There’s no evidence here! Not a shred
That the “victim” is actu’lly dead,
Let alone that her spouse
Is a murdering louse;
This poor widower LOVED being wed!
Archive for August, 2023
NOT The Best Defense (Limerick)
Thursday, August 31st, 2023Fractious Phil (Limerick)
Tuesday, August 29th, 2023Fractious Phil was a man on a tear,
Who spread friction and fictions with flair.
All his oddball convictions
And scary predictions
Were welcomed. (Seems sane folks are rare.)
The Local Know-It-All (Limerick)
Friday, August 25th, 2023There’s a neighbor I try not to meet.
When I spot him, I’ll dart down the street,
For the man’s never terse,
And with chapter and verse
About topics diverse, he’s replete.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BOARD or BORED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: September 16, 2023)
Saturday, August 19th, 2023It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BOARD or BORED at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PITCH, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PITCH-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: SINK, REFUSE, DAWN, ALARMING, CROWD.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on September 17, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 16, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my BOARD or BORED-Rhyme Limerick:
When a man reached an online accord
To buy wood, he was certain he’d scored.
But, alas, he had not;
He’d been duped by a bot
That sent rot and was NOT above board.
And here’s my PITCH-Themed Limerick:
Her singing was heartfelt and loud.
(With great volume that gal’s well-endowed.)
But her pitch was so sad,
The conductor (her dad)
Told his fans “It’s my bad,” as he bowed.
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
It’s pre-dawn. I’m in front of the sink,
Washing up, while attempting to think
Of a rhyme. But my muse
Yawned and said, “I refuse.
Don’t abuse me. I’m NOT in the pink!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (512)
Saturday, August 19th, 2023It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to J.OCONNOR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
She swung on a swing and was swayed
By the sound of a song in the shade.
The song that was sung
By the swing that was swung
Was a sweet swinging soft serenade.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special TEST-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Barbie’s got a particular yen,
But her man flunked that test once again.
He said, “Sorry to fail ya;
I’ve no genitalia!”
So sex remains outside her ken.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: DUCK, GIFTED, JITTERY, MERGE, STAR.
There once was a plumber named Jack,
Whose pet duck, you might say, had his back.
When on jobs Jack would bend,
And display his rear end,
The fowl, gifted with hindsight, warned, “Quack!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Robert Schechter, Terry Marter, Tim James, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Jean McEwen, Gail White, Bob Turvey, Lisi Nortman, Dave Johnson, Janice Canerdy, and J.OConnor. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (TRIPLE DUTY DIVISION: SUEDE, SWAYED, PERSUADE, or DISSUADE-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TEST-THEMED LIMERICKS and RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICKS)
Brian Allgar:
Though they told us full tests had been made,
We felt jittery as the thing swayed,
And we ducked, one and all,
When we thought it would fall …
But the Tower of Pisa has stayed.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (SUEDE, SWAYED, PERSUADE, or DISSUADE-RHYME DIVISION)
Robert Schechter:
When my lottery winnings were paid,
I figured, it’s time to upgrade!
So now I unload
On a golden commode,
Then wipe with a roll of fine suede.
Terry Marter:
I told mum he’d proposed, in my text.
Her reply, left me somewhat perplexed:
I’d remarked “I’ll be swayed,”
But my typo read “spayed.”
She wrote “PLEASE have kids, – DON’T get de-sexed.”
Tim James:
Said a friend of Van Gogh’s: “It’s now clear
Vincent’s case of depression’s severe.
He’s not easily swayed
By mere words, I’m afraid.
Should you see him, just lend him an ear.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
A pastor who had no desire,
To threaten of brimstone and fire,
Said, “I’d rather persuade,
With a nice serenade.”
He was preaching, no doubt, to the choir.
Jean McEwen:
Can’t his acolytes see the charade?
Against Trump I have often inveighed.
Yet, I’ve yet to dissuade
Any MAGA folks; they’d
Sooner die than admit they’ve been played.
Terry Marter:
She dressed in the finest kid suede
In her quest to get lucky (that’s laid.)
In an area shaded,
She soon was dis-suede-ed
By a randy old goat in the glade.
Gail White:
The Fates can be hard to persuade,
When I’m hoping my fortune is made.
For I never quite seem
To accomplish my dream
To get rich, or get high, or get laid.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Said a tough-skinned and shrewd dairymaid,
To a callow young calf who had strayed,
“Keep your nose in the grass,
And cover your ass,
Or your gonna end up being swayed.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (TEST-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)
Bob Turvey:
Herbal cooking is now all the rage
So the wife studied herbs for an age.
If you ask, as a test,
“For this meal, which is best?”
Her answer will always be sage.
Brian Allgar:
The Producer said: “For your screen test,
You must first get completely undressed,
Then demurely recline
On this casting-couch. Fine!
Just relax, and let me do the rest.”
Lisi Nortman:
“Hello Mr. Tense. I’m Joe Shrink.
This test will reveal what you think.”
“Doc, it looks like some klutz
Flipped out and went nuts,
Then knocked over a bottle of ink.”
Tim James:
It’s exam time. Such anguish and woe!
I’ve not studied. I’m naked! Oh no!
Plus I can’t move or scream!
Wait…it’s only a dream.
What the hell? School was DECADES ago!
Bob Turvey:
Cried a lady, “My god what a whopper!
In use it should prove a show stopper!”
But when put to the test
It was lacking in zest
And it turned out to be a real flopper.
Dave Johnson:
His numbers are up as of late;
So Trump thinks indictments are great.
That notion, at best,
Would be put to the test
If “Guilty!” determines his fate.
Janice Canerdy, for her “A Student’s Rant:”
Them ole teechers is always such pests
With there homework and long, stoopid tests.
We already spells good,
And we talks like we should.
Their to mean to be pleezed with our bests!
J.OConnor:
Hermann Rorschach was not a great guest.
In fact, he was rather a pest.
He’d spill ink everywhere.
Stain your rugs and your chair.
Then tell you “It’s only a test.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION)
Terry Marter:
My friend was born gifted,- a star,
But I jitter when we’re in his car.
We came close to a merge
With a duck on a verge,
Now we’re three, on the verge, – in a bar.
Lisi Nortman:
When young, I could climb a big boulder.
I was gifted, but now I’m MUCH older.
The last time I merged,
I screamed and then purged,
And made a quick right to the shoulder.
Jean McEwen:
Even though I appear to be brave,
I feel jittery inside this cave.
Should my head fail to duck
I could forthwith get stuck.
Such an outcome would surely be grave.
Brian Allgar:
The film star was down on his luck;
He was not very gifted, the schmuck,
And he quacked when he spoke.
But they said: “Just the bloke!
He’ll be perfect to play Donald Duck!”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Nervous Nellie in worry is stuck.
What is bound to befall her? Bad luck.
If she spies from afar
A divine shooting star,
She’ll jump out of her skin and yell, “Duck!”
Tim James:
A gifted young duck named McGee
Yearned to star in a show on TV.
But the nod went instead
To a horse, Mister Ed.
Show biz ain’t all it’s quacked up to be.
Dave Johnson:
The guys were quite nervous and jittery;
That Las Vegas club was so glittery.
Uneasiness surged
Till the showgirls emerged;
It seems they could handle the tittery.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Parenting Challenge (Limerick)
Sunday, August 13th, 2023When a clever, inquisitive lad
Would pester and pepper his dad
With questions galore,
His dad would implore:
“Ask your mom. She knows more. She’s a grad!”
A Vocal Complaint (Limerick)
Wednesday, August 9th, 2023As I sit on the seat that’s assigned me,
I’m assailed by a voice right behind me.
It’s so noisy and shrill,
That it’s making me ill.
How do people like that always find me?
Fair Warning (Limerick)
Friday, August 4th, 2023I concede that at times I am shrill.
I admit that I’m often a pill.
I can be cold as ice,
So I WON’T be this nice
The NEXT time you tell me to “chill.”
