MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

Here’s something fun for food-loving poets: TimeOut New York is having a pie-ku haiku contest. Here’s the one I submitted:  

A freshly baked pie:
Tasty dessert and fragrant
Co-op buyer bait.

Technorati Tags: Pie Verse, Food Haiku, Pie-ku, Pie Haiku, TimeOut, New York, Home Selling Poem, Co-op Humor, New York City Verse

Today’s limerick, haiku, and senryu theme is furniture and furnishings. First, my limerick:

Quick Story
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Quick story,” my husband declares.
“It’s short — I’m not kidding,” he swears.
But I know that he’s wrong.
He’ll be witty, but long.
How I wish I could find us some chairs.

And now two haiku (senryu):

Dad climbs into bed.
His poodle growls in protest.
Their turf war begins.

Sixty-year-old chair,
still covered in plastic,
protected from life.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about furniture and furnishings. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.

(Note: My poems were inspired by these three prompts: “being told a story,” “pets,” and “father / find.”)

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your furniture and furnishings verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Technorati Tags: Furniture Verse, Furnishings Humor, Husband Humor, Short Story, Poodle Haiku, Writing Prompts

Déjà Views
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I could swear that I’ve been here before,”
Said the gal as she stepped through the door.
“And this déjà vu sense
Is making me tense.
I’m not sure I can take any more.”

“Just ignore it,” responded her mate.
“You’ve never spent time in this state.
It’s the house of our dreams,
And that’s why it seems
So familiar. Let’s buy it. It’s fate.”

(Inspired by Writers Island’s déjà vu prompt.  And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my latest poetry prompt. How do you participate? Just write a limerick or haiku about poetry or writing and use Mr. Linky to post your themed link.)

Technorati Tags: Déjà Vu, House Hunting Limerick, Home Buying Humor, Poetry Prompts

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is yards and/or gardens. First, my limerick: 

I admit that I’m bad with a rake,
And disposing of leaves makes me quake.
So that pile—I ignored it,
But then was rewarded
With saplings—benign neglect’s wake.

And here’s my haiku: 

Milk, juice, chicken breasts
Plunged into backyard snow drifts:
My fridge on the fritz.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about yards and/or gardens. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. 

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

NOTE: This post was inspired in part by Read Write Poem’s tree prompt and Sunday Scribblings’ rooted prompt.

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your yard and/or garden-themed verse in the Comments.

Technorati Tags: Gardening Humor, Trees and Plantings, Benign Neglect, Kitchen Verse, Refrigerator Poetry, Fridge Poems, Backyard Snow

Tacky Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

These armchairs are tacky and lack
Sound support for my weary old back.
Their seats are too deep
And their prices too steep.
Ow! What’s this in my tushie? A tack!

Technorati Tags: Furniture Humor, Furnishings, Chairs, Back Pain, Shopping Satire, House Decorating Humor

Dog Days Of Roofing
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Our roofers must enter your yard,
But their access is blocked by your guard—
That gargantuan Doberman,
Feared by most sober men—
And boozing pre-roofing is barred.

Technorati Tags: Home Repair Humor, House Repairs, Construction Humor, Roofing Humor, Contractors Humor, Canine Humor, Dog Humor, Pets, Animal Satire, Drinking, Alcohol

Antique Antics
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Is this lampshade antique or just old?
They tell me it’s rare. I’m not sold.
But I had it appraised
And was rather amazed:
It’s worth thousands, though covered in mold.

Technorati Tags: Antiques Humor, Appraisals, Mold, Shopping Fun, Money Satire

Here’s another limerick about our recent New York snow and ice storm: 

The Up Side Of Winter
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Outside our abode, it ain’t nice;
There’s snow on the ground and there’s ice.
But I’m snug in my house—
Just me and my spouse
And our mouse. Leave this haven? No dice! 

Technorati Tags: Weather Humor, Snow, Ice, Storm, Winter, House, Home, Seasons, Marriage

Being a feminist, even a moderate feminist like me, can make it tough to dodge duties unsuited to the squeamish. In my case, squirrel removal.

Like most people, I prefer my squirrels outdoors. So I wasn’t exactly pleased when a squirrel decided to invade my turf. One morning last winter, when I was barely awake and shuffling down our basement stairs, something with a bushy tail flashed past me, mere inches from my toes. So I ask you, what’s a feminist to do? Yell hysterically? Scream for help? Well, … yes. I also scrambled up the steps, slammed the door, and told myself the squirrel would find its own way out.

For the next few hours I wondered what my squirrel was up to. I even tried to talk myself into marching downstairs and facing him down. Or creeping downstairs and checking things out. Or opening the cellar door just a crack, peering down the steps, and shutting the door fast before the squirrel became suspicious.

What kind of feminist was I, I asked myself, as I paced a floor above the intruder. Surely Gloria Steinem would stand her ground against a tiny rodent. Thank goodness I wasn’t famous enough to be a Rush Limbaugh target. “Femi-Nazi hypocritical wimp Madeleine Begun Kane is ascared of a wee little squirrel,” he’d surely say if he knew I existed. … (A Squirrely Lesson is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Squirrel Humor, Husband Wife Humor, Home Ownership, Feminism Humor, Rush Limbaugh, Femi-Nazi Humor, Basement, Cellar, Trapping Animals, Exterminators

The road to buying a house is paved with dwindling bank accounts, devious brokers, and home owners who (you hope) are desperate to sell. Yes, it’s a challenge. But with the help of these easy to follow instructions, you can negotiate your way into unthinkable debt:     

1. Decide you must buy a house because your present one is:
a. too small;
b. too large;
c. non-existent … (Hapless Home Buyer’s Guide is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Real Estate, House Buying, Home Buying Humor, Budget Humor, Mortgage Humor, Broker Humor, Bank Humor, Finance Humor, Money Humor