Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RUDE, RUED or ROOD at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 4, 2023)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RUDE, RUED or ROOD at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DESTRUCTION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DESTRUCTION-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: STRIDE, HANDY, PUNISH, FLY, BAIL.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 5, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 4, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my RUDE, RUED or ROOD-Rhyme Limerick:

I am stunned by the way you behave.
It appears you were raised in a cave.
You’ve a terrible tude
And you’re crude, lewd, and rude.
So there’s only one word for you: KNAVE!

And here’s my DESTRUCTION-Themed Limerick:

Here’s a factoid not everyone knows:
Perfectionist Brahms alas chose
To destroy some great stuff
He thought NOT up to snuff.
How I wish that he di’n’t decompose!

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

I tried to play “stride,” but I failed.
My small hands lacked the reach, so I bailed.
But I still remain sold
On stride pianists of old,
Whose fingers would fly, as they wailed.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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173 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RUDE, RUED or ROOD at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 4, 2023)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Ego Destruction”

    Didn’t know I got under his skin.
    It seems I committed a sin.
    I destroyed the man’s pride.
    Was it out or inside?
    Guess I shouldn’t have asked, “Is it in?”

  2. Rudy Landesman says:

    From Russia, that much troubled nation,
    There’s news that has caused a sensation.
    When folks there allude
    To Putin as rude;
    They’re subject to defenestration.

  3. Rudy Landesman says:

    As much as I rued to be rude,
    For roods I was not in the mood.
    That Vatican tour
    Was hard to endure.
    I was bored, and I think that I booed.

  4. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Lisi,
    Your limerick brings back a memory.
    Years ago I went for a sigmoidoscopy. The doctor gave me a big speech to prepare me for that “awful” procedure. He then inserted the scope into my rectum. I turned around and asked: “Is it in yet?”

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Rudy: Oy)

    “My High BMI”

    Next week, I shall have liposuction.
    Cuz, Wow! I sure need a reduction.
    To avoid getting chills,
    I’ll be given some pills
    Which supplement vast mass destruction.

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    God, forgive me for being so crude.
    Last night I was blissfully screwed.
    Please don’t tell Father Nast.
    He would sure be aghast,
    Cuz we screwed smack bang under the rood.

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m no psychic, although I am shrewd.
    Entrants don’t want to be misconstrued.
    In my toy crystal ball
    I envision us all
    Frantically looking up rued and/or rood.

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction Limerick #5
    “My High BMI” (Body Mass Index)

    Next week, I shall have liposuction.
    Cuz, Wow! I sure need a reduction.
    To avoid getting chills,
    I’ll be given some pills
    To supplement high mass destruction.

  9. P Diane Schneider says:

    Now this one is going to be really rude
    Because it’s about a troublesome dude
    Who tore up the place
    And gashed a guy’s face
    This during a feud over a girlie he’d wooed

  10. Patrice Stewart says:

    The Eve of Destruction is Averted

    The Christ dangled beneath his rearview
    In the Chevy and drew the babes, too.
    But he rued the rude rood
    As a mystical dude:
    Last night’s pickup declined a good screw…

    Claimed destruction would strike at her head
    As they frolicked, backseat for a bed:
    She couldn’t put out
    While He watched! Grind, then pout.
    So his rood’s in the glovebox instead.

  11. P Diane Schneider says:

    At the fly ball he shouted and booed
    At the punishing match that he’d viewed
    But got out of hand
    Earned a just bail demand
    Could this be an action he rued?

  12. Sharon Neeman says:

    “God help you when Johnny gets crude,”
    Warned his sister. I thought: Is he rude?
    Is that what she’s saying —
    Or is she just praying,
    “God help you an’ Johnny get screwed”?

  13. Sharon Neeman says:

    One cat, with just four little paws
    And some teeth in her two tiny jaws,
    Pushed three plates off the table,
    Ate all she was able,
    And puked on the rest. Why? Because.

  14. Keone Morienga says:

    Destructive Criticism, aka The Curse of Perfectionism

    In my brain, there’s a five-headed demon
    Whose aspersions are awful demeanin’
    The fastidious prick’s
    Got me fixing lim’ricks
    So that just for a sec he stops screamin’

  15. Bob Turvey says:

    I was thinking about the word FOOD;
    Why isn’t it spelled just like STEWED?
    Wouldn’t it be GOOD
    If only you COULD
    Just spell it like SUED, FEUD or RUDE?

  16. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A Fresh Look at “Nude Descending a Staircase”

    When Duchamp told his model, “No drape,”
    He/she ran down the stairs to escape.
    “Go ahead, call me rude,”
    Said Marcel to the nude,
    “There’s no need to get bent out of shape.”

  17. Keone Morienga says:

    HANDY, FLY, BAIL

    When I met ‘er, ’twas musing my fail
    In a coeducational jail
    She tossed me a handy,
    Which I found quite dandy
    And flew the coop once I made bail

  18. Keone Morienga says:

    Will you please not mistake me for *rood
    For that Jesus guy seemed just some dude
    Though a savior he failed to be
    Didn’t think “nailed to me”
    Would be his fate (*misconstrued?)

  19. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Over grievances I can’t deny,
    (and I’m feeling too peevish to try),
    I won’t bail, I can’t hide,
    I don’t take them in stride —
    If one’s handy, I punish a fly.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    The masochist, “I Love Pain” Flo
    Begged, “Please punish me, dear darling Joe.”
    In a very swift stride
    “Sadist Joe” walked outside.
    (Before closing the door, he said, “No”)

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    A slight change in limerick #6

    God forgive me for being so crude.
    Last night in the church I got screwed.
    Please don’t tell Father Nast.
    He would be so aghast.
    Cuz we screwed smack bang under the rood.

  22. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Donald’s never done nothing he’s rued!”
    Claimed Trump’s lawyers from Crookshank and Crood.
    “That defense isn’t smart,”
    Said the Judge. “For a start,
    Double negatives here are pursued.”

  23. Bob Turvey says:

    The Steve of Destruction

    Young Steve with a whopper was cursed,
    And once, when ’twas fully immersed,
    In the Stygian gloom
    Heard a terrible boom –
    Which meant that his partner had burst.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban” (adapted in an effort to compose a random word limerick)

    Pistol Pete, Pat The Cat, and “The Snoop”
    Were felons who formed a sly group.
    They couldn’t make bail
    Till they got useful mail
    From The Wizard, and then flew the coop.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    In my lifetime, I’ve never been shrewd.
    And woefully, I must conclude:
    Till the day that I die
    I’ll keep wondering why
    I had so many husbands I’ve rued.

  26. Terry Marter says:

    One day, just to shake off my gloom,
    I got naked and danced ’round the room.
    It SO lifted my mood,
    Till the time (that’s still rued)
    When PC schedule fired-up live Zoom

  27. Terry Marter says:

    “That carpenter guy was the boss?”,
    asked the sculptor “to me it’s all dross”.
    Said the priest: “Don’t be crude,
    get to work my rood.
    YOU, dude, – are just makin’ me cross.”

  28. Tim James says:

    While in England, and looking for food,
    I sought help from a whimsical dude.
    He said, “Eighty roods down,
    Take a left into town.”
    Thanks a lot. What the hell is a rood?

  29. There once was a student quite rude
    who made actions in class rather rude
    and hoped claiming autism
    would help widen the schism
    tween her and the payback she rued.

  30. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A Post-holiday Post

    “The Gift of the Magi,” seemed nice;
    It employed an ironic device,
    To show neither soul rued,
    Useless presents pursued,
    In the spirit of self-sacrifice.

    Though divulging an ending is rude,
    No doubt ev’ryone knows what ensued:
    With no hair on her head,
    Della took Jim to bed.
    He got lucky, and she got a snood.

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Dog Rover: randoms

    Rover tore up the wall my, oh, my!
    A punishment clearly was nigh.
    For this grievous offence
    He barked in defense,
    “I was trying to kill a damn fly.”

  32. Phyllis Reinhard says:

    (Rude and Destruction)

    To say Congress is lame might be rude,
    But just study their split attitude.
    It limits production,
    It leads to destruction.
    It’s a Trumped-up vain gang, and we’re screwed!

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s so handy to text, why write mail?
    We guys do it all day, without fail.
    If a REAL call comes in,
    We know it’s ’bout sin.
    Cuz one of us dork’s needin’ bail.

  34. Bob Turvey says:

    Prince Harry – when in party mood,
    Conventional wisdom eschewed.
    Snapped by paparazzi
    When dressed as a Nazi –
    An action he later quite rued.

  35. Bob Turvey says:

    As she came in, said Lady Miranda,
    “His Lordship’s just had a back-hander.
    Now, I am not a prude
    But I do think it rude
    To urinate off the veranda.”

  36. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    For a Punisher’s flogs to be brutal,
    He keeps handy his kit and caboodle.
    He may pull out a prod
    As he dangles his rod,
    Or, for novelty, use his wet noodle.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I Only Buy “Irregulars”

    I’m a very cheap, miserly guy.
    In “Menswear”, brown slacks caught my eye.
    They were missing a zipper,
    Which made me feel chipper.
    Now THAT is a real handy fly.

  38. Terry Marter says:

    If your handy work (lim’) is a Fail
    You’ll be flown off to Limerick jail.
    But if clever, and fun-ish,
    And pref’rably pun-ish,
    You’ll ‘walk’, while the losers seek bail.

  39. Tim James says:

    It’s the end of the world. We’re all dead.
    Endless pain and starvation I dread.
    I can hear through the gloom
    The sad howling of doom…
    ‘Cause our kitty cats haven’t been fed.

  40. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I asked a Republican pundit:
    “Our Democracy, sir, have you shunned it?”
    “We’ve destroyed it,” he said,
    “But it isn’t quite dead,
    So we’re passing a bill to defund it.”

  41. Jean E McEwen says:

    Look! It’s Jesus, hung up on a rood!
    Who’d have thunk: The guy’s fully tattooed!
    He’s got snakes on his shlong–
    Which, in turn, is quite long.
    I’ve got newfound respect for this dude!

  42. Jean E McEwen says:

    Matt Goetz has set out to destroy
    Civil order; he’ll use any ploy
    To help burn down the House.
    He’s a certified louse,
    With disdain for the mass hoi polloi.

  43. Jean E McEwen says:

    Denied bail, Stu was fit to be tied–
    Refusing to take it in stride
    As the price to be paid
    When one murders the maid
    And then boils and ingests her raw hide.

  44. Daisy Ward says:

    The customer was so rude
    It made her sound like a dude
    Security was called
    The she took a hard fall
    And realized she was screwed

  45. Daisy Ward says:

    California’s destruction was bad
    It was the worst they’d ever had
    Out of character for them
    They were twisted just like a limb
    Angels meet Karma makes it sad

  46. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “I would send a nice letter — oh, fie!”
    Charlotte scrawled, “But no paper have I.
    It was handy last year,
    But I’ve lost it, I fear.
    So I’m writing to you on the fly.”

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    Jack’s been punished, he’s waiting in jail
    For his brother who promised him bail.
    Here he is with the hay!
    It’s been a bad day.
    His brother is one stupid male.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    same idea, slightly different

    John’s been punished, he’s waiting in jail
    For “Jacky” who promised him bail.
    Seems Jack’s not in town
    Cause he broke his big crown.
    Though he sent John a real sturdy pail.

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    The King of Kings seemed to be gripping.
    His blood was abundantly dripping.
    As he stood at the rood,
    He felt somewhat unglued.
    And asked for “more nails, please, I’m slipping.”

  50. Rudy Landesman says:

    On Halloween eve little Andy
    Looked real fly and beguilingly randy
    In his satyr-like wear —
    More than pedos can bear.
    And that’s why they all have candy handy.

  51. Rudy Landesman says:

    Charles Dickens, he died. It was rude
    Not to first finish his Edwin Drood.
    I should never’ve begun it.
    Can you tell me who done it?
    For such myst’ries I’m not in the mood.

  52. Keone Morienga says:

    Destructive Sobriety Impropriety

    Know that if you at first don’t succeed
    At resisting intoxicants, we’d
    Recommend that you try
    Try a gin as you fly
    Off the wagon sobriety-freed

  53. Tim James says:

    A stripper whose outlook was screwed
    With her crowds got increasingly rude.
    So she took some time off
    (Not a thread did she doff)
    Then returned to work, fresh and re-nude.

  54. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hi, Rudy. “Edwin Drood” — I have the answer you seek!

    “In all honesty, whodunits bore me.”
    I quote Dickens. (He favored a “Poor Me”).
    He said, “Dredging up Drood,
    Is an act I have rued.
    Let my critics all murder him for me.”

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    “A Word To The Wise”

    Listen closely, you gullible dude.
    Your illness is called “Misconstrued”
    She’ll say, “You’re to blame”
    Cause she’s one clever dame.
    Her bullshit is nothing to rued.

    (I had nothing to do with this limerick: The Devil made me do it)

  56. Doug Harris says:

    Pontius Pilate said, “Jesus – you’re screwed,
    You’re guilty, be nailed to yon rood”.
    Under his jurisdiction
    Came the famed crucifixion,
    Then no more’s ever heard from that dude.

  57. Doug Harris says:

    The media hypers are glued
    To Prince Harry’s pulp fiction and feud.
    It’s a sorry affair
    That he feels like a Spare
    But to blame his old dad is just rude!

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was hungry, and wildly pursued
    Some poor bag lady, then stole her food.
    She screamed cuss words at me,
    And I can’t believe she
    Had the chutzpah to call me “so rude”

  59. Doug Harris says:

    A Destruction Anagramerick

    DESTRUCT IONs you swine, if you must –
    Scrap my car when you first NOTICED RUST!
    Please, this EDICT UNSORT
    Lest it INDUCES TORT
    And leaves nothing but CITROEN DUST.

  60. Rudy Landesman says:

    Thank you Sjaan. I assume you also saw the musical version.

    Broadway audiences can be so rude.
    And if I’d written Drood, I’d have sued.
    For the record it’s noted —
    It was they who had voted
    On who did the deed. Then they booed.

  61. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Rudy–I didn’t see the “Drood” musical, but I did read the lyrics to its
    “Out On A Limerick.” It was fun finding it there. Btw, I always enjoy
    your literary bent. (No pun intended).

    When you read “Edwin Drood,” you must tend to it,
    For the arc of its plot has a bend to it.
    A quick skim on the fly,
    Can be punishing. Why?
    Once you start it, you’ll find there’s no end to it.

  62. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Sjaan,
    So glad that you appreciate my literary references. I wish that Mad did. She prefers word play and (horror of horrors!) puns.
    Your “bent” pun was noted, and I have to admit that this one does hit the mark. 😪

    *****

    From Mad Kane:

    Rudy, I actually DO appreciate your literary references. They’re often very clever. But my judging is based on the entirety of a limerick, and NOT on just any one factor.

  63. Terry Marter says:

    A rood carver hired a Deutsch dude
    To pose for his art, in the nude.
    A very large splinter
    Went right up his “hinter”
    (I was gonna write “Arse” but that’s rude).

  64. Terry Marter says:

    Some food for thought?

    A starving philosopher rued
    That day when he busked in the nude.
    Naked truth in the street
    Didn’t help make ends meet,
    But it DID give him more thought for food.

  65. Terry Marter says:

    There’s success with the great Ozone hole.
    It’s a sign that we’ll save Gaia’s soul.
    The future’s sublime;
    We’ve bought extra time,
    So we’ll sell just a wee bit more coal.

  66. Ryan Tilley says:

    So the news was a doubleheader:
    Trump and Biden spread docs like cheddar.
    They were seen as buffoons
    For depending on goons
    When they needed a secret shredder!

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    This ACTUALLY happened in New Jersey in the 1990’s.
    The police took pictures, and it made the papers.

    “The Ultimate Embarrassing Moment”

    A gal in a “DIY” mood
    Regrettably thought she was shrewd.
    Tried to retile her floor.
    With a brand new decor
    (A day that she always will rued.)

    Here’s the story of what had ensued,
    And the reason why “Ms. Fixit” rued.
    While doing this job.
    Oh Boy! Did she sob.
    To that unfinished floor, she got glued.

    (Face Down!)

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    As a carpenter, I could tell tales
    ‘Bout all of my sweat and travails.
    Standing here on this rood,
    I’m beginning to brood
    Cause you’re using the wrong kinds of nails.

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dear Mad’leine, I don’t want to spar.
    But these rhymes are not getting me far.
    We’ve already used rood,
    Next round can you include
    A rhyme test for six-pointed star?

  70. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Lisi,
    Mogen David’s the star that you seek,
    Six-pointed in shape — so unique.
    And just like a rood,
    It’s a symbol that you’d
    Exhibit to be in your clique.

  71. Terry Marter says:

    A dyslexic woodcarver of yore,
    Was far better than any before,
    Till a contractor dude
    Commissioned a rood.
    What he got, was a really nice door.

  72. Tim James says:

    The crew of a starship took stock
    Of the Earth. They regarded in shock
    War, destruction, and hate.
    Their report home will state:
    “No intelligent life on this rock.”

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    There is something I always foresee,
    And most travelers won’t disagree.
    Ev’ry time that I fly
    I feel punished, here’s why:
    Someone smelly is sitting with me.

  74. Terry Marter says:

    Prisons now have a handy new scale,
    To help punished poets who fail.
    If aforementioned crim’s
    learn to rhyme, and write lim’s,
    They’re upgraded to Limerick jail.

  75. Mike says:

    Roo’s mother was not quite a prude,
    But she found it incredibly crude
    That all the friends prance
    Around Pooh in no pants;
    It’s the nudity that Kanga rued.

  76. Mike says:

    A too ‘handy’ pervert was tried,
    Now he’s punished for something he tried;
    He couldn’t make bail
    So he’s rotting in jail;
    Time won’t fly; he won’t take it in stride.

  77. Mike says:

    Sorry – earlier entry was a draft, not final copy.

    A too ‘handy’ pervert was tried;
    Now he’s punished and locked up inside;
    He couldn’t make bail
    So he’s rotting in jail;
    Time won’t fly; he won’t take it in stride.

  78. Leo Tales says:

    I’m the first to admit I seem rude
    And aloof and detached and subdued
    I’m a shy introvert
    So my chat can seem curt
    And I’m happier in solitude

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    The night we shot up was a ball.
    Till “the boys in blue” had the damn gall
    To throw us in jail
    We couldn’t make bail.
    Who ratted? A fly on the wall.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    Bed Time Story Time! “The Unhappy Pig”

    “My head’s rotting, the sad piggy cries!
    “Doctor, help me! I’ve tears in my eyes!”
    With a very swift stride,
    Doc checks “The Oink Guide”
    Diagnosis: “The Lord Of The Flies”

  81. Wild Thing says:

    With a sweet tooth for prudes, Rod’s quite handy
    So with Candace in stride, he felt randy
    Just before she said, “Stop!”
    Came a large cherry pop
    It was easy to score with hard Candy

  82. Rudy Landesman says:

    The poet strode home in a stew.
    He flew into a rage, (wouldn’t you?)
    The great Roman, Ovid,
    Knew nothing of covid,
    When he caught what he thought was the flu.

  83. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    One Town Crier called out, apropos,
    Handy info he thought folks should know:
    “There’s a fly on your hat!”
    Most said, “Don’t tell us THAT.”
    He said, “Okay, it’s on your chapeau.”

  84. Wild Thing says:

    Verdict read, and no bail, bad to worse…
    Lim’rick license expired, such a curse
    For a lack of admitting
    Got a punishment fitting
    A whole year of just prose, and no verse!

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    She walked in a hammering stride!
    And whimpered, “You’ve wounded my pride.
    “I know that you’re sneaking
    We’ll no longer be speaking!”
    (A punishment sweet to abide)

  86. Rudy Buller says:

    Slay the fire-breather and be nobly wed!
    But Sir Broca mistook what the town decree said
    While others the creature pursued
    And to shouts of “How very rude!”
    He spanked his own dragon instead.

  87. Brian Allgar says:

    I decided to punish the fly.
    “You’ve annnoyed me too long, you must die!”
    I attempted to swat it,
    And thought I had got it –
    Instead, it flew into my eye.

  88. Wild Thing says:

    At first stride, Trixie did catch my eye
    But the bulge did divulge, on the fly…
    First date ruse, all pretend
    Got it right in the end…
    Had to bail, tricky Trixie’s a guy!

  89. Wild Thing says:

    YOUR MISSION, at the GYM, was made clear
    Healthy food, get your rest, and no beer!
    Second helpings, out late…
    Second thoughts, sealed his fate…
    SELF-DESTRUCT in 10 ‘SECONDS’, I fear…

  90. Wild Thing says:

    Some word meanings can be misconst-rued
    Take the dif’rence between ‘cross’ and ‘rude’
    So as not to confuse
    Make the words that you choose
    Crystal clear, like ‘obnoxious’ and ‘rood’

  91. Tim James says:

    A handyman took it in stride
    When a client implied she’d provide
    A diversion quite lewd.
    “To decline would be rude.
    She paid overtime also,” he sighed.

  92. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Nanu nanu, random Earthlings

    She won’t bail on her boyfriend from Ork,
    Though he eats vichyssoise with a fork.
    “That spoon’s leaky!” she’ll cry.
    He’ll yell, “Soup in my fly!”
    Love is grand when you’ve found the right dork.

  93. Don Lazarre says:

    To Santa, she wrote “I ask you:
    ‘When sleeping, you SEE us. That true?
    If you do, that is rude
    ‘Cuz I sleep in the nude!
    Ain’t that worth a present or two?’”

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Island Hopping” Hawaii (refueling)

    Those real tiny planes sure ain’t great.
    I fly them, but what is my fate?
    Is punishment near?
    Will we all disappear
    Cuz some fat lady lied ’bout her weight?

  95. Sondra+Landin says:

    I think it’s incredibly rude;
    That he saunters here nude, the dumb dude;
    And though he’s my ex,
    I know he wants sex,
    But not again will I be screwed!

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction Of Above Limerick. “Island Hopping” (How much fuel is needed?)

    Those real tiny planes aren’t great.
    I fly in them, then I debate:
    Is punishment near?
    Will we all disappear
    Cuz some fat lady lied ’bout her weight?

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    “A Promise: I Will Never Do This Again”

    A lim’rik has set preconditions.
    Don’t punish me, Mad. I’ve ambitions!
    This was done on the fly.
    But no longer will I
    Stress syllables ON prepositions.

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dear Autocorrect, kiss my butt.
    My lim’riks are always “uncut.”
    I’m consistently crude,
    And purposely rude.
    Stop “fixing” things, you piece of shut.

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Too Poor To Fly First-Class”

    Gee, each time my poor hubby flies
    He feels punished, sits down, and just sighs.
    Last week back in coach
    He spotted a roach.
    On his cold fish that had bloodshot eyes.

  100. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Searching “flyleaf” in Webster’s confirms,
    it’s more handy to use my own terms:
    A blank page on each end
    from where flies must defend
    books from being devoured by worms.

  101. Sharon Neeman says:

    “He opened his fly,” said Louise,
    “And showed me his thing, just to tease —
    But I took it in stride,
    Slipped my ‘handy’ inside,
    And punished it with a hard squeeze!”

  102. Mike Young says:

    RUDE, RUED, ROOD

    I encountered a Brit that was rude

  103. Mike Young says:

    RUDE, RUED, ROOD

    I encountered a Brit that was rude
    He said things I hope he has rued
    I told him the King
    Would not let him sing
    If ever he’s in HolyRood

  104. Mike Young says:

    DESTRUCTION

    So the builders of urban skyscrapers
    Have to issue so many plan papers
    At first there’s destruction
    Then follows construction
    It’s a process that won’t allow capers!

  105. Mike Young says:

    STRIDE, HANDY, PUNISH, FLY, BAIL

    The government’s punishments fail
    If I fly when I’m let ot on bail
    So I go far and wide
    And it’s handy to stride,
    But I have to keep watching my tail.

  106. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    To keep this year’s diet on track,
    I’ve developed a three-step attack —
    not a punishing stride,
    but a nice, easy slide —
    One step forward, another two back.

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was thrillingly punished by Clyde.
    But Clyde couldn’t get me untied.
    Till he yanked and he pulled.
    I felt so fulfilled.
    I love my new tortuous stride.

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    The New Employee: “Training”

    “Here’s your map, which we call “Bathroom Guide”
    “It’s handy to keep at your side.
    The loo’s 2 miles away.
    So to get there each day,
    Move fast with a “gotta go” stride.

  109. Rudy Landesman says:

    While the saboteur did sabotage,
    His chauffeur was engaged in chauffage.
    And where do you think
    They went for a drink
    Before their destructive barrage?

  110. Don Lazarre says:

    The man strode to the stage glad to sing.
    Through his fly hung his dangling big thing.
    The crowd heard his voice
    But hadn’t much choice
    Than to focus on his dingaling!

  111. Don Lazarre says:

    My ‘Pop’ worked his life in construction.
    In building, he gave me instruction.
    But, never did I get enough
    Of tearing apart my good stuff.
    So, now I’m employed in destruction!

  112. Don Lazarre says:

    Rewrite of my “Destruction” limerick

    My “Pop” worked his life in “construction “.
    In building, he gave me instruction.
    But, I ne’er got enough
    Of just blowing up stuff
    So, now I get paid for destruction!

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad’s Blog

    When I do this I always say, “Shit!
    “Read it over; it might be unfit”
    And right now I am screwed
    I just did what I’ve rued
    I clicked that real dreadful “Submi

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Seminar For New Parents: “The Lecture”

    Remind children, “It’s okay to lose.”
    Do not punish them; never abuse.
    You should let them explore.
    They must come to my store
    To try on high-priced Stride Rite shoes.

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    Better: Seminar For New Parents

    Remind children, “It’s okay to lose”
    Do not punish them; never abuse.
    You should let them explore.
    Then come to my store.
    And buy them high-priced Stride Rite shoes.

  116. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    There once was a lamplighter dude,
    Whose career choice was one that he rued.
    His one true desire?
    To be the town crier;
    So he stood in the street and boo-hooed.

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    Only The Best, Dahling” Our Trip To Paris

    Hubby, Basil and I do things right.
    He looked into the most lavish flight.
    With a confident stride,
    Basil rushed home and cried,
    “I Found It !! It’s Called “Fly By Night!”

  118. Rudy Landesman says:

    Eating chitlins with kimchi, I’ve rued.
    For bulgogi I’m not in the mood.
    Bibimbap with fried chicken —
    That ain’t finger lickin’.
    I’m not a big fan of Seoul food.

  119. Rudy Landesman says:

    Seems like Lisi has more than one hubby
    In her lovely retirement cubby.
    And those hubbies get rude
    When she’s not in the mood.
    They forget that she’s also a bubbie.

  120. Mimi Marx says:

    Whilst admittedly crass, often rude,
    My persona has been misconst-rued!

    It’s true, I’m depraved,
    But, nay! Not a KNAVE!

    You see, I’m alas(s), not a dude.

  121. Rudy Landesman says:

    P.S.
    I’m referring, of course, to Liz Taylor.
    Rudy

  122. Mimi Marx says:

    The fisherman’s wife was delicious,
    The answer to all of his wishes!

    He took it in stride,
    When finding his bride,

    Skilled with fly and rod, but not fishes.

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rudy: LOL

    If my hubbies were not at all rude,
    I still wouldn’t be in the mood.
    Each one is a Zadie
    Who’s hot for this lady.
    But they’re all kinda slack in the nude.

  124. Dave Johnson says:

    Attempting to lighten the mood,
    He started to prance around nude.
    She gave him a stare
    That turned into a glare;
    The dude’s being lewd was so rued.

  125. Dave Johnson says:

    His brainchild was nervy and brash;
    Investing in digital cash.
    While some made a buck,
    Many others were stuck;
    Invited to witness the crash.

  126. Tim James says:

    “I know art, lit, and science,” said I;
    “I’m a suave, cultured Renaissance guy.”
    Said my date, “Epic fail!
    One last thing, then I’ll bail:
    Leonardo, please zip up your fly.”

  127. Rudy Landesman says:

    At the altar of Mammon he kneeled
    And prayed for some bonds with high yield.
    In this God he did trust,
    But the market went bust;
    And no longer is he so well-heeled

  128. Dave Johnson says:

    (Line 5 change in my posting above)

    His brainchild was nervy and brash;
    Investing in digital cash.
    While some made a buck,
    Many others were stuck;
    Invited to join in the crash.

  129. Terry Marter says:

    When the Haiku police came, I rued
    The day that i wrote one ’bout food:
    The subject was Thyme
    But I’d slipped-in a rhyme;
    I must now eat my words or be sued.

  130. Rudy Landesman says:

    An improvement of my Jan. 24th (10:13 pm) limerick. (Not that it needed improvement)

    Eating kimchi with chitlins, I’ve rued.
    For bulgogi I’m not in the mood.
    Bibimbap with fried chicken —
    That ain’t finger lickin’.
    I have always eschewed that Seoul food

  131. Rudy Landesman says:

    Most sadly, they’re too soon forgotten —
    Racial murders, of hatred begotten.
    They destroy every day,
    As we all look away.
    In our state, surely, there’s something rotten.

  132. Tony Holmes says:

    “Just because I find certain things rude,
    Doesn’t mean that, per se, I’m a prude.
    Body parts taken out,
    To be flaunted about,
    Shows a lack of good taste, and is crude.”

  133. Tony Holmes says:

    “Dearest Host, So ashamed. I was rude.
    Please forgive. My defence? I was stewed.
    Do not ask – ‘sfor the best –
    Why I squeezed your wife’s breast,
    And ran off with her dress once we screwed.”

  134. Dave Johnson says:

    Dedicated to the victims of Hurricane Ian:

    The storm was as fierce as they come;
    It rendered communities numb.
    Pine Island caught hell;
    Matlacha, Sanibel
    Could all use your help – any sum.

  135. Wild Thing says:

    Dr Handy, just that, on the scene
    Nasal aspirator, got it clean…
    Did his work with such pride
    Took the mom’s cheers in stride
    ‘Snot rocket science, know what I mean?

  136. Rudy Landesman says:

    I am always most gentle and kind,
    And I rarely have axes to grind.
    I derive little joy,
    When I’m forced to destroy
    Those opposing opinions I mind.

  137. Rudy Landesman says:

    My dysfunction destroyed all my pride,
    And for years I would take it in stride.
    Then one day I did try
    Some real Spanish fly;
    And the ladies now all have to hide.

  138. Rudy Landesman says:

    Kathy Hochul’s been “cookin’ with gas”.
    She’s shown to have wisdom and class.
    Now she says: “Go electric”.
    That’s a true dialectic.
    Haute cuisine will be ruined. Alas.

    (Kathy Hochul is the governor of NY)

  139. Sondra Landin says:

    Long after my concert I rued
    Not restarting that Chopin Etude,
    ‘Cause outside cycles roared,
    Making sounds I deplored,
    And destroying my soft playing mood.

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Anti-Flatulent and Contra-Burping Rules For Senior Citizens”

    To be certain that you’ll never rued
    Any “senior” blind date in the mood,
    First go to a show.
    Next, “give it a go”
    And afterwards, THEN eat the food.

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Card

    Happy Mother’s Day, mom, from “The Dude”
    The one with the real shitty tude.
    Who of all of your kids
    Ended up on the skids.
    And the “accident” you’ve always rued.

  142. Lisi Nortman says:

    Destruction

    As The Donald positions his hand,
    He implores, “We must all understand:
    “This isn’t a hoax!
    It’s the Donkey Pox folks!
    That’s destroying this fabulous land.

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My dear, I’ve a real cool surprise.
    It’s handy for very few guys.
    My name is Diphallia
    Now call your friend, Talia.
    To join us, you see, I’ve two flies.”

    (Yep, it’s a real mutation)

  144. Wild Thing says:

    There’s a synonym contest today!
    Match ‘despise’/’detest’/’loathe’ in some way
    Handy Thes, intercede…
    Also, pun-ish the deed…
    ‘Hate’ the syn, love the winner, I’d say!

  145. Dave Johnson says:

    Her future holds some lucky guy
    Who’ll rapidly understand why.
    Attentive and randy,
    She’s really quite handy;
    In other words – quick on the fly.

  146. Wild Thing says:

    Bailed from work, novice Ned fished the bay
    Tied his fly to the hook, like they say…
    On his first mighty cast
    Saw his trousers sail past
    Laughing hard found him panting away!

  147. Rudy Landesman says:

    She complained that her leg was kaput.
    Her podiatrist then kindly put:
    “Your leg is just fine,
    But I see a sign
    That there’s something afoot with your foot.”

  148. Thomas Vincent says:

    RWG
    To punish the guilty with jail
    Is a strategy destined to fail
    Just threaten each goat
    With their own leaky boat
    And tell them that they’ll have to bail

  149. Dave Johnson says:

    Some kind of morality nut
    Described it as “vertical smut.”
    Though seemingly lewd,
    It’s not meant to be rude;
    ‘Cuz twerking is anything butt.

  150. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here’s a useful and handy “Cheat Guide”,
    Which maps out the places to hide.
    Then after your fun,
    Don’t feel guilty and run.
    Simply stride with a swollen-head pride.

  151. Rudy Landesman says:

    A concern in the bedroom was key
    In destroying my marriage for me.
    She left me one day.
    So, what’s there to say.
    My dildo was cursed with E.D.

  152. Wild Thing says:

    Punxy Phil takes Groundhog Day in stride
    Inside scoop on the ‘come out’ or ‘hide’:
    All the profit Phil gets
    From umpteen ‘inside’ bets
    Makes it handy to just stay inside

  153. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’ve heard “candy is dandy, but liquor
    Is quicker” (and adds the right kicker).
    But these days, if randy,
    I fly to what’s handy.
    If my ticker can take it, why bicker?

  154. madkane says:

    Attention All Limerick-Off Procrastinators: The current Limerick-Off ends this Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  155. Mary Beth Defer says:

    History is unbearably crude,
    Discussing it’s totally rude,
    Mustn’t talk of slavery,
    Or white men’s knavery,
    Women’s freedoms must be eschewed,

  156. Mark Totterdell says:

    I hope that, with skill and with luck,
    This rhyme won’t descend into muck
    With a word that is crude
    And offensive and rude
    At the end of the fifth line. Oh f**k!

  157. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Here’s why Terrible Ivan eschewed,
    Being in a benevolent mood:
    It’s really no myst’ry;
    He owed it to hist’ry,
    Therefore, anything less would be rude.

  158. Fred Bortz says:

    A Three-fer in two verses (Replacve the above)

    He’s really a courteous dude.
    His speeches are soaring, not rude.
    But the subject was Trump,
    So out on the stump
    It was easy to be misconstrued.

    He decried every group that destroys–
    Three Percenters, Oath Keepers, Proud Boys–
    “We should throw them in jail.
    Punish them without bail.
    Insurrection is NOT merely noise.”

  159. Wild Thing says:

    Playful words make us smile, by intent
    Like the phrase, “That was money, well, spent…”
    Sentences, to cajole
    With no bail, no parole
    Serving life (tongue-in-cheek) pun-ish meant…

  160. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    News from the Boonies

    Laryngitis hit Podunk’s Town Crier;
    Hence, he couldn’t cry, “SOON WE EXPIRE!”
    Then, due to his throat,
    He posted a note.
    The blind lamplighter lit it on fire.

  161. Lisi Nortman says:

    Premonition

    Something told me I should have eschewed
    A disaster I couldn’t preclude.
    Please hear what I say!
    Never go to a play.
    “Our American Cousin” I rued.

  162. Don Lazarre says:

    As a boy, I learned not to be rude
    And this lesson was blunt, I conclude.
    When my Mom gave the talk,
    It was “I’ll use a stalk
    Of bamboo ‘til your butt’s ‘blacked and blued’!

  163. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Fly” (Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis)

    Seth, the scientist sure caught my eye.
    So handsome and smart, what a guy!
    With his flutter-wing stride
    He flaunts Musca Pride
    I get such a buzz from my fly.

  164. Tony Holmes says:

    “My performance, so bad it was booed,
    Left a lasting impression. When nude,
    I remember that night,
    And the honeymoon rite,
    Which, from that day to this, I have rued.”

  165. Tony Holmes says:

    Said the upstanding Scotsman, “’Tis rude!
    Lass, we cannae – it is nae allooed.
    Tek ye’re hand from ma kilt!”
    “Fine! Ah’ll leave ye tae wilt,”
    Said the lassie, in petulant mood.

  166. Tony Holmes says:

    “The accused has good reason to fly,”
    Said green lawyer, “And that, Judge, is why
    I ask bail be refused.”
    Said the judge, much amused,
    “This is just a divorce. I deny.”

  167. Tony Holmes says:

    “One must learn to be clear and precise
    In whatever one writes—” “Sound advice!”
    “For if one’s misconstrued,
    And thought naughty or rude—”
    “Then some troll takes offence in a trice.”

  168. Tony Holmes says:

    Said the lassie, “Nae cause tae be shy.”
    Said the Scotsman, preparing to fly.
    “Ah’ll defend tae the hilt,
    What lives under the kilt.”
    “Will ye punish me then, if Ah try?”

  169. Tony Holmes says:

    Of the old-fashioned gent, it is said –
    He, of course, being very well bred –
    He’s gallant, never lewd,
    Nor unknowingly rude,
    And a bit of a rascal in bed.

  170. Dave Johnson says:

    Last Sunday, the Eagles did play;
    Demolished the ‘Niners that day.
    Will it turn out the same
    In the Super Bowl game?
    The Chiefs might have something to say…

  171. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Naomi Campbell’

    I love flying; it’s such a cool ride.
    The ascent is a heavenly glide.
    But a “runway” as well
    Casts a glamorous spell
    When Naomi parades her long stride.

    (Naomi Campbell is one of the most recognisable models in demand of the last 4 decades)

  172. Lisi Nortman says:

    “glamorous spell” ?? not so good… change line L4
    “The Runway”

    I love flying; it’s such a cool ride.
    The ascent is a heavenly glide.
    But a “runway”, as well
    Casts a magical spell.
    When Naomi parades her long stride.

  173. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun Limerick-Off, which is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 505. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Net.