Archive for the ‘Religion Verse’ Category

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BLUE or BLEW at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 7, 2023)

Saturday, December 10th, 2022

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BLUE or BLEW at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to RELIGION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best RELIGION-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: NAME, NAUSEOUS, PROFIT, TEASE, SILVER.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 8, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 7, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BLUE or BLEW-Rhyme Limerick:

A litigious old fellow was blue.
His friends (he had only a few)
Asked “Why the bad mood?”
The response from that dude
Was “I’ve run out of people to sue!”

And here’s my RELIGION-Themed Limerick:

A man of the cloth would not share
His frank with his date at the fair.
“That’s unfair,” she cried out.
“I gave you my kraut.
So canoodle tonight? Not a prayer!”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

There is someone I could (but won’t) name
Who makes me feel nauseous. My aim
Isn’t testing or teasing;
He’s just so displeasing,
I’d rather not add to his fame.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Hold The Bacon! (Limerick)

Saturday, September 3rd, 2022

An Orthodox woman was shakin’;
She’d been saved by a stranger from breakin’
Sev’ral bones in a fall.
The stranger (quite tall)
Said “No handshake? I just saved your bacon.”

******
“International Bacon Day” is celebrated on the first Saturday in September each year.

The “Innocent” Punster (Limerick)

Friday, May 20th, 2022

A boy was bawled out by the nuns
For his sly use of off-color puns.
But he swore “I’m not punning!”
(The fellow was cunning.)
“Besides baking, just what’s done with buns?”

Loathing Latkes (Limerick)

Monday, May 2nd, 2022

Someone dared me to write a latke limerick. (No need to check your calendars. Hanukkah’s still in December.)

A latke debate has emerged:
“Eat latkes with sugar,” Mark urged.
“Using sugar sounds weird,”
Sev’ral said. Others cheered.
As for me, latkes ought to be purged.

Irreverent Limerick

Wednesday, October 27th, 2021

I was inspired to write this limerick by the many male-written limericks I’ve read about priests:

I’m a female and Jewish, so never
Had priest problems – none whatsoever.
I don’t mean to be caustic.
I’m deeply agnostic;
Dodging clergy at large — my endeavor.

Dueling Calendars (Limerick)

Monday, September 6th, 2021

Rosh Hashanah is early this year.
The calendar (Jewish) does veer
Just enough to confuse me,
Confound and bemuse me.
I must labor to get back in gear.

More Fun With Idioms (Limerick)

Monday, August 2nd, 2021

When someone’s depicted as “poor
As a church mouse,” I want to know more:
Are mice in a church
Always left in the lurch?
And if so, why not forage next door?

Limerick Ode To Holiday Fasters

Friday, October 3rd, 2014

Limerick Ode To Holiday Fasters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To those who are fasting right now,
It is best not to think about chow.
And I hope that this tip
Doesn’t strike you as flip:
Though it’s stressful, please don’t have a cow.

Pasta Dreams (Limerick)

Monday, April 21st, 2014

Mark (unlike me) follows the Passover dietary rules. And now that the end’s in sight, he’s practically panting in anticipation of pizza and pasta.

Pasta Dreams (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My husband’s excitement is rising.
His mood’s leavened, which isn’t surprising.
Cuz Passover week
Is soon ending its streak;
Bread and pasta-decriminalizing.

Passing Over Some Rules (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 15th, 2014

Passing Over Some Rules (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though I’m Jewish, I’m still eating bread
And refuse to munch matzo instead.
I spurn rules all the time,
Except canons of rhyme
And of meter … so don’t be misled.

Passover Verse

Monday, April 14th, 2014

May your seder be lovely,
A holiday treat.
May it not be too late
Till you finally eat.

Happy Passover to all who celebrate it!

Observant Limerick

Tuesday, September 17th, 2013

My limerick was inspired by this news item:

Group of observant Brooklyn drug dealers told customers they were closed for Shabbat: The five men would text customers with warnings that they were about to stop dealing around sundown Friday, according to a criminal complaint…

“The men are accused of peddling heroin, oxycodone, cocaine and other drugs from their Bedford Ave. drug warehouse…”

Observant Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you plan to sell drugs and break laws,
It seems God will forgive all your flaws,
And you won’t be a goner
So long as you honor
Shabbat with a crime-breaking pause.

Holy Proselytizing (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 7th, 2013

Since I’m a devout agnostic, my response to Writer’s Digest’s latest poetry prompt essentially wrote itself. Here’s the prompt:

For this week’s prompt, take the phrase “Holy (blank),” replace the blank with a word or phrase, make the new phrase the title of your poem, and then, write your poem.

And here’s my limerick:

Holy Proselytizing (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Holy proselytizing’s annoying,
Whatever technique you’re employing.
I have one strong belief:
Way too much of our grief
Has been caused by religion-deploying.

Pigging Out On Weed (Limerick)

Thursday, May 23rd, 2013

People aren’t the only ones in Seattle enjoying weed; BB Ranch butcher William von Schneidau’s “pot pigs” are partaking in cannabis too. According to von Schneidau, adding “weed to the feed,” makes the pig meat more savory.

Pigging Out On Weed (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Feeding weed to your pigs, you’ll agree
Seems a little bit odd, but you see
There’s a butcher who’ll swear
It makes tastier fare.
This doesn’t sound kosher to me.

Passover Haiku

Saturday, April 7th, 2012

Passover practice:
Cut leavening from your bread.
Add it to your life.

Off One’s Game Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, February 5th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was way off his game…*

or

A woman was way off her game…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Off One’s Game (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was way off his game
And was looking for someone to blame.
He concluded that God
Had given the nod
To his nemesis — talk about lame!

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Game Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, August 14th, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who always seemed game…

or

A fellow who always seemed game…

Here’s mine:

Game Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who always seemed game
To attempt any venture you’d name
Resisted just one:
French kissing a nun.
Her excuse? “I can’t kiss an old flame.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To End Timers

Friday, May 20th, 2011

Limerick Ode To End Timers
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Fanatics are trying to fend
With this concept: the world’s gonna end.
When portentous predictions
Turn out to be fictions,
They re-do their math and amend.

(Prompted by dire religious predictions and this weekend’s end theme)

AWOL Angel

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

AWOL Angel (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I guess guardian angels are fine.
I don’t know, cuz I’ve never met mine.
If I have one, it’s hiding—
No guarding, no guiding.
What I’m missing, I can not divine.

(Written for the We Write Poems Guardian Angel prompt.)

UPDATE: August 22 is Be An Angel Day, and October 2 is Guardian Angels Day.

What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation

Saturday, December 25th, 2010

A reader asks, “What do Jews do on Christmas?” So as a public service, I offer a limerick explanation:

What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s a query that’s answered with ease:
“What do Jews do on Christmas Day, please?”
We watch movies and read.
Surf the Net. (Dull indeed!)
But mostly we munch on Chinese.

(I’ve dedicated that limerick to Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. (This post explains why.) And here’s a fun article about Jews and Chinese Food.

While I’m posting holiday humor, I might as well post the rest of the holiday verse I dashed off this week.

I hope you’ll think that these haiku
Ain’t all that bad for this old Jew.

HOLIDAY HAIKU Quartet

Best safety advice
For the holiday season:
Hide under your bed.

*****

Since it’s Christmas Eve
Your shopping better be done,
Or you’ve been naughty.

*****

A generous gift
From our fav gov agency:
Revised 1040.

*****

No gifts for Kwanzaa
Or Christmas or Chanukah.
Husband’s gift enough.

*****