidewalk resembles a creek.
Archive for the ‘Seasons Humor’ Category
Rain Whine (Limerick)
Thursday, June 20th, 2019More Snow? Oh, Shove It! (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 21st, 2018I’m just back from the front of our house,
Where the heavens continue to douse
Our brick steps and our walk.
Though at shov’ling I balk,
I heave snow-mountains — NOT that I’d grouse.
That Snow Job They Call Spring (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 21st, 2018Spring’s begun with a bang! I’m annoyed,
Cuz more shov’ling I’d rather avoid,
But since stuff from above’ll
Not stop, need my shovel.
That tool, alas, must be deployed!
First Day Of Spring? NOT In New York! (Limerick)
Tuesday, March 20th, 2018It’s the first day of spring? I don’t buy it,
Cuz the elements surely defy it;
Twelve inches of snow
Are on route here, so NO!
Don’t insist that it’s spring. I’ll deny it.
Make It Stop! (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 7th, 2018“I am sick of the snow! Make it stop,”
I complained to a neighborhood cop.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Kane.
Weather’s NOT my domain.
Try that guy in the sky — it’s HIS op.”
Blizzard 2018 (Limerick)
Friday, January 5th, 2018I’m bracing to walk out the door
And face up to my shoveling chore.
How I’d love to ignore it,
Stay warm and ‘offshore’ it.
But it’s war; time to even the score.
Update: Last June, when I was bleeding all over the street and staring in horror at my exposed ulna, I couldn’t have imagined ever managing to shovel snow again. But I just did it. Yay!
Seasonal Gripe (Limerick)
Monday, October 23rd, 2017It’s summer. It’s winter. It’s fall;
In the course of one week we’ve had all
Of those seasons and more.
What’s a calendar for?
I once knew, but no longer recall.
Disempowered (Limerick)
Wednesday, January 18th, 2017We lost power. It’s fixed, but I gird
For another bad outage. My word!
It’s a jerry-rigged mend!
Will it break, or just bend
If descended upon by a bird?
Author’s Note: We lost power last night, shortly after midnight, and were the first to call Con Ed. (Apparently our neighbors go to sleep early.)
Con Ed came quickly to assess the situation and then sent back a larger crew. And 9 or 10 hours later we had a temporary repair — a couple of wires tied to trees, stretched precariously from one house to another across the street.
The temp fix doesn’t look like it could withstand even a minor winter storm, and the real repair isn’t scheduled until February 6th. Yes that’s 2.5 weeks from now. So all fingers and toes are duly crossed.
This Weather’s For The Birds! (Limerick)
Monday, March 28th, 2016Though it’s springtime, the temp’rature’s low.
It’s damp, and the wind’s all a-blow.
And I swear that I heard
These words chirped by a bird:
“For THIS I flew north? I hate snow!”
Hope Springs Eternal (Limerick)
Saturday, March 19th, 2016Though tomorrow’s the first day of spring,
My seasonal thoughts can’t take wing
Cuz of snow-forecast-blues-men
And wet blanket newsmen.
Are they wrong? To that dream I shall cling.
Yet Another St. Patrick’s Day Limerick
Thursday, March 17th, 2016On St. Patrick’s Day food I’m not keen.
Its corned beef and cabbage cuisine
Makes my stomach feel queer,
And the same goes for beer.
Partake… and I’ll surely turn green.
February Bashing
Monday, February 1st, 2016After seeing a “Happy February” post, I suddenly remembered an ancient humor piece of mine about February. So I dug through my archives and found this column I sold to the Buffalo News way back in 1995. It feels like it was written by a different person: February Bashing.
Turning Mark’s Blizzard Tale Into A Limerick
Thursday, January 28th, 2016Mark recently posted his tale of blizzardy absent-mindedness here on Facebook. (Yes, I know “blizzardy” isn’t a word.) And I’ve decided to sum it up in a limerick:
My husband once did something whack;
Left his car window open a crack
In a blizzard, alas.
Snow flew over the glass
And got packed to the top, front to back.
A Snow Plow Meets Its Match (Limerick)
Sunday, January 24th, 2016It’s never a good sign when a snow plow has to be rescued by a bulldozer. But that’s what things were like in Bayside, Queens on Sunday.
You know that a blizzard is bad,
And the prospect of cleaning up sad,
When the snow plow gets stuck
In the ice, snow, and muck.
Going out over-rated? A tad!
Shoveling Post (Muscle) Mortem
Sunday, January 24th, 2016When I shovel, I try to obey
The best shoveling way, which they say
Involves using one’s thighs.
So it’s not a surprise
That our staircase is daunting today.
Not That I’m Complaining, But… (Limerick)
Thursday, December 24th, 2015I’m not writing a climate-change screed,
But I’d wager most folks would concede
This is crazy as heck:
Icy drinks on our deck,
Late December, New York. Coat? No need!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LIES or BELIES or RELIES at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, December 12th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using LIES or BELIES or RELIES at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write a themed limerick related to any December holiday, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best holiday-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick-Off Award Winner on December 27, 2015, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 26, 2015, at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
The weatherman forecast clear skies.
But I wasn’t surprised by the cries
And the shrieks and the bawling
When rain started falling;
I’ve weathered the weather guys’ lies.
Please feel free to write your own limerick(s) using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
It’s Raining Acrostic Limericks
Wednesday, October 28th, 2015Rather wet is the weather today.
Also terribly gloomy, I’d say.
It’s so nasty, I’m glad
Not to need something bad.
You can bet from my house I won’t stray.
Not Mad About The Weather (Limerick)
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015Not Mad About The Weather (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Each summer I bitch about heat.
Humidity too makes me bleat.
But the current one’s better
Than most — wore a sweater
One night, which beats sweat indiscreet.
(DVerse Poets wants weather about the dog days of summer.)
Yet Another Anti-Winter Poem
Friday, March 20th, 2015Yet Another Anti-Winter Poem
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oh damn you winter! Go away!
Why can’t you take a hint today?
Intruding on our spring delights
With snow is NOT within your rights.
The calendar has made it clear
It’s spring. So why are YOU still here?
I’ve foolishly already stored
Our boots and shovels, long abhorred.
I’m forced to fetch them one more time
For duties not at all sublime.
Your crime of trespass? No mere gaffe!
I just might sue on spring’s behalf.
