Archive for the ‘Battle of the Sexes’ Category

The Rocky Marriage

Tuesday, November 29th, 2022

Shortly after I signed up with Mastodon (the Twitter replacement) I was invited to join a nice group of poets who use daily prompts to inspire haiku and other short verse. My inspiration for this limerick was the “fox” prompt:

Said a gal, as she tugged at her locks,
“My marriage to Rick’s on the rocks.
The last straw was last night:
We had a huge fight
Cuz he called our new neighbor a ‘fox’”

A Weird Duet (Haiku and Limerick)

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

I was inspired to write both a limerick and a haiku when encountering the #weird prompt in Mastodon:

When weirdness prevails,
invading lives ev’ry day,
is weirdness still weird?

and

Dear hubby, you look rather weird;
Can’t get used to your black and white beard.
A chin that’s hair-free —
What sheer joy that would be!
So how ’bout it? Let’s get your face sheared!

Half-Baked Limerick

Friday, September 30th, 2022

A baker was well on his way
To a lifetime of waste and decay,
When he met a cute gal
Who said, “Listen up pal!
Straighten out, or no rolls in the hay.”

(September 30 is National Bakery Day.)

The Not So Happy Couple (Limerick)

Saturday, August 6th, 2022

“I’ve been faithful! You’ve NOT been deceived,”
Said a gal to her spouse. “I’m aggrieved
And can’t handle your doubts,
Accusations, and shouts!”
“Don’t worry! I’ll soon be bereaved.”

Wedding Interruptus? (Limerick)

Thursday, June 9th, 2022

“My niece Mary’s a likeable lass
Who, alas, is engaged to an ass.
Though I’ve warned her, ‘Be wary,’
She’s anxious to marry.
What I need is a ‘Hail Mary pass.'”

A Dickish Limerick

Wednesday, April 27th, 2022

The aptly named newlywed, Dick,
Refers to his bride as a “chick”
And never extols her.
He boasts he “controls her”
By using “both carat and stick.”

NOT On The Fence (Limerick)

Thursday, April 21st, 2022

“I don’t mind that my new husband hoards
His numerous fencing awards.
But his weapon collection
Incites my objection…
And that’s where we often cross swords.”

A Failure To Communicate (Limerick)

Monday, April 18th, 2022

A largely deaf fellow named Ben
Relished sex in his new girlfriend’s den.
But she’d talk during sex,
(Very much like his ex.)
His confusing reply? “Come again.”

Out Of Sorts About “Jorts” (Limerick)

Friday, December 17th, 2021

When I learn a new word like “jorts,” I feel compelled to use it in a limerick:

“Don’t you dare wear those frumpy old jorts,”
A gal to her husband exhorts.
“Making shorts out of jeans
Is a well-designed means
To induce me to take to the courts.”

Exit Interruptus

Wednesday, December 15th, 2021

We were packed and all ready to jet
To a beachfront resort, when “Not yet,”
Said my wife. “I must go
Get my hair curled by Flo.”
Hours later: “Let’s leave. I’m all set.”

(For the record, I don’t have a wife. But I do have a procrastinating husband with no concept of time.)

A Bad Match (Limerick)

Thursday, December 2nd, 2021

“Your new flame always stinks like a stable.
He drinks ev’ryone under the table.
Mabel, what’s the allure?
He’s unstable, for sure.
Worst of all, he wears fur made of sable!”

A Knotty Issue (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 30th, 2021

“Though it’s fine that my boyfriend is naughty,
A bit bossy and bad-ass and dotty,
His obsession with bots
Has me tied up in knots.
So I can’t tie the knot with that hottie.”

A Hampered Relationship (Limerick)

Saturday, November 20th, 2021

“Wet clothes in the hamper? That’s foul!”
Said a gal to her spouse, with a scowl.
“What is wrong with you men!?
If you do it again,
I’ll divorce you and throw in the towel.”

Celebrating Sax (Limerick)

Saturday, November 6th, 2021

Happy “Sax Day!” And happy birthday to Adolphe Sax, its inventor! (November 6)

A horny musician named Phil
When flirting would trumpet his skill.
But he mispronounced “sax,”
The name of his ax,
So his chance of romance went downhill.

When I Rise, I Don’t Shine (Limerick)

Monday, November 1st, 2021

Ev’ry day when I rise, hubby greets me
With political news, which depletes me.
He’s eager to share it,
But I just can’t bear it,
Cuz pre-caffeine info defeats me.

Tasty Limerick

Thursday, October 14th, 2021

Happy “National Dessert Day.” (October 14)

A fellow was eating dessert.
Offered seconds, he said, “It can’t hurt.”
But his wife said, “Enough!”
“You used to be buff.”
He responded, “You used to be pert.”

Fishing For An Alibi (Limerick)

Saturday, September 25th, 2021

“It’s easy to hoodwink that stinker,”
Said a man of his wife, a big drinker.
“When coition’s my mission,
She thinks I’m out fishin’…
And falls for it hook, line, and sinker.”

Wasted Effort (Limerick)

Monday, August 16th, 2021

Sometimes a “Random Word Generator” can take you to strange places:

When, expecting his girlfriend to treasure
His sexual skills beyond measure,
He learned she liked pain
And his acts were in vain,
He said, “Sorry for giving you pleasure!”

Dalliance With Delay (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 11th, 2021

In case you’re wondering, Mark has NEVER had to say this to me:

Please don’t dally; you’re wasting our time.
We are late, so stop playing with rhyme.
Stare at RhymeZone tonight,
Or we’ll miss our damn our flight.
Let’s leave while I’m still in my prime.

Fun With Slang (Limerick)

Friday, July 16th, 2021

At my age (seven-one) men don’t greet me
With catcalls or words that entreat me
To do something “wack.”
And I’m never called “snack.”
If I were, my response would be “Eat me!”