Archive for the ‘Facebook Humor’ Category

My Reaction to Facebook’s Upcoming “Reaction” Buttons (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 27th, 2016

Dear Facebook, your “like” button’s fine.
Add a “dislike” to “like?” I won’t whine.
But your plan for Reactions
Six button distractions–
Makes me certain the “sad” one will shine.

Is Facebook Messing With Me? (Limerick)

Monday, October 5th, 2015

Dear Facebook, I’m tired of clicking
On comments friends post, that ain’t sticking.
Fix your database please;
Stop your comment-list “tease.”
Piss off users? Your stats take a licking.

What I Do When Facebook Is Down (Limerick)

Monday, September 28th, 2015

During Facebook’s outage today, I was reduced to posting this limerick on Twitter:

#Facebookdown so I’ve come here 2 Tweet
& nobody takes a backseat
2 my posting addiction,
A dreadful affliction.
My FB surrender’s complete.

(“2” instead of “to,” “FB” instead of “Facebook,” and “&” instead of “and” all done in order to comply with Twitter’s 140-character limit.)

Blockheads On The Block (Limerick)

Monday, June 8th, 2015

A Facebooker constantly “yelled.”
No grievance he held could be quelled.
He’d gripe and he’d boast
On each post — now he’s toast;
From most friendships that fellow’s expelled.

Limerick Ode To National Unfriend Day (Nov. 17)

Monday, November 17th, 2014

Limerick Ode To National Unfriend Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Do Internet pests take their toll
And play an insidious role
In your Facebooking life?
You can deal with such strife:
Just unfriend all those trolls. Take control!

Open Limerick To Hubby Mark

Friday, December 27th, 2013

I wrote this limerick in response to Mark’s post about being urged by Facebook to “like” Kim Kardashian’s page.

Open Limerick To Hubby Mark
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mark, I don’t mean to sound prim,
But I’d rather you NOT be-friend Kim.
If you do, your IQ
(already askew)
Will drop points till your brain power’s dim.

Smite SMODJ! (Limerick)

Friday, July 19th, 2013

This limerick was inspired by Facebook friend Douglas Frank, who proposed a new texting acronym:

SMODJ, pronounced similar to “smudge.”
It stands for: Social Media Outrage Du Jour.

Smite SMODJ! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Social Media Outrage Du Jour
(SMODJ, for short) can be tough to endure.
Angry pro and con litter
In Facebook and Twitter
Stream ceaselessly. Stop, please! No more!

Facebook Faces The Hashtag Music

Friday, June 14th, 2013

Facebook Faces The #Hashtag Music (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Facebook honchos have fin’ly said “yes”
To #hashtags, but under duress:
All the cool kids at Twitter
Treat hashtags like glitter,
A trend Facebook dares not transgress.

#Facebookhashtag #Facebookhashtags #hashtagsfacebook #hashtagfacebook

Timeline Fix (Limerick)

Monday, May 13th, 2013

Facebook has changed its Timelines again — loading up our left columns with all sorts of images. But my 3-verse limerick provides the solution:

Timeline Fix
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Facebook timelines have sunk to a crawl.
They’re so slow, that I just want to bawl.
But I’ve figured the reason
They seems to be freezin’:
With pics, FB’s littered the wall.

I’m referring to pics on the left—
A long column of imagery heft.
Books and “like” pics galore,
Movies, TV, and more.
But it’s fixable. Don’t feel bereft!

There’s an option that Facebook calls “hide”
For most image groups — on their right side.
Strip that left column bare:
With few images there,
It won’t feel like your Timeline has died.

Dear Facebook: Enough With The Questions! (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013

Every time I sign on to Facebook, I’m confronted by stupid questions from Facebook, meant to prompt me to post. Alas, they’re more likely to prompt me to scream.

Dear Facebook: Enough With The Questions! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Facebook, don’t ask how I’m doing,
Or feeling or even what’s brewing.
“How’s it going?” will rile me.
Don’t try to beguile me
With gimmicks, or brace for some booing.

Yet Another Facebook Rant

Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

If Facebook’s trying to annoy its users, it’s doing a really good job of it.

Lots of people (including me) have been wondering why their Facebook posts have been getting fewer comments and “likes.” Turns out that most people aren’t seeing the latest posts. Why? Because the “powers that be” at Facebook are morons!

To be more specific, Facebook’s News Feed default setting is now delivering old posts, referred to in polite company as “Highlighted Posts.” Want to see fresh posts, like a normal, sane person? Then you have to click on “Sort” and then select “Recent Stories First.”

To make matters worse, selecting “Recent Stories First” must be done routinely. Why? Because Facebook doesn’t allow you to permanently change its “Ancient Stories That You’re Really Sick Of & Never Want To See Again” default.

My Facebook rant wouldn’t be complete without a limerick, would it?

Yet Another Facebook Rant
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Facebook, I wish you would halt
Your News Feed’s annoying default:
It’s simply not sporting
To make us do sorting
To see posts that are fresh. Oy gevalt!

Political Un-Friendship (Limerick)

Thursday, January 12th, 2012

My Facebook friend, comedy writer/director/producer Chris Bearde, recently said:

Satire, taken broadly as a form of comedy protest, will bring you FB friends and lose you some too… so the playing field is always level.

Chris’s comments inspired me to write this limerick:

Political Un-Friendship (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Facebook friends can at times take offense
At jokes at their party’s expense.
If they click on “unfriend”
In order to end
Such humor exposure, they’re dense.

UPDATE: I’ve just found out that November 17th is National Unfriend Day. Apparently, the holiday was invented three years ago by Jimmy Kimmel. So, who should be “unfriended?” According to Kimmel, the “proud parent,” “the Instagrammer,” and the “overly-political poster” should all be history. Methinks I fall afoul of the third category.

Limerick Ode To Holidayitis

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

This is for everyone with holidayitis who’s playing online and posting on Facebook, while pretending to do real work at the office:

Limerick Ode To Holidayitis
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We’re busy pretending to work:
Reading Facebook’s the best way to shirk
All the tasks we’re assigned,
Cuz it’s more fun to find
Funny posts than to slave for a jerk.

Timing Out On Facebook’s Timeline (Limerick)

Saturday, December 17th, 2011

Each time I finally adjust to a Facebook “improvement,” Facebook mocks me by changing once again.

Have you seen Facebook’s latest profile redesign — the Facebook Timeline? It’s being rolled out this week, and it’s a doozy!

Timing Out On Facebook’s Timeline (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Facebook, stop changing, we pleaded.
Don’t “improve” things with stuff that ain’t needed.
Your Timeline’s annoying
And brainwave-destroying.
Once again, member input’s unheeded.

No Longer Tickered Out (Limerick)

Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

Regular readers know that Facebook’s News Ticker has been driving me mad! It’s also driven me to write three anti-Facebook limericks.

If you share my problem, or if you simply feel sorry for me, you’ll be pleased to know I’ve uncovered a solution: Google Chrome has an extension that makes Facebook’s annoying Ticker vanish.

I’ve installed it and the extension works great. No more News Ticker. Yippee!

Time to celebrate with a limerick:

No Longer Tickered Out
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My outlook is better today
Cuz I’ve sent Facebook’s Ticker away:
Yes, a cool Chrome extension
Does Ticker prevention.
To Google, big thanks and hooray!

Ticked Off By Facebook’s Ticker (2 Limericks)

Wednesday, September 21st, 2011

I’ve been trying to find something good to say about Facebook’s new News Feed, and here it is: It’s very inspirational! Last night it inspired me to write this dizzy limerick. And now I’ve written two more:

If you like things that constantly flicker,
You’re sure to enjoy Facebook’s ticker.
As for me, I must flee:
My sore brain needs Chablis,
So I’m off for some Advil and liquor.

*****

I am not one to bitch and to bicker,
But I hate Facebook’s stupid new ticker.
It makes my brain ache!
How much more can I take?
Enough with the scrolling and flicker!

*****

(Here’s a fun post about limericks, where you can submit your own.)

UPDATE: Good news! I’ve found a solution to Facebook’s terrible News Ticker problem. You can read all about it here, including a celebratory limerick.

Limerick Ode To Facebook’s Dizzying Changes

Wednesday, September 21st, 2011

Much to my surprise, I’ve found myself defending Facebook lately. For instance, I think its new subscription feature is a great idea. But an even newer change is driving me nuts — the ever-scrolling News Feed on the upper right corner of the screen. The damn thing is making me so dizzy, I can’t even think straight.

Limerick Ode To Facebook’s Dizzying Changes
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Facebook, you’re making me dizzy
Cuz your feed on the right is too busy.
I’ll say this politely:
Your scrolling’s unsightly.
I am now in an A.D.D. tizzy.

(I’ve written two more limericks about Facebook’s annoying new Ticker here.)

UPDATE: Good news! I’ve found a solution to Facebook’s terrible News Ticker problem. You can read all about it here, including a celebratory limerick.

A Limerick Ode To My Husband Mark Kane

Thursday, July 14th, 2011

A Limerick Ode To My Husband Mark Kane
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re in Facebook at last — Hip Hooray!
Till this morning, you kept saying “Nay!”
The reason is clear
Why you’re finally here:
I’ve joined Google-Plus as of today!

Dear Facebook: Get Up To Speed

Friday, June 24th, 2011

Dear Facebook: Get Up To Speed
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Facebook seems sluggish of late.
First I click, then I wait and I wait.
It’s getting annoying —
No longer enjoying
My visits. I’m getting irate.

Haiku Ode to the Greplin Engine

Saturday, March 5th, 2011

I’ve just discovered a new search engine that, believe it or not, does stuff that Google can’t do. It’s the newly launched Greplin, and you can read all about its young founder Daniel Gross here.

So what’s the big deal about Greplin? It indexes and lets you search stuff that’s stored up in the “cloud.” Things like your Facebook posts, Twitter tweets, G-mail, Google Docs, LinkedIn posts, business applications I’m unfamiliar with, etc.

Let’s take its Facebook interface, for instance. Just put a key word or phrase into its search box and up pops a list of your posts (and your friends’ posts) using that word or phrase. I’m finding it so handy, I even wrote this haiku:

Forecast Not Cloudy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Greplin’s great engine
is searching what Google can’t,
and I’m on cloud nine.