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Archive for the 'Internet Humor' Category

Web Withdrawal Woes

Monday, September 24th, 2007

I dedicate this to everyone’s who’s ever been driven mad by a website or blog outage:

Web Withdrawal Woes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This outage has led me to think
I’ve gone bonkers, berserk—need a shrink.
I keep checking the site.
It’s still down—what a plight!
Web withdrawal may drive me to drink.

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Spam Haiku

Saturday, September 15th, 2007

Sometimes spam frustrates me so much, that I’m forced to turn it into haiku.  How do I do it?  I simply mix and match phrases from various annoying email solicitations and turn them into Spam Haiku.  Here are some examples:

My college pictures
Enhance your anatomy.
Proven effective.

New technology.
Frustration and hopelessness.
Xanax, Valium.

Amazing orgies.
Pictures are hard to believe.
Are you strong enough?

Play Texas Hold’em.
Your future is in your hands.
Never type again.

Large screen DVD.
Is your husband performing?
Big trading alert.

Stocks in an up trend.
Best pain reliever ever.
Be happy again.

Be a love hammer.
Penis enlargement breakthrough.
You can split and merge.

Pelvic pain is real.
Computers are infected.
Contact our doctors.

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Ode To The Mobile Web (Cell Phone Browsing Humor)

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007

Welcome mobile readers!  If you’re browsing via cell phone, I’ve written this limerick just for you:

Ode To The Mobile Web
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My blog has gone mobile — how cool!
You can surf on a cellular tool
While on foot, in your car,
Or wherever you are.
Mobile web browsing — cellulars rule!

If you’d like to subscribe to this humor blog’s mobile feed, click on the mobile icon just under my photo on the right sidebar.  And don’t forget to subscribe to my political satire blog’s mobile feed too. 

Oh — I almost forgot — if you’d like to turn your own blog into a mobile site, here’s how to do it. And you might even earn some advertising and affiliate revenue doing it.

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Ode To The Google PageRank Obsession

Wednesday, July 18th, 2007

Website owners, webmasters, and people who specialize in search engine optimization (SEO) and search engine marketing (SEM) tend to be an obsessive bunch, perpetually checking stats  in their quest for better numbers. What do improved numbers mean?  In theory, they beget better placement in search engine results pages (SERPS), more sales, and higher ad rates.

This obsession tends to reach a frenzied peak roughly four times a year, when Google’s Toolbar is updated, and you learn if your latest PageRank has risen or (heaven forbid) dropped. And while some may claim that they don’t care about PageRank, nobody believes them.

In honor of Google PageRank update season, which apparently is upon us, I’ve written this limerick:

Ode To The Google PageRank Obsession
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Google PageRank obsession is back,
‘Cause an update is due, which we track.
Have our efforts paid off?
Although many will scoff,
We need proof that we’re leading the pack.

Here are some tools and an informative article for the Google PageRank obsessed: Search Engine Marketing Tools, PageRank Checker, Google PageRank Prediction, Google Pagerank prediction tool, Live PageRank, Dig PageRank, and Google PageRank: What Do We Really Know About it?

(You can find more of my computer and technology humor and limericks here, including my song parody Webmaster’s SEO Complaint.)

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Captured By CAPTCHA

Monday, May 21st, 2007

If you’ve ever registered for a site or an email list, you’re surely familiar with those frustrating anti-spam CAPTCHA forms. CAPTCHA, which is an acronym for “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart,” generally does a really good job of  blocking … me:

Captured By CAPTCHA (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The CAPTCHA form used on their site
Quickly conquered computerized blight,
Because bots can’t decode
Any image it showed.
But then neither can I—there’s my plight

(You can find more of my technology humor here.

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A Spam Filter That Really Works Would Be Nice

Saturday, March 10th, 2007

A Spam Filter That Really Works Would Be Nice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My filters should block them, but nay!
Spam emails beset me each day,
Pushing stock, naked boys,
Drugs for sex, naughty toys—
All ad nauseam. Please, go away! 

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A Traveler’s Net Woes

Tuesday, August 8th, 2006

If your husband ever invites you to join him on a business trip, be sure to ask him these questions:
   1. Will you ever get to see him while he is not — technically — asleep?
   2. What will he do, if you accidentally lock yourself out of your hotel room in the middle of the night while you are not — technically — dressed?

Unfortunately, I didn’t think to ask these questions when my husband Mark invited me to join him for a six-week Boston business trip. So I had to learn the answers the hard way. …

( A Traveler’s Net Woes is continued here.)

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