Archive for the ‘House & Home Humor’ Category

Disempowered (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 18th, 2017

We lost power. It’s fixed, but I gird
For another bad outage. My word!
It’s a jerry-rigged mend!
Will it break, or just bend
If descended upon by a bird?

Author’s Note: We lost power last night, shortly after midnight, and were the first to call Con Ed. (Apparently our neighbors go to sleep early.)

Con Ed came quickly to assess the situation and then sent back a larger crew. And 9 or 10 hours later we had a temporary repair — a couple of wires tied to trees, stretched precariously from one house to another across the street.

The temp fix doesn’t look like it could withstand even a minor winter storm, and the real repair isn’t scheduled until February 6th. Yes that’s 2.5 weeks from now. So all fingers and toes are duly crossed.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRIND at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Saturday, October 1st, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRIND at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to AUTUMN, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best AUTUMN-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 16, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 15, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A gal who was always behind
In her chores, said her spouse did not mind:
“My gifts in the sack
Make up for this lack.
I excel at a far diff’rent grind.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Open Limerick To Plumbers Everywhere

Monday, April 25th, 2016

Dear plumber, your ass crack ain’t pretty.
To be honest, it’s looking quite gritty.
So we’re begging you: “Please,
“If you’re feeling a breeze,
“Pull your pants up.” — The Owners’ Committee.

April 25 is Hug A Plumber Day.

Hug A Plumber Day? Why?!? (April 25)

Saturday, April 25th, 2015

Hug A Plumber Day? Why?!? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Whenever I deal with a plumber,
It’s rather a strain and a bummer.
As problems keep flowing,
My agita’s growing.
I’ve a leak that’s seen more than one summer.

April 25 is Hug A Plumber Day.

Limerick Ode To A Petty Thief (Limerick)

Monday, August 18th, 2014

What sort of burglar sends stolen jewelry to a newspaper, complaining that the stuff he stole from a socialite turned out to be fake?

Limerick Ode To A Petty Thief (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bad luck has befallen this snake,
Who’s upset by his jew’lry heist take!
His chagrin is immense
Cuz he called on his fence
And was told that his haul was all fake.

UPDATE: National Jewel Day is March 13th.

Not “In The Pink” (Limerick)

Monday, June 23rd, 2014

Not “In The Pink” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow would frequently sprawl
On the couch as he cursed at the wall.
How he fumed! His complaint
Was its bright color paint:
“Yummy Pink” was his wife’s tasteless call.

Happy National Pink Day!

Limerick Ode To The Stove

Wednesday, June 11th, 2014

Limerick Ode To The Stove
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A stove is a handy device.
For cooking, some say, it works nice.
I can’t speak to that fact,
For I don’t interact
Well with kitchens. I can, though, boil rice.

Today in Kitchen History: On June 11, 1793, Robert Haeterick was granted the first American stove patent for a stove design of cast iron.

Limerick Ode To The Shopping Cart

Wednesday, June 4th, 2014

Limerick Ode To The Shopping Cart
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sylvan Goldman designed something smart;
He invented the food shopping cart.
With its basket, it aids
In a task that pervades
All our lives — buying stuff at the mart.

On June 4, 1937, Humpty Dumpty supermarket chain owner Sylvan Goldman introduced his invention, the shopping cart, in Oklahoma City.

The invention did not catch on immediately. Men found them effeminate; women found them suggestive of a baby carriage. “I’ve pushed my last baby buggy,” offended women informed him. After hiring several male and female models to push his new invention around his store and demonstrate their utility, as well as greeters to explain their use, his folding-style shopping carts became extremely popular and Goldman became a multimillionaire by collecting a royalty on every folding design shopping cart in the United States.

Limerick Ode To Flowering Weeds

Saturday, May 31st, 2014

Limerick Ode To Flowering Weeds
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Our neighbor insists we should weed
And refuses to even concede
That a weed can have beauty.
That gal is too snooty.
Methinks that her soul’s gone to seed.

Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day (Limerick)

Thursday, April 17th, 2014

Happy “Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day!” Yes there’s really such a day, though I’m pretty sure this isn’t what they’re talking about:

Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man with a habit of peeping
Into homes while their owners are sleeping
Was arrested and tried.
His appeal’s been denied.
Now he’s jailed for his neighbors’ safekeeping.

Foreign News Blues (Limerick)

Thursday, February 27th, 2014

Foreign News Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s so windy, I have to go out:
Foreign papers are scattered about.
Though I clean up our yard,
It’s soon once again scarred.
This paper route’s making me pout.

True story: This afternoon, I look out our living room window and see that our front lawn is strewn with newspapers. It’s a windy day, and a neighbor’s Korean (I think) newspaper has apparently made a run for it.

I immediately stop what I’m doing and go outdoors to contend with the litter. Why the big rush? Because New York City Sanitation workers just love to peruse neighborhoods during windstorms, so they can give out messy-lawn citations.

Ten minutes after I finish, I look out the window once again, only to find that it looks like I never dealt with the garbage. So I go out once again, this time picking up similar-looking papers from the neighbors on either side of me, as well.

No, I won’t take credit for being a Good Samaritan. This was purely defensive.

It was only a matter of time before my neighbors’ messes decided they like my lawn better.

Another Snow Job (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 17th, 2013

Another Snow Job (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mark, thanks for shov’ling today.
If you hadn’t, that snow’d surely stay
Until I did the chore,
A job I abhor.
It’s more fun to make limerick hay.

Happy “Worship Of Tools Day” (Limerick)

Monday, March 11th, 2013

I’m celebrating National Worship Of Tools Day (March 11th) with this limerick:

Happy Worship Of Tools Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“If only I had the right tool!”
That’s my husband’s pet phrase, as a rule,
Fueled by trying a fix
With his personal mix
Of chewing gum, tape, and some drool.

The Perils Of Super Bowl Fare (Limerick)

Sunday, February 3rd, 2013

The Perils Of Super Bowl Fare (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My blood nearly came to a boil,
As our microwave flamed. Was it oil?
We stopped it in time,
And Mark’s wings were sublime.
Lesson learned: They come wrapped up in foil.

(While engrossed in the game, hubby Mark absent-mindedly put his box of Pizza Hut chicken wings in the microwave. Bad idea!)

There’s An App For WHAT??? (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 9th, 2013

Just when you think a problem is unsolvable, a creative company comes up with a solution. I’m referring, of course, to Smarter Socks which, we’re told, “makes sorting socks child’s play” through “interaction between the socks with a communication button, the Sock Sorter and an iPhone app.”

What would Seinfeld have to say about this?

There’s An App For WHAT??? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you find that your socks keep cavorting
And consorting with strangers, your sorting
Can be helped with an app:
Smarter Socks fill the gap
When your laundering skills need supporting.

UPDATE: Alternatively, you could ditch the app and celebrate No Socks Day 365 days a year.

Limerick Claim (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, January 6th, 2013

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman would frequently claim…*

or

A fellow would frequently claim…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Claim
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gambler would frequently claim
That his friends and his spouse were to blame
For his being a louse
And losing his house.
Shifting guilt for misdeeds was his game.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Camp-Free Limerick

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

Poetic Asides prompts us to write poems about camping. As you can see, I’m not exactly a roughing-it kind of gal:

Camp-Free Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m reluctant to rough it outside.
I need comforts a house can provide.
I’m too timid to camp,
But at home I’m a champ
Where mosquitoes can’t feast on my hide.

Update: August 20 is World Mosquito Day.

Pet Owners Independence Day Limerick (April 18)

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Are you all ready for National Pet Owners Independence Day?

A gal who’d been cleaning was jarred
By some leaves just dragged in from her yard.
Displaying a broom,
She yelled, “Sweep up this room!”
To her dog. (Guess she’s working too hard.)

Homing Limerick

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

Poets United prompts us to write a poem about home:

Homing Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I may travel and wander and roam.
For adventure, the streets I may comb.
But wherever I go,
Here’s the one thing I know:
There is nothing and no place like home.

A Limerick To Bear In Mind

Friday, December 16th, 2011

This limerick was inspired by these two news stories:

1) Cable guy finds sleeping bear in NJ basement; and
2) Black bear hitched a ride in garbage truck to downtown Vancouver.

A Limerick To Bear In Mind
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m not shocked that wild bears misbehave.
We’ve been stealing their homes as we pave.
So in cellars they hide
And in garbage trucks ride:
That’s called thinking outside of the cave.