Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BEAR or BARE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 27, 2023)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BEAR or BARE at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PREPARATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PREPARATION-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.


(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 28, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 27, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BEAR/BARE-Rhyme Limerick:

A generous fellow named Jack
Likes to give folks the shirt off his back.
But he doesn’t stop there;
He’ll undress until bare…
Which alas, got the poor man the sack.

And here’s my PREPARATION-Themed Limerick:

By now, we all know it’s essential
To prepare for a rainstorm torrential.
But at times, though we’re careful,
We end up despairful.
Never lowball a downpour’s potential!

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

A quarrelsome broad known as Maude
Would always refuse to applaud.
And no matter how great
A show was, she’d rate
It a “C,” then berate it as flawed.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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136 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BEAR or BARE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 27, 2023)”

  1. Bob Turvey says:

    Last Tuesday I purchased a bear.
    I was shocked when it came with no hair.
    The man at the bear shop
    Said, “I’ll do you a swap,
    But your order said clearly ONE BARE.”

  2. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a doctor, “If patients are bare,
    Baggy pants are the best thing to wear.
    A member that’s turgid
    Is by folds of serge hid;
    Which avoids that embarrassing glare.”

  3. Bob Turvey says:

    Camel drivers who got to the Bosphorus,
    All shouted out, “Get glue and moss for us!
    All our camels are bare
    For we’ve sold all their hair
    And we hope moss will cover the loss for us.”

  4. Bob Turvey says:

    Our new gardening assistant, young Clare,
    In hot weather will often work bare.
    She’s quite brightened the view
    I can see from the loo –
    There’s a bush and a rather large pear.

  5. Bob Turvey says:

    I once went along to the zoo,
    There were lions and tigers and gnu.
    An old keeper there,
    Said they breed bear –
    But everyone knows that they do!

  6. BillR says:

    The National Parks’ Smokey Bear
    Has been known to go on a tear
    He’ll smoke up a storm
    To keep himself warm
    ‘Cuz he really has no clothes to wear.

  7. Rudy Landesman says:

    For those aching big hem’rhoids of mine
    That “H” preparation is fine.
    It has a high rating.
    So I, no debating,
    Stick it there where the sun doesn’t shine;

  8. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hans had eaten so much he could burst;
    All the schnitzel and beer came up first.
    He felt somewhat perplexed,
    Thinking, “What will come next?”
    While preparing himself for the wurst.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    The serpent was feeling quite bored,
    And thought he’d have fun with the broad.
    “See that fruit over there?
    It’s delicious, a pear…”
    But the fruit was an apple – Oh, Lord!

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    Line 3 above should be ‘fruit’. It’s a pity there’s no EDIT function here …

  11. Bob Turvey says:

    I have a proctologist friend,
    Who said, “No. They will never mend.
    If you sit – and give yelps –
    PREPARATION H helps,
    But prepare for an “op” in the end.”

  12. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hiring female employees, for Rex,
    Is hard. All he thinks of is sex.
    With each broad it’s the same,
    So instead of his name,
    He signs every rating with “x.”

  13. Sharon Neeman says:

    All-categories-at-once limerick:

    I’m not quarrelsome, really! Just stating
    That’s it’s braver than wise to try rating
    How she looks when she’s bare:
    She might tear (please prepare!)
    Off the thing that you use for, well, mating.

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    Fellow students, I beg you: Beware!
    Don’t do what I did in despair.
    To prep for a test,
    I firmly suggest
    Don’t rely on the strength of a prayer.

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    Colonoscopy preps make me zoom
    To the toilet non-stop (boom, boom, boom)
    I’m annoyed the next day,
    Cause they constantly play
    “Long And Winding Road” in the Scope Room.

  16. Judy Freed says:

    My friends sent me out on a dare,
    To a beach where the bathers were bare.
    My attempt to join in
    Left a burn on my skin.
    Can’t blame them. I guess it was fair.

  17. Judy Freed says:

    I started the day feeling manic.
    Then I bravely resisted the panic
    As I noticed too late
    That the apple I ate
    With my sprouted seeds wasn’t organic.

  18. A man just said “Fuck everyone!”
    and made it clear that he was done.
    He stripped himself bare
    and pimp slapped a bear
    once he got honey glazed like a bun!

  19. Rudy Landesman says:

    It was Winnie-the-Pooh, the young bear,
    Who sought a platonic affair
    With Eeyore; but she,
    As a piglet, you see,
    Wanted sex. So, she gave him the air.

  20. Terry Marter says:

    Introducing myself, – I’m a bear.
    If you’re needing a hug I’m right there.
    Approaching me smugly
    Showing off, could get ugly.
    The chance you’d survive? Barely ‘Fair’.

  21. Tim James says:

    I mix up my words. Though it’s rare,
    It can strike anytime, anywhere.
    Does my being this way
    Cause me problems? I’ll say.
    In the woods is there shit from a bear?

  22. Terry Marter says:

    Calmly searching for food (I’m a bear)
    Then suddenly, – Tourists! Right there!
    If one more old fogey
    Says ‘Hey, look, – it’s Yogi’
    I’ll have them for breakfast – I swear!

  23. Judy Freed says:

    I once had a quarrelsome friend.
    All her points she would bravely defend.
    ‘Til she sat on a spoke,
    Swearing it was a joke.
    Seems she had the last word in the end.

  24. cphenly says:

    There once was a rabbit named Bear,
    Who loved hippity-hopping with flair.
    But he so scared a mouse
    That she fled from the house:
    It was “Exit, pursued by a hare!”

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    The ratings for “Cruise Line Supreme”
    Have sank ever since Pudge McQueen
    Fell into the straights
    Causing many debates:
    “Was SHE really too broad in the beam?”

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Hen-Pecked Husband Finally Gets Courage

    “I was brave, (should have won a gold crown.)
    This marriage was making me frown.
    Though a quarrelsome task,
    I did not even ask!
    And I turned that damn thermostat down.”

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Fearful Spouse, Once Again, Finds Courage

    I was brave, (should have won a gold crown.)
    This marriage was making me frown.
    Though a quarrelsome issue,
    I reversed the loo tissue.
    I won’t have to pull up. I’ll pull down.

  28. Bob Turvey says:

    Charles – Head of the Church and the Nation!
    For these jobs what was his preparation?
    Well, he talks to flowers
    For hours and hours
    And he knows all about fornication.

  29. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Ranger Rick tells us how to prepare,
    If, while hiking, we meet with a bear:
    Wield a stick; jump and holler;
    Lift your arms (you’ll seem taller).
    And if none of that works, try a prayer.

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    The food Mama cooks tastes like steel.
    Her concoctions sure have no appeal.
    She omits preparation.
    We pray for salvation.
    And say Grace AFTER ev-er-y meal.

  31. Tim James says:

    “‘Be Prepared’ is our longstanding motto,”
    I heard from a Boy Scout named Otto.
    “I’ve stocked up on booze,
    Which is something I’ll use
    If a Girl Scout should want to get blotto.”

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    For those of you who don’t know, a “bear box” is a metal locked container
    that campers use to store food outdoors. It’s designed to prevent bears from accessing it.

    When camping, I sure was aware
    That a bear box was rather unfair.
    I detected a scent.
    Then ran out of my tent.
    And I slept in the box for a bear.

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    A bear is a mammal I dread.
    If you see one, I’ve heard it is said:
    “Play dead and the bear
    Will give you the air”
    (But how does it know you are dead?)

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m a broad with a good-lookin’ rear.
    Though my problem, Good Gracious, Oh Dear!
    My chest was so flat,
    But I rectified that
    With my stunning “Two Apples Brassiere.”

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of limerick from April 30th. 6:42 PM

    Fellow students, I beg you: Beware!
    Never do what I did in despair.
    To prepare for a test,
    I firmly suggest
    Don’t rely on the strength of a prayer.

  36. Doug Harris says:

    They’re attracted to towns for the goods
    We stuff in our bins like fast foods.
    So best be beware
    Of ‘Deliveroo Bear’
    ‘Cause they don’t only shit in the woods!

  37. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Around quarrelsome types I’m not strong,
    Nor brave, so I just go along.
    They like getting uptight,
    When I utter, “You’re right!”
    Because then they can tell me I’m wrong.

  38. Terry Marter says:

    Hello! – P’lice? I’m in town with a hooker.
    The broad said I’m a really good looker.
    She’s now being quarrelsome;
    I paid to have oral (some!)
    You need to get down here, and book ‘er!

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t stand there and casually view it.
    The river is broad; go swim through it.
    The essence of “brave”
    Is how you behave:
    If it scares you, no matter what: Do It.

  40. Terry Marter says:

    A young gal with short golden hair,
    Took her boyfriend Ted off to the fair.
    She fired a gun (pissed)
    For the stuffed toy prize, – Missed!
    Losing Teddy was so hard to bear.

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    Poker’s “Broadway Straight”

    Its rating is not really great.
    Though at times, it may carry some weight.
    But it won’t beat the odds
    When flushes and quads
    Seize hold of a high broadway straight.

  42. Christine L Frier says:

    Young quins were a quarrelsome troop.
    Broad sounds you would hear with that group.
    But the sense on attack,
    Was the smell when you stack,
    Four diapers exploding in poop.

  43. Tim James says:

    A woman who failed to prepare
    Before trying to sunbathe while bare
    Got a sunburn, though slight.
    Said her guy with delight:
    “Let me help apply aloe down there!”

  44. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Was the apple a woman’s first fruit?
    Owlish judges find this question moot.
    Rate the work of these men
    From zero to ten,
    With “one” being who gives a hoot.

  45. Christine L Frier says:

    Preparation for aging immense,
    With bones and my muscles less dense.
    Portfolio draining,
    Memories waning.
    Conclusion, few dollars, less sense.

  46. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Once, I built a cute shack (can’t say when).
    “Sweet Retreat” was my name for it then.
    But my study-cum-lair
    Was redone by a bear,
    So it took on the air of a den.

  47. Tony Holmes says:

    I offfer this as a two-fer – Bare and Preparations

    It began as a light-hearted dare,
    That I wouldn’t strip off and walk bare
    Down the length of the street
    And greet ladies I meet
    With, “Good morning! You’re welcome to stare.”

    I made sure I was looking my best,
    As one does when not wearing one’s vest’.
    Hearing nothing decried,
    As I strode in my pride,
    I believe the voyeurs were impressed.

    All good things, though, must come to an end,
    Lest an overindulgence offend.
    It was time to behave.
    I had dared and proved brave,
    And – who knows? – may have started a trend.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    I told Mama, “I need to prepare
    A speech for “The Birthday Suit Fair.”
    She said, “Here’s a trick
    That’s easy and quick:
    Just picture your audience bare.”

  49. Terry Marter says:

    The reward, for us writers’ frustration,
    Is our readers’ response of elation,
    As they laugh at our shit
    And complete lack of wit
    When there’s little (or no) preparation.

  50. Tony Holmes says:

    If you camp in the woods, do beware
    That you may well encounter a bear.
    He’ll have food on his mind –
    You’ll be fine if he’s dined,
    But if not, you’re legitimate fare.

  51. Tony Holmes says:

    Two old ladies were taking the air
    When a streaker strolled by. “That man’s bare!”
    Cried out one, of the bloke,
    While her friend had a stroke – –
    A chance missed by her chum. How unfair!

  52. Tony Holmes says:

    Living life with a quarrelsome broad,
    One could easily get overawed.
    It’s a battle of wills –
    For me, one of the thrills –
    And I certainly know when I’ve scored.

  53. Tony Holmes says:

    Read the sign on the door, “Share and Bare”.
    I was ready for both, I declare.
    It transpired that the goal
    Wasn’t baring the soul,
    But those parts at which reprobates stare.

  54. Richard Orr says:

    Bent frenetic, we rush to ensnare
    The prize, ending a line you-know-where.
    O, the rhymes that she’ll pan,
    And the lines that won’t scan—
    It’s all more than Ms. Mad’leine can bear!

  55. Tim James says:

    Ms. Godiva got naked? Big deal.
    As I’ve aged, I’ve discovered I feel
    That I don’t really care
    If she rode around bare.
    But her choc’late? That still has appeal.

  56. Randy Wagner says:

    On a nippy day, Nell stepped outside
    Making bumps ‘neath her blouse hard to hide.
    Gawkers hardly could bear
    The bedazzling sharp glare
    From the high beams they hungrily eyed.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    The night we were happily wed
    My new wife and I hopped into bed.
    I was totally bare,
    Then she gave me the air.
    Like a scene from “The Naked and Dead.”

  58. Tony Holmes says:

    Being rich is a burden I bear,
    In large part, the suggestion I share
    With the lazy, the poor,
    Those who beg at my door –
    Just because I’m a billionaire!

  59. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry, but I wasn’t happy with the second line.

    Read the sign on the door, “Share and Bare”.
    And thought, “Just what I need – I’ll repair.”
    It transpired that the goal
    Wasn’t baring the soul,
    But those parts at which reprobates stare.

  60. Dave Johnson says:

    Away from the usual glare,
    That beach is for nudists to share.
    But lately some cold
    Weather strengthened its hold;
    For many, it’s too much to bare.

  61. Rudy Landesman says:

    Some poems by Poe were quite sad;
    But his lim’ricks, I’m told, weren’t all bad.
    But was he prepared
    To hear them declared
    Not funny enough for Ms. Mad?

  62. Rudy Landesman says:

    You say might leave the Big Apple?
    With its problems you don’t want to grapple?
    I say, pull up your socks,
    Have a bagel with lox.
    And be brave. Have some borscht. Never Snapple!

  63. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ms. Edna St. Vincent Millay
    Wrote poetry in her own way;
    And I simply can’t bear,
    That some people would dare
    To forget her and think that’s O.K..

  64. Terry Marter says:

    A brave friend who tried out speed-dating,
    Gave each gal a one-to-ten rating.
    The ‘Eleven’ he dated
    Soon flipped, from elated
    To quarrelsome psycho, while mating.

  65. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A brave pig at a feast danced a jig,
    For an apple that made his eyes big.
    With that fruit in his snout,
    Without doubt it turned out,
    For the pig, an unfortunate gig.

  66. Rudy Landesman says:

    Correction (omitted word in line 1)

    You say you might leave the Big Apple?
    With its problems you don’t want to grapple?
    I say, pull up your socks,
    Have a bagel with lox.
    And be brave. Have some borscht. No, not Snapple!

  67. Jean E McEwen says:

    Peeping Toms (hapless pervs) love to stare
    At gals’ buttocks – especially when bare.
    But not all the gals mind
    Getting eyed from behind:
    Exhibitionists bask in guys’ glare.

  68. Jean E McEwen says:

    Plan to hike in the woods? Then prepare!
    Pack some bug spray and trail mix to share.
    To survive, if you can,
    Make a getaway plan–
    For you’re sure to encounter a bear.

  69. Jean E McEwen says:

    That chick is one quarrelsome broad.
    If you cross her, prepare to get clawed.
    Her sole goal is to win
    So she’ll never give in
    Unless hoisted on her own petard.

  70. Tony Holmes says:

    With her sights on seduction, Ms Claire,
    Contrived ways to begin our affair.
    Her approach – most direct –
    Had me standing erect:

  71. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry about that. I was careless.

    With her sights on seduction, Ms Claire,
    Contrived ways to begin our affair.
    Her approach – most direct –
    Had me standing erect:
    She discovered her assets laid bare.

  72. Tony Holmes says:

    I’ve adopted the naturist way,
    And live life in the buff ev’ry day.
    Should you choose to go bare,
    Then, your mirror foreswear.
    As its ‘comments’ are apt to dismay.

  73. Tim James says:

    A quarrelsome woman named Tess
    Rates my lims a misogynist mess.
    She thinks gals in my verse
    Are all airheads or worse.
    She’s no fan of broad humor, I guess.

  74. J.OConnor says:

    Mother Hubbard would have to beware.
    Angry dog with no bone was still there.
    The dog bit her gown.
    Then pulled the frock down.
    And the cupboard’s not all that was bare.

  75. David Friedman says:

    There was a French lady named Claire
    Who would walk around totally bare
    Save for a cravat
    She wore on her twat
    Which she thought made her look debonair.

  76. David Friedman says:

    There once was an Englishman, Blair,
    Who would walk around totally bare
    Except for a jewel
    He’d affix to his tool,
    Which, he felt, added some flair.

  77. David Friedman says:

    Watching the King’s coronation,
    His face lined with anal striation,
    With the pomp and the flair,
    It’s nonetheless clear,
    The ‘H’ got the most preparation.

  78. David Friedman says:

    At the zoo, the bear brags, “At my station,
    I’ve a Mac and full web integration;
    I’m a proud country bear,
    And every year,
    Bears go into cybernation.

  79. J.OConnor says:

    The meal was an absolute treat.
    A great gastronomical feat.
    Took so long to prepare
    So it doesn’t seem fair
    That it took only minutes to eat.

  80. Terry Marter says:

    Unprepared, he decided last night
    To go sailing alone at first light.
    A swipe from the boom
    Knocked him into the spume
    Where he watched his yacht sail out of sight.

  81. Rudy Landesman says:

    This week I prepared my last will.
    A few millions here (but yet still)
    A few millions there,
    And I hope you’re aware,
    My bequests are just run of the mill.

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    RANDOMS:” A Loyal American”

    For the “home of the brave” I would die.
    “America’s Best” ain’t no lie.
    All our chiefs were a hit,
    But that hotty, Brad Pitt
    Is my apple pie up in the sky.

  83. Lisi Nortman says:


    The election is coming up nigh.
    Who will be the next lady or guy?
    I shall vote, but admit
    It will be for Brad Pitt.
    He’s my “apple pie up in the sky.”

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    There was only one “random” in the above limerick. Oops! Try Again
    “A True American”

    The election is coming up nigh.
    For the “home of the brave” I would die.
    I shall vote, but admit
    It will be for Brad Pitt.
    He’s my “apple pie up in the sky.”

  85. Terry Marter says:

    Think your fake deposition and strife
    Will affect my political life?
    Or promiscuous mating
    Will downgrade my rating?
    Or mistaking that broad for my wife?

  86. J.OConnor  says:

    I’m painting with rather broad strokes
    When I speak about quarrelsome folks
    And I say that their skin
    Would not be as thin
    If they only learned how to take jokes.

  87. Jon Nixon says:

    A fearless and bold teddy bear
    Went swimming with sharks for a dare.
    The ate all his stuffing
    And left him with nuffing,
    So now he’s teddy barely there

  88. Terry Marter says:

    There once was a quarrelsome broad
    Who would work herself up till she roared.
    If logic and sense
    Tried to dent her defence,
    She would drive her point home with a sword.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Great Depression Of 1929”

    She was brave during hard times, (my granny)
    And would wiggle and sway her cute fanny
    In a real sexy way,
    So the townsfolk would pay.
    Oh how we loved sweet Apple Annie.

  90. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    “Ev’rything is in apple pie order,”
    Said the broad, soon to be my ex-boarder.
    “All that stuff in the bin,
    Broke before I moved in.
    That’s including the spy cam recorder.”

  91. SjaanVandenBroeder says:

    CNN folks will do as they please,
    Even open their network to sleaze.
    Helping Trump to go viral,
    May make ratings spiral,
    But we’ll all brave the airborne disease.

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My Grandpa was only my half Grandpa”

    The “apple of Grand pa pa’s eye”
    Was his grandchild, who grams taught to lie.
    Grammy sure wasn’t brave
    And admit Pa was Dave.
    Or was it that sly Uncle Cy?

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    Preparation for twins is, no doubt
    An issue to think hard about.
    A nice playpen that’s yellow
    Feels soothing and mellow.
    And when you’re unflustered, jump out.

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Senior Dating”

    Well, how do ya’ do, my name’s Maude.
    Last night I had sex with “Old Claude”
    He said, (about dating)
    “You’ve got a good rating.
    And ain’t bad for a wrinkly-faced broad.”

  95. Tony Holmes says:

    When a man goes to woo, he must bare
    Heart and soul if he wishes the fair
    To succumb to his charms
    And fall into his arms –
    Which she won’t for the open-mouthed stare.

    Maidens punctuate night times with prayer
    For a derring young man who will bare
    Heart and soul for to wrest
    Their sweet love from their breast – –
    Diamonds, too, have been known to ensnare.

  96. Tony Holmes says:

    When I’m sunk in the depths of despair,
    Which, these days, though profound, is now rare,
    I console with the thought
    That the teddy I’ve bought
    So enhances the form she will bare.

  97. Terry Marter says:

    Mad, please delete my limerick at may 13, 10.29am. Thanks (I’ll re-post).

  98. Tony Holmes says:

    Bobbing apples at Strawberry fayre,
    I was focused, n’er thinking they’d dare
    The abuse of my trust,
    So imag’ my disgust
    When my glowing red cheeks were laid bare.

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Snow White”

    Snow White hoped that the prince would come soon.
    That apple was sure not a boon.
    He was brave, but not bright.
    Didn’t get the plot right.
    And thought she ate half of a prune.

  100. Terry Marter says:

    William Tell: A sequel.
    A sour apple, he placed on her head.
    The brave lass prayed she’d not soon be dead.
    Tell’s arrow flew straight;
    He’s now her soul mate
    And enjoys her sweet pair in his bed.

  101. Rudy Landesman says:

    I’m prepared for a trip to Japan,
    Since of sushi I am a great fan.
    Sayonara my friend,
    And I hope you’ll intend
    To address me as Landesman-san.

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    There I was, all alone in my room
    With a terrible feeling of gloom.
    Found a book, ( 5 star rating)
    Titled, “Why Are You Waiting
    You Should Study Abroad, Va Va Voom”

  103. Rudy Landesman says:

    I braved my good German friend’s fits,
    Caused by quarrelsome zits where he sits;
    And you can be sure,
    That I searched for a cure
    To apply to that skin on the Fritz.

  104. Tim James says:

    My Apple phone failed. I lucked out:
    If a Musk firm had built it, no doubt,
    It would have gone boom.
    I’d have met a quick doom
    With my bod broadly scattered about.

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    To cook a great chicken, you bake it.
    Remember, you must never break it.
    Though you really don’t care,
    It’s right to prepare
    The bird that it ain’t gonna’ make it.

  106. Jon Nixon says:

    A tatty and balding old bear,
    Said that life hadn’t treated him fair.
    He cried, “on my life,
    I swear I’m a Steiff,
    But my button fell off with my hair!”

  107. Unsal Ozunlu says:

    There was a young lady named Claire,
    Who went for a swim in her underwear.
    She saw a big bear,
    And screamed, “I don’t care!”
    But the bear just wanted to share.

  108. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    On her dating app, vying for men,
    Joy enhances her profile, and then,
    To better compete,
    She considers her feet,
    And rates herself (broadly) a “ten.”

  109. Tony Holmes says:

    My first days as a naturist bare
    Were traumatic. I couldn’t help stare,
    And, of course, all could ‘see’
    What was troubling me,
    But it wasn’t the why we were there.

    Over time, the adjustment was made.
    I ‘relaxed’ and became almost staid.
    Only once in a while
    Was I forced – guilty smile –
    To withdraw, with my shame, to the shade.

  110. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry, I thought I was done.

    My first days as a naturist bare
    Were traumatic. I couldn’t help stare,
    And, of course, all could ‘see’
    What was troubling me,
    But it wasn’t the why we were there.

    Over time, the adjustment was made.
    I ‘relaxed’ and became almost staid.
    Only once in a while
    Was I forced – guilty smile –
    To withdraw, with my shame, to the shade.

    Do not think for a moment I brag.
    When exposed to all eyes, it’s a drag.
    To stand out from the crowd
    Really isn’t allowed.
    It’s not only their tongues that will wag.

  111. Tony Holmes says:

    I have tried, more than once, to be brave.
    To be quarrelsome – even a knave;
    But I failed. I am weak;
    But far better I’m meek
    Than go plucky, but chaste, to the grave.

  112. Tony Holmes says:

    When you look in the mirror today
    And see you leering back, you might say,
    “You’re the cross I must bear –
    Disagree, if you dare!
    I was fine till you led me astray.”

  113. Rudy Landesman says:

    My politic’ly savvy old aunt is
    Not prepared for a vote for DeSantis,
    And wryly says she:
    “Not even if he
    Were running in off-shore Atlantis.”

  114. Sharon Neeman says:

    Mourned the immigrant, looking forlorn,
    “It’s so hard! How does ‘tear’ change to ‘torn’?”
    Laughed the teacher, “If ‘tear’
    Is too hard, look at ‘bear’!”
    “Ohhh!! I wish ‘bear’ had never been ‘born(e)’!”

  115. Terry Marter says:

    “Be prepared!” I was told as a Scout,
    To solve problems when out and about.
    But when trouble found Me
    It caused me to pee
    Now my leadership badge is in doubt.

  116. Tony Holmes says:

    I have issues with being prepared,
    One of which I believe should be aired.
    Leaving all things to chance
    Has a whiff of romance.
    But who knows if that’s true, till they’ve dared.

    An adrenalin junkie, for me,
    “Be prepared!” is the sure recipe
    For a life that is staid –
    A poor dullard’s charade.
    It’s a life without thrills, Kemosabe.

  117. Rudy Landesman says:

    In Padua there was a shrew,
    The quarrelsome Kate, and we knew
    That she hated all men
    (She’d had at least ten).
    But how many broads did she screw?

  118. Rudy Landesman says:

    Dirty secrets I might have to share,
    If I just had a soul I could bare.
    But what is a soul?
    A spirit? A troll?
    It’s basically mostly hot air.

  119. Mark Totterdell says:

    Young Billy, as daft as they come,
    Kicked a huge grizzly bear on the bum.
    It was done as a dare,
    But alas, now the bear
    Has a Billy-sized bulge in its tum.

  120. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I admired the way that my Ma,
    Braved the rants of my quarrelsome Pa.
    If he argued too long,
    She would burst into song.
    It went, “La la la la la la la.”

  121. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Agony of Preparation

    I soon will be marrying Ken.
    I’m counting the minutes till then.
    My one sacred vow
    Which I’m pledging right now
    Is “Never plan weddings again.”

  122. Terry Marter says:

    Once two burly guys and one surlier,
    All dressed up in drag to look girlier.
    They bitched and complained
    That all day it had rained
    And had ruined their hair prepared earlier.

  123. Terry Marter says:

    Two gals in bed, brazenly bare,
    I hopped in, – no thought to prepare.
    Their mode of protection
    Was forceful ejection
    You know ICU? I’m now there!

  124. Tony Holmes says:

    I’m not happy with the word renders in the last line, but the right word eludes me. Should it it occur, I shall repost, but in case it doesn’t:

    When seduction is much on your mind,
    Careful planning succeeds, you will find.
    But a lady disdains,
    When a chap takes no pains,
    And thus renders herself disinclined.

  125. Terry Marter says:

    Young Adam, with apple; in garden,
    Was confronted (with no ‘beg your pardon’)
    By a broad, in the nude:
    “Don’t be quarrelsome dude, –
    Hi, I’m Eve and I’ll temper your hard’n”.

  126. Tony Holmes says:

    When a chap has seduction in mind,
    Care and planning succeed, he will find.
    For a lady disdains
    Men who will not take pains
    And she colours herself disinclined.

  127. Tony Holmes says:

    For the chef, mis en plus takes the strain
    Out of cooking – exotic or plain.
    With ingredients on hand,
    Ready chopped, menu planned,
    Haute cuisine looks like legerdemain.

  128. Laurie Baker says:

    It’s not right but I’m going to swear
    OMG I have nothing to wear!
    We all lost some privilege
    When the wildfire took our village
    Leaving my closet hopelessly bare

  129. madkane says:

    Attention All Limerick-Off Procrastinators: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  130. Steve Dufour says:

    Once in the woods I saw a bear.
    Both of us at the other did stare.
    I was smart
    And quick to start.
    So in a moment I wasn’t there.

  131. Tony Holmes says:

    In the British navy, a rating is any non-commissioned officer.

    Staring hard at the quarrelsome rating,
    Who stared back at me, hostile and hating,
    I knew drink was to blame,
    And when sober, his shame
    Would see rating his hating updating.

  132. Tony Holmes says:

    When the streaker’s run ran out of steam,
    An old lady asked, eyes all a gleam,
    “Do you mind if I dare
    To admire what you bare?”
    Puffed the fellow, “I relish esteem.”

    So, the lady, as good as her word,
    Took to viewing, the naughty old bird.
    After minutes ticked by,
    She gave up, with a sigh.
    “When regarded at rest, it’s absurd.”

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of a Limerick

    I soon will be marrying Ken.
    I’m counting the minutes till then.
    My one sacred vow
    I’m pledging right now
    Is “Do not plan a wedding again.”

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mrs. Panda felt life wasn’t fair
    When she miscarried “Cub” in despair.
    After only 10 days
    She squeaked out this phrase:
    “My baby was barely a bear.”

  135. Lisi Nortman says:


    Mrs. Panda felt life wasn’t fair.
    When she miscarried “Cub” in despair.
    Though her story was grave,
    On “Qi News” she was brave.
    And squeaked, “It was barely a bear.”

  136. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun Limerick-Off, which is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 509. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Light.