Posts Tagged ‘Bawdy Humor’

The Haughty Professor (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 3rd, 2024

A haughty old prof who wore tweed
Taught the classics (stuff most folks don’t read.)
A fine poet of note,
The man furtively wrote
Naughty lim’ricks with fervor and speed.

(Tweed Day falls annually on April 3rd.)

An Ambitious Builder, but NOT The One You Think (Limerick)

Sunday, February 18th, 2024

A young builder who loved his reflection
Was determined to win an election.
But voters were vexed
Cuz he constantly flexed…
And was caught with a public erection.

The Temptress (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024

The temptress exclaimed, “Take a lick.
But hurry! You must make it quick,
Or I’ll eat it alone.
Hey, you’ve broken my cone.
Ice cream’s melting all over your… Ick!

Drumming Up Decadence (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 15th, 2023

What’s my excuse for posting this limerick? It’s November 15th, National Drumming Day.

A drummer had hoped to ensnare
An au pair in a sordid affair:
“Your breasts are so sweet.
May I fondle each teat?”
“You’ve some pair,” she said. “Beat it! No! Ne’er!”

An Athletic Test (Limerick)

Monday, November 13th, 2023

An athlete ran nude down the street
And was caught by the cops — no mean feat.
He explained (all erect)
“‘Twas a test to detect
If detectives on foot can be fleet.”

Lustful Limerick

Monday, December 12th, 2022

A gal was impressed by the thrust
Of an argument made against lust.
But the man who had made it
Had mated or dated
Each person in town with a bust.

A Touching Scene (Limerick)

Sunday, December 4th, 2022

An amorous fellow named Jack
Was eagerly stroking her rack.
When he asked, “How’s my touch?
Is the pressure too much?”
She replied, “How ’bout scratching my back!”

Yet Another Brassy Limerick

Monday, October 10th, 2022

Most orchestra members would groan
At the principal trumpeter’s tone.
But his job was secure,
Cuz his lips held allure
For the maestro, a horny old crone.

*****

National Trumpet Day falls on October 10.

Half-Baked Limerick

Friday, September 30th, 2022

A baker was well on his way
To a lifetime of waste and decay,
When he met a cute gal
Who said, “Listen up pal!
Straighten out, or no rolls in the hay.”

(September 30 is National Bakery Day.)

Lusting For Lusty Limericks? (Limerick)

Monday, September 12th, 2022

Must a lim’rick be bawdy and lusty?
Has that “rule” become mis’rably musty?
I like lims of all kinds
From both lewd and chaste minds,
Even those just a tad upper crusty.

The “Innocent” Punster (Limerick)

Friday, May 20th, 2022

A boy was bawled out by the nuns
For his sly use of off-color puns.
But he swore “I’m not punning!”
(The fellow was cunning.)
“Besides baking, just what’s done with buns?”

A Failure To Communicate (Limerick)

Monday, April 18th, 2022

A largely deaf fellow named Ben
Relished sex in his new girlfriend’s den.
But she’d talk during sex,
(Very much like his ex.)
His confusing reply? “Come again.”

Limerick Gymnastics

Wednesday, January 26th, 2022

Two newly-wed gymnasts were sacked
And told it was time to get packed:
“Since the pair of you wed,
You are always in bed.”
Their defense? “Life’s a balancing act.”

“Bucket Lists” Leave Me Listless (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 11th, 2022

There are folks who develop a bucket list;
Pre-death dreams, goals, and treks to Nantucket list.
But to heck with that checklist!
I don’t need a trek-list!
I DO have a chuck-it and fuck-it list.

Celebrating Sax (Limerick)

Saturday, November 6th, 2021

Happy “Sax Day!” And happy birthday to Adolphe Sax, its inventor! (November 6)

A horny musician named Phil
When flirting would trumpet his skill.
But he mispronounced “sax,”
The name of his ax,
So his chance of romance went downhill.

Irreverent Limerick

Wednesday, October 27th, 2021

I was inspired to write this limerick by the many male-written limericks I’ve read about priests:

I’m a female and Jewish, so never
Had priest problems – none whatsoever.
I don’t mean to be caustic.
I’m deeply agnostic;
Dodging clergy at large — my endeavor.

Woe-Ridden Gambler (Limerick)

Sunday, October 24th, 2021

A gambler who lost lots of dough
On a horse race, was stunned by the blow:
“Woe is me! I’m a chump!
That damn horse took a dump
Mid-race; he was rarin’ to ‘go.'”

Secret Affairs (Limerick)

Monday, October 18th, 2021

Two women, good friends, worked backstage.
Each was “dating” a man half her age:
A man on the crew.
Which one? Neither knew.
It turns out, both were on the same Page.

Fishing For An Alibi (Limerick)

Saturday, September 25th, 2021

“It’s easy to hoodwink that stinker,”
Said a man of his wife, a big drinker.
“When coition’s my mission,
She thinks I’m out fishin’…
And falls for it hook, line, and sinker.”

Whimsical Limerick

Monday, September 20th, 2021

A man in the mood for a swim,
Who would frequently act on a whim,
Dove into a pool
From a tree; hurt his tool…
Vowed to stop going out on a limb.