It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Said the dentist, “Your teeth need a brace,
But I fear it’s a difficult case.
Though the work is cosmetic,
It needs anaesthetic –
You’ll feel a small prick in your face.”
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Special STUBBORNNESS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
I am fed up with people who choose
To be stubborn — who can’t change their views.
I’m telling you flat
I will NOT be like that.
I refuse, I refuse, I REFUSE!!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Allen Wilcox, Judith H. Block, Brian Allgar, Carolyn Henly, Will T. Laughlin, Randolph Wagner, Jeanine Silverio, Tim James, David Reddekopp, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CASE” RHYME DIVISION)
Good limerick writing’s a race
To a sadly anonymous place.
Perhaps I should mention
To get more attention,
I’ve decided to use UPPER CASE.
Judith H. Block:
Dear Jury, this trial’s a disgrace.
My client was not at that place.
He was busy in bed,
As the Judge’s wife said.
So thus I do now rest my case!
The coffin took up lots of space,
But he gave it a prominent place.
“Though my wife is no more,
She has fooled me before,
So I keep her around just in case.”
There once was a fishwife who’d race
’Round her shop guarding ev’ry glass case.
If you hear the old trout
Give a shout, best get out
Or she’ll chase you all over the plaice.
Will T. Laughlin’s SLOUCHING TOWARD CLEVELAND (written before everyone dropped out except Trump)
The candidates left in the race
Promise terrible things to their base.
But forget about tact:
They’re ignoring the fact
That they can’t just make laws by ukase.
Sherlock’s fetishes swayed every case
As he sleuthed and prepared to give chase.
“‘The game is afoot!’
Is extremely well put,”
Quipped this bootlicking wearer of lace.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (STUBBORNNESS LIMERICK DIVISION)
Brian Allgar’s Stubbornness of Sisyphus:
He was rolling a rock up a hill,
But the bloody thing wouldn’t keep still.
It would roll down again –
What a bore, what a pain! –
Rock and roll was a pastime worth nil.
Jeanine Jamero Silverio:
I’ve the typical Taurean pique
(Also known as a mean stubborn streak).
Once my way is revealed,
I’ll hold fast and not yield.
It’s just part of my bullish mystique.
He’s not stubborn, he’s “principled.” See?
Not obsessed, “laser-focused” is he.
It’s the same old refrain:
Life involves much less pain
When it’s viewed euphemistically.
I’m as stubborn as stubborn can be.
Show me proof and aloofly, I flee.
No concessions to science,
No facts, just defiance–
That’s why I remain YEC*.
*Young Earth Creationist.
He refuses to honor their wishes
And scale back the garbage he dishes.
The pathway’s now clear
For the ending they fear:
Their party will swim with the fishes.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
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