Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DUMP at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 1, 2019)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DUMP at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CUISINE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CUISINE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 2, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 1, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my DUMP-Rhyme limerick:

We found a cute house we adored,
And it’s one we can even afford.
But our plans hit a bump;
It’s one mile from a dump,
So when wind hits, the smell is unt’ward.

And here’s my CUISINE-related limerick:

A young fellow was spilling the beans:
“My sister’s been feeding her greens
To the dog and the cat.”
She was called on the mat
And then caught with cuisine in her jeans.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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151 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DUMP at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 1, 2019)”

  1. Ken Gosse says:

    No Peas, Please ~
    There once was a man who ate borscht
    In a primeval, dark Russian forscht,
    With gristle and gruel,
    And black-bear Irish stewl,
    But never with English peas porscht!

  2. Placido D'Souza says:

    I confess I love Indian curry,
    But sometimes I do worry,
    For it can be hot,
    But I care not a jot
    Save you can’t make it in a hurry.

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    She said that she cooked fine cuisine
    And was known as the “Cordon Bleu Queen”
    Yet she didn’t know why
    People started to cry
    When she served them her “Steak a la Trine”

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Sweetie Pie, I’ll never dump
    She sure makes my heart go “thump thump”
    This gal is unique
    Not to mention real chic
    And she’s also a nice piece of rump

  5. Steve Benko says:

    My finest ideas about Trump
    Often come when I’m taking a dump.
    The resemblance, you see,
    Fills my psyche with glee
    When I look in the bowl at the lump.

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    ‘Bout cooking, Jim always will boast
    Claims he’s known as “The Great Global Host”
    He creates foreign dishes
    Says “Everyone wishes
    They could sample his famous French Toast”

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just go ahead; call me a lump!
    Cuz everyone says I’m a grump!
    I took a spray can
    Wrapped it tight in Saran
    (Didn’t care. Threw it right in the dump)

  8. T Money says:

    My friend’s really a chump,
    And to boot also a frump,
    But it’s clear
    I love her dear,
    But still she should be in a dump.

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    Some like their foods spicy and hot,
    They crave and they eat them a lot.
    I love really strong spice,
    And hot peppers- so nice!
    But alas, my stomach does not.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    He placed his gargantuan rump
    On the solid-gold toilet. Said Trump,
    On inspecting the haul,
    “That’s the greatest of all!
    Liz Taylor was right: What a dump!”

  11. Diane Groothuis says:

    Sweet Elouise is my voisine
    And she dines on the finest cuisine
    But when put to the test
    Really what she does best
    Is a platter of fried aubergine.

  12. Kim Norman says:

    When people go vegan, they shout it.
    Their food’s never butchered; they sprout it.
    With tofu and grains,
    they’ve unfettered their veins.
    If only they’d shut up about it!

    (I kid! I’m vegan!)

  13. Jesse Levy says:

    Famous lines here I will dump.
    My favorite is Marty’s “What hump?”
    I could pick on the Prez
    ‘Cause whatever he says
    Comes not from his head but his rump.

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    An ass or a bum’s now a rump
    Use that word and please don’t be a grump
    Cuz “Politically Correct”
    Deserves some respect
    So remember, say “landfill” not dump

  15. Steve Benko says:

    My girlfriend and I in the kitchen
    Make a sauce that we both find bewitchin’.
    In this recipe French
    She behaves like a wench
    And I peel off her layers of stitchin’.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:


    The Teamsters were facing a slump
    Their leader was one crooked chump
    People wondered just why
    The famed FBI
    Never looked for him right in the dump

  17. Tim Gray says:

    The latest in haute cuisine
    According to FOOD magazine
    Is to dine in the nude
    But beware of the food
    If you drop it, where has it been?

  18. Tim Gray says:

    We were harangued by the sommelier
    Who insisted the Chateau Montpelier,
    But that Burgundy’s nose
    Smells like old stocking toes
    So we went with the Rue de Chevalier.

  19. Tim Gray says:

    Only we have the finest produce,
    The others a sad lame excuse.
    Our Michelin stars
    Vouch for how good we are
    Which isn’t so hard to deduce.

  20. Tim Gray says:

    The latest trend in food
    Is dining in the nude.
    It’s best not to buffet
    If you’re a bit stuffy,
    And be warned if you’re a prude.

  21. Tim Gray says:

    There’s one player I think we should dump,
    And that’s that fellow called Trump.
    He’s not as good as he thinks
    And in playing these links
    You’ve gotta give the ball a good whump.

  22. Tim Gray says:

    You can go in your posh limousine
    To eat Michelin starred haute cuisine
    Though here at our diner
    There’s no burger finer,
    But it’s not the place “to be seen”.

  23. Tim Gray says:

    If you use the rhyming word Dump,
    Its a shoe in to match it with Trump…
    In his tweets to gain yardage
    He’s twittering garbage,
    So plump to dump grump Trump the chump.

  24. Steve Benko says:

    At Winterfell, Sansa the queen
    Would import all her food from Mereen.
    And Daenerys’s dragon
    Would fly in a flagon
    Of Scotch – The Macallan 18.

  25. Steve Benko says:

    One day as he ran, Forrest Gump
    Said, “Ah hope ah don’t hit a speed bump.
    Ah could trip, ah could fall,
    And that sure would hurt, y’all;
    If ah see one, ah’d better just jump.”

  26. Steve Benko says:

    Oops sorry, forgot to use the word! Revise as follows:

    One day as he ran, Forrest Gump
    Said, “Ah hope ah don’t hit a speed bump.
    Ah could trip, ah could fall,
    And that sure would hurt, y’all;
    If ah see one, this road race ah’ll dump.”

  27. This week Mad Kane’s rhyme word is “Dump.”
    It’s possible rhyme words are plump.
    And yet I feel queasy
    ’cause it’s way to easy
    to pinch nose and follow with “Trump.”

  28. His mouth is an always-full dump
    that Twitter refuses to pump.
    I’d say “Hey diddle diddle,
    time for a riddle!”
    But yeah, you know the answer is Trump…

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Lunch At The Trump Tower”

    I learned something ’bout which I shall write
    And it surely is not a delight
    When you order “high class”
    You can bet your sweet ass
    That you’re done after one single bite

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    When cooking, I have so much fun!
    And my kitchen is carefully run!
    Preparation’s a breeze
    I do it with ease
    When the smoke alarm buzzes, it’s done

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    Good lobster will always enhance
    An evening that’s made for romance
    I serve it a lot
    And I never forgot
    How they taught me to do “The Tap Dance”

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    He arrived at my door; what a schlump!
    He looked like the ultimate chump!
    NO MORE blind dates!
    With unqualified mates!
    Who look like they live in a dump!

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Dining At Trump’s” additional limerick (cuisine theme and “dump”)

    I learned something ’bout which I shall write
    And it surely is not a delight
    When you order high class
    You can bet your sweet ass
    That you’re done after one single bite

    We both know that this place ain’t no dump
    It was planned by the great Donald Trump!
    Now it’s time for sweet tea
    We all wait with such glee
    Till The Donald, cries, “ONLY ONE LUMP!”

  34. The White House? A terrible dump!
    Impressive to bumpkins, not Trump!
    Refurbish the shed,
    goldplate the damn head,
    or you’ll get Guccis right up your rump!

  35. Brian Allgar says:

    “He’s a grump and a chump and a gump,
    An old frump over-plump in the rump.
    Now, who’s that fat lump?”
    That’s a riddle to stump –
    I give up in despair, and just slump.

  36. Dave Johnson says:

    The White House is lacking in flair
    When champion sports teams are there.
    It’s Big Macs and fries
    For just some of their guys;
    The rest skipped the whole, dumb affair.

  37. Dave Johnson says:

    Her beau she decided to dump
    For one who would make her pulse jump.
    Accomplished – you bet!
    Such excitement she’d get;
    Along with that cute, little bump.

  38. Dave Johnson says:

    Fine dining, though light on the purse;
    But service has gotten much worse.
    We waited so long,
    That our feeling was strong
    Their wait staff arrived in a hearse.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    “In Love With John” (acrostic: cuisine theme)

    F antastic! I’m cooking for John!
    I went to “La Cuisine Est Bon”
    L ots of real fancy food
    E very dish sets a mood
    T omorrow we’re having Mignon

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Oh Gertrude! What picturesque meat!
    You’ve certainly cooked me a treat”

    “For you, John, it’s kibble
    It is quite a good nibble

    This pork roast’s for Facebook, my Sweet”

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    (minor change: “In Love With John” acrostic (L5)

    F antastic! I’m cooking for John!
    I went to “La Cuisine Est Bon”
    L ots of real fancy food
    E v’ry dish sets a mood
    T onight we’ll be having Mignon

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    The economy’s in quite a slump
    And it surely is puzzling to Trump
    Seems no one is buying
    Cuz most folks are trying
    To think of a lim’rik with dump

  43. Tim Gray says:

    Not wanting to appear much too rude
    Those addicted it seems to fast food,
    The effect they should rate
    Of a much smaller plate,
    And smaller portions that rating include.

  44. Tim Gray says:

    There was a fellow named George
    On food he always would gorge.
    He’d eat and he’d eat
    Even when he’s replete,
    Then he found he’d have to disgorge.

  45. Tim Gray says:

    You’re fat. You should go on a diet.
    Don’t eat the food if you fry it.
    Make your own pledge
    To eat much more veg
    And exercise. Why don’t you try it.

  46. Tim Gray says:

    There once was a man named Dillow
    Who was soft and as squish as a pillow.
    The problem was food,
    And not to be rude
    The more he ate, the more he would billow.

  47. Tim Gray says:

    The man with the very large waist
    Ate all his food with incredible haste.
    He gobbled his pies,
    His burgers and fries
    And then burped in very bad taste.

  48. Tim Gray says:

    Most others have some respect
    For their office elect.
    No not Mr Trump,
    Throws the rules in the dump,
    To unfortunate chilling effect.

  49. Amazzing says:

    “Feel the Bern” has hit a bump;
    With Biden in, his polling took a dump;
    But there is no real drama,
    Nobody wants to return to Obama,
    Biden was no more than Obama”s chump.

    We need a “First Husband”
    to save the nation;
    Not Kamala Harris’ hubby for our salvation;
    But husband Chasten will be the hump,
    If Mayor Pete can attract Bernie’s dump,
    M.A.S.S. hats-Make America Same Sexuation!

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    People ask “What is Nouvelle Cuisine?”
    Then they find out just what it does mean:
    They pay lots of dough
    And then notice they throw
    It away, cuz they’re still feelin’ lean

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Diet Cuisine”

    For a diet, you always should try
    To remember these rules and comply:
    Eat all veggies you please
    Go and try some of these:
    Onion soup, carrot cake, pumpkin pie.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    A treat which is always enjoyed
    Are crabs! (Just don’t get too annoyed)
    You must break them in half
    Even get a good laugh
    But the other kind, you should avoid

  53. Jean McEwen says:

    I have frequently wondered how Trump,
    Who, possessed of a sizable rump
    And comportment so haughty
    Approaches the potty
    When driven to take a large dump.

  54. Jean McEwen says:

    When dining in China, I’m faced
    With a quandary: Whether to taste
    The still-squiggling fish
    That they’ll plop on my dish
    Or head for McDonald’s post haste.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Italian Gourmet Husbands: It’s Never QUITE Right”

    I know that it isn’t my fault
    But Giuseppe will never exalt
    My delectable sauce
    Cuz he thinks he’s the boss
    And he always says, “Needs Pincha Salt”

  56. Steve Benko says:

    “I like food with a bit of a crunch,”
    Said the Cyclops one day while at lunch.
    “For Odysseus’ men
    I’ve a powerful yen;
    Like Lay’s chips, I could eat a whole bunch.”

  57. Tim James says:

    What’s the finest cuisine? It’s Chinese;
    Ev’rybody who tries it agrees.
    Plus, their rest’rants are best
    If you have this request:
    “Can you open on Christmas Day, please?”

  58. perry plouff says:

    So your wordplay today needs a “Dump,”
    And I gave my forehead a good thump.
    But I’m stuck in a rut.
    ‘Though I thought so hard, but
    I can only envision “Dump Trump.”

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    True happiness cannot be bought
    And that is a very sad thought
    But buying sweet cake
    Will lessen the ache
    And then you won’t be so distraught

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    The first day of marriage, my “sweet”
    Said, “You’ll cook all the food that I eat”
    So I gave him raw beef
    And said “Here ‘ya go Chief!”
    It’s your hamburger. Bon Appetit”

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    I forgot an ingredient. Damn!
    Now how can I make a nice lamb!
    (Then remembered my aunt)
    Who said, “Never say CAN’T ;
    When befuddled, just throw in some Spam”

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Home-Grown Cuisine”

    Calm down, sweetie pie, do not panic
    The meal on your plate is organic
    I know you’re suspicious
    But this food is delicious
    (I’m famous for being botanic)

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    Or To Be A Bit “Fancier”

    Calm down, sweetie pie, do not panic
    The meal on your plate is organic
    I know you’re suspicious
    But this food is delicious
    (I’m known as “Ms. Princess Botanic”)

  64. Daisy Ward says:

    The grumpy young man got dumped
    When he stole his girlfriend’s red pumps
    He struts and he swaged
    Realized he’s been tag
    As a cross dresser and a lame chump

    The pantry chef was making two cuisines
    Suddenly he ran to the latrine
    He played in his pants
    And started to dance
    Then got caught in a mixing machine

  65. Amazzing says:

    Asserting a heritage Elizabeth Warren took a dump;
    Of woodland tribes she squatted against a stump;
    But as a phony she didn’t know to check,
    The vegetation and ended up a wreck,
    With poison ivy all over her wrinkly white rump.

  66. Tim Gray says:

    We give a long loud harrumph
    To the system elected Don Trump.
    It’s corrupt to the core,
    Partisan and bad law,
    And should be thrown in the dump.

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Most hospital food is real fancy
    Don’t worry; it isn’t so chancy
    They serve kidney stone soup
    With intestinal goop
    (However, it might make you ancy)

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Food Channel’s” sure a disgrace!
    When they feature that real stupid race!
    A winner’s proclaimed
    The losers feel shamed
    And end up with egg on their face!

  69. Tim James says:

    A guy who was dumb as a stump
    Took his gal to a landfill to hump.
    She had too much panache
    To make love among trash.
    The result: he got dumped at the dump.

  70. Sharon Neeman says:

    What I wonder while taking a dump:
    If your jawline is sporting a lump
    On just one side, not both,
    Why are doctors so loath
    To define your disease as a mump?

  71. Sharon Neeman says:

    Here’s a challenge that’s certain to stump:
    Do not use, in a lim’rick for “dump,”
    The verbs “take,” “jilt” or “stink” —
    And do not even think
    Of referring to Tr*** or his r***.

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    I weighed all of three hundred and six
    It was something I sure had to fix!
    Fine’ly Chinese cuisine
    Made me real svelte and lean
    Cuz I just couldn’t eat with those sticks

  73. Sharon Neeman says:

    Don’t eat pastry — not even the best:
    Though it’s easy to chew and digest,
    A quick road it will find
    To your paunch or behind,
    And forevermore there it will rest.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    When fine cuisine’s tasty and nice
    Beware! Here is real sound advice:
    Look for spices you like
    (You might just take a hike)
    If the pepper mill’s big, so’s the price!

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of meter! (L1)

    My weight was three hundred and six
    It was something I sure had to fix!
    Fine’ly Chinese cuisine
    Made me real svelte and lean
    Cuz I just couldn’t eat with those sticks!

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Deadly ACROSTIC Cuisine”

    C hristina became very ill
    L ost her balance and got a bad chill
    (A ll plucked from the sand)
    M ollusk slime should be banned
    S he rushed home. Got in bed. Took a pill.

  77. Steve Benko says:

    Martha Stewart said, “What good thing
    When the food on your plate has some zing.
    Around here it’s all bland,
    Almost everything’s canned;
    That’s the trouble with time at Sing Sing.”

  78. Sharon Neeman says:

    S top dreaming of ice cream and cake
    A nd pretending your joints don’t all ache.
    L eave chocolate and beer
    A nd try lettuce, my dear —
    D rop those pounds, for your well-being’s sake!

  79. Tim Gray says:

    Apparently true, though referring to buns rather than patties.

    This story is eminently spreadable,
    That McDonalds food is incredible…
    A hamburger clump,
    Found at the dump,
    A year on was perfectly edible.

  80. Tim Gray says:

    To the tune of William Tell Overture finale.

    To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump.
    With the Trump, with the Trump, with the Trump, Trump, Trump.
    To the dump with the Trump
    A national slump?
    Aaaagh, to the dump? Dump Trump!

  81. Tim Gray says:

    Our relationship ends today
    Unless you do it my way.
    All you ignorant schlump,
    Put the probes in the dump…
    That’s all that I have to say.

  82. Bruce McGuffin says:

    To eat with your feet is just rude,
    It’s barbaric, revolting and crude.
    But I’ve got to try it
    as part of my diet
    Instead of meat I’ll eat toe food

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    Chinese “take out” is always so nice
    It’s delicious and has such great spice
    Yet sometimes you freak
    And just let out a shriek
    When you see they’ve forgotten the rice

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    I feel that I’m now at that stage
    When I’m torn between passion and rage
    Although women are fine
    I’ve decided on wine
    Cuz it always gets better with age

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our second grade teacher, Miss Frump
    Had a brain that was clearly a stump
    Her fav’rite diversions
    Were “learning excursions”
    To towns where we’d study a dump

  86. Steve Benko says:

    Apologies for a typo yesterday. The Martha Stewart one should read,

    Martha Stewart said, “What a good thing
    When the food on your plate has some zing.
    Around here it’s all bland,
    Almost everything’s canned;
    That’s the trouble with time at Sing Sing.”

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    “OH YUK”

    Eating “whole foods” and seeds made me quake
    Grains and seaweed sure gave me an ache
    And when I tried flax
    I just couldn’t relax
    Turning vegan was one huge missed steak!

  88. Amazzing says:

    From Guatemala a poor child is dragged;
    At the USA border CNN bragged;
    Their typical news dump,
    For every liberal chump,
    Despite all their knowledge their ratings have sagged.

    At the end of the journey the poor child died;
    However about the reason CNN lied;
    They did want to dump,
    The blame onto Trump,
    They couldn’t sell the lie no matter how hard they tried.

  89. Brian Allgar says:

    Has Donald been cooking the books?
    Irrefutably, that’s how it looks.
    Refusing to show
    Tax returns? Well, you know,
    That’s the standard procedure for crooks.

  90. Brian Allgar says:

    There’s a restaurant in Paris that calls
    Their chief dish by a name that appals:
    “Les couilles présidentielles”.
    A meal to entrance? Hell,
    It translates as “The President’s balls”.

  91. Sharon Neeman says:

    B esides all the nutritive part,
    E ating legumes can be a fine art:
    A s a key to success,
    N othing else can impress
    S o much as a finely tuned fart.

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Whose Job Is It, Anyway?” (acrostic)

    T onight I am sure in a slump
    R efusing to get off my rump
    A nd my wife is real cross
    S he just thinks she’s my boss
    “H igh And Mighty” won’t tackle the dump

  93. Tim Gray says:

    It seems the Commander-in-Chief
    Is a liar, a cheat and a thief.
    The sooner Don Trump
    Is removed to the dump,
    The sooner his stay will be brief.

  94. Lisi Nortman says:


    The day I got out of my slump
    Was so thrilling, for joy I did jump
    With cuisine, I’m just lost
    So I went and I tossed
    All my cook books right down in the dump

  95. David Friedman says:

    A ball player in a bad slump
    Tossed all his bats in the dump
    He had a good cry
    As the pigeons flew by
    “That’s a fowl bawl,” said the ump.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    My chair is just sick of my rump
    Even called me “illiterate chump”
    For one week, haven’t slept
    I’ve just sat here and wept
    Cuz I don’t have a lim’rik for dump

  97. Amazzing says:

    Cover up!, cover up!, cover up!;
    Is being yelled by every liberal shlup;
    For transparency, President Donald Trump,
    Ordered a declassified public document dump,
    Still, the Democrap socialist haters will not shut up!

    “But is this a cover up of a crime?
    Or just some more Democrap slime;
    It’s the constitution Libs want to dump,
    Because at the polls they’re afraid of The Trump,
    Wire Beto’s jaws shut and run ‘em as a mime.

  98. Steve Benko says:

    “The White House is really a dump,”
    Says our President, Donald J. Trump.
    “And while Vlad is great fun,
    My true love’s Kim Jong Un,”
    POTUS tweets, as our hearts go kerthump.

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Grandma’s Cuisine”

    In the 50’s I always pursued
    Grandma’s cooking; it heightened my mood
    I never would panic
    Cuz the meals were organic
    (Another word for them was “food”)

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Senior Cuisine”

    When young, it was such a delight
    To eat ev’ry morsel in sight
    But now I am old
    And the doctor just told
    Me I’m now allowed only one bite

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    My wife said, “There is a synonymy
    ‘Tween recession and failing economy”
    She may be real smart
    But she ain’t got the art
    Of ev’ry day, simple gastronomy

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here at school there’s a class: “News and Views”
    And our Prof said we must all peruse
    The book “Chinese Food”
    So we’d all be imbued
    With the manners and habits of Jews

  103. Val Fish says:

    Last night we tried nouvelle cuisine
    But the portions, boy were they mean
    Forked out loads of dosh
    For pretentious nosh
    Tomorrow it’s the staff canteen!

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of meter!

    In the 50’s I always pursued
    Grandma’s cooking; it heightened my mood!
    There was no need to panic
    Cuz the meals were organic
    (Great dinners, known widely as “food”)

  105. Sharon Neeman says:

    Mark looked at her glass and said “Gad!
    What an awful drink YOU almost had!
    The French may cook frogs;
    Balinese may roast dogs —
    But you just can’t drink ladybugs, Mad!”

  106. Sharon Neeman says:

    As we jogged down the street past the dump,
    I heard a most ominous thump:
    The stench of decay
    Made my partner first sway,
    Then stagger, then fall on his rump.

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Mama’s Learning English”

    For dinner we had a-spaghetti
    At 3 o’clock it was a-ready
    Sue-a came home at four
    There was-a no more
    She was crying and very up-settie

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Poisson Chef” was never the same
    That night it was truly a shame!
    On the platter he looked
    At the fish (under cooked)
    Who then jumped up and told him his name

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    S imply speaking, if I had one wish
    U nmistakably it would be fish
    S ome veggies be’d nice
    H owever, the rice
    I s the key to this Japanese dish


  110. Kirk Miller says:

    By making some food in a flurry
    The cook got a raise in a hurry
    From her Indian boss
    For a fabulous sauce.
    And she did it by favoring curry.

  111. Tim Gray says:

    “Oh Harry”, said the young Duchess Meghan,
    “I’ve decided we’re going to go vegan.”
    “Now listen here Meg,
    I eat meat and two veg,”
    And what’s this I hear about ‘We can?'”

  112. Tim Gray says:

    So you’re the best POTUS since Abe,
    Now’s your chance to free the new slave,
    For those poor in the dump
    A living wage you will plump,
    For their free Medicare, you will rave.

  113. Tim Gray says:

    The only reason she is with you
    Is you’ve got a dollar or two.
    She’ll give you the bump
    And unceremoniously dump
    If you really get in the stew.

  114. Val Fish says:

    He loved to play the connoisseur
    Of fine food; a right bon viveur
    Though he’d never confess
    When no one to impress
    It’s a Maccy D he’d prefer

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    We ate at the “Rise And Shine Stop”
    For breakfast, it’s “cream of the crop”
    No luxury’s spared
    All the food is prepared
    With a snap and a crackle and pop

  116. Steve Benko says:

    In France they eat liver paté;
    Indonesia is known for satay.
    But go to Manhattan,
    And soon you’ll be battin’
    A thousand in every café.

  117. Tim James says:

    This nation’s cuisine is a joke.
    Eat too much and too young you will croak:
    Processed sugar, carbs, fat
    (A caloric glut, that)
    And to wash it all down ― Diet Coke.

  118. Tim Gray says:

    The Tower of one Mr Trump
    Is having a bit of a slump.
    Tenant treatment’s appalling
    And the values are falling…
    Is it slowly becoming a dump?

  119. Tim Gray says:

    Did Lincoln lie like the Trump?
    Whilst married, did he chase after rump?
    Did he cheat on his tax?
    Was his honesty lax?
    Was be building a moral dump?

  120. Allan Williams says:

    You act much like a schlump
    Or else an annoying chump
    Of you I’ll be free
    Once I take a sizable dump

  121. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My Husband The Grump”

    Right there at the Cook County dump
    Throwing out all his dinner was “grump”
    I just said, “Darling, Pete
    Since “You are what you eat”
    “Here’s your Friday night supper, roast rump”

  122. Hildy Zampella says:

    Tell me, what shall I do with this boy?
    He’s no longer a fun little toy
    I think I will dump
    The sad little chump
    Yep, he’s Kondoed – he brings me no joy

  123. Hildy Zampella says:

    I just made the decision to dump
    Half my too-many clothes, but don’t jump
    To conclusions I’ll choose
    To purge half of my shoes
    For I ask you: what good is one pump?

  124. Hildy Zampella says:

    He announced his intention to dump
    His poor wife, “You’re a bit of a frump.
    I deserve someone hotter.” She
    Then won the lottery.
    Guess who’s now out on his rump?

  125. Hildy Zampella says:

    Each evening, as darkness approaches
    See them scurry about, all the roaches
    What a friendly old dump,
    Even rats, nice and plump
    Come on out just to say buenos noches!

  126. Fred Bortz says:

    My friend lost his dentures today,
    Which is terrible for a gourmet.
    His chewing was ruthless,
    But now that he’s toothless
    His favored cuisine is “Purée.”

  127. Fred Bortz says:


    Quasimodo was known for his hump
    Which gave him a prominent rump.
    It earned him respects
    When he had anal sex,
    But it hindered when he took a dump.

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    That damn vichyssoise has a bad smell
    There are leeks in there (PHEW) I can tell
    Do not give me cold soup
    It looks just like goop
    Even worse, took me 10 tries to spell

  129. Amazzing says:

    Jerry GoNad-ler is far more than a fool;
    He acts more like the nick name of a mule;
    Better to serve the nation, chump;
    By go watching bears at a dump;
    An do something constructive like play with his tool.

    With him should go watermelon head;
    You know Adam Schiff, the political inbred;
    His truthfulness is in the dump,
    Making assertions dumber than a stump,
    And return only if he can speak honestly instead.

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    There is nothing rhymes better with dump
    Than a word that will def’nitly trump
    Any other I knew
    Just look up at line 2
    And you’ll see that I’m out of my slump

  131. Lisi Nortman says:

    A slightly modified version of “Vichyssoise”

    There’s some vichyssoise here; I can tell it
    Is loaded with leeks; I can smell it
    Do not give me cold soup
    It reminds me of goop
    And it took me 10 tries just to spell it

  132. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of a previous limerick!

    The “Fish Chef” was never the same
    Since that night, (oh my gosh what a shame)
    On that platter he looked
    At the trout (under cooked)
    Who then jumped up and told him its name

  133. Margie Nairn says:

    My love life is sure in a slump.
    Can’t figure it out, gee, I’m stumped!
    I’m ever so nice,
    but they never call twice,
    could it be because I love Trump?

  134. Margie Nairn says:

    All of my life I’ve been plump,
    weight loss has long left me stumped.
    All day I work out,
    so I won’t be so stout,
    but I’m hungry, which makes me a grump!

  135. Margie Nairn says:

    I’ve taken my clothes to the dump!
    I’m tired of looking the frump!
    Lots of cash, I’ll be dropping,
    ’cause now I’ll go shopping,
    to give my new wardrobe a bump!

  136. Margie Nairn says:

    A woman who hailed from Duneen,
    was known for eclectic cuisine.
    She cooked without spice,
    and it didn’t taste nice,
    BYO was the sign on the screen.

  137. Margie Nairn says:

    A woman from south of Duneen,
    had a rather unusual cuisine.
    Guests would fill up their bellies,
    get a case of the smellies,
    ’cause she cooked using nothing but beans!

  138. Judith H. Block says:

    The motel was truly a dump,
    The mattress, though clean, had a lump.
    The bathroom door got stuck,
    And then- just my luck,
    The curtain rod fell, made me jump.

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    My wife gets our meals from a jar
    But they really don’t get very far
    When she claims she is “cooking”
    I catch her not looking
    And steal them to work on my car.

    For some reason, they all taste like lead
    And give people a feeling of dread
    But I told her, “My Dear
    You must never have fear
    Cuz you compensate for it in bed”

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    another twist on same theme

    My wife sure did not have a “plan”
    Cuz she served all my meals from a can
    They went right to the floor
    (As to not start a “war”)
    Then the doggie just sniffed them and ran

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was in an extrem’ly bad mood
    And wow, did I come home and brood
    I tried “haute cuisine”
    Thought I’d feel like a queen
    But it sure didn’t taste like hot food

  142. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Back To A Better Slump Dump”

    There ain’t nothin’ rhymes better with dump
    Than a word that will def’nitly trump
    Any others I knew
    Just look up at line 2
    And you’ll note I am out of a slump

  143. Steve Benko says:

    “My cooking,” said Chef Boyardee,
    “Is the toast of New York and Paree.
    Ravioli in cans
    That you eat with your hands
    Goes so well with a vintage Chablis.”

  144. madkane says:

    This Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  145. Tim James says:

    A trucker set out for Pahrump*
    With a full load of hot dogs to dump.
    But his rig got too hot
    And blew up on the spot
    ‘Cause they’re Ball Parks — you cook them, they plump.

    * It’s in Nevada. Really.

  146. David Friedman says:

    Said Anton, a consummate foodie,
    “My dishes are things of great beauty;
    They’re gorgeous, nutritious,
    Gourmet and delicious,
    But always just end up as doodie.”

  147. David Friedman says:

    On a lump on a bump of a stump
    A hornet said, taking a dump,
    “You don’t know abuse
    Til you’ve dropped a deuce
    With a prick sticking out of your rump!”

  148. John Edwards says:

    There’s a chef who likes venting his spleen
    On TV; whilst preparing cuisine.
    And his language I fear
    Means no knighthood next year.
    You can’t say “F… off” to the Queen.

    There was a young chef from East Sheen,
    Who developed a “minceur” cuisine.
    The meal was so small,
    It was no meal at all!
    One spaghetto and half a sardine.

    A lassie frae auld Aberdeen
    Lay doon wi’ a lad on the green.
    She developed a bump;
    The predictable dump.
    And noo she’s expecting a wean.

    Gimme burgers, fried chicken and bread.
    And french fries to keep me well-fed.
    I don’t care if I’m plump,
    All those healthfoods I’ll dump
    And I’ll keep eating crap till I’m …………

    On his deathbed, an old chap called Jake
    Said, “Wifey, my last wish I’ll make.
    Can I just have a try
    Of that freshly-baked pie?
    She said, “No you can’t – that’s for the wake.”

  149. Lisi Nortman says:

    ” Cuisine At Its Worst”

    Those “food courts” are not really fun
    You can’t have a meal and then run
    You must watch people eat
    Till they’re out of their seat
    Then go grab a chair quick when they’re done

  150. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 323. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Fan.

  151. Kirk Miller says:

    Plague of termites is having a ball
    Eating everything up. People call
    Every smart aleck pest
    By a name they suggest
    Is quite apt: It’s a big gnaw-it-all.