Archive for the ‘Music Humor & Verse’ Category

Grand Shopping Plans (Limerick)

Monday, November 7th, 2022

When I priced grand pianos today,
I heard quotes, grandiose, with dismay.
They cost too many grand,
And my right and left hand
Lack the cash to buy keyboard cachet.

*****
Happy World Pianist Day! (November 8)

Sax Day Blues

Sunday, November 6th, 2022

A limerick in honor of National Saxophone Day:

A fellow was feeling distressed;
He was restless and NOT at his best.
So he pulled out his axe
And at midnight played sax.
As house-guests go, THAT guy’s a pest!

Yet Another Brassy Limerick

Monday, October 10th, 2022

Most orchestra members would groan
At the principal trumpeter’s tone.
But his job was secure,
Cuz his lips held allure
For the maestro, a horny old crone.

*****

National Trumpet Day falls on October 10.

The Concert Kerfuffle (Limerick)

Monday, September 19th, 2022

A British guitarist named Stan
Was playing a concert in Cannes,
When an audience member
Threw rocks and an ember…
And that’s when the Brit hit the fan.

Trumpeting Leadership (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 14th, 2022

My self-challenge for today was writing a limerick using the new-to-me word “fugleman.”

An assertive, decisive, and frugal man
Was also an excellent bugle man.
He would make extra dough
Playing band gigs and so
In parades, he was always the fugleman.

Practice, Practice, Practice! (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022

When students are told to play scales,
You’re likely to hear lots of wails;
Scales are boring as hell,
But to ever play well
They’re a must! (Also trim your damn nails!)

The Not-So-Sharp Musician (Limerick)

Saturday, July 2nd, 2022

A would-be musician was lax
About practicing scales on his sax.
Yet he landed a seat
In a band — no mean feat,
But then blew it and soon got the axe.

The Oddball Composer (Limerick)

Friday, July 1st, 2022

A minor composer named Bea
Only wrote in A Minor. “You see,
Its sound is the best,”
She’d respond when a pest
Asked her why. “It’s my signature key!”

A Tale Of Technique (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 29th, 2022

A woman with awesome technique
(On the piano I mean, you damn freak)
Would caress all the keys
With both power and ease,
Till she brought ev’ry piece to its peak.

(World Piano Day is celebrated on the 88th day of each year.)

Conductor Misconduct (Limerick)

Monday, March 28th, 2022

A crazy conductor named Dick
Had a fondness for “food on a stick.”
The guy was far gone;
Used his skewer-baton
To throw food at the winds with a flick.

*****

Happy “Something On A Stick Day.” (March 28)

Unnoteworthy Limerick

Tuesday, February 8th, 2022

“The soprano attempted a note
That is out of her range,” went the quote
From the Op’ra Review.
“It was shrill, like a shrew.” —
A critique that still sticks in her throat.

(Opera Day is celebrated on two different days: February 8 and October 25.)

Limerick Ode To The Eagles

Monday, January 10th, 2022

“Save The Eagles Day” — that’s today’s brand.
It’s a national day in our land.
Lest there be some confusion
Or even delusion,
I don’t mean the team or the band.

(“Save The Eagles Day” is celebrated each year on January 10.)

Engaged By The Cello (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 29th, 2021

My beau plays the cello. His bow
Makes the loveliest music I know.
I love him, I think,
But my mother, a shrink,
Says I won’t, once I’ve heard Lorne Munroe.

Happy “International Cello Day!” (December 29)

A Clarinet Tale (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 16th, 2021

Happy “World Clarinet Day!” (November 16)

A woman who played clarinet,
Used vibrato; I’ll never forget,
Cuz the maestro freaked out;
“You’re ousted!”– his shout.
Now she can’t get a gig on a bet.

(For those unfamiliar with the clarinet vibrato issue, clarinet vibrato is generally considered a symphony orchestra no-no, but it’s used in jazz and klezmer music. However, when a symphony orchestra plays something with a jazz influence, such as Gershwin, the occasional exception is made.)

Are Drums Humdrum? (Limerick)

Monday, November 15th, 2021

Just in time for “National Drummer Day!” (November 15)

A kazoo’s used to alter your humming
With a dull, buzzy drone that’s mind-numbing.
So I’m NOT a big fan,
But won’t call for a ban,
Cuz at least it’s less irksome than drumming.

Longing For A Bong (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 10th, 2021

Happy Bong Day! (November 10)

A singer who longed for a bong
(Though it’s bad for her voice and so wrong)
Called a seller she knew.
They met up at the zoo,
Where a bongload was bought for a song.

Celebrating Sax (Limerick)

Saturday, November 6th, 2021

Happy “Sax Day!” And happy birthday to Adolphe Sax, its inventor! (November 6)

A horny musician named Phil
When flirting would trumpet his skill.
But he mispronounced “sax,”
The name of his ax,
So his chance of romance went downhill.

Operatic Limerick

Monday, October 25th, 2021

Happy “World Opera Day!” (October 25)

“Sustaining high notes can be hard,”
Said an opera singer who starred
In Norma; she claims
That it’s not fun and games,
But a contest of wills, no holds barred.

Missing Musicians (Limerick)

Thursday, October 21st, 2021

“We have lost sev’ral members, I hear,”
Said the maestro. “Some key ones, I fear.
It’s too late for auditions
To find new musicians.
I guess we must play it by ear.”

Handy Limerick

Tuesday, October 12th, 2021

At the piano the man’s an old hand;
He is one of the best in the land.
But he still has regrets
And never forgets:
Having more than one hand would be grand.