Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRIND at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRIND at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to AUTUMN, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best AUTUMN-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 16, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 15, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A gal who was always behind
In her chores, said her spouse did not mind:
“My gifts in the sack
Make up for this lack.
I excel at a far diff’rent grind.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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78 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRIND at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    How I wish someone could help me find
    Me a way to escape from this grind.
    Hope that maybe some day
    I can just walk away,
    But ’til then I’m just caught in a bind.

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    It is known as the old bump and grind.
    What a wonderful way to unwind!
    Find somebody who’s game
    And without any shame,
    It’ll drive you right out of your mind.

  3. Mike Burch says:

    3:45AM Exercise

    The Trumpster is out of his mind,
    ’cause tweeting is such a hard grind!
    He’s walking the floor
    at quarter to four …
    How can he expose his behind?

  4. Jeanine Silverio says:

    Most creatures on earth seem inclined,
    (Bonobos and whales and mankind) –
    To gyrate and squirm,
    Hook egg up with sperm.
    Thank God for the old bump and grind!!!

  5. Mike Burch says:

    Felled by Fall

    Something befell me this fall
    and now there’s a pall over all.
    Such is the cost
    of a premature frost:
    my garden needs an overhaul!

  6. Mike Burch says:

    Economical Fall

    The time to make love is autumn;
    so kiss your sweethearts (if you’ve got ’em).
    Seek ways to keep warm
    but observe this norm:
    by Christmas be sure you “forgot” ’em!

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    The monkey said “Yeah, I’vc resigned
    From my job; I’m redundant, I find.
    Though my boss, Mr Trump,
    Can undoubtedly bump,
    He’s lacking an organ to grind.”

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    When there’s colds to be caught, I have caught ’em,
    And the flu has me feeling post mortem.
    Freezing rain, wind and fog
    Make me sick as a dog …
    That’s just Summer; it’s worse in the Autumn.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    The question’s a terrible grind;
    Poor Gary is caught in a bind.
    “To name a world leader?
    I guess that I need a
    Raincheck – no one comes to my mind.”

    (I know, the last line doesn’t scan properly …)

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    “Usin’ facts to debate is unkind!
    Cheatin’ Hillary’s caused me to grind
    All my teeth to the stump”,
    Complained Donald J Trump.
    “That’s the reason I mumbled and whined.”

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    It’s the season of tricks and of treats,
    And in Autumn, my poet’s heart beats
    With desire to write
    A great ode …, but, oh shite!
    It’s already been done by old Keats.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    “Let me help you”, she told him, “To grind
    All the corn.” Said the farmer, “How kind!”
    They were “grinding the corn” –
    The results were pure porn.
    That Autumn, the crops slipped his mind.

    Well, you live and learn. I’d never encountered the expression, but here’s what I found on the Internet:

    Getting Into the ‘Grinding the Corn’ Sex Position:

    1. The wife lies on her back with her knees bent and her legs spread apart.
    2. The husband lies on top of her and supports his upper body with his elbows on each side of her.

    How it’s done:

    1. The husband penetrates his wife.
    2. Instead of thrusting in and out like the missionary position, he moves his body forwards, towards the headboard and backwards away from the headboard along his wife’s body.

    When he moves forward toward the headboard his penis, which is very flexible, will bend while exiting her vagina and rub her clitoris on its way out. He should stop moving forward just before the head of his penis exits her vagina. At this time his penis should be pointing down at his feet. When he moves back down his penis enters his wife’s vagina and rubs her clitoris along the way in.

    This sex position takes practice, but it’s well worth the effort.

    If you can’t get the hang of this sex position, try this. Fully enter her and then grind your pubic bone on her clitoris. This technique will give a similar effect.

  13. Judith Block says:

    The Donald is losing his grip,
    Has no filter- he shoots from the hip.
    So invectives unfurl,
    He’s losing to a girl!
    Enough of his sick ego trip!

  14. Judith Block says:

    The rich, fiery sunsets we get;
    Of bittersweet Fall, no regret.
    The multicolored leaves
    Whose beauty deceives-
    Last hurrah before Winter’s onset.

  15. Kirk Miller says:

    “I need money,” the stripper pined
    “For relief from financial bind.”
    As she gyrates and thrusts,
    Says, “The boredom disgusts,
    ‘Cause it’s always the same old grind.”

  16. Judith Block says:

    EDITED- TYPO fixed on my first limerick. Please remove first posting of it. Sorry.:

    Though she did a quite hot bump and grind.
    She was pissed the guy touched her behind.
    She did more than just pouted,
    She kicked him and shouted.
    “Get your hand off my ass! I DO mind!”

    (MBK: Done.)

  17. Dave Johnson says:

    She’s known to be wholesome and kind;
    And possesses a wondrous behind.
    While not holding grudges,
    To dancing club judges
    She does have a big ass to grind.

  18. Dave Johnson says:

    The Donald’s campaign is a blight;
    An unnerving and hair-raising fright.
    With our blood running cold,
    They really should hold
    This election on Halloween night.

  19. Dave Johnson says:

    While a stripper was doing her grind,
    The C-note was easy to find.
    It was folded in place
    So Ben Franklin’s face
    Had a view of her snatching it blind.

  20. Mary McGreevey says:

    In San francisco the driving’s a grind.
    The Asians smash you in from behind.
    Insane mobs of tourists!
    For the traffic law purists:
    Assume everyone here’s deaf and blind.

  21. James Fillmore says:

    A rich German playa named Greindt
    Did many a gal wined and dinedt;
    Attempts to seem breezy
    Made him look quite sleazy
    As these gals were not dumb nor blindt

  22. Dave Johnson says:

    As trees turn to yellow and red,
    We think about what lies ahead.
    If it’s cold, rain and snow
    Or frigid winds blow,
    Treat the feet to Tahiti instead.

  23. Coffee is a wicked and sensuous find,
    It feeds all of your fantasies, combined.
    In coffee, you’ll discover
    Your perfect dark lover:
    And a good coffee rewards a fine grind.

  24. Dave Johnson says:

    The colorful look of the trees;
    A slight little chill in the breeze.
    Yes, Autumn’s sublime,
    In advance of the time
    When ice brings us all to our knees.

  25. Wendy Playter says:

    The cornmeal I ruthlessly grind
    Make tacos that taste more refined.
    But though higher-class,
    There’s just as much gas,
    And music soon follows behind.

  26. Wendy Playter says:

    The warm weather suits this ole lass,
    But fall must eventually pass.
    There’s beauty in snow
    But Santa should know
    His season can kiss my cold ass.

  27. Wendy Playter says:

    As Adam and Eve shared their woes,
    The chilly fall air hit their nose.
    The leaves sat in piles,
    Which dampened their smiles.
    “What terrible waste of good clothes!”

  28. Dave Johnson says:

    With Donald Trump’s whoppers in Autumn,
    Trustworthy outlets have caught ’em.
    They’re all in the news;
    What gives me the blues,
    Too many voters have bought ’em.

  29. Tim James says:

    No woman would give him a grind
    So his sex life was all in his mind.
    He knew well his own touch
    Although maybe too much:
    He’s grown hair on his palms and gone blind.

  30. Kirk Miller says:

    Christmas shopping can be quite a grind.
    The best presents? I think you will find
    If you want a big lift,
    Meditation’s the gift
    That’s the best. You get presence of mind.

  31. Dave Johnson says:

    With nothing but axes to grind
    And hindsight that’s totally blind,
    The Donald can claim
    Individual fame;
    He’s an asshole that’s one of a kind.

  32. Ted Hayes says:

    The food she would so finely grind.
    but Gummy most oft declined.
    So she carved him wood dentures,
    which soon brought a new venture
    plucking splinters from Gummy’s behind

  33. Dave Johnson says:

    Whenever I hear “bump and grind”,
    A visual thought comes to mind.
    It’s thumping with thrust
    While humping with lust
    With a plumpy and rumpy behind.

  34. Ted Hayes says:

    Mom Nature is such a designer
    None could have made Autumn finer
    But lest any one should
    Forget past hardships withstood
    Ol; Winter’s a stone’s throw behind her!

  35. Dave Johnson says:

    While the autumn leaves are falling,
    Trump bloviates; wailing and bawling:
    “They’re trying to steal
    This election for real!”
    “Line 2 – Mr. Putin is calling…”

  36. Steve Earp says:

    He says if you’re famous you’ll find,
    It’s easy to bump and to grind,
    So you, Trump supporter,
    Just think of your daughter,
    And question with whom you’re aligned.

  37. Ted Hayes says:

    I went fishing one fine day in Autumn
    Fish were bitin’ and I caught ’em
    But soon black clouds formed,
    I was caught in a storm
    Too late now to wish I’d just bought ’em!

  38. Tim James says:

    In late autumn, I never forego
    A Thanksgiving Day feast. This year, though,
    I’ll give thanks, say “Amen”
    Two full weeks before then
    When I see Donald Trump gobbling crow.

  39. William Kendall says:

    A butcher whose name was B. Hind
    Had a rush job of ground beef to grind
    Fate could have been kinder
    He backed into the grinder
    In his rush job, a little B. Hind.

  40. Dave Johnson says:

    Melania happened to find
    Her hubby was doin’ the grind
    With a floozie he met
    On the Hannity set;
    Now she’s screwing him – suing him blind.

  41. Mark Kane says:

    Donald loves the UNWANTED palm grind.
    He’s a star; It’s a right of his kind.
    If he sees a hot girl,
    He’ll give it a whirl.
    Grab her pussy or breast; she won’t mind.

  42. Mark Kane says:

    At most Starbucks I know, you will find,
    That they’ll glad provide a fine grind.
    Shake their hips? That’d be nice.
    But for double the price?
    Get your beans and a show, both combined.

  43. Brian Allgar says:

    If you’re wondering what you should call
    The season when Eve “had a ball”,
    It used to be Autumn
    Until the Lord caught ’em;
    Since then, it is known as the Fall.

  44. Brian Allgar says:

    How to make mulled wine

    Take an orange, just grating the rind;
    Then a nutmeg, and thoroughly grind;
    Heat some wine from the butts …
    What! You’ve run out of nuts?
    Use Donald’s, I’m sure he won’t mind.

  45. Ted Hayes says:

    Rosie O’Grady was one awesome lady,
    whose passion was dancing The Grind.
    But you’d nevera guessed it,
    and she wouldn’t confess it,
    Rosie O’Grady was blind.

  46. Kirk Miller says:

    At the coffee house, Roger had shined.
    After many a year, he did find
    It was boring, and so
    It was time he should go
    ‘Cause he just couldn’t stand the grind.

  47. Joyce Smith says:

    This election surely has been a grind
    And I am quickly losing my mind
    Whether Donald or Hill
    They both are a pill
    But Hill would be a far better find

  48. Wendy Playter says:

    I do have a 70s bent,
    And so for my awning that meant
    Some retro decor!
    And once fall is o’er,
    The winter of my disco tent!

  49. Kirk Miller says:

    To spores of the plants I’ve befallen.
    My eyes itch and water; it’s gallin’.
    I’m wheezin’ and sneezin’
    In hay fever season.
    It’s dreadful; in fact, it’s apollen.

    (autumn ragweed season is nasty!)

  50. Ken Gosse says:

    October Song ~
    I’m sure you’ve all noticed Fall fell,
    As a season, it does very well,
    Colors always surprise,
    But with later sunrise,
    My alarm has a very hard sell.

  51. As everyone’s scandals unwind,
    we know best ’bout how Trump likes to grind
    from his manners that lack
    to his sheer lack to tact
    and we can’t get it out of our minds!

  52. Allan Eastman says:

    A Tool Sharpener was often maligned,
    as a rude and despicable kind.
    “You shouldn’t conclude,
    I’m a terrible dude,
    just because I have axes to grind!”

  53. Ted Hayes says:

    The issues are still undefined,
    and the ‘would be’s’ still have axes to grind.
    Left winging, right winging,
    and so much mud slinging!
    leaves me ‘NONE OF THE ABOVE’ still inclined!

  54. Allan Eastman says:

    A nudist group once had the gall,
    to protest the oncoming Fall.
    They swore in their chants.
    (Bet they wished they’d at least brought a shawl)

  55. Dave Johnson says:

    She married him only to find
    While sleeping, his teeth tend to grind.
    She was able to quell
    This audible hell
    With duct tape and pieces of rind.

  56. Ted Hayes says:

    Edit on Oct 9 entry. Please delete original. Sorry

    I’m sick and tired of this grind.
    Not much on tv I find.
    Ratings must really be slumping.
    Every channel I see’s Donald Trumping.
    ‘ere November I’ll be out of my mind!

    From MBK: Done. I also fixed your line 1 typo. (You had if instead of of.)

  57. Fred Bortz says:

    Sorry folks, I had to go there.

    Covering Trump was a grind
    But this journalist still was inclined
    To report on his sleaze
    When he said, “On your knees!”
    After grabbing her “p” from behind.

  58. Fred Bortz says:

    Autumn theme, election day, of course

    From Tuesday the eighth of November
    We’ll celebrate on through December
    That women saw through
    What that grabber would do,
    And their votes soon deflated his member.

  59. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The fall is the gateway between
    The summer’s and winter’s routine
    So pack up the bikini
    And cover your weeny
    The cold is a teeny bit mean.

  60. Suzanne Heymann says:

    It’s autumn, the midst of October
    When the wind blows each tree to disrobe her
    The summer did end
    And the cold’s ’round the bend
    So I don’t recommend being sober.

  61. Suzanne Heymann says:

    At night, when I hear his teeth grind
    Not a peaceful night’s sleep do I find
    Let’s put over his face
    A big pillow in place
    “Cause I don’t think he really would mind.

  62. Suzanne Heymann says:

    After holidays, folks are inclined
    To whine and complain; they’re so blind!
    Although gratitude’s due
    They just cry, “Boohoohoo!”
    And repeat, “it’s back to the old grind!”

    It’s been four years since I could just frolic
    I’ll admit I’m a damn workaholic
    Though I am self-employed
    Work – I just can’t avoid
    It’s a wonder I’m not alcoholic!

    (true story)

  63. Kaye Roberts says:

    The burlesque dancer’s crude bump and grind
    In a place the elite often dined
    Was a shock to the guests
    Who, unused to such pests
    Nonetheless left a large tip behind

  64. Ken Gosse says:

    Ground to a Halt ~
    Thoughts I’ve mined and refined I will grind
    To a gold-dust you’ll find in your mind.
    Then, wined, dined, and resigned,
    My own mind I’ll unwind –
    My behind’s weary rind well reclined

  65. Suzanne Heymann says:

    After leaves of the trees hit the ground
    You rake them all into a mound
    Mother Nature won’t care
    When you curse and you swear
    As a cold gust of air blows them ’round.

  66. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Whenever the fall makes me cranky
    I am cheered by my neighbor, the Yankee
    As the jokes escalate
    I’m just taking the bait
    And get warm with some great hanky-panky!

  67. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When a tectonic plate starts to grind
    ‘Gainst another, you just may soon find
    That an earthquake’s a-coming
    So don’t sit there, humming
    Just… I don’t know; don’t lose your mind?

  68. Suzanne Heymann says:

    FEE fi fo FUM, I do find
    That the giant needs bones he can grind
    For to make up his bread
    Well, we know Trump’s braindead
    And it tastes just like someone’s behind.

    He’s dead from the neck up, a stump
    That fugly, detestable Trump
    Though he cooked his own goose
    He still has one good use
    He would make a terrific speed bump.

  69. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When I hear my car’s gears start to grind
    Sky-high cost of repairs comes to mind
    So if no one can do it
    For free, I’ll say, “Screw it!”
    With a bike, I’ll get through it, I’ll find.

  70. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Autumn chill makes it harder to flirt
    For poor hookers whose profits may hurt
    The one john that will tease
    Ev’ry shivering sleaze
    Is an icy cold breeze up her skirt.

  71. Ian Graham says:

    Farage now lacks axes to grind
    So he plumps to back Trump (who’s behind).
    Says Nigel: “Try Mexit.”
    But Trump mishears: “Sex it?
    Hey Nigel, you’re reading my mind!”

    [And just in case anyone wants to fault my scansion in the first line, leading Brexiteer Nigel insists on pronouncing Farage à la française!]

  72. Suzanne Heymann says:

    HEY, Will T. Laughlin, where ARE you?
    Here no one has yet tried to bar you
    Hope you’re safe (and not dead)
    And you’re being well-fed
    Out the country you’ve fled? Don’t go far, you!

    Some lim’ricks you should be creating
    Has the autumn chill caused hesitating?
    I don’t mean to hiss
    But your limmies we miss
    And we all are here, patiently waiting.

  73. Ted Hayes says:

    If Hillary wins the White House, what’ll we find?
    Bill roaming The Hill, role quite undefined.
    Now a word to the wise, to all you young ‘terns.
    Though quite soon enough I’m sure you will learn,
    that ol’ Slick Willie can still bump and grind!!

  74. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To Ted Hayes:

    Stop predicting the future, you berk
    Bill is up to his ears in hard work
    He did pay the price
    For his long-ago vice
    So it’s time to be nice, not berserk.

    (it took all my strength to leave out a perfectly rhyming word that starts with “j”!)

    He isn’t the fool anymore
    He’s walked through a different door
    By the way, I must cluck
    Your limericks suck
    As your scansion and meter are poor!

  75. Suzanne Heymann says:

    As a wee kid just spinning my top
    I questioned my mom and my pop:
    “Tell me, what is the reason
    For change in the season?
    In fall, why do temperatures drop?”

  76. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Autumn-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick-Off Award 263.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Cab.