Posts Tagged ‘Law Humor’

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PALE or PAIL or IMPALE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Saturday, January 9th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using PALE or PAIL or IMPALE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write a themed limerick related to DOGS and/or CATS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best dog and/or cat-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 24th, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 23, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A maritime lawyer from Yale
Feels his int’rest in law start to pale.
He’s filled with regret,
For he’s drowning in debt–
So at sea in his field, he can’t bail.

Please feel free to write your own limerick(s) using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To Gay Marriage

Saturday, June 27th, 2015

Limerick Ode To Gay Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ev’ry marriage has good and has bad.
It brings joy, but can drive you quite mad.
I’m so glad gays are free
Via legal decree
To wed — Just don’t marry in plaid.

A Bugged Plaintiff (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 17th, 2015

A Bugged Plaintiff (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Madame Blanche filed a claim with the court,
A complaint for intentional tort:
“As plainly depicted
Distress was inflicted–
My old spouse should by now be quite mort.”

Redundant Limerick

Sunday, May 3rd, 2015

Redundant Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I avow and aver and declare
And affirm and attest and I swear:
The redundancy flaw
From practicing law
Ain’t impairing my lim’ricks. So there!

Limerick Flaw

Wednesday, April 1st, 2015

My life has a terrible flaw;
I’m adrift and off course — in a yaw.
I’ve concluded that humor’s
No job for this boomer.
It’s time to return to the law.

Happy April Fools’ Day!

Limerick Ode To “Lovable Lawyers Day” (October 8)

Wednesday, October 8th, 2014

Limerick Ode To “Lovable Lawyers Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s “Lovable Lawyers Day.” Whee!
But this day isn’t greeted with glee.
It seems most people say:
“Love a Lawyer? No Way!”
But what about ex-Esqs … like me?

*****
Alternative Version for “Love Your Lawyer Day” (1st Friday in November)

“Love Your Lawyer Day” most will agree
Isn’t greeted with gusto or glee.
Many clients would say:
“Love my lawyer? No way!”
But what about ex-Esqs … like me?

Happy “Nude Day!” (July 14)

Monday, July 14th, 2014

Limerick Ode To “Nude Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal likes to publicly doff
All her clothing, then pose to show off.
“It’s a strip search time-saver
I did you a favor,”
When jailed, she’ll transparently scoff.

Happy Birthday To “Happy Birthday” (Limerick)

Friday, June 27th, 2014

Okay, this isn’t a major holiday, but still…

Happy Birthday To “Happy Birthday” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Happy Birthday To You” has a birthday.
Yes, today is its notable mirth day.
But “Good Morning To All”
Was its lyric. Don’t bawl!
I’ll concede it’s less key than, say, “Earth Day.”

The song “Happy Birthday To You” has a strange and complicated history. Its melody was first published on June 27, 1893 as “Good Morning to All,” with lyrics that have nothing to do with birthdays. And its copyright ownership has been the subject of numerous lawsuits. Despite its advanced age, it somehow remains under copyright protection.

A Rhyme To The Wise (2-Verse Limerick)

Friday, June 6th, 2014

A Rhyme To The Wise (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A scrappy young felon liked rhyme,
So he promised himself — no more crime.
He’d instead be a rapper.
But here is the capper:
His “confessional tunes” got him time.

So limerick writers, take heed.
Your rhymes may be next. They could feed
A detective’s suspicions,
Who deems them admissions.
Then indictment — your verse his first lead.

Note: Legal experts are currently debating the surprisingly widespread use of rap lyrics in criminal cases.

Happy “Law Day” (Limerick)

Thursday, May 1st, 2014

May 1st is Law Day, which means I’m legally required to write a limerick:

Limerick Ode To Law Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A day meant to celebrate law
Sounds just lovely, except for this flaw:
Fair play takes some doing;
It’s tough as pursuing
A needle in large stacks of straw.

A Criminal Defense? (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 18th, 2013

This three-verse limerick is based on a real Texas criminal case: “Lawyer admits napping at trial, but rates his performance an 8 or a 9.”

A Criminal Defense? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man got a sentence immense,
Then complained of a sleepy defense:
“My defense lawyer slept
Which makes him inept,
So a do-over trial makes sense.”

His lawyer contested the claim:
“I am not for that sentence to blame.
I slept just a while
And I ran a good trial.
Even dozing, I’m right on my game.”

On this statement the lawyer won’t budge,
And he even is running for judge.
I suppose that he thinks
When he’s caught forty winks,
His court clerk will just give him a nudge.

Litigious Limerick

Friday, August 30th, 2013

As you know, I’m legally required to honor odd holidays with a limerick. And so, I dedicate this Litigious Limerick to Love Litigating Lawyers Day. Don’t forget to celebrate it tomorrow, August 31st.

Litigious Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An agnostic who’s very litigious
Files lawsuits both large and prestigious.
He’s a lawyer by trade
And prodigiously paid
To try cases with fervor religious.

A Lawyer’s Tale ( 3-Verse Limerick)

Thursday, August 1st, 2013

As you can tell from this 3-verse limerick, my legal career had a rather inauspicious start:

A Lawyer’s Tale (3-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I once worked for a sleazy attorney.
(Let’s just call him “Unethical Earnie.”)
I rebuffed him when ordered
To do things that bordered
On iffy and worse. What a journey!

I quit just as soon as I could —
Found a new lawyer job — knock on wood.
He flipped out when I left
And he left me bereft,
Ripping off all my cash really good.

Decades later, I just got the news
That this fellow who’s garnered my boos
Lost his license: Disbarred!
No more lawyering card!
Schadenfreude — I virtually ooze.

Finding Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, June 23rd, 2013

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was trying to find…*

or

A woman was thrilled with her find…*

or

A man was irate — he’d been fined…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Finding Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who found she’d been fined
Worked hard at escaping her bind.
She got tied up in knots
Cuz the court system rots:
It seems justice and law ain’t entwined.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Suit (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, June 2nd, 2013

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was hit by a suit…*

or

A woman was filing a suit…*

or

A fellow was wearing a suit…*

or

A gal rented space built to suit…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Suit
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was hit by a suit
From his neighbor, and this one’s a beaut.
The core of the case:
“His trees have no grace.”
So the suit failed to bear any fruit.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

No Accounting For Taste (Limerick)

Saturday, April 27th, 2013

No Accounting For Taste (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The prison was chock full of crooks,
Like the chef — in for cooking the books.
He’d been caught by the owner,
Who shouted this groaner:
“Fishy numbers! These aren’t chinooks!”

Note from Mad Kane: I learned two things today:

1: Chinook salmon, a.k.a. king salmon, are the “most highly prized salmon in the culinary world.”

2: A “salmon day” is slang for “spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed somehow in the end.”

Limerick Port (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, December 23rd, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was sipping some port…*

or

A woman was sipping some port…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Port
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A tall lawyer was sipping some port,
While doing some prep work for court.
He drank more than he should have.
Too bad, cuz he could have
Prevailed, but instead came up short.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Gunning For Father Of The Year? (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 10th, 2012

Taking your baby son with you when visiting a hooker is probably unwise:

A man in Tuscaloosa may be charged with child endangerment after taking along his nine month old son during a meeting with a prostitute.

Once inside the motel room, another man entered and a fight broke out. Shots were fired while the baby was in the room, and a bullet grazed the father’s head.

Gunning For Father Of The Year?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear dads, if your kid’s under one,
And you’re looking for prostitute fun,
A sitter’s a must;
Else forget about lust,
Or be labeled a son of a gun.

Limerick Skill (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, July 8th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was proud of his skill…*

or

A woman was proud of her skill…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Skill
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was proud of his skill
In drafting the hand-crafted will:
“I’ve perfected this science,”
He’d brag, but his clients
Took ill at the sight of his bill.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Nabbed By A Typo (Limerick)

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

A teachable moment: When committing crimes, be sure to use spell-check:

Nabbed By A Typo (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man may end up in a cell
Cuz his parking permit had a tell:
There was one extra letter
In “parking.” It’s better
When forging to learn how to spell.

(This is based on an actual news story: A driver in Hoboken, New Jersey forged a parking permit on his home computer. He might have even gotten away with his scam, had he not spelled “parking” as “parkting.”)