Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CAB at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CAB at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FRUIT, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FRUIT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on Oct 30, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 29, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A garrulous gadfly would gab,
Driving ev’ryone nuts as he’d blab.
People longed to be spared
The critiques that he aired,
En route to their flights in his cab.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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90 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CAB at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    From Miss Eve the good fruit wasn’t hidden,
    But God told her that it was forbidden.
    She just would not believe,
    So she soon had to leave.
    When God spoke to her, he wasn’t kiddin’!

  2. Jesse Levy says:

    A driver named Harley McSnabb
    said, “No eating fruit in my cab.”
    So Dorothy Theel
    Tried hiding her peel
    And Harley, by stealth, upped her tab.

  3. Steve Earp says:

    Said a girl Trump attempted to grab,
    “Get your hands off and call me a cab.”
    On encircling her waist
    with bravado misplaced,
    He was floored by her brutal left jab.

  4. A politician with the gift of the gab,
    Too rich to have ever travelled by cab,
    Got tired of his tower—
    So had a shot at real power
    And anything else he could grab.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    The driver attempted to grab
    Every girl who got into his cab.
    “Hi, I’m Don”, he would say,
    “Bring that pussy this way!”
    But he had all the charm of a crab.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    (One from the archives …)

    She certainly knew what to wear
    To induce all the locals to stare.
    Law-abiders and felons
    Admired her melons,
    Though one guy exclaimed “What a pear!”

  7. Tim James says:

    Drink Chablis if you just want to gab.
    Wine and cheese? Try a Riesling. They’re fab.
    With Chinese food to go
    Nothing beats a Merlot.
    But as prelude to love, take a Cab.

  8. Mark Kane says:

    If a woman is old or just drab,
    Trump will have her sent off in a cab.
    But what if she’s hot?
    Then he’ll take his best shot,
    With a kiss and a gross pussy grab.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    When I was a kid, “Fruit and Nut”
    Meant a chocolate bar. Yummy! But
    Who’d have thought that a fruit,
    And a nutcase, to boot,
    Might be POTUS of pussy and smut?

  10. Chris Davis says:

    In a queue line for getting a cab,
    A pimp there so often would blab.
    So for his girls in the ghetto,
    He had a three inch stiletto!
    Not for feet – but the kind that will stab!

  11. Judith Block says:

    To get around I need a cab,
    Some drivers were born in Punjab.
    Their English, erratic,
    Its grasp, problematic,
    I’m really not being a crab.

  12. Judith Block says:

    Some guys think it’s OK to grab
    Their date, while they’re trapped in a cab.
    The gals firmly protest
    When guys grab at their breast.
    And give the guy’s groin a firm jab.

  13. Judith Block says:

    A guy took a gal in a cab,
    And started a quick pussy grab.
    Acted like sicko Trump,
    What a moronic chump!
    His hand bled a lot from her stab.

  14. Judith Block says:

    It seems most guys driving a cab
    Come from either Madras or Punjab
    Their English is weak.
    We’re lost! Please don’t freak!
    My bright hopes have turned olive drab.

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    “There was plenty of fruit she could garner,”
    Said God, “But my apple? Goshdarn her!
    It was not hers to munch –
    I had kept it for lunch!
    Why couldn’t she peel a banana?”

  16. Allan Eastman says:

    A Redneck did kidnap and grab,
    a young woman he’d long “plan’d ta nab.”
    But she lept’ from his truck
    Like a,“mere’ wounded” buck.
    Cuz’ his dogs were up front in the cab.

  17. Allan Eastman says:

    An old priest would oft sit and he’d stare,
    At some melons, peach, banana and pear;
    “It sure does perplex.
    That I’m reminded of sex”
    Quipped the nun, “You haven’t a prayer!”

  18. Allan Eastman says:

    A peach once grew tired of her fuzz,
    And decided to give it a buzz.
    Once she shaved off her mane
    She grabbed a plantain
    Just to see how it does what it does.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    “I can’t go to the ball, I’m so drab!”
    “Don’t worry, dear – Abracadab!”
    With a soft, swishing sound
    Cinderella was gowned,
    And the pumpkin had turned to a cab.

  20. Brian Allgar says:

    Gary Johnson is still ‘out to lunch’.
    “World leaders? Well, I’ve got a hunch
    That there’s one that I know,
    Name beginning with O . . .”
    Yes, he’s several grapes short of a bunch.

  21. Ted Hayes says:

    Banging away in an old junk yard cab,
    with a hooker named Sophie McNabb,
    was sex unprotected,
    and I’m now quite dejected,
    with a case of the clap and some crabs!

  22. Fred Bortz says:

    FRUIT (from an alumnus of Carnegie MELLON)

    Her folks, at the end of their rope,
    Planning nuptials, they barely could cope
    When their daughter, instead,
    Tried to run off to wed.
    Their solution: We’ll serve cantaloupe.

  23. Fred Bortz says:

    “Watch out! Donald’s trying to grab
    Our privates. Let’s call for a cab,”
    Said Milly to Sally
    At Trump’s silly rally.
    His prospects turn bleaker than drab.

  24. Joyce Smith says:

    The other day I took a cab
    On my way to do a rehab
    Hip hip hooray
    It’s demo day
    Oy, I hope it comes out just fab

  25. Dave Johnson says:

    A weird little man from Tonasket
    Would talk to the fruit in a basket.
    He told me one day
    “I can hear what they say;
    If you have any question, I’ll ask it.”

    “OK, what’s it like to be tucked
    In a bin and then being trucked?”
    My query transmitted,
    They quickly admitted
    In unison: “Man, we are plucked!”

  26. Dave Johnson says:

    We’re drowning in blather and blab
    From his mouth that’s renowned for its flab.
    This election now feels
    Like a nightmare on wheels;
    With Frankenstein driving the cab.

  27. Sue Dulley says:

    I’m phoning to order a cab
    That can carry me home with my flab.
    In a bid to get slim
    I just ran to the gym,
    Now I’m sore in each quad, glute and ab.

  28. Sue Dulley says:

    Would I like the Merlot or the Cab
    With my entree of lobster and crab?
    No, a nice Pinot Gris
    Will suit small-handed me,
    In a wineglass not too wide to grab.

  29. Sue Dulley says:

    On too many a cold marble slab
    In a med school anatomy lab
    With a tag on its toes
    Lies another of those
    Who chose not to go home in a cab.

  30. David Reddekopp says:

    Halloween is so often a drab
    But this year I’ll make use of my flab
    For since I am plumper
    From bumper to bumper
    I’m going to go as a cab.

    But if you’re expecting a ride
    Too bad; your request is denied
    Though I may take your fare
    We won’t go anywhere
    For I only let candy inside.

  31. Brian Allgar says:

    My uncle’s as daft as a coot;
    My Ma has the brain of a newt;
    My cousin’s doolally,
    And so is Aunt Sally;
    My grandmother chews a cheroot.

    My brother’s a half-witted brute,
    And my Pa is convinced he’s Canute.
    In our family tree,
    I’m afraid there’s just me
    Who is neither a nut nor a fruit.

  32. Brian Allgar says:

    (Not for the squeamish …)

    The girl that he’d had in his cab
    Was a stunner … but what was this scab
    That was itching? He scratched it,
    But when he detached it,
    It ran! He’d been given a crab!

  33. Brian Allgar says:

    He’d ripped off the Mafia big-time;
    A truckload of lemons, his crime.
    “Seems ya like citrus fruit”,
    Said the Godfather. “Cute!
    So we’re dumpin’ ya body in lime.”

  34. Brian Allgar says:

    (Another one from the archives …)

    William Tell was re-stringing his bow;
    He had missed the damned apple, and so
    He now aimed for the head,
    Shot his little son dead,
    And won gold at the archery show.

  35. Brian Allgar says:

    Dr F. had created a CAB
    (That’s a Coal-Aided Brain) in his lab,
    But the fumes and the smoke
    Caused his Monster to choke,
    So it ended up dead on the slab.

  36. Said the doctor to Barney McNabb,
    “Your results have come back from the lab…
    Your ataxia’s worse.”
    Barney turned to the nurse:
    “Did the doctor just call me a cab?”

  37. (basically just echoing Tim, and others…)

    “I’m drunk,” muttered Rita to Mab,
    “You should probably get me a cab.”
    Mab, pouring more wine,
    Said, “A Cab would be fine,
    But this Chardonnay, honey, is fab!”

  38. Brian Allgar says:

    The girl was alone in the cab,
    And he thought “Here’s some pussy to grab!”
    But she knew what to do –
    Where he used to have two,
    They’re now sewing one back in the lab.

  39. Brian Allgar says:

    Do they really call ‘Cabernet’ ‘Cab’?
    And is ‘Chablis’ contracted to ‘Chab’?
    I just hope there’s no Malt
    In their bibulous vault,
    Or they’ll start calling ‘Aberlour’ ‘Ab’.

  40. Dave Johnson says:

    Pretending to fly in his cab,
    Harry Chapin could no longer nab
    That society girl
    From a previous whirl;
    A token is all he could grab.

  41. Brian Allgar says:

    A kumquat, he thinks, must be hot,
    For it sounds like a pussy-grab spot.
    But that girl-groping turd
    Is confusing the word
    With a mixture of “quim” and of “twat”.

  42. Wendy Playter says:

    There once was a man from Durango
    Who stole fruit while doing the tango.
    With fruit in his pants,
    A mirror caught his glance–
    And he was impressed with his mango.

  43. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald Trump has confessed: “It was me
    Who cut down the old cherry-tree.
    When the orchard went bust,
    Well, I did what I must,
    And I filed for a great bankruptcy.

    The workers were sacked, yes sirree!
    But don’t worry, there’s plenty for me.
    Even now, as I speak,
    With a pussy so sleek,
    A sweet cherry is sat on my knee.”

  44. Fred Bortz says:

    A Memorable Long Ago Production of Pittsburgh’s Civic Light Opera
    (With condensed plot to make it fit into a limerick)

    As Sportin’ Life, Calloway (Cab),
    Was a drug dealer gifted with Gab.
    He tells Catfish Row
    Bible stories ain’t so.
    And Crown’s killed by Porgy’s swift stab.

  45. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Being famous is getting quite drab
    For each time I must flag down a cab
    Paparazzi give chase
    So I know I must race
    To a good hiding place – in rehab!

  46. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Worked all day at the chemistry lab
    Going home – I could not start my Saab
    My poor car needed gas
    So I farted – alas!
    Then it started! I’ll pass on the cab.

  47. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I’ve achieved quite the lengthy vocab
    All my words are flamboyant, not drab
    But most people just gawk
    Think their ears have a block
    ‘Cause they stare like I’m talking Punjab.

  48. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Halloween is a blast, a real hoot
    But instead of the candy, give fruit
    If the brats don’t like that
    Then I hope they get fat
    And their bowels poop scat in their suit!

  49. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Whatever you feed to your guts
    May come out of your poopworthy butts
    But you are what you eat
    So you ought to retreat
    From all fruit and bananas and nuts.

  50. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A lady all covered in flab
    Was so big, like the size of a cab
    For a woman so sizable
    A diet’s advisable
    If realizable, fab!

  51. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A big storm was the cause of his fright
    He sought comfort in dim candlelight
    Then the thunder went “Boom!”
    And his Fruit of the Loom
    Had met up with its doom that dark night.

  52. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The wife-beating, wife-cheating scab
    Went to visit his mistress by cab
    But when he got there
    He encountered a bear
    In the form of her husband; just fab!

  53. Suzanne Heymann says:

    His banana was stuck in his pocket
    While her cherry was stuck in its socket
    With their thoughts now defiled
    Stripped their clothes off and smiled
    Hormones shot up real wild, like a rocket.

  54. Tim James says:

    Hey trucker! Up there in your cab!
    There’s this hooker whose service is fab.
    She brings with her a tube
    Full of Brylcreem, for lube.
    She’ll do ya, with just a li’l dab.

  55. Tim James says:

    Out in public the guy was a brute,
    And his legions of fans followed suit.
    Grabbing [privates]? That’s lewd.
    Though I hate to waste food,
    One response crossed my mind: throwing fruit.

  56. Chris Davis says:

    ~PART 2~ (an anagram of my first limerick and also a limerick)

    Officials are on a big quest –
    We men find a stooge thats the best.
    Ditch inhibition for prattle,
    or when he fought her huge battle,
    Nail a blond killer put to the test!

  57. Ted Hayes says:

    The old witch had become such a crab,
    and her mode of transit so drab.
    So with a pinch of the eye of newt,
    stirred in with some hemlock root,
    she abracadabbed her broom for a cab!!

  58. Kirk Miller says:

    I’ll make money. How hard could it be
    To grow fruit upon many a tree?
    So an orchard I bought,
    But the profits were naught.
    ‘Twas a fruitless endeavor for me.

  59. Kirk Miller says:

    While Brady was eating his lunch,
    He grabbed several grapes he could munch.
    They were held by their stem,
    So he said about them,
    “These are known as the Brady Bunch.”

  60. Kirk Miller says:

    At the store, they are giving for free
    Some dried grapes ’cause they hope you’ll agree
    That you learned that the treat
    Is real good, can’t be beat.
    They are raisin awareness, you see.

  61. Kirk Miller says:

    A strawberry’s caught in a scam
    That ends with a flattening — Wham!
    To get canned in preserves
    Isn’t what it deserves.
    It simply got caught in a jam.

  62. Jane Hoffman says:

    I’ve seen it all driving a cab,
    Found bras, false teeth, and one Lab!
    I once drove a cop
    Who told me to stop
    At a bar, and she’d pick up the tab!!!!

  63. Don’t mean to blab,
    But this prompt was fab.

    Here’s where I went with it:

    Got a Grip – A Limericked Ode on Honor Bestowed

  64. Ken Gosse says:

    Frankly Speaking ~
    I’ve postponed all attempts to rhyme “cab,”
    For I’ve been called away by Queen Mab.
    Each October, you see,
    Foments madness in me,
    And hunched Igor awaits in my lab.

  65. Ken Gosse says:

    The World’s First Picnic ~
    The first lunch that Eve ever made
    Was fried chicken and fruit marmalade,
    But then Adam’s eye
    Spied a breast and a thigh:
    ‘twas the finest buffet ever laid.
    (Disclaimer: I may have shared this previously under another subject.)

  66. James Marks says:

    Fruit + Cab equals this:

    There are many red wines which are fab
    But outnumbered by those that are drab.
    Picking fruit of the vine
    Connoisseur Madeline
    Says to opt for a dry Napa Cab.

  67. Ted Hayes says:

    I once fell sick in a cab,
    taking my dog to the vets lab.
    By mistake the old vet,
    gave me a shot meant for my pet.
    Now I have ticks, fleas and mange with huge scabs!

  68. Ted Hayes says:

    The old drunk with his incessant blab,
    accidentally set fire to the cab.
    Later, beside a heap of smouldering metal,
    said the cabbie, rightfully nettled,
    “Nice try, but you’ll still pay your tab!”

  69. Fred Bortz says:

    “When Bill’s in the back of a cab
    He’s looking for pussy to grab,”
    Accuses the Trumpster.
    (Campaign’s in the dumpster,
    So all he can do is just blab.)

    Now I’m sorry to be such a crab.
    This lousy campaign is just flab.
    With his pants all afire,
    Calling each lass a liar,
    Trump declares, “Look at her. She’s so drab.”

    I suppose he’s just taking a stab.
    Using tactics just like Al Shebab,
    He and Bannon, those churls,
    Think they’ll round up the girls
    And convince them The Donald is fab.

  70. Ted Hayes says:

    My uncle (st.) Nick from Montana,
    each year donned his suit and played Santa.
    But when a drought left few nuts and no fruit,
    somehow a chimney snag offed his suit,
    and he slid ‘cross the hearth with nuts and banana!

  71. Tim James says:

    He poured her a very nice Cab,
    But she didn’t drink any, or gab.
    And the sex later flopped:
    When he poked her, she popped.
    It’s no fun when the gal is pre-fab.

  72. Ken Gosse says:

    Inspired by James Marks’ 10/24 Limerick:
    Get in Gear ~
    My cabrolet’s running drab:
    Needs some fuel like we had in the cab.
    Not that viney-fruit stuff,
    But some powdery fluff
    Which would prove I don’t drive a prefab.

  73. Ted Hayes says:

    Please delete limerick Oct. 21, 7:49pm old tom bass
    sent wrong one! sorry, thanks ….th

    From MBK: Done.

  74. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Cherimoya and Damson and Jambul
    And the Salak may seem like a gamble
    There’s the Longan, the Nance
    Go ahead, take a chance
    But you’re wondering, why do I ramble?

    The Satsuma will cleanse, not pollute
    And the Yuzu, which smells nice, to boot
    All these, plus Rambutan
    Don’t have any gluten
    For each of these words is a fruit!

  75. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The best apples, when making a pie
    Are Granny Smith, Spartan, and Spy
    But the kind to avoid
    Turns to mush; I’m annoyed
    Red Delicious is guilty; don’t try!

  76. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I learned from the tribe of the Maya
    The right way to eat a papaya
    Jump on till it’s flat
    And the damn thing goes, “Splat!”
    Then yell, “Jiminy Jack Jeremiah!”

  77. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I just cannot sit still or be placid
    And my tummy could use an antacid
    I have got to abstain
    Eating citrus fruit plain
    ‘Cause the damn things contain too much acid!

  78. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Got no calls on his Blackberry phone
    And was with his banana alone
    So with no honeydew
    He was feeling plum blue
    Pear of balls cantaloupe with his bone.

  79. Suzanne Heymann says:

    This one may or may not be acceptable to some, but by golly, it’s got the word “fruit” in there somewhere!

    With the splendid ideas I keep dishin’
    I just don’t have a lot of ambition
    I can’t get the job done
    If it stops being fun
    So they never do come to fruition.

  80. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I hailed cab after cab after cab
    Not one stopped, and not one could I grab
    When I stripped off my clothes
    There were seventeen rows
    Of them willing to pick up the tab.

  81. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A passenger started to stab
    The poor driver of one yellow cab
    But a cop car behind them
    Was lucky to find them
    A nut that the good cop could nab.

  82. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Some priest had a gift of the gab
    The parishioners thought he was fab
    Till they saw him deceive
    With a trick up his sleeve
    Then they told him to leave in a cab.

  83. Ted Hayes says:

    When the drunk threw up all over the cab,
    the puke reeked distinkly of crab.
    “What’n hell did you eat?” gagged the cabbie.
    “Dunno,” he slurred, mighta been fat Tabby,
    cudn’t see for all o’ that flab!”

  84. Ted Hayes says:

    Rufe Lopes, with new wife LeeAnna,
    grew melons just south of Atlanta.
    Now for love of this fruit of the rind,
    one in particular I might remind,
    they named their first daughter Canta!

  85. Ted Hayes says:

    This ‘apple a day,’ so extolled,
    seems to be quite true, so I’m told.
    But if a bite of this treat,
    brings a slight taste of meat,
    would you rather see half worm or whole?

  86. Diane Groothuis says:

    A man went to market in Spain
    Purporting to buy a plaintain
    Pinching a grape
    Led a hasty escape
    Exiting the town on the train.

  87. Jeanine Silverio says:

    Drinking shot after shot on Don’s tab
    I suggested we get us a cab
    “Awww…shcrew you, you punk!
    You shay I’m too drunk?!”
    Well he was – now he’s dead on a slab.

  88. Ted Hayes says:

    I’ll ride to the polls in a cab,
    not to vote, just to keep tabs.
    But when one’s declared winner,
    secret saint or blatant sinner,
    know that sores are just baby scabs!

  89. Ted Hayes says:

    I’ll ride to the polls in a cab,
    not to vote but to keep tabs.
    And if it be Hillary or ‘the Donald,’
    or even Rosie O’Donnell,
    I know that sores soon become scabs!

  90. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the FRUIT-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick-Off Award 264.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Call.