Posts Tagged ‘August Holidays’

Ill-Bred Limerick

Thursday, August 26th, 2021

Happy “National Dog Day.” (August 26)

My favorite breed is the “mutt.”
Yes, I know you’re about to say “But,
That isn’t a breed.”
I’m aware, but I need
To annoy nutty dog snobs who strut.

(National Mutt Day is celebrated on two days: July 31 and December 2.)

When It Comes To Knives, I’m Not The Sharpest Tool (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 24th, 2021

Some people shouldn’t be trusted with knives… and I’m one of them.

Happy National Knife Day. (August 24)

For decades I wrangled with cane;
Cutting, carving, and whittling — my bane.
Wielding knives in my hands
As the oboe demands,
I made reeds — time (and blood) down the drain.

Dear Chef (Limerick)

Thursday, August 19th, 2021

I’ve written my “Dear Chef” limerick to celebrate “National Hot And Spicy Food Day.” (August 19)

I like food that is spicy and hot.
Serve it bland? It’s returned on the spot.
Don’t assume you know best;
Second-guessing a guest
Means you’ve failed at your quest by a lot.

Relax, Already! (Limerick)

Sunday, August 15th, 2021

It’s “National Relaxation Day” (August 15), so an insomnia limerick seems more or less on point:

I’m exhausted, worn out, barely slept.
Some brain-part is surely inept.
My mind’s in a scrum;
Relaxation won’t come.
How I wish I were sleeping-adept!

Happy “Lazy Day” (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 10th, 2021

I was almost too lazy to post my “Lazy Day” limerick:

A fellow was dragging his feet.
Delay was the one goal he’d meet.
The guy was so lazy,
He drove his wife crazy…
Though his drive while in bed was a treat!

Unfashionable Limerick

Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

A woman with terrible taste
Believed fashion and style were a waste,
And when items she owned
Became trendy she groaned;
They were thrown in the garbage posthaste.

Happy World Fashion Day! (August 21)

Another Limerick Ode To “International Nagging Day” (August 14)

Wednesday, August 14th, 2019

It’s Nagging Day. Please don’t applaud
All those prodders who act like they’re god,
As they talk themselves hoarse:
“Go do this!” “Take that course!”
Here’s a thought: one-way tickets abroad.

Happy International Nagging Day! (August 14)

Not Tickled Pink Over Rosé (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 14th, 2019

I’m not a big fan of rosé.
Drink anything pink? I say “Nay!”
I’ll have white wine or red,
Or some cognac, instead.
Even better, tequila! Olé!

Happy International Rosé Day! (August 14)

Limerick Ode To Eyeglasses

Tuesday, August 13th, 2019

I was reading some mind-numbing prose,
Which apparently caused me to doze.
I’ve awakened — can’t see!
Did my eyeglasses flee,
Somehow slipping from nose-tip to toes?

Happy Eyeglasses Day! (August 13)

Limerick Ode To Filet Mignon

Tuesday, August 13th, 2019

Happy Filet Mignon Day! (August 13)

Dear chef, though I rarely eat steak,
There is one small exception I’ll make:
A dainty filet
Mignon makes my day.
No imposter-cuts! Don’t be a snake!

Color Me Confused (Limerick)

Friday, August 2nd, 2019

A coloring book meant for those
Who ain’t kids anymore? Heaven knows
Why the market’s gone mad
With this dubious fad.
I’ll be sticking with lim’ricks and prose.

Happy National Coloring Book Day! (August 2)

Beach Day (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 30th, 2016

Lying down on the sand to get tanned
Is a pastime I NEVER have planned.
And my swim skills are grim,
Way too hard on my vim.
But long walks on non-beach-land are grand.

Happy National Beach Day! (Aug. 30)

Limerick Ode To Toilet Paper Day

Saturday, August 27th, 2016

For folks in a tight money squeeze,
Don’t raise the bath tissue price, please.
Though it’s paper-made true,
This factor I rue:
Bathroom tissue does NOT grow on trees.

A belated National Toilet Paper Day. (Aug. 26)

*****

UPDATE: The United Nations celebrates “World Toilet Day” on November 19.

Help! It’s Sean Connery Day! (Limerick)

Thursday, August 25th, 2016

Help! It’s Sean Connery Day!

Sean Connery’s speech drives me mad
Cuz his diction is fiendishly bad.
Yet he’s worshipped, adored;
Fervid film buffs, un-Moored,
Won’t shush up their Sean-mimicry fad.

Lazy Limerick

Wednesday, August 10th, 2016

An employee asleep at the switch
Created a dangerous glitch.
The lazy-ass slob
Fell down on the job.
It seems working just isn’t his niche.

Happy National Lazy Day!

Limerick Ode To The Lion

Wednesday, August 10th, 2016

It’s Lion Day. Give a big roar!
Categorical praise is in store
For the king of the jungle.
And kindly don’t bungle
This message: Show hunters the door.

Limerick Ode To Bowling

Thursday, February 25th, 2016

A woman who never had bowled
Married into that sport-loving fold.
Forced to play — what a pickle!
But luck is so fickle;
Once beleaguered, she’s relishing gold.

(February 25 is Go Bowling Day, and the second Saturday in August is National Bowling Day.)

Just In Time For Book Lovers Day (Limerick)

Saturday, November 7th, 2015

Just in time for Book Lovers Day, celebrated both on the first Saturday of November and on August 9:

Like most of my friends I love books,
And I don’t want to read them on Nooks
Or other devices;
Real paper entices.
Don’t dare give me pity-filled looks!

A Limerick To Help You Celebrate “Eat Outside Day” (August 31)

Sunday, August 30th, 2015

Brace yourself! Tomorrow, August 31, is Eat Outside Day.

Although eating outside can be fun,
My enjoyment is quickly undone
By insects that join
To dine on one’s loin.
Just one bite, and I’ll bug out and run.

For National Banana Lover’s Day, A Limerick (August 27)

Thursday, August 27th, 2015

It’s National Banana Lovers Day, so here’s my requisite limerick:

The smell of bananas is vile.
Just one hit of them raises my bile.
They taste awful when green
And when ripened, obscene.
In essence, they stink up the aisle.