Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MEAN or MIEN or DEMEAN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 27, 2021)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MEAN or MIEN or DEMEAN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WEED(s), using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best -related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 28, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 27, 2021, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my Mean/Mien/Demean-rhyme limerick:

A man who had long gone to seed,
Once was hunky and handsome, indeed.
But no more; he is mean,
Vain, and even obscene,
And his visage now mirrors his greed.

And here’s my Weed(s)-themed limerick:

I’m irate and upset: I’ve been sued
By a cranky, litigious old dude,
Who claims that my weeds
Wrecked his lawn with their seeds.
He’s a lawyer, which means that I’m screwed.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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150 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MEAN or MIEN or DEMEAN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 27, 2021)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s a fact that I lose all control
    When I’m dancing to rock or to soul.
    Then I get me some weed.
    Satisfaction indeed!
    I sure love to rock and then roll.

  2. John Ordover says:

    I go in the restaurant and plead
    For the key to the bathroom I need
    See my bladder was swelled
    Past bursting and well
    I just ran to the toilet and wee’d

    ***********

    Welcome back to my Limerick-Offs!
    Mad Kane

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    For a year, we’ve had unanswered needs.
    It’s real sad, but it sure supersedes
    Our getting real sick.
    My poor kids always stick
    Close to home, all day long, pulling weeds.

  4. Ellen Urowitz says:

    My best friend was feeling blue
    I didn’t no what I could do.
    She always so sweet and nice
    maybe I’ll boil her some multigrain rice
    I’ll make it tommarrow today my essay is due.

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    “These are keys, which form words, that’s the screen.
    In due course, this will all be routine”.
    “Thank you so much, dear son,
    This lesson’s been fun!
    But just one more thing: whatcha’ mean?”

  6. Sondra Landin says:

    Just take a good look at her mien!
    She’s ready to burst at the seam.
    She searched ev’ry borough,
    Was painfully thorough,
    Yet can’t seem to find a vaccine.

  7. Sondra Landin says:

    I’ve surely no wish to demean
    Their take on the limerick scene,
    But I rear in fright
    While they show delight
    In thoughts that are not super clean!

  8. Rudy Landesman says:

    Tribute to W.C. Fields (my hero)

    That W.C. was real mean.
    He vented quite often his spleen.
    Little puppies he hated.
    Little children, he stated,
    Should neither be heard nor be seen.

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mike calls me his “hot beauty queen”
    This man gave me a gold figurine!
    At La Posh, we had pork.
    But he used the wrong fork.
    So I left him, cuz that was so mean.

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    this one is better

    Mike calls me his “hot beauty queen”
    Even gave me a gold figurine.
    At “La Posh” we ate pork.
    But he used the wrong fork,
    Had to leave him cuz that was so mean.

  11. Rudy Landesman says:

    A Letter from my Friend Hamlet

    You say life is great? Beg your pardon!
    My life’s gone to seed, and I harden.
    What I most abhor,
    The world is a whore;
    And fie, she’s an unweeded garden.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    Using too many words will impede
    Writing lim’riks with tempo and speed.
    Do not write that “we should”
    Stay away from “we would”
    They will be just as clever with we’d.

  13. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a nudist, “I love stinging nettles –
    I sting both their leaves and their petals
    With a weedkiller spray
    Which just burns them away
    And I relish those old scores it settles!

  14. Bob Turvey says:

    Remember that chap from Devizes
    Whose bollocks were different sizes?
    Well, he’s fathered fifteen
    Which I take it must mean
    They’re effective sperm-making devices.

  15. Bob Turvey says:

    I’ve heard that most dentists are keen
    To study big cats which are mean.
    They know that the ocelot
    Does not really flocelot –
    But his teeth are all sparkly and clean!

  16. Kirk Miller says:

    There once was a woman named Jean
    Who had the most dignified mien.
    “I’m addicted to soap,”
    She admitted, “I hope
    With treatment, I soon will come clean.”

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was higher than “Central Park Tower”
    Cop stopped me, and sure made me cower.
    He angrily said,
    “Are you out of your head!
    You were driving at 3 miles per hour”

  18. Rudy Landesman says:

    In the court on the Isle of Nantucket
    There’s a very weird case on the docket.
    The defendant, indeed,
    Shipped a shitload of weed;
    That has sunk in the sea, ’cause he trucked it.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    Bacon and Bean Soup

    The soup is called “Bacon and Bean”
    He made it for me, I’m his “queen”
    He forgot “pinch of salt”
    It sure was his fault
    That I left him, cuz that was so mean.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    an attempt to make a previous limerick humorous by changing line 5
    Just an ATTEMPT! LOL

    Using too many words will impede
    Writing lim’riks with tempo and speed.
    Do not write that “we should”
    Stay away from “we could”
    They’ll be funnier if you use we’d.

  21. Thomas Vincent says:

    Ophelia’s a regular teen
    Whose grades always fall in between
    Not high and not low
    Just average, although
    To note it still seems pretty mean

  22. Sondra Landin says:

    I stand at the mirror and preen.
    You never saw such a fab mien!
    My smile is perfection,
    So don’t show objection
    To eyes that do squint a bit mean.

  23. Sondra Landin says:

    My love gallops home on his steed.
    Though tired, I hope he’ll have need
    To get laid in the stable
    As soon as he’s able
    To spoon with me, smoking good weed.

  24. Sondra Landin says:

    I have to declutter this room
    And weed out stuff really quite soon.
    But what shall I save?
    All things that I crave,
    The ice cream, the spoon, the balloon!

  25. Sondra Landin says:

    Sorry, I don’t know how the above limerick got printed twice Please delete one of them. Thanks!

    ***********
    Done.

  26. Some children learn how to be mean
    by repeating all that they’ve seen.
    On a diet of Trump
    turning thinking men chumps,
    I fear this batch turning eighteen.

  27. Sondra Landin says:

    My dishwasher’s gone on the blink.
    The dishes piled high in the sink.
    I find it so mean,
    No guests to be seen,
    They fled fast after food and last drink!

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mrs. Cultured had elegant class,
    Of a kind not a soul could surpass.
    Her dignified mien
    And air so serene
    Annoyed all those jerks who were crass.

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    better in tense

    Mrs. Cultured has elegant class,
    Of a kind, not a soul could surpass.
    Her dignified mien
    And air so serene
    Piss off all those jerks who are crass.

  30. Sondra Landin says:

    A slight modification to the limerick submitted earlier today at 1:14

    My old dishwasher’s gone on the blink.
    Dirty dishes piled high in the sink.
    I find it so mean,
    No guests to be seen,
    They fled fast after food and last drink!

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Putrid, please leave me alone.
    Your crude bearing is very well-known.
    I can’t stand your mien.
    It is truly obscene.
    You’re making me sick. Oh Marone!

  32. Tim James says:

    A woman whose skin is bright green
    Is the nastiest witch ever seen.
    She will terrorize you
    (And your little dog, too).
    Her behavior in toto is mean.

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m sick of my “Johnny Boy’s” sass.
    He must learn to get off of his ass.
    The lawn he must mow,
    And boy did he go.
    When I told him ’bout weeds in the grass.

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    The reverse:

    Johnny only takes care of his needs.
    And therefore, he never succeeds.
    I said, “You must mow”
    And boy! did he go.
    When I told him there’s grass in the weeds.

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My Nosy Neighbor”

    “Last evening, I stood here and stared
    At your garden, I see you’ve not cared
    That your weeds are so high.
    It just makes me cry
    That even your scarecrow was scared”

  36. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you’re going to visit the Queen,
    You had better brush up on your mien.
    Dont do THESE: burp, fart, drop
    The F-bomb, talk nonstop,
    Pimple-pop, forgo proper hygiene.

  37. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Nick’s sixTEEN, hates drugs, WEEDS, booze, caffeine.
    Only one thing improves his whole mien:
    Cigarettes have pizzazz –
    All he wants, all he has
    So he’s quite well-known AS “Nick-o-teen.”

  38. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Did you ever go visit a zoo?
    Have you ever smelled zoo critters’ poo?
    If you’ve never smelled weed,
    It’s okay, there’s no need
    They’re the same, it’s agreed (you will too!)

  39. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I have heard that Big Pharma is mad
    Because cannabis makes people glad.
    It can usually heal
    And can make patients feel
    Full of good health and zeal (not too bad!)

  40. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I really don’t mean to demean
    But your nose does resemble a bean.
    You’ve got eyes like fried eggs,
    You’ve got toothpicks for legs
    And your torso’s a keg in between.

    I just want to help out, intervene
    And I’m sure you know just what I mean.
    And you don’t have to wear
    Any costume to scare
    All the kids at this year’s Halloween.

  41. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you give groups of boys each a gun,
    Pretty soon they will shoot ev’ryone.
    But put weed in their hand
    And they soon form a band
    And spread peace in the land, having fun.

  42. Tim James says:

    How’s a gardener battling weeds
    Like a john craving sexual deeds?
    Answer: each has a goal
    At the end of a pole.
    A ho(e) will serve both of their needs.

  43. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    The weeds in my yard make me leary,
    Tall creatures that stalk me — it’s eerie.
    They hide pistils that shoot
    Through my foil hazmat suit.
    (It’s true. Not conspiracy theory).

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    Murphey’s bar served the finest poteen,
    Though twas naught but a lowly shebeen.
    Measures tended to tall –
    Not thimbolic at all.
    Murphy’s law states, “We mustn’t be mean.”

  45. Tony Holmes says:

    Strolling timpanist, Algowrithe Hymne,
    Took the trouble to keep himself trim,
    For, “A corpulent mien
    Just ain’t sprightly, old bean.
    I’ve got vim and to spare if I’m slim.”

  46. David Friedman says:

    The wife of poor Jeremy Green
    Is the nastiest bitch ever seen
    To hell she’d subject him
    Then offer her rectum,
    The end justifying the mean.

  47. David Friedman says:

    Limerick colleagues of mine
    Whose limericks all are so fine
    This warning please heed:
    Avoid too much weed
    Or you may lose track of how many syllables are going into each line.

  48. David Friedman says:

    With toothbrush, the punished marine
    Was ordered to clean the latrine
    The brush he got crap in
    Belonged to the captain
    Which was, on the whole, rather mean.

  49. Tony Holmes says:

    Strolling timpanist, Algowrithe Hymne,
    Took the trouble to keep himself slim,
    For, “A corpulent mien
    Just ain’t sprightly, old bean.
    I’ve got vim and to spare if I’m trim.”

    Small change but much better.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    Even though it is charm that you crave,
    With a weed whacker, you must be brave.
    It’s a dangerous tool.
    Do not be a fool.
    Don’t buy one, be smart, and just shave.

  51. Jean McEwen says:

    It’s not that I wish to be mean,
    But in conscience, I must intervene.
    It is for your own good
    That I urge you: You should
    Bathe more often and use Listerine.

  52. Jean McEwen says:

    The brownies I bake? Guaranteed
    To please the whole crowd. I’ll concede:
    They can taste a bit grassy,
    But folks find them classy.
    My secret? I spike them with weed!

  53. Tim Gray says:

    I this wrote for a neighbour to hang on the fence of her roadside vege garden…

    If you have an irresistible need,
    Feel free to help me de-weed.
    If not a gardening recruit
    Still feel free to eat fruit.
    Salut, good health and God Speed.

  54. Tim Gray says:

    and…

    If there be fruit in this spot,
    Feel free to eat. Not the lot.
    Feel free to weed,
    But of bees please heed
    And leave some flowers in this plot.

  55. Tim Gray says:

    The Agapanthus plant is a weed
    That not only grows from its seed,
    But not generally known
    From the roots can be grown,
    And that is a warning to heed.

  56. Tim Gray says:

    The ne’er ending war against weeds,
    The plants that no hungry mouth feeds.
    No sooner sent
    To compost to rent,
    Spring forth the familial seeds.

  57. Suzanne Heymann says:

    In response to Jean McEwen’s verse of Feb. 17 @ 6:41 pm:

    But the maskless folks seem to be mean
    They come TOO close to me when I’m clean!
    So with tireless persistence,
    I’ve a smelly existence
    It’s called ‘social distance hygiene.’

  58. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Cinderella’s stepmom (drama queen)
    And stepsisters were horribly mean.
    I’d have poisoned their soup,
    Stuffed their shoes with cat poop.
    With their toothbrushes, toilet bowl’s clean!

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Earthly Paradise”

    Oh no! It’s my hand! and it’s bleedin’
    I feel like I’m just not succeedin’
    But I will not give in.
    I’ll continue and grin.
    In my heaven-sent garden of weedin’

  60. Suzanne Heymann says:

    By-law officer came and would nag,
    “Grass and weeds are too high! Do not lag!”
    And said, “But! If you’re smart,
    You would flash me, you tart!”
    So I did, but he started to gag.

  61. Rudy Landesman says:

    A good way of letting off steam
    Is cursing to say what you mean
    With words that ain’t purty
    And some downright dirty
    As long as your mind is still clean

  62. Tony Holmes says:

    For one year and a day Widow Steeds
    Had endured the obligatory weeds.
    But no more! From today
    They would colour her gay,
    And pronounce her the Queen of Misdeeds.

    (That’s gay in the old-fashioned way)

  63. Tim James says:

    Right-wing hacks used to hurry to score
    Angry points in their “cultural war” —
    To be first on the scene
    With their rage, loud and mean.
    But today? There’s no Rush anymore.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our Mad is most certainly keen.
    She’s a writer and wordsmith “machine”
    When her winners are crowned,
    We’ll be sure that they found
    The mysterious meaning of mien.

  65. David Friedman says:

    Nymphomaniacal Jeanne
    Had two ears but not much in between
    But her suitors enjoyed
    A different void
    If you know, my dear friends, what I mean.

  66. Tony Holmes says:

    Lawn perfectionist, Emerson Flaunts,
    Would wake screaming. “The image! It haunts!
    Grinning up from the sward,
    Like a rampaging horde,
    Dandelions and daisies hurl taunts.”

  67. Tony Holmes says:

    Thank you, Lisi! Your post – three above – made me rethink, and I concluded that I might be pushing my luck. So …

    Strolling timpanist, Algowrithe Hymne,
    Took the trouble to keep himself slim,
    “Can’t be portly, I mean,
    Just ain’t sprightly, old bean.
    I’ve got vim and to spare if I’m trim.”

  68. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    I suppose that it’s mean to demean,
    Passerby who pass by me unclean;
    So I’ll say (to be fair)
    A malodorous air,
    Gives new meaning to mien that’s unseen.

  69. Dave Johnson says:

    Although I did plenty of seedin’,
    I’m unsure of what I’ve been feedin’.
    Success, you might say,
    Seems a long ways away;
    Just look at my garden of weed-in.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    Them weeds are forever undyin’
    Couldn’t pull them, I just started cryin’
    I thought I would croak
    When one of them spoke:
    “Hello!” I’m your fine dandy lion”

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: There is a lower-case “h” at the bottom of my limerick.
    I don’t know how it got there, but could you please delete it?

    Thank you,
    Lisi

    ***
    Done.

  72. Sondra Landin says:

    No more rough times for this rockin’ teen.
    He’s now part of the musical scene.
    He may look like a bum
    When he’s beating his drum,
    But his followers crave that tough mien!

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    A better idea (?)

    Them weeds are forever undyin’
    Couldn’t grab them, which made me start cryin’
    I thought I would croak
    When one of them spoke:
    “Hello!” my name’s Fine Dandy Lion.

  74. Dave Johnson says:

    The former guy’s angry and mean;
    Still constantly venting his spleen.
    But lately the spew
    Is no longer in view;
    His Twitter bird flew from the scene.

  75. Dave Johnson says:

    Lisi – I just noticed that you used the phrase “garden of weedin’ ”
    in your post (#58) before mine (#68) above; I apologize – you
    got there first!!

    Dave J.

  76. Ken Gosse says:

    I got new glasses yesterday and my wife is at our eye doc now getting her annual exam, so this came to mind.
    Shortsighted Hindsight ~
    Our visage became very poor:
    2020 made everyone sore,
    and all that we’d seen
    left us with such a mien
    that new glasses can’t settle the score.

  77. David Friedman says:

    The drug counselor asked, “Who would need
    This bud or this leaf or this seed?
    And who’d waste an hour
    Just smoking this flower?”
    And we quickly answered him: “We’d!”

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    Fine’ly Donald is out of the scene.
    Getting used to another routine.
    Did you know ’bout the club
    That gave him a snub,
    And called him “The Best of ‘Da Mean?”

  79. Tim James says:

    February, 2021

    The weather’s turned suddenly mean.
    Out of doors all I see is a sheen
    Of smooth, silver ice.
    It would really be nice
    Were it May, and the landscape soft green.

  80. Tony Holmes says:

    Augustinian, Everard Spleen,
    Knew full well that his thoughts were unclean.
    And fight as he might,
    His unwholesome delight
    Was forever betrayed in his mien.

  81. Tony Holmes says:

    Lawn perfectionist, Emerson Flaunts,
    Would wake screaming, “The image! It haunts!
    Grinning up from the sward,
    Like a Mardi Gras horde,
    Dandelions and daisies hurl taunts.”

    Sorry, but I realised that most rampagers don’t grin. I vertainly don’t.

  82. Tony Holmes says:

    To the casual observer, her mien
    Would suggest that her mind was serene.
    ‘Twould have come as a shock
    To know thoughts ran amok
    Seeking new ways of venting her spleen.

  83. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, would you remove the ‘s’ from news in the last line of the above, please. Thank you.

    ********

    done.

  84. Rudy Landesman says:

    Response to Tony Holmes’ Limerick of Feb. 18

    Hi there Tony, I’m glad you did say
    Though the widow you mentioned was gay
    I do think you did mean
    She was never obscene
    As in David and Jonathan’s way

  85. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    I have found, when excessively keen,
    To discover the true golden mean,
    I will run to and fro,
    As I search high and low,
    And leave no time for much in between.

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    acrostic

    W hen Mary and John looked outside,
    E ach one of them stood there and cried.
    E v’ry flower so bright
    (D amaged by plight).
    S hriveled up and then finally died.

  87. Dave Johnson says:

    When deer are out doing their deeds,
    This guideline each one of them heeds:
    “We’re claiming these flowers
    And yard plants as ours;
    Those humans can have all the weeds.”

  88. Dave Johnson says:

    “This winter’s so nasty and mean;
    It’s freezing like I’ve never seen!
    We’re leaving today
    For a Mexican stay
    And making our getaway clean”.

    But wait, on the news – there’s his face!
    That Lone Star mask fitted in place.
    His trip was so short
    ‘Cuz he had to abort;
    Arriving back home in disgrace.

    “I’ll tell them the kids made me go;
    That suitcase was merely for show.”
    He’s in a bad space,
    For tomorrow he’ll face
    Constituents covered with snow.

  89. Sondra Landin says:

    There once was a woman named Sunny.
    Her job was to write things quite funny
    She wrote lim’ricks with speed
    When she smoked grade A weed,
    But never could make any money.

  90. Sondra Landin says:

    Oh mea culpa, a typo! Line 1, the word is named, not names. Please make the change. Thanks!

    *********

    Done.

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Weeds in the Grass, and Grass in the Weeds”

    I’m sick of my “Johnny Boy’s” sass.
    He must learn to get off of his ass.
    The lawn he must mow.
    And boy! did he go,
    When I told him there’s weed in the grass.

    Johnny only takes care of his needs.
    And therefore, he never succeeds.
    I said, “You must mow!’
    And boy! did he go,
    When I told him there’s grass in the weeds.

    When Johnny Boy finally mowed,
    The lawn looked so grand it just glowed!
    He took care of the weeds.
    Even scattered some seeds.
    Soon Johnny will reap what he sowed.

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above 3 verse limerick:
    Could you please change the very last line from
    “Soon Johnny will reap what he sowed”….to
    One day, Johnny will reap what he sowed.

    Thank You,
    Lisi

    Bad idea. You’re creating a meter ambiguity in the last line, if that change is made.

  93. Susan S says:

    A new villain has come on the scene,
    With a selfish and arrogant mein.
    He knows it’s his place
    To not cover his face;
    And the maskhole rebuffs quarantine.

  94. Tony Holmes says:

    There were times, not long past, when mores
    Were less free than they are nowadays.
    Workplace dons, of fierce miens,
    Imposed codes, forbad jeans,
    Until sashaying girls changed their ways.

  95. Tony Holmes says:

    There were times, not long past, when mores
    Were less free than they are nowadays.
    Workplace dons, of fierce miens,
    Imposed codes, forbad jeans,
    Until sashaying girls changed their ways.

    Case in point: don and lacky confer
    As a denim clad missy named Fleur
    Passes by. “Sir! This means—”
    “The end justifies jeans.”
    And a lacky, outranked, must defer.

  96. Dave Johnson says:

    Opinion hosts play to the needs
    Of those who would swear by their screeds.
    The touchstone is Fox
    Where they nurture their crocks
    Like so many poisonous weeds.

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “shrink” is amazingly keen:
    A virtual “physic machine”.
    She guessed all my issues.
    Then handed me tissues.
    When she spotted my “in the dumps” mien.

  98. Sondra Landin says:

    I know an old lady so keen.
    She thinks herself funny, t’would seem,
    But her jokes at their best
    Would not pass my laugh test;
    I don’t, of course, mean to demean.

  99. Dave Johnson says:

    He shows a cantankerous mien;
    Intent on provoking a scene.
    He’s letting us know
    Just who’s running the show:
    Our cat, when his box isn’t clean.

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    The name makes you think you are young!

    You know it’s “The Senior Place Scene”
    When ev’ry one thinks they’re eighteen.
    They all cannot hear.
    Even when you are near.
    And they all have that real slouchy mien.

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    too many of the same words above ……try again
    “The name makes you think that you’re young”

    You know it’s “The Senior Place Scene”
    When ev’ry one thinks they’re eighteen.
    And no one can hear,
    Even when you are near.
    And they all have that real slouchy mien.

  102. Tony Holmes says:

    Grizzled whaler, awash with baleen,
    Took to carving a life figurine.
    Moby Dick was his theme,
    And, his eyes all agleam,
    Captain A of maniacal mien.

  103. Tony Holmes says:

    “The indignity! Quick, nurse, the screen!
    Such exposure can only demean.
    It’s an outrage! Just wed,
    Tackle stapled to bed –
    And for heaven’s sake, lose that sardine.”

  104. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey there Tony, I have to come clean
    Our e-friendship I would not demean
    You don’t call, you don’t write
    And that’s not quite all right
    So just write me a lim’rick, old bean

  105. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    What with weeds, germs, and virus galore,
    I was sure we had ev’ry known spore.
    But it seems we are short
    The microbial sort,
    So we’ve flown off to Mars to get more.

  106. Rudy Landesman says:

    In a folder, just waiting like weeds
    Are some lim’ricks that nobody reads
    But old Captain Ahab
    Is waiting for rehab
    With this nettle of truth he still pleads

    I’ve hunted that whale on high seas
    And now I can’t pee with great ease
    I might just be sick
    I’ve caught moby dick
    And that is a social disease

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    “Hello, Rudy! Wow! Pleasant surprise.
    An e-chum come in discursive guise.
    Should we p’raps reconvene?
    No, not that. What I mean,
    A new topic perhaps? You advise.”

  108. Dave Johnson says:

    Their lawn is a carpet of green;
    The nicest that I’ve ever seen.
    On ours, there are lots
    Of bright yellow dots;
    With round fuzzy things in-between.

  109. Tony Holmes says:

    For Rudy: A Word Of Commiseration:

    “I’m so sorry to hear of your plight.
    Are you pressured, at all, in the night?
    Are you grateful you’ve peed –
    Over here we say weed –
    Or let down ‘cause you felt that you might?”

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    As most of us know, at every ball park, it is a tradition for the crowd to sing
    “Take Me Out To The Ballgame”

    We watch baseball each Spring on the screen.
    But some of those “jocks” are obscene.
    And no body chants
    Watching “itch in the pants”
    Cuz that’s a real sickening mien.

  111. Rudy Landesman says:

    For Tony. Invitation accepted.

    And why not? We can maintain decorum
    By our using a less crowded forum.
    This, I now mean to fix
    “Dial” ydur36
    Then at hotmail dot com, we’ll have more room.

  112. Kirk Miller says:

    Along edge of the sidewalk she tries
    To trim grass, and I want to advise
    Her a way that improves
    On her weed wacker moves,
    But I can’t get a word in edge-wise.

  113. Rudy Landesman says:

    Making Amends

    My last lim’rick, I now must concede
    Did not mention a single wild weed.
    And I’m sure you have seen
    My misplacement of “mean”,
    Two egregious transgressions, indeed.

  114. Tony Holmes says:

    Lawn perfectionist, Emerson Flaunts,
    Was in therapy. Yes, prospect daunts.
    It was hoped he’d sow seeds
    That would banish his weeds,
    But his first job? Forgiving those taunts.

  115. Rudy Landesman says:

    There are some things one can not forgive,
    Despite sayings like “live and let live”.
    If you’ve weeds of the mind,
    I just can not be kind.
    Get some help! That’s advice I do give.

  116. Tony Holmes says:

    Coded message to Rudy. I’ve dialled.
    Check your email and see where it’s filed.
    You will know what I mean.
    I look forward, old bean,
    I do hope that you haven’t resiled.

  117. Dave Johnson says:

    A porn star expecting a mate,
    J. Mehoff was very irate.
    Now there for the scene,
    He was quick to demean;
    Reminding her “Me Jack – you late!”

  118. Daisy Ward says:

    A boy was caught smoking weed
    Then he quickly hid a seed
    He planted it quick
    When he learned a new trick
    How to grow weed with great speed

  119. Daisy Ward says:

    His words were meant to demean
    While putting on a big scene
    He spoke harsh and loud
    Made a scene for the crowd
    He had drank lots of coffee with caffeine

  120. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    My retriever is halfway between
    Pale yellow and orange in sheen.
    If you think he’s a cur,
    Take a look at his fur —
    He’s authentic. A real Golden Mean.

  121. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double)

    At last, it’s stopped freezing and snowing;
    It’s Spring, and my garden is growing …
    Bloody hell! I’ve just seen
    Mother Nature’s been mean –
    It’s only the weeds that are showing!

  122. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s a matter of health and hygiene.
    Wash your hands when you use the latrine.”
    “Is that ante or post?”
    “Don’t be pert or you’re toast.
    You know perfectly well what I mean.”

  123. Tony Holmes says:

    (Double Two)

    Ruthless drug dealer, Melonie Seeds,
    Cultivated and sold many weeds.
    Addicts dubbed her, ‘The Queen’,
    And disarmed by her mien,
    Would routinely sign over their deeds.

    Anything Brian can do, I can do … also.
    (Just teasing B)

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    On Feb. 14th. I wrote this limerick: (5:21 PM)
    Using too many words will impede
    Writing lim’riks with tempo and speed.
    Do not write that “we should”
    Stay away from “we could”
    They’ll be funnier if you use we’d.

    My mistake was in line 4.
    “we could” does not stand for we’d. It should have been “Stay away from we would” Here is the correct one:

    Using too many words will impede
    Writing lim’riks with tempo and speed.
    Do not write that “we should”
    Stay away from ” we would”
    They’ll be funnier if you use we’d.

    (better!)

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    He’s got muscles like I’ve never seen.
    Yet his body is sexy and lean.
    He’s a hunk, that’s for sure.
    Wish he’d knock on my door!
    It’s Popeye! Who else would I mean?

  126. Mike Sullivan says:

    When young, I found MaryJane sublime
    Although if caught then, you could do time
    But now there’s a dispensary
    And though still an expense for me
    I no longer worry it’s a crime.

  127. Mike Sullivan says:

    Algebra and Geometry are seen
    By some students as entirely obscene.
    Probability and Statistic
    Seems intentionally sadistic
    When they tell you the average is mean.

  128. Tim James says:

    Poison ivy’s a weed straight from hell.
    I just found some while sitting a spell
    (If you know what I mean)
    In a rustic latrine.
    Where I itch is too awkward to tell.

  129. Tony Holmes says:

    For Tim in his hour of need:

    Oh, poor Tim! Red and swollen, I mean …
    And the image! It’s vaguely obscene.
    Red baboon sprang to mind –
    Yes, I know that’s unkind,
    But ‘twas you, my dear Tim, set the scene.

  130. Tony Holmes says:

    A friend in deed?

    Oh, poor Tim! Red and swollen, I mean …
    And the image! It’s vaguely obscene.
    Red baboon sprang to mind –
    Yes, I know that’s unkind,
    But ‘twas you, my dear Tim, set the scene.

    It is said of the friend who has needs …
    This will sort out the blooms from the weeds.
    You will need an ally,
    A true friend to apply …
    We must hope your petition succeeds.

  131. Tony Holmes says:

    A pre-emptive …

    It occurs to me Tim – I feel mean –
    That you might think that I’ll intervene.
    Je regret, mon ami,
    I can’t be there for thee.
    It’s a, ‘So far – no further!’ type scene.

  132. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s time for those sweet April Showers.
    We shall gaze at our blossoms for hours.
    Hope they’re not scared of weeds,
    And all their misdeeds.
    Let’s tell them they’re just unloved flowers.

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “Johnny Boy” loves to revert
    To the time he was called “little squirt”.
    And pulling the weeds
    Always answers those needs
    (As a baby he always ate dirt).

  134. Dave Johnson says:

    Hey “Former Guy” – what does it mean?
    Your taxes are now being seen.
    Perhaps they may show
    How your future will go:
    A prison yard where you can preen.

  135. Rudy Landesman says:

    To-may-to, To-mah-to. But how do you pronounce “Leisure”?

    Enjoying his ill begot treasure
    Trump means to just spend it at leisure.
    An IRS seizure
    Will get him more leisure.
    In prison! Won’t that be a pleasure!

  136. Rudy Landesman says:

    Oops. I’ve done it again. I submitted a limerick with “mean” in the middle of a line, instead of at the end. And the only weeds are the ones in my mind. Another senior moment.

    **************
    From Mad Kane

    Though it doesn’t qualify for this contest, it’s very clever!

  137. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s the way of the bully – demean.
    That the victim might turn – unforeseen.
    See the look on his face
    When you spray him with mace.
    Take a moment and savour the scene.

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    At a fancy shop called, “Debonair”
    George bought Gracie a hat with chic flair.
    With a floral design,
    That looked simply divine.
    Soon Gracie found weeds in her hair.

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    All weeds give a frightful impression.
    I eavesdropped on Bull Thistle’s session:
    “Oh doc” I’ve been sad
    Since you told me I had
    A sickness called “Non-Stop Progression”.

  140. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  141. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Mad,
    Thank you for your reply. Please keep in mind that even Shakespeare goofed now and then. His most famous line of iambic pentameter actually ends with an amphibrach.
    To be/ or not/ to be/ that is/ the question (da-DUM-da)
    I’m sure he would have been great at limericks.
    Rudy

    **************
    from Mad:

    LOL!

  142. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald whines: “I’ve been treated so mean!
    People claim that no fraud has been seen,
    But the proof is right there,
    I can feel it. I swear,
    I’m the President who should have been!”

  143. Brian Allgar says:

    “Our glyphosate kills every weed,
    And it’s perfectly safe”, is their creed.
    But Monsanto are lying,
    And people are dying –
    They need to keep feeding their greed.

  144. Bob Turvey says:

    Six women, all young, fit and keen
    Wanted ACTION (you know what I mean) –
    Now they all loved one guy
    And he said he would try –
    The funeral’s next week in Racine.

  145. Tony Holmes says:

    Strolling timpanist, Algowrithe Hymne,
    On occasion went out on a limn.
    He could capture the mien
    Of a guardsman or queen:
    One serene, and the former, most grim.

  146. Lisi Nortman says:

    TRUE! About a week ago I admitted to Mad that I didn’t know the meanings of 2 words that she used, and told her
    that I would learn them.
    My definitions are not exactly correct, but they had to fit into a limerick I have titled “A Promise is a Promise”

    Miss “Obsequious” bows to the queen.
    She’s agreed to a servile routine.
    And Miss “Scurrilous” tries
    To spread dirty lies.
    See Mad? now I know what they mean!

  147. Rudy Landesman says:

    “My garden grows wild with fresh dill.
    I know it’s a weed. Yes, but still
    It’s really great eats,
    Goes great on some beets.
    I smoke it whenever I’m ill.”

  148. Rudy Landesman says:

    it’s not 4:52
    It’s 3:52

    *********
    From Mad:

    Don’t worry about my time stamp. I live in NYC and I know you posted in time. (My blog software is off by an hour. Perhaps a standard time/ savings time issue.)

    PS feel free to correct your last line which is the wrong rhyme. I have to go out and do some errands. So you have some extra time.

  149. Lisi Nortman says:

    Title: “Dreadful Limerick”

    Mad has endless, perpetual verve.
    To her poets, she always does serve
    A whole lot of fun.
    She’s now on the run.
    And all I can say is, SOME NERVE!

    (:

  150. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 464. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Do.

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