MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

Ode To An Absent-Minded Husband
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your umbrella can not have gone far.
Can’t believe how forgetful you are!
If we still had each cent
On umbrellas you’ve spent,
We’d have cash to put gas in our car.

Note: My otherwise wonderful husband has lost so many umbrellas over the years, our umbrella fund could actually gas up at least a dozen cars … even at today’s prices.

Thanks to Simply Snickers for the “umbrella” prompt, Weekend Wordsmith for the “torrential rain” prompt, and Sunday Scribblings for its “family” prompt.

Technorati Tags: Cars Limerick, Gas Price Humor, Absent-Mindedness, Family Verse, Money Poetry, Marriage Poems, Relationships Poetry, Weather Limerick, Husband Humor

Ode To A Grudge-Holding Judge
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a federal judge
Who was famous for holding a grudge.
But his clerk found a way
To get him to say,
“I forgive you.” She bribed him with fudge.

Note: This was inspired by Weekend Wordsmith’s “carrying a grudge” prompt.  And speaking of poetry prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my latest limerick and haiku prompt, whose theme is temper.

Technorati Tags: Judge Humor, Legal Limerick, Writing Prompts, Federal Judiciary, Bribe Humor, Forgiveness Verse

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is temper. First, my limerick:

Ode to An Ill-Tempered Felon
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A felonious fellow named Mort
Went to jail cuz his temper was short.
He assaulted a mime,
Committing his crime
(And his tort) with a bottle of Port.

And now my temper haiku:

Losing his temper,
He screamed, cursed, and hurled books.
I guess he found it.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about temper. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.

(Note: You may have noticed that my limerick contains some legal jargon. For more on poems containing specialized jargon, check out Read Write Poem.)

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your temper-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Technorati Tags: Bad Temper Humor, Legal Jargon Verse, Writing Prompts, Felon Humor, Assault Poetry, Tort Humor, Legalise Limerick

Rivals
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An arrogant fellow named Kirk
Thought each of his rivals a jerk.
When he vied for promotion,
He caused a commotion.
Now arrogant Kirk’s out of work.

(This limerick was inspired by Writers Island’s “rivals” prompt. And speaking  of prompts, there’s plenty of time left to give my latest relatives-related poetry prompt a try.)

Technorati Tags: Work Humor, Competition Humor, Rivalry Verse, Arrogance Limerick

Neither desiring
Nor requiring power:
Truly empowered.

(Inspired — and empowered — by this Writers Island poetry prompt.  And speaking of prompts, there’s still lots of time to participate in my latest walking-themed prompt.)

Technorati Tags: Empowerment Poem, Power Verse, Writing Prompts

This week’s challenge over at 3WW is to write something that uses these three words: Apology, Consider, and Distant. Here’s my limerick:

Rejected Apology
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your apology isn’t enough.
You always act distant and gruff.
You never consider
My feelings.  I’m bitter.
So stuff it.  Enough with your guff!

And speaking of challenges, there’s still time to participate in my time-themed poetry prompt.

Technorati Tags: Apology Limerick, Argument Verse, Relationship Poems, Writing Prompts

Those imagined slights:
Often more insidious
Than the real ones.

An imagined slight,
Paranoiac reaction—
His girlfriend no more.

(Written in response to 3 Word Wednesday’s Prompt — “Girlfriend, Imagined, Slight.”  I prefer the first one, even though it’s missing one of the three words.)

And speaking of prompts, I hope you’ll give my haiku and limerick prompt a try.

Technorati Tags: Imagined Slights, Writing Prompts

Before I get to today’s limerick and haiku theme, I want to thank you for the many kind comments and emails concerning my father’s death.  I was very touched by your thoughtfulness. 

My latest limerick and haiku prompt topic is absent-mindedness and memory. First, my limerick:

“Please help me! I really need aid,”
Said a lady who looked quite afraid.
“Seems I can’t find my purse,
And, perhaps, even worse
It appears that my maid’s been mislaid.”

And now, my haiku:

Memorized data—
Still there, but hard to access.
Mulltiple choice brain.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about absent-mindedness and/or memory. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. (Due to my late posting, this prompt will be open through February 14th.)

If you want to keep up to date with my poetry prompts, you can subscribe to either my entire blog feed or just to my limerick and haiku prompt topic feed.

Technorati Tags: Absent-mindedness Humor,  Memory, Losing Things Limerick, Behavior Humor, Personality Humor, Brain

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is decisions and indecision.  First, my limerick:

If there’s one thing I cannot abide,
It is people who cannot decide
What to eat, where to go,
Hot or cold, fast or slow.
Do you think I should take it in stride?

And now, my haiku:

Postponing decisions
Eliminates your options:
Fate accompli.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about decisions or indecision. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

NOTE: Thanks to the few of you who have been joining in on the limerick and haiku prompt fun. But I’m beginning to wonder if it makes sense to continue these prompts, with so few people participating.

I’m not sure what the problem is. Lack of publicity? The themes? The difficulty in writing limericks? If anyone has any suggestions as to how to widen the appeal of these prompts, I’d appreciate your posting them in the comments section. Thanks!

UPDATE: Although I usually post prompts every Friday, my current prompt will remain open until February 1st because I’ll be traveling.

If you want to keep up to date with my poetry prompts, you can subscribe to either my entire blog feed or just to my limerick and haiku prompt topic feed.

Technorati Tags: Decision Humor, Indecisiveness Limerick, Personality Satire, Behavior Haiku

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is lies and deception. First, my limerick: 

“Your excuse simply can’t be believed.
You’re a liar! I feel quite deceived,”
Said the gal, as she wept,
To her lover, who’d slept
With her mother. (I guess she was peeved.)

And now, my haiku:

People who maintain
That they are always honest
Are surely lying.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about lies and deception. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Technorati Tags: Lies, Deception, Betrayal, Relationship Haiku, Lover’s Quarrel

I love 3 Word Wednesday! Just like last week, it presents three words to be used in a poem, and a haiku immediately writes itself in the word order presented.  Weird, huh?

This week’s words are button, luck, and pretend:

Button up your lips
And, with luck, we can pretend
This never happened.

Technorati Tags: Secrecy Haiku, Silent Verse, 3 Word Wednesday

Ev’ning argument.
Sleepless night, anger unchecked.
Early morning frost.

(Probably not the sort of frost this prompt has in mind.)

Note: There’s still time to participate in my latest haiku and limerick prompt.

Technorati Tags: Argument Haiku, Anger Haiku, Frost

Welcome to my 2nd Poetry Prompt. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) on this week’s theme, which is Multitasking. When you’ve posted your poem, please return here and add a direct link to your multitasking-related verse, using Mr. Linky.

Here’s my multitasking limerick, which was inspired by this news story: Runny Pasta Sauce Nabs Hit And Run Driver.

Just Desserts
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s risky to drive while you eat,
Most especially pasta with meat:
Slurping red sauce is rash—
You might very well crash
And leave evidence trails head to feet.

And here’s my multitasking themed haiku:

Lectured to not do
Two things at once, he obeyed
And always did three.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants

Technorati Tags: Limerick and Haiku Prompts, Multitasking Humor, Automobile Humor, Food Verse, Car Limerick, Poetry Prompts, Driving Poetry

Warning: This post (three haiku about competition) is humor-free:

The need to be first—
Exciting, addictive,
But doomed to disappoint.

Competing oboists
Break reeds and steal music—
Angling for an edge.

Orchestra try-outs
Held behind screens to halt bias—
Betrayed by heels.

(For the lighter side of music, click here.)

Technorati Tags: Oboists, Oboe Reeds, Auditions, Music, Orchestras, Symphony, Competition

This week’s theme over at BlogFriday is annoyances, and I’m betting this scenario will ring a bell:

One Of These Days, I’ll Actually Say This (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We’re annoyed by your motormouth child.
He is boist’rous and noisy and wild.
So please put a lid
On your rude, rowdy kid.
Cuz, trust me, we aren’t beguiled.

Technorati Tags: Parenting Humor, Badly Behaved Child, Misbehaving Kids, Children Humor, Annoyances Limerick

I usually don’t use the New York Post as a source of scientific info.  But this report on brain differences between men and women is very interesting. (Hat tip to Kalilily.net)

Here’s an excerpt:

In her book, the Columbia professor explores the chemistry of male and female brains - and, using up-to-the-minute medical research, reinforces some cherished “Men Are From Mars” stereotypes:

* Women remember better - even things that happened a really long time ago.

* Men are better at map-reading. They also get turned on a lot easier.

* Women thrive on talking and spending time in groups; men like to do things on their own.

But all this isn’t quite as simple as it sounds. For example: A woman’s brain is, in fact, about 10 percent smaller than a man’s, even when factoring in physical size difference - but it also has a lot more going on, neuron-connection-wise.

In other words, writes Legato, “women get more brain bang for the buck.”

Thanks to Stone Age wiring, women also have a far greater capacity for understanding speech and body language, and have “elephantine” memories, especially when it comes to negative experiences.

***

Men are better than women at focusing on one task and completing it. Women’s brains excel at multi-tasking, which like many of their traits has origins in childbearing: “You’re not just going to sit and stare at your baby. You have to process a demand from your child and move on to different tasks.” In the brain, this means more connections across the corpus callosum, which divides the brain into two halves.

As you can see from that New York Post article’s dateline, it only took me a year to celebrate our differences with a poem:

Vive La (Brain) Différence!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We gals and guys are diff’rent—
You must know that old cliché.
Now some scientists have proven
That our wiring’s night and day.

The brains of men are larger,
Which shall surely make them proud.
Will it hurt gals in the workplace—
Only big-brained folks allowed?

But women’s brains have neurons
Whose connectors are first-rate.
We are multi-tasking mavens,
And our memory’s just great!

With diff’rences so striking
(Guys and gals, I mean to say)
Our commingling’s quite amazing.
I’m surprised we all ain’t gay.

(You can find my feminist humor here.)

=========

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival Of Satire
* Writers’ Strike Knocks Out ‘Fake News Shows,’ Leaving Only … Fake News
* Feminism At Its Finest
* Carnival of the Insanities and more Insanities
* Blog Carnival of Observations On Life
* Carnival of the Liberals

Technorati Tags: Feminist Humor, Men and Women, Males and Females, Scientific Study Humor

This week’s 3 Word Wednesday words are Care, Unexpected, and Weekend. Somehow they eventually managed to fit inside a limerick:

Possibly Good, Albeit Annoying Advice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ev’ry weekend take time to forget
All your worries and cares and your debt.
Please don’t aim for perfected.
Embrace unexpected.
Try yoga. Play Set. Buy a pet.

Technorati Tags: Advice Humor, Anxiety Humor

The Definitive Bad Date (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A salty young gal is enraged
When she learns that her date is engaged,
So she curses the fellow—
Spews hate with a bellow,
Then shoots. Guess her anger ain’t staged.

NOTE: This limerick was loosely inspired by the inaugural edition of Totally Optional Prompts, which is an outgrowth of the late, lamented Poetry Thursday.

(You can find more of my dating humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Date Humor, Men and Women, Violence, Anger

I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence.  Why do I say that? Because I’d never heard the phrase “five-second rule” until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he’d just dropped on the floor.  (And yes, we’re still married.)

I naively assumed that Mark was the only person crazy enough to think germs politely wait five seconds before they attach themselves to goodies. But apparently lots of people (mostly men, I’m assuming) believe that if you drop food on the floor and pick it up really, really fast, it’s safe to eat. 

In fact, the belief’s so widespread that some scientists (who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their time) actually studied the issue. And yes, they concluded that the rule isn’t valid. (Did you really need me — or the scientists — to tell you that?)

This leads to my latest limerick, in which I use the word date instead of husband to protect the guilty … and because husband has too many damned syllables:  

The Five-Second What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My date dropped dessert on the dirt.
“Please don’t eat it,” I managed to blurt,
As he started to chew
On his now blackened goo,
Saying “5-second rule — it won’t hurt.”

And now it’s time for another poll:

(You can find more of my marriage humor here and more of my food humor here.)

=========

And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Blog Carnival For Game Designers
* Business Communications Carnival
* Jim Donovan’s Hosting a Fun Poetry Competition

Technorati Tags: Five-Second Rule, Food rules, Science Humor, Scientists, Scientific Studies, Germs, Husbands, Marital Relationships, Dating

Married To Money
By Madeleine Begun Kane

He’s a cheapskate, so stingy with cash,
That he threw an embarrassing bash:
When his daughter was wed
He paid eight bucks a head,
So no band, booze, or blooms — only hash.

I have lots more money humor here.  And don’t forget to enter my money-themed limerick contest with money prizes. Okay, not a lot of money, but still…

Technorati Tags: Wedding Limerick, Money Limerick, Husband Wife Limerick, Marriage Limerick, Family Humor, Cheapskate Humor, Parenting, Parents, Fathers, Dads, Stinginess. Stingy, Cash, Band, Flowers, Hash