It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
A loud unmistakable quack
Could be heard from inside of the sack.
Well, there’s my potluck;
Just a small Peking duck
Through the opening, looking right back.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Special HEAT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
When it’s hot, he removes all his clothes,
Which is not so bizarre I suppose.
Then he’ll oil his bod,
Which is still not too odd,
But he does the same thing when it snows.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Charley Simmons, Will T. Laughlin, Dave Johnson, Konrad Schwoerke, Tim James, David Reddekopp, Lien Bazardien, and Marty Gerendasy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SACK” RHYME DIVISION)
“He was trapped in a tight cul-de-sac
With the Mafia hot on his back.
With one bound, he was free …”
I am sure you’ll agree
That the author’s a second-rate hack.
When the drunk got a gal in the sack,
He laughed and said “Babe you’ve no rack.
There’s no hair on your cookie,
But give me some nookie.”
She answered him: “GET OFF MY BACK!”
Will T. Laughlin:
A Dudelsackpfeifer* (a hack)
Played for years without getting the knack.
One morning his wife
Got her hands on a knife
And cut off both his Dudel and Sack.
*Dudelsackpfeifer = bagpipe player
A ranch-owning gal from Omak*
Spends most afternoons on her back.
Young cowboys her steed,
To her spread they stampede
For the ride of their lives in the sack.
*The Omak Stampede is a famous rodeo held in Washington state.
We all wanted to shag this guy Zack,
So we four took him back to our shack.
I felt somewhat forsaken;
His good parts were taken.
I was left, sadly, holding the sack.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (HEAT-LIMERICK DIVISION)
Young Nellie, a beauteous belle,
Was more lovely than any could tell.
She was fine, without doubt,
But the word soon got out
That her sister was hotter than Nell.
The couple upstairs, always sweating
Is making a mess of their bedding.
But our bedding is neat;
We don’t generate heat,
And it really is rather upsetting.
Will T. Laughlin:
I’d a lim’rick, believe it or not,
With a double-entendre on “hot.”
But the heat of the day
Burned my wits all away,
And — whatever it was — I forgot.
A nudist called Bella Corelli
Had multiple rolls on her belly.
Her very best treat
In the Summer’s great heat
Was posing for Sir Botticelli.
When the temps hit a hundred degrees,
And you long for a nice cooling breeze,
You can feel that it seems
There are just two extremes;
It’s like either you swelter or freeze!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
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