Archive for the ‘Twitter Humor’ Category

Prank Gone Wrong (2-Verse Limerick)

Tuesday, July 11th, 2023

An illustrious author named Frank
Said “I’ll stop writing books” as a prank.
Many fans called him “Quitter,”
Strew hate-posts on Twitter
And Threads, wished him dead, said he stank.

“You flamers should all be ashamed!
I was joking,” Frank quickly proclaimed.
“But because of your bitching,
Right now I am switching
My genre. And YOU shall be blamed!”

The Skeptical Troll (Limerick)

Friday, January 13th, 2023

A skeptical troll who delights
In arguing, often starts fights
On both Facebook and Twitter.
Ignore all his litter.
He gets bitter when nobody bites.

*****
International Skeptics Day is celebrated each year on the first Friday The 13th of the Year.

Limerick Ode To Elon “I Love Free Speech” Musk

Friday, December 16th, 2022

Musk famously praises free speech.
Yet he’s guilty of breach after breach,
Like his journo suspensions
For negative mentions.
Time to practice, dear Musk, what you preach!

Haiku Duo re the Twitter Exodus

Friday, November 18th, 2022

Elon won’t miss me;
he doesn’t know I exist.
Yet mock Musk, I must.

*****

Twitter refugee
with one toe still a-tweeting.
I can’t look away.

Mad About Mastodon (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 16th, 2022

Twitter appears to be on the verge of collapse. And the most suitable replacement is Mastodon, which I joined a week ago.

I’m still getting to know the neighborhood, but so far, so good. (Right now I’m still on Twitter and toggling between the two social media sites.) Here’s where to find me on Mastodon.

And now, the requisite limerick:

I am NOT quitting Twitter, just yet,
But as owners go, Musk is all wet:
He’s destroying the place!
Should we join (just in case)
A Mastodon server? You bet!

Limerick Ode To Elon Musk (2-Verse)

Monday, November 7th, 2022

Dear Elon, I’m very impressed!
As blunders go, yours are the best!
I’d assumed you were smart,
But you’ve mastered the art
Of destroying your pricey, new nest.

Primo content providers are pissed.
Key staff has been rashly dismissed.
Twitter ad-buyers flee,
While ignoring your plea.
Your mistakes are too many to list!

Covid-19 Vaccine Adventures (2-Verse Limerick Plus Vaccine Scheduling Tips)

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2021

What follows is:

1: A two-verse limerick about my adventures (and difficulties) in booking Covid-19 vaccine appointments in New York City for hubby Mark and me. (And yes, we both easily qualify by age.)

2: A blow by blow description of how I finally managed to snag vaccine appointments in the doesn’t-deserve-to-be-called-a-system New York Covid-19 vaccine scheduling “system.”

(I hope that the information I provide below my 2-verse limerick proves helpful to those who are having similar vaccine-booking problems, both in and outside of New York.)

Fin’lly got my first shot. So did Mark,
After problems with booking them — stark!
New York’s issue-packed system
(too many to list ’em)
Is so bad, I have fantasies — dark.

So how did I schedule our shots
In a system so tied up in knots?
“Push notifications”
Resolved our frustrations;
We were saved by some fine Twitter bots.

If you’re having problems booking Covid-19 vaccine appointments, here’s how I did it in New York City. I hope it helps you too. (Even if you live in another state, some of my info just might be applicable to you.)

1. After trying all the obvious methods for booking vaccine appointments, and failing abysmally, I searched Google to find out if anybody had created a Covid-19 vaccine appointment locator bot in New York. I used search phrases such as covid-19 vaccine New York bot and Covid-19 vaccine New York tracker bot.

This led me to these two Twitter accounts: @turbovax and @nycshotslots. (If you are having trouble getting a vaccination appointment outside of New York, try a similar search for your own state. And if you’re lucky, a Good Samaritan in your city or state created a comparable public bot. For example, this bot was designed for New Jersey residents, and this one was set up for Massachusetts residents.)

2. I went to Twitter, searched for both accounts, and clicked on “follow.” (I was already active on Twitter. However, if you’re not already a Twitter member, you’ll have to join it before benefiting from these or other Twitter bot accounts.)

3. For the next couple of weeks, I checked those New York bot Twitter accounts three or four times an hour. And from time to time, I actually found some potential appointments. Unfortunately, however, each time I went to snag a pair of appointments, I was already too late. This happened even when I started checking every five or ten minutes.

4. Finally, in desperation, I researched how to get “push notifications” from individual Twitter accounts. (In general, I hate and avoid push notifications. But this situation called for emergency measures!)

Fortunately, setting up Twitter push notifications on my laptop turned out to be very simple: All I had to do was return to the home pages of each of those two accounts I was already following (@turbovax and @nycshotslots) and click on the icon immediately to the left of the word “following.” (The icon looks like a bell with a plus sign.) Clicking on it turns on push notifications for that specific Twitter feed, and you’ll know it’s properly set up because after clicking on it, it will turn as dark blue as your “following” indicator button.

5. From then on, as long as I was near my laptop (and the sound was on) I’d hear a sound indicating that one of those two accounts had just tweeted. Additionally a visible notice would flash, then disappear very quickly.

6. As soon as I saw or heard one of those “push notifications” I headed to Twitter to read the latest bot tweets and see if it was for appointment locations/dates that might work for us. And the second I saw one that might be good, I clicked on the site, filled out the forms, and was able to successfully book appointments for both Mark and myself.

Even then, acting so swiftly, I ended up with appointments for us on consecutive days, and not the theoretically more desirable same day. But that actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because parking was impossible at that location (Hillcrest High School, Jamaica Queens, NY.)

So Mark and I took turns on consecutive appointment days, remaining in the driver’s seat, illegally parked in front of someone’s driveway with the blinkers on, ready to move the car at a moment’s notice, for as long as it took for the non-car-baby-sitter to get his/her shot.

Mark and I are both very relieved to have gotten our first shots and to have dates scheduled for our second shots. And I hope you too either have gotten (or will soon get) your Covid vaccine shots.

I also hope that you found this info helpful or, at least, enjoyed my limerick.

*****
FYI, here’s a non-Twitter New York State-wide bot that I haven’t tried, because I discovered it after booking our appointments.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CASH or CACHE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 29, 2020)

Sunday, February 16th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CASH or CACHE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CLOTHING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CLOTHING-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 1, 2020 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 29, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CASH/CACHE-Rhyme limerick:

I’m in a big rush and must dash
To the bank, cuz I’m all out of cash.
Then there’s lunch and a meeting
And hours of tweeting
Snide gripes — pols and neighbors to bash.

And here’s my CLOTHING-themed limerick:

A woman was totally bare;
She’d removed all her clothes on a dare,
Then shopped aroun’ town
Till a cop flagged her down.
Her excuse? “I have nothing to wear.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To 280 Characters

Tuesday, November 7th, 2017

I have 280 characters. Yay!
But now that I do, what to say?
A big thank you to Twitter
For letting me litter
Your site with my limerick spray.

Fitting A Limerick On Twitter Ain’t Easy!

Sunday, April 9th, 2017

Oy! The contortions I had to go through to fit a meta-limerick about NPR’s poetry-tweet contest into a tweet!

I HATE the 140-character (including hashtag) limit! GRRR!

This limerick looked perfectly normal before I was forced to alter it to fit into a tweet: (It even had proper punctuation, spelling, and spacing.)

I’ve poetry news:Tweet ur verse
4 NPR glory;No purse
So dont curse.Just compoz
Ur poems,not proz
&remember that TwitterMeansTERSE

#NPRPoetry

My Modest Twitter Proposal

Tuesday, May 17th, 2016

There’s scuttlebutt afoot that Twitter’s 140 character limit may soon be improved, ever so slightly. The idea, apparently, isn’t to up the limit, but to stop counting link and photo characters in calculating usage.

I look forward to that rumored improvement. But in the meantime, here’s my modest proposal:

How ’bout this for a Tweet-poet’s aid:
When you write something short, why not trade
Unused character credits
Or save them, I’ll bet it’s
A hit when o’er limits you’ve strayed.

For example, you’ve written haiku
And you’ve room for more words — just a few.
That space you’ve not used
Could be stored and then fused
On a tweet with a limerick spew.

Tweeting The Unconventional (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 4th, 2016

Biz advice from a mogul, by tweet:
Women eyeing that large corner suite
Should hike skirts up and wear
Bright colors. I swear
It ain’t Trump, but Barb Corc’ran. Delete!

Here’s the article that inspired this limerick: “Barbara Corcoran to female entrepreneurs: Hike up your skirts.”

Few Seem To Heart Twitter’s New Hearts (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2015

When I signed onto Twitter today,
I found to my shock and dismay
That favs are now hearts.
Hence poisonous darts
Are turning its management gray.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STRIDE or ASTRIDE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Sunday, November 1st, 2015

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either STRIDE or ASTRIDE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A jogger stopped trying to hide
Her concerns about being a bride;
She sent out this tweet
To her boyfriend: “You’re sweet.
Wedding’s off, though. Please take it in stride.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

What I Do When Facebook Is Down (Limerick)

Monday, September 28th, 2015

During Facebook’s outage today, I was reduced to posting this limerick on Twitter:

#Facebookdown so I’ve come here 2 Tweet
& nobody takes a backseat
2 my posting addiction,
A dreadful affliction.
My FB surrender’s complete.

(“2” instead of “to,” “FB” instead of “Facebook,” and “&” instead of “and” all done in order to comply with Twitter’s 140-character limit.)

Stop Teasing Me, Twitter!

Wednesday, August 12th, 2015

Stop Teasing Me, Twitter!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

For a moment, I’m thrilled at the news:
“Twitter’s ending our 140 blues.”
But I’m joyous too soon–
Just DMs get that boon.
Tiny tweets will keep stifling my muse.

(DM on Twitter refers to Direct Message, much like Private Messages on Facebook.)

Tweet Marvels (Limerick)

Friday, December 19th, 2014

Tweet Marvels (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I marvel @ poets who fit
A lim’rick on tweets. It takes grit
& patience & toil
2 manage 2 boil
Lim’ricks down so u read what I’ve writ.

Note: The 140 character per tweet limit on Twitter is a tough taskmaster; It was all I could do to fit the five lines in a tweet, even after changing “@” to “at,” “and” to “&,” “to” to “2,” and “you” to “u.”

And even then, there was no room for my title, byline, post URL, or this hashtagged indication of what prompt inspired me: #5prompt (marvel.)

Twitter Limerick Fit

Thursday, August 1st, 2013

Not only does dVerse’s Sam Peralta ask us to write poetry on Twitter, he wants our poems to be precisely 140 characters. So here goes — a Twitter limerick, 140 characters on the nose:

It’s hard to fit lim’ricks on Twitter,
A wonderful haiku transmitter.
When I try to write short
I’m forced to abort
& verses alas lose their

And here it is on my @Madkane Twitter account.

Smite SMODJ! (Limerick)

Friday, July 19th, 2013

This limerick was inspired by Facebook friend Douglas Frank, who proposed a new texting acronym:

SMODJ, pronounced similar to “smudge.”
It stands for: Social Media Outrage Du Jour.

Smite SMODJ! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Social Media Outrage Du Jour
(SMODJ, for short) can be tough to endure.
Angry pro and con litter
In Facebook and Twitter
Stream ceaselessly. Stop, please! No more!

Facebook Faces The Hashtag Music

Friday, June 14th, 2013

Facebook Faces The #Hashtag Music (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Facebook honchos have fin’ly said “yes”
To #hashtags, but under duress:
All the cool kids at Twitter
Treat hashtags like glitter,
A trend Facebook dares not transgress.

#Facebookhashtag #Facebookhashtags #hashtagsfacebook #hashtagfacebook