Archive for the ‘Seasons Humor’ Category

Disempowered (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 18th, 2017

We lost power. It’s fixed, but I gird
For another bad outage. My word!
It’s a jerry-rigged mend!
Will it break, or just bend
If descended upon by a bird?

Author’s Note: We lost power last night, shortly after midnight, and were the first to call Con Ed. (Apparently our neighbors go to sleep early.)

Con Ed came quickly to assess the situation and then sent back a larger crew. And 9 or 10 hours later we had a temporary repair — a couple of wires tied to trees, stretched precariously from one house to another across the street.

The temp fix doesn’t look like it could withstand even a minor winter storm, and the real repair isn’t scheduled until February 6th. Yes that’s 2.5 weeks from now. So all fingers and toes are duly crossed.

This Weather’s For The Birds! (Limerick)

Monday, March 28th, 2016

Though it’s springtime, the temp’rature’s low.
It’s damp, and the wind’s all a-blow.
And I swear that I heard
These words chirped by a bird:
“For THIS I flew north? I hate snow!”

Hope Springs Eternal (Limerick)

Saturday, March 19th, 2016

Though tomorrow’s the first day of spring,
My seasonal thoughts can’t take wing
Cuz of snow-forecast-blues-men
And wet blanket newsmen.
Are they wrong? To that dream I shall cling.

Yet Another St. Patrick’s Day Limerick

Thursday, March 17th, 2016

On St. Patrick’s Day food I’m not keen.
Its corned beef and cabbage cuisine
Makes my stomach feel queer,
And the same goes for beer.
Partake… and I’ll surely turn green.

February Bashing

Monday, February 1st, 2016

After seeing a “Happy February” post, I suddenly remembered an ancient humor piece of mine about February. So I dug through my archives and found this column I sold to the Buffalo News way back in 1995. It feels like it was written by a different person: February Bashing.

Turning Mark’s Blizzard Tale Into A Limerick

Thursday, January 28th, 2016

Mark recently posted his tale of blizzardy absent-mindedness here on Facebook. (Yes, I know “blizzardy” isn’t a word.) And I’ve decided to sum it up in a limerick:

My husband once did something whack;
Left his car window open a crack
In a blizzard, alas.
Snow flew over the glass
And got packed to the top, front to back.

A Snow Plow Meets Its Match (Limerick)

Sunday, January 24th, 2016

It’s never a good sign when a snow plow has to be rescued by a bulldozer. But that’s what things were like in Bayside, Queens on Sunday.

You know that a blizzard is bad,
And the prospect of cleaning up sad,
When the snow plow gets stuck
In the ice, snow, and muck.
Going out over-rated? A tad!

Shoveling Post (Muscle) Mortem

Sunday, January 24th, 2016

When I shovel, I try to obey
The best shoveling way, which they say
Involves using one’s thighs.
So it’s not a surprise
That our staircase is daunting today.

Not That I’m Complaining, But… (Limerick)

Thursday, December 24th, 2015

I’m not writing a climate-change screed,
But I’d wager most folks would concede
This is crazy as heck:
Icy drinks on our deck,
Late December, New York. Coat? No need!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LIES or BELIES or RELIES at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Saturday, December 12th, 2015

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using LIES or BELIES or RELIES at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write a themed limerick related to any December holiday, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best holiday-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick-Off Award Winner on December 27, 2015, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 26, 2015, at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

The weatherman forecast clear skies.
But I wasn’t surprised by the cries
And the shrieks and the bawling
When rain started falling;
I’ve weathered the weather guys’ lies.

Please feel free to write your own limerick(s) using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

It’s Raining Acrostic Limericks

Wednesday, October 28th, 2015

Rather wet is the weather today.
Also terribly gloomy, I’d say.
It’s so nasty, I’m glad
Not to need something bad.
You can bet from my house I won’t stray.

Not Mad About The Weather (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 4th, 2015

Not Mad About The Weather (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Each summer I bitch about heat.
Humidity too makes me bleat.
But the current one’s better
Than most — wore a sweater
One night, which beats sweat indiscreet.

(DVerse Poets wants weather about the dog days of summer.)

Yet Another Anti-Winter Poem

Friday, March 20th, 2015

Yet Another Anti-Winter Poem
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Oh damn you winter! Go away!
Why can’t you take a hint today?
Intruding on our spring delights
With snow is NOT within your rights.

The calendar has made it clear
It’s spring. So why are YOU still here?
I’ve foolishly already stored
Our boots and shovels, long abhorred.

I’m forced to fetch them one more time
For duties not at all sublime.
Your crime of trespass? No mere gaffe!
I just might sue on spring’s behalf.

Windy St. Patrick’s Day Limerick

Tuesday, March 17th, 2015

Windy St. Patrick’s Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Thinking Jack Frost had split, we high-fived.
But our basking in warmth was short-lived.
Winter managed to con us–
Cold wind is upon us–
A low blow as St. Pat’s Day arrived.

(More wind poetry here.)

Staten Island Chuck the Groundhog Lives (Limerick)

Monday, February 2nd, 2015

There’s been a Groundhog Day rules change at the Staten Island Zoo, in the wake of last year’s groundhog death at the klutzy hands of Mayor Bill de Blasio:

Staten Island Chuck the Groundhog Lives (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Seems the zoos of New York had their fill
Of Mayor-caused Groundhog Day-kill.
Last year’s groundhog is dead,
So “no holding,” they said.
“We are Chucking your touching rights, Bill.”

Wintry Woes (Limerick)

Monday, February 2nd, 2015

Wintry Woes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I so wish all these snow storms would wane.
I’d prefer their replacement with rain–
Even better, with drizzle–
A limited mizzle.
Cuz this winter has gone down the drain.

Shoveling Duty (Limerick)

Monday, January 26th, 2015

Shoveling Duty (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s snowing, alas and alack,
And I just finished shov’ling — can’t slack
During storms this severe.
But I did it. Oh dear!
All the snow I removed has come back.

*****

Blizzard in progress.
I resent New York City
resembling Fargo.

*****

Oboe-playing years
armed my shoulders for shov’ling,
but failed to prep mind.

I Knew It Couldn’t Last (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014

This summer’s weather in New York City, especially August, has been astonishingly pleasant. And then September hit.

I Knew It Couldn’t Last (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I was right with my weather suspicions;
We’ve reverted to dreadful conditions.
High humidity, heat,
Heavy T-storms compete,
As we weather their juxtapositions.

Weather Wariness (Limerick)

Monday, July 21st, 2014

Weather Wariness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

New York’s weather, right now, is delicious.
Its loveliness makes me suspicious:
Are we being set up
For a fall? I fear yup,
We are in for some elements vicious.

Limerick Ode To A Stormy Independence Day

Friday, July 4th, 2014

Limerick Ode To A Stormy Independence Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The East Coast, alas, is awash
With Hurricane Arthurly slosh,
Bringing wind gusts and rain
And flooding — the bane
Of saluting the 4th with panache.