Archive for October, 2016

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CALL. UPDATED WITH NEW DEADLINE AND TWO NEW LIMERICK OPTIONS.

Saturday, October 29th, 2016

IMPORTANT UPDATE: THE NEW DEADLINE IS NOVEMBER 26. WINNERS LIST WILL BE POSTED ON NOVEMBER 27. YOU MAY ALSO WRITE THANKSGIVING-THEMED LIMERICKS AND/OR LIMERICKS WITH “CALL” AS THE B-RHYME, INSTEAD OF THE A-RHYME.

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CALL at the end of ANY LINE. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ANXIETY or THANKSGIVING using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present extra awards for the best ANXIETY and THANKSGIVING-related limericks.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on November 27, 2016 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you four full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 26, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A woman was having a ball
As she answered the Democrats’ call;
She was cleaning the clock
Of a fellow who’d mock
And impugn for no reason at all.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (264)

Saturday, October 29th, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

He poured her a very nice Cab,
But she didn’t drink any, or gab.
And the sex later flopped:
When he poked her, she popped.
It’s no fun when the gal is pre-fab.

Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins the Special FRUIT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

“Would you care for an apple?” she cooed.
He didn’t. But not to be rude,
He took a small bite.
God forgave him? Not quite.
Our merciful Lord came unglued.

God raged, and his anger was vicious.
He said what they did was pernicious!
But Adam told Eve,
“Well, I guess we must leave,
But boy was that apple delicious!”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Brian Allgar, Steve Earp, Sue Dulley, Robert Schechter, Kirk Miller, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CAB” RHYME DIVISION)

Will T. Laughlin:

Said the doctor to Barney McNabb,
“Your results have come back from the lab.
Your ataxia’s worse.”
Barney turned to the nurse:
“Did the doctor just call me a cab?”

Brian Allgar:

“I can’t go to the ball, I’m so drab!”
“Don’t worry, dear – Abracadab!”
With a soft, swishing sound
Cinderella was gowned,
And the pumpkin transformed to a cab.

Steve Earp:

Said a girl Trump attempted to grab,
“Get your hands off and call me a cab.”
On encircling her waist
With bravado misplaced,
He was floored by her brutal left jab.

Sue Dulley:

On too many a cold marble slab
In a med school anatomy lab
With a tag on its toes
Lies another of those
Who refused to go home in a cab.

Robert Schechter:

My mother says, “Don’t pick a scab.”
“If you’re drunk, do not drive. Call a cab.”
And she tells Donald Trump,
“When you see a nice rump,
Remember: just look, do not grab!”

Will T. Laughlin:

“I’m drunk,” muttered Rita to Mab,
“You should probably get me a cab.”
Mab, pouring more wine,
Said, “A Cab would be fine,
But this Chardonnay, honey, is fab!”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (FRUIT LIMERICK DIVISION)

Kirk Miller:

I’ll make money. How hard could it be
To grow fruit upon many a tree?
So an orchard I bought,
But the profits were naught.
’Twas a fruitless endeavor for me.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

My body is shaped like a pear.
At other girls’ chests guys would stare.
But I watched their boobs drop,
While mine stayed on top.
Sometimes life does end up being fair.

Tim James:

Out in public the guy was a brute,
And his legions of fans followed suit.
Grabbing privates? That’s lewd.
Though I hate to waste food,
One response crossed my mind: throwing fruit.

Suzanne Heymann:

Cherimoya and Damson and Jambul
And the Salak may seem like a gamble.
There’s the Longan, the Nance–
Go ahead, take a chance.
But you’re wondering, why do I ramble?

The Satsuma will cleanse, not pollute,
And the Yuzu, which smells nice to boot.
All these, plus Rambutan
Don’t have any gluten,
For each of these words is a fruit!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

My Aching Back! (Limerick)

Friday, October 28th, 2016

Oh, what have I done to my back?
It’s been painfully thrown out of whack.
Worst of all, there’s no tale
To explain my travail;
One false move, and I’m spasming. Ack!!!

Me Celebrate Greasy Foods Day? Not On Your Life! (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 25th, 2016

I don’t understand the appeal
Of a greasy and fat-laden meal.
Yet folks by the tons
Risk getting the runs
From fried items, with heart-stopping zeal.

Happy Greasy Foods Day! (October 25)

It’s Bologna Day — No Baloney! (Limerick)

Monday, October 24th, 2016

At the taste of bologna, I groan.
Processed meats make me cringe, gag, and moan.
Yet for some, they’re a treat.
Keep your mystery meat,
Else my face shall be meeting my “throne.”

Happy National Bologna Day! (October 24)

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CAB at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Sunday, October 16th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CAB at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FRUIT, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FRUIT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on Oct 30, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 29, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A garrulous gadfly would gab,
Driving ev’ryone nuts as he’d blab.
People longed to be spared
The critiques that he aired,
En route to their flights in his cab.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (263)

Sunday, October 16th, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to STEVE EARP, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this timely limerick:

He says if you’re famous you’ll find
It’s easy to bump and to grind.
So you, Trump supporter,
Just think of your daughter,
And question with whom you’re aligned.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special Autumn-Themed Limerick Award for this clever limerick:

If you’re wondering what you should call
The season when Eve “had a ball,”
It used to be Autumn
Until the Lord caught ’em;
Since then, it’s been known as the Fall.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Tim James, Wendy Playter, Robert Schechter, Allan Eastman, Fred Bortz, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“GRIND” RHYME DIVISION)

Dave Johnson:

She’s known to be wholesome and kind,
And possesses a wondrous behind.
While she doesn’t hold grudges,
To dancing club judges
She does have a big ass to grind.

Kirk Miller:

Christmas shopping can be quite a grind.
The best presents? I think you will find
If you want a big lift,
Meditation’s the gift
That’s the best. You get presence of mind.

Tim James:

No woman would give him a grind,
So his sex life was all in his mind.
He knew well his own touch,
Although maybe too much:
He’s grown hair on his palms and gone blind.

Wendy Playter:

The cornmeal I ruthlessly grind
Make tacos that taste more refined.
But although higher-class,
There’s just as much gas,
And music soon follows behind.

Robert Schechter:

As a Starbucks barista I find
It’s helpful to clear out my mind
With occasional breaks,
But that’s all that it takes
To ease me back into the grind.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (AUTUMN LIMERICK DIVISION)

Allan Eastman:

A nudist group once had the gall
To protest the oncoming Fall.
“We WON’T Wear No Pants!”
They swore in their chants.
(Bet they wished they’d at least brought a shawl.)

Robert Schechter:

When autumn arrives, trees turn bare
And I’m filled with my yearly despair
That winter will come
And put frost on my bum,
And I can’t stand a cold derriere!

Fred Bortz, who celebrates the Autumn holiday known as Election Day:

From Tuesday the eighth of November
We’ll celebrate on through December
That women saw through
What that grabber would do,
And their votes soon deflated his member.

Dave Johnson:

The colorful look of the trees;
A slight little chill in the breeze.
Yes, Autumn’s sublime,
In advance of the time
When ice brings us all to our knees.

Tim James:

In late autumn, I never forego
A Thanksgiving Day feast. This year, though,
I’ll give thanks, say “Amen”
Two full weeks before then
When I see Donald Trump gobbling crow.

Suzanne Heymann:

It’s autumn, the midst of October,
When the wind blows each tree to disrobe her.
The summer did end,
And the cold’s ’round the bend,
So I don’t recommend being sober.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRIND at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Saturday, October 1st, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRIND at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to AUTUMN, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best AUTUMN-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 16, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 15, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A gal who was always behind
In her chores, said her spouse did not mind:
“My gifts in the sack
Make up for this lack.
I excel at a far diff’rent grind.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award Winner (262)

Saturday, October 1st, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Their exertions in bed bent the frame,
Then her charley horse threatened their game.
But she shrugged the pain off
And they finished their boff.
She was lame but she came just the same.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special Exercise-Themed Limerick Award, as well as the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award, for this funny limerick:

Take exercise? Nah, it’s too risky;
Even sex is alarmingly frisky.
But my right hand is fit
As a fiddle, for it
Is the one that I raise to drink whisky.

Congratulations to Dave Johnson and Suzanne Heymann, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:

Dave Johnson:

One painting that hangs in a frame,
No kidding – it strikes me as lame.
I don’t understand
What makes it so grand;
That farmer and plain-looking dame.

Suzanne Heymann:

The one with the pitchfork in hand?
And expressionless faces so bland?
That’s my granny and gramps.
They were national champs
As the grumpiest folks in the land.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Wendy Playter, Jesse Levy, William Kendall, Brian Allgar, Marty Gerendasy, Kirk Miller, Tim James, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FRAME” RHYME DIVISION)

Wendy Playter:

I gazed at the muscleman’s frame
And the toilet from whence he just came.
The seat of the loo
Made me ponder anew:
What good is great strength without aim?

Jesse Levy:

My wife said, “Hey, let’s bowl a frame.”
But I answered, “It’s just not your game.”
“The last time,” I mutter,
“All went in the gutter.”
And now I am sleeping in same.

William Kendall:

To parse the political game
And assign the appropriate blame
It’s important to look
Inside of the book;
At the picture instead of the frame.

Brian Allgar:

The explorer was after big game.
He had sighted a lion, took aim,
Then he happily shot it.
Success! He had got it
Right there in the camera frame.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (EXERCISE LIMERICK DIVISION)

Marty Gerendasy:

Many folks like to go for a run,
But to me, that’s just not any fun.
’Cause to over-exert
Only makes my bod hurt,
So I’d rather go lie in the sun.

Kirk Miller:

If you’re fat, then the facts must be faced:
To poor health extra weight has been traced.
Get in shape. Kindly try it,
’Cause exercise, diet
Are ways to fight hazardous waist.

Tim James:

What’s the source of my lim’ricks? Not drink;
I just run till I’m gasping and pink.
When these verses I brew,
My brain’s starved of O2.
It explains quite a lot, don’t you think?

Dave Johnson:

He was trying to work up a sweat
And impress the hot girl he’d just met.
In spin class they spun;
But when over and done,
He was left high and dry – sopping wet.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!