MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

If you’re ever in Scottsdale, Arizona and feel the need to buy jeans, prepare yourself for a scary rear view:

Worried that new pair of high-fashion jeans may just make your butt look fat? Now shoppers in one upscale Scottsdale store [The Hub] can check it out for themselves before someone else makes the observation - using the Butt Cam, a camera positioned just so that’s connected to a video screen on a dressing room wall.

And if that doesn’t sound bad enough:

The setup also allows Hub employees to display views of their more confident shoppers on flat-screen TVs behind the cash registers for all to see.

This brings me to my latest limerick:

No Butt Cams For Me — No Ifs, Ands, Or Buts
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Butt Cam sure sounds rather crass,
But it gives you a view of your ass
While you’re trying on jeans.
And you know what that means?
It should tell almost all: “Take a pass!” 

So, would you ever willingly expose yourself to a butt camera? Take my Butt Cam poll and let me know:

(You can find more of my fashion and shopping humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Butt Camera, Butt Cam, Buying Jeans, Clothes Shopping, Fashion Satire, Shopping In Scottsdale Arizona, Dressing Room Cameras, Video Screens

It’s mid-August, which means back-to-school day is just around the corner.  And that in turn means it’s time to start shopping for school supplies: rulers and notebooks and pens and lunch boxes and calculators and computers and school clothes and … bulletproof backpacks???

“We’re just trying to give kids a defensive tool to use in case something does happen,” Curran said of the backpacks, which sell for $175 US. …

Since they started selling online last week, they’ve sold out of their initial stock of several hundred backpacks and are now ordering a new shipment from Massachusetts.

Methinks this calls for a limerick:

Bulletproof Backpacks: In Case Your Kid’s Classmate Is Packing
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Selling bulletproof backpacks?  How sad!
Could the safety of schools be so bad,
That parents must buy
Such an item? Oh my!
Are they needed, or just a mad fad?

So parents, would you ever clad your kid in a bulletproof backpack? Take this poll and let us all know:

(You can find more of my school and education humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Bulletproof Backpacks, School Safety, Education Limerick, Schooling Satire, Back To School Shopping, School Supplies

Yesterday I wrote this post in my other blog: Selling Tickets To Brooke Astor’s Funeral: Scam Or Satire. My post includes a haiku, a limerick and a one-liner about Brooke Astor and the uproar over a Craigslist ad purporting to sell two tickets to Astor’s funeral for $500.  My post also tells the saga of how I came to be quoted in this Gannett Journal News article, Ticket sales for Astor funeral branded a hoax.

Technorati Tags: Brooke Astor, Astor Funeral, Funeral Tickets,   Gannett Daily, News Journal Westchester, Craigslist Ad

Thanks so much to Anja Merret for naming me to this “magical list” of admired women bloggers.  I’m very honored to join such a laudable group.

As I understand it, any women blogger named to the list is encouraged to add to the list and promote it.  And so I’m delighted to add these three outstanding (not to mention magical) bloggers:

Melissa McEwan at Shakesville

Avedon Carol at the Sideshow

Digby of the Hullabaloo

Here’s the current list:

45 Things by Anita Bruzzese

A Look at Art & Design: Lisa Mikulski

angiemckaig.com: still a great pair of legs Angie McKaig

AnjaMerret.com by Anja Merret

Ask Dr. Kirk The Artsy Asylum by Susan Reynolds 

Avedon Carol’s Sideshow by Avedon Carol

Back in Skinny Jeans by Stephanie Quilao

BlogWrite for CEOs Debbie Weil

Biz Growth News by Krishna De

Brain Based Biz by Dr. Robyn McMaster

Brain Based Business by Dr. Ellen Weber

Brand Sizzle Anne Simons

Branding & Marketing Chris Brown

Brazen Careerist by Penelope Trunk

Build a Solo Practice, LLC by Susan Cartier Liebel

Christine Kane by Christine Kane

CK’s Blog CK (Christina Kerley)

Communication Overtones Kami Huyse

Confident Writing by Joanna Young

Conscious Business by Anne Libby

Conversation Agent Valeria Maltoni

Corporate PR Elizabeth Albrycht

Customers Are Always by Maria Palma

Customers Rock! Becky Carroll

CustServ by Meikah David

Creative Curio by Lauren Marie

Debbie Millman by Debbie Millman

Deborah Schultz by Deborah Schultz

Designers Who Blog by Cat Morley

Design Your Life Ellen and Julia Lupton, identical twins

Design Your Writing Life by Lisa Gates

Diary of Claudine Hellmuth Claudine Hellmuth

Digby’s Hullabaloo by Digby

Diva Marketing Blog Toby Bloomberg

Do It Myself Blog by Glenda Watson Hyatt

Dooce by Heather B. Armstrong

Edith Yeung from EdithYeung.com

Email Marketing Best Practices Tamara Gielen

Emily Chang - Strategic Designer Emily Chang

Enter the Laughter by Marti Lawrence

Escape Blog by Melissa Petri

Escape from Cubicle Nation by Pamela Slim

eSoup by Sharon Sarmiento

Essential Keystrokes by Char

Every Dot Connects by Connie Reece

Fish Creek House by GP

Flooring The Consumer CB Whittemore

Forrester’s Marketing Blog Shar, Charlene, Chloe, Christine Elana, Laura and Lisa

Forward Steps by Thea Westra

Franke James by Franke James

Get Fresh Minds by Katie Konrath

Great Presentations Mean Business by Laura Athavale Fitton

Hey Marci by Marci Alboher

Holly Schwendiman from Holly’s Corner Blog

Get Shouty by Katie Chatfield

ifelse by Phu Ly

Illustration Friday Penelope Dullaghan

Inspired Business Growth by Wendy Piersall

JHSEsq from Colloquium

J.T. O’Donnell Career Insights by J.T. O’Donnell

Joyful, Jubilant Learning by Rosa Say

Kelly Curtis from Pass the Torch

Kinetic Ideas Wendy Maynard

Learned on Women by Andrea Learned

Lindsay Pollak by Lindsay Pollak

Live the Power by Karen Lynch

Liz Strauss at Successful Blog by Liz Strauss

Lorelle on WordPress by Lorelle VanFossen

Mad Kane’s Humor Blog (and Mad Kane’s Political Madness) by Madeleine Begun Kane

Making Life Work for You by April Groves

Manage to Change by Ann Michael

Management Craft by Lisa Haneberg

Mandarin Design Daily:The MEG Blog Michelle Goodrich

Marketing Roadmaps Susan Getgood

Moda di Magno by Lori Magno

Modite by Rebecca Thorman

molly.com Molly E. Holzschlag

Narrat Assets Karen Hegman

Netdiver Carole Guevin

Niquimerret.com by Niqui

Nneka from Balanced Life Center-Spirituality applied to Life

On My Desk Linzie Hunter

Pamm from My Secret Spiritual Dance

Peace Love Harmony by Kirsten Harrell

Presto Vivace Blog Alice Marshall

Priscilla Palmer: Personal Development Demands Success by Priscilla Palmer

Productivity Goal by Carolyn Manning

Purse Lip Square Jaw Anne Galloway

Small Biz Survival by Becky McCray

Small Failures: Sustainability for the Rest of Us Jess Sand

swissmiss Tina Roth Eisenberg

The Brand Dame by Lyn Chamberlin

this is rachelandrew.co.uk Rachel Andrew

Shakesville by Melissa McEwan

Sheriar Designs Mani Sheriar

Spare Change Nedra Kline Weinreich

Talk It Up Heidi Miller

Tertia.org/ by Tertia

Tech Kitten by Trisha Miller

The copy Writing Maven Roberta Rosenberg

The Blog Angel by Claire Raikes

The Engaging Brand by Anna Farmery

The Floozy Blog by Kate Coote

The Kiss Business Too by Karin H.

The Origin of Brands Laura Ries

The Parody by Sasha Manuel

The Podcast Sisters by Krishna De, Anna Farmery and Heather Gorringe

Veerle’s blog 2.0 Veerle

Versa Creations by Vivienne

Water Cooler Wisdom by Alexandra Levit

Wealth Strategy Secrets by Nicola Cairncross

What’s Next Blog B L Ochman

That’s What She Said by Julie Elgar

Ypulse by Anastasia Goodstein

Technorati Tags: Female Bloggers, Women Bloggers

According to this odd story, a smoking ban in British pubs has managed to make British bars smell even worse.  Apparently, the acrid smell of smoke is a delight compared to all the foul odors smoke used to mask: “stale food and beer, damp, sweat and body odour, drains and - how do you put this nicely - flatulence.”

So what’s the solution?  You might think cleaning supplies would be in order. But you would be wrong.  Instead, they’re pumping perfume into 2000 pubs — the essence of  “leather, freshly cut grass, and ocean breeze fragrances.”

This cries out for a limerick, don’t you think?

This Doesn’t Pass The Smell Test (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The stench of Brit pubs once was hidden
By smoke, but now smoking’s forbidden,
And since folks can’t abide
The foul odor, they hide
It with pumped-in-perfume.  I’m not kiddin’.

(You can find more of my food and drink limericks and humor here.)

Technorati Tags: British Pubs, Bars In Great Britain, Smoking Ban, Foul Smelling Pubs, Pumped In Perfume, Masking Odors, Stale Beer, Body Odor, Flatulence, Perfume Pumping Experiment

I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence.  Why do I say that? Because I’d never heard the phrase “five-second rule” until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he’d just dropped on the floor.  (And yes, we’re still married.)

I naively assumed that Mark was the only person crazy enough to think germs politely wait five seconds before they attach themselves to goodies. But apparently lots of people (mostly men, I’m assuming) believe that if you drop food on the floor and pick it up really, really fast, it’s safe to eat. 

In fact, the belief’s so widespread that some scientists (who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their time) actually studied the issue. And yes, they concluded that the rule isn’t valid. (Did you really need me — or the scientists — to tell you that?)

This leads to my latest limerick, in which I use the word date instead of husband to protect the guilty … and because husband has too many damned syllables:  

The Five-Second What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My date dropped dessert on the dirt.
“Please don’t eat it,” I managed to blurt,
As he started to chew
On his now blackened goo,
Saying “5-second rule — it won’t hurt.”

And now it’s time for another poll:

(You can find more of my marriage humor here and more of my food humor here.)

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Blog Carnival For Game Designers
* Business Communications Carnival
* Jim Donovan’s Hosting a Fun Poetry Competition

Technorati Tags: Five-Second Rule, Food rules, Science Humor, Scientists, Scientific Studies, Germs, Husbands, Marital Relationships, Dating