An accountant who tended to lumber,
As if largely encumbered by slumber,
Lost his CPA job;
Said his boss, “Sorry Bob,
But our clients, alas, have your number.”
Archive for the ‘Sleep & Insomnia Humor’ Category
Lumbering Limerick
Monday, September 20th, 2021Relax, Already! (Limerick)
Sunday, August 15th, 2021It’s “National Relaxation Day” (August 15), so an insomnia limerick seems more or less on point:
I’m exhausted, worn out, barely slept.
Some brain-part is surely inept.
My mind’s in a scrum;
Relaxation won’t come.
How I wish I were sleeping-adept!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WRAP or RAP at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 21, 2021)
Saturday, August 7th, 2021It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WRAP or RAP at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MOODS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best MOOD-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on August 22, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 21, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my WRAP or RAP-rhyme limerick:
A worker caught taking a nap
Succeeded at beating the rap:
“My cubicle mate
Caused my somnolent state;
He’s a terribly boring young chap.”
And here’s my MOOD-themed limerick:
A woman whose boss was capricious
Found his mood swings pernicious and vicious.
But HR took his side,
Implying she’d lied.
Soon thereafter he died — death suspicious.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SET/BeSET/UpSET the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 12, 2021)
Saturday, May 29th, 2021It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SET or BeSET or UpSET at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TRENDS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TRENDS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 13, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 12, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SET or BeSET or UpSET-rhyme limerick:
I need all the sleep I can get,
But I can’t get to sleep on a bet.
(Or a bed, for that matter.)
I blame all the chatter
My brain conjures up. I’m beset.
And here’s my TRENDS-themed limerick:
If I tried to be cool, I would fail.
Trends are nothing I ever would hail.
If I wear something “in,”
It has probably been
Purchased decades ago … and on sale.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TAX or TACKS or ATTACKS at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 17, 2021)
Saturday, March 27th, 2021UPDATE: Unfortunately, my site is still undergoing repairs, due to encoding errors caused by my site host’s server upgrade. Consequently, I’m forced to extend this Limerick-Off by one week. Your new submission deadline is Saturday April 17 at 4 p.m. Eastern.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TAX or TACKS or ATTACKS at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SHEEP, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SHEEP-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 18, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you three full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 17, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my TAX or TACKS or ATTACKS-rhyme limerick:
Enough with your nasty attacks
About taxes and vaxes! The cracks
In your reasoning, shallow,
Are proof you’re a callow
Young fellow, who’s lax to the max.
And here’s my SHEEP-themed limerick:
A gal who was caught counting sheep
At her desk by her company’s veep,
Saw no reason to fret,
Cuz her job’s a safe bet:
The firm’s hers! So she went back to sleep.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
The Perils Of Thinking (Limerick)
Friday, March 19th, 2021While thinking’s a fine thing to do,
Lately thoughts have been turning me blue.
They kick up a stink,
So I can’t sleep a wink.
(What a shame that there’s no one to sue.)
Happy “World Sleep Day!” (3rd Friday of March)
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Doze or Doughs or Does (the Deer kind) at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Nov. 7, 2020)
Saturday, October 24th, 2020It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Doze or Doughs or Does (the Deer kind) at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DATING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DATING-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on November 8, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 7, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my DOZE/DOUGHS/DOES-rhyme limerick:
When I’m trying to sleep and can’t doze,
I count does (and not sheep.) Heaven knows
That I’d rather see deer
Cuz they’re pretty. Don’t sneer;
I know someone who chose counting crows.
And here’s my DATING-themed limerick:
A young woman both lovely and chaste
Was chased by a fellow whose taste
Runs to innocent lasses
Who never wear glasses.
She’s insightful … so he’s unembraced.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SUIT/PURSUIT at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 24, 2020 )
Saturday, October 10th, 2020It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SUIT/PURSUIT at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to NEIGHBORS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best NEIGHBOR-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on October 25, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 24, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SUIT/PURSUIT-rhyme limerick:
I’m fazed by my ex’s new phase:
He’ll stare at a puzzle for days.
It’s a puzzling pursuit
For a scatter-brained brute…
Though he DOES do it sprawled on a chaise.
And here’s my two-verse NEIGHBORS-themed limerick:
I was playing a Beethoven piece,
When a neighbor upstairs called the p’lice.
“She’s too loud. I can’t sleep,”
She complained. “I could weep.
She is breaching the peace. Make her cease!”“It’s an odd time to sleep,” said the cop.
“You can hardly expect her to stop
Playing piano so soon.
It is mid-afternoon…
And be grateful she ain’t playing pop.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Shedding Light On Insomnia (Limerick)
Thursday, March 5th, 2015Shedding Light On Insomnia (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The cause of insomnia nightly
Is my habit of growing more sprightly
As the day fades to night.
Though I find no delight
In the light, I in darkness burn brightly.
Nightmare Limerick
Monday, February 17th, 2014Nightmare Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I rarely remember my dreams,
Except those that go off to extremes,
Like last night’s — I was taken:
A hostage, till wakin’.
I should stop watching Homeland, it seems.
A Criminal Defense? (Limerick)
Wednesday, September 18th, 2013This three-verse limerick is based on a real Texas criminal case: “Lawyer admits napping at trial, but rates his performance an 8 or a 9.”
A Criminal Defense? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man got a sentence immense,
Then complained of a sleepy defense:
“My defense lawyer slept
Which makes him inept,
So a do-over trial makes sense.”
His lawyer contested the claim:
“I am not for that sentence to blame.
I slept just a while
And I ran a good trial.
Even dozing, I’m right on my game.”
On this statement the lawyer won’t budge,
And he even is running for judge.
I suppose that he thinks
When he’s caught forty winks,
His court clerk will just give him a nudge.
Dueling Holidays (Limerick)
Monday, March 11th, 2013After I posted a limerick celebrating “Worship Of Tools Day,” a Facebook Friend informed me that March 11th is also National Napping Day. So I must immediately correct this oversight:
Dueling Holidays (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s holiday time on all fronts,
And I’m feeling a bit like a dunce:
Though I recognized Tool Day,
I missed Naps Are Cool Day.
Please don’t nap and use tools all at once.
Knotty Negotiations
Wednesday, November 28th, 2012Wonder Wednesday, over at Poets United, prompts us to write a poem about bridges or bridging gaps. I decided to cross that bridge with a limerick:
Knotty Negotiations
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s a challenge to bridge the large gap
Between parties who’d rather just flap
And complain that they’re right,
While their rivals just fight
Cuz they’re mean. So I’d rather just nap.
Obsessive Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, August 19th, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was very obsessed…*
or
A woman was very obsessed…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Obsessive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was very obsessed
With getting enough nightly rest.
His reason makes sense:
Lack of sleep made him tense
Which, alas, left him sexually hard-pressed.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Embedded In Sleeplessness (Limerick)
Wednesday, June 27th, 2012Embedded In Sleeplessness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Insomnia blankets my night.
Slumber teases — declines to alight.
I toss and I turn
In my bed, as I yearn
For release from my sleep-deprived plight.
(Prompted by Theme Thursday’s “beds.”)
Limerick Invention
Thursday, May 10th, 2012DVerse Poets asks us to wax poetic about machine dreams:
Limerick Invention
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow invented an app
That fills a technology gap:
It gives you a pinch
If your boss starts to inch
Near your desk, while you’re taking a nap.
(You can find more of my technology humor here.)
UPDATE: February 28 is National Public Sleeping Day.
UPDATE 2: National Napping Day is the second Monday of March (the Monday after DST.)
Sleepless Limerick
Thursday, May 10th, 2012At Think Tank Thursday (Poets United), we’re asked to write a news-related poem. Now since my other blog, Mad Kane’s Political Madness, is devoted to mocking politicians and other news-makers via limericks, I thought I’d try a different news angle here:
Sleepless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was trying to snooze,
But was kept wide awake by her muse.
Stubborn rhymes kept invading
Her brain and upbraiding
Her: “Rise and go mock some more news.”
A Poet’s Nightmare (Limerick)
Saturday, March 31st, 2012DVerse prompts us to write about nightmares. Here’s my response:
A Poet’s Nightmare (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal had a frightening dream.
It featured her muse — made her scream:
Said her muse, “You must write
About terror tonight
And forever, cuz nightmare’s your theme.”
Sleep-Deprived Limerick
Wednesday, October 26th, 2011Sleep-Deprived Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An inventor was trying to nap,
But snoozing just wasn’t on tap.
His constant fixation
With tech innovation
Required a sleep-prompting app.
(Author’s Note: I’m not an inventor, but I’m a life-long insomniac who could use such an application.)
