Posts Tagged ‘Christmas Humor’

Post-Christmas Lament

Friday, December 26th, 2014

Post-Christmas Lament
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Christmas season’s ended,
So shopping’s at a stall.
But exchangers have descended.
When’s it safe to risk a mall?

Regifting Gone Wrong (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 19th, 2012

Here’s a 2-verse limerick to celebrate National Regifting Day (3rd Thursday of December.)

Regifting Gone Wrong
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman was trying to sift
Through items to maybe regift.
But alas, she confused
The stuff she perused.
I suspect that some folks will be miffed.

A fruitcake went back to the sender,
And the same thing occurred with a blender.
Then a gift from her brother
Got sent to her mother.
Her relationships now need a mender.

Lingerie Lust (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 27th, 2012

You know it’s the Christmas season, when you read about a Black Friday brawl breaking out over panties at Victoria’s Secret. This mall melee at the Roseville Galleria Mall in California was all captured on video.

Lingerie Lust (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In their lust for a haul at the mall,
Pantie shoppers broke into a brawl.
To put it quite briefly
The reasons are chiefly
Their vainness and greed — a clothes call.

While we’re on the subject of undie shopping at Victoria’s Secret, Secret Shopper is an old humor column about shopping for panties with my late mother. (It was her favorite column featuring her antics.)

What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation

Saturday, December 25th, 2010

A reader asks, “What do Jews do on Christmas?” So as a public service, I offer a limerick explanation:

What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s a query that’s answered with ease:
“What do Jews do on Christmas Day, please?”
We watch movies and read.
Surf the Net. (Dull indeed!)
But mostly we munch on Chinese.

(I’ve dedicated that limerick to Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. (This post explains why.) And here’s a fun article about Jews and Chinese Food.

While I’m posting holiday humor, I might as well post the rest of the holiday verse I dashed off this week.

I hope you’ll think that these haiku
Ain’t all that bad for this old Jew.


Best safety advice
For the holiday season:
Hide under your bed.


Since it’s Christmas Eve
Your shopping better be done,
Or you’ve been naughty.


A generous gift
From our fav gov agency:
Revised 1040.


No gifts for Kwanzaa
Or Christmas or Chanukah.
Husband’s gift enough.


We Jews Need A Christmas Limerick, STAT!

Saturday, December 25th, 2010

When I was growing up, my mother used to joke that “Christmas isn’t such Jewish holiday.”

We Jews do tend to feel left out of things this time of year. After all, Chanukah may be really, really long, but it just doesn’t have that Christmas panache. Ask Jon Stewart, if you don’t believe me.

So I think we Jews need a Christmas limerick, and I’ve written one in my late mom’s honor:

A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
So enjoy and feel chipper.
We’ve still got Yom Kippur.
On second thought, go ahead — pout.

Update: For those who pronounce Yom Kippur the other way, I’ve written an alternative B-rhyme for the 3rd and 4th lines. Here’s the alternate version:

A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
Ain’t you thrilled to your core
By the great Yom Kippur?
On second thought, go ahead — pout.

Ms. Legal Person Answers Your Holiday Questions

Wednesday, December 5th, 2007

Ms. Legal Person returns by popular demand with advice for the holiday season.  “Your free help was worth every penny,” wrote one satisfied reader.  “Do you have malpractice insurance?” wrote … oops, wrong letter.  

Okay, enough with the accolades and on with your questions:

Q: They hung mistletoe in my office, and I’m highly offended.

A: Why?

Q: It’s sexual harassment.

A: I see. Has anyone ever kissed you while you were standing under the mistletoe?

Q: No.

A: What about when you weren’t standing under the mistletoe.

Q. Certainly not.

A: That’s what I thought.


Q: My birthday falls right before Christmas and I always get short-changed. Do I have any legal recourse? 

A: You suffer from Badly Timed Birthday Syndrome. Fortunately, last year’s Anti-Discrimination and Mental Health Care Reform Bill included the Birthday Rehabilitation Act. It allows you to petition any federal judge to modify your birthday by no more than 30 days.  

Q: That’s great news!

A: You need only prove that your birthday coincides with a key holiday, causing pain and suffering and depriving you of your fair share of attention and gifts.

Q: Wow! Can I also modify my birth year?

A: How old are you?

Q: 37.

A: I’m afraid not. But you’re free to lie like everyone else.


Ms. Legal Person answers more of your holiday questions here

(You can find more holiday humor here.)