Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DO or DUE or DEW or ADO at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 13, 2021)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DO or DUE or DEW or ADO at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BUGS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BUGS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 14, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 13, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my DO or DUE or DEW or ADO-rhyme limerick:

On the verge of proclaiming, “I do,”
The bride nearly fell off her shoe.
“It’s a message from God.
Don’t marry this clod!”
Yelled her mom. “God likes Stu better too!”

And here’s my BUGS-themed limerick:

“This software is buggy as hell.
How dare you maintain it works well!
I’m bugged, so don’t shrug;
I’m pulling the plug
In a week, if the code doesn’t jell.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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242 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DO or DUE or DEW or ADO at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 13, 2021)”

  1. Thomas Vincent says:

    It may seem like such easy money
    To draw a cartoon that is funny
    But though you may swear
    And tear out your hare
    You’ll never come close to Bugs bunny

  2. Ellen Urowitz says:

    All my bills are due.
    I’m starting to feel really blue
    I must write it down.
    My bank is in another town.
    I need to phone Lue

  3. Rudy Landesman says:

    You’re bored and don’t know what to do?
    You say that your love life is through?
    Well, that’s no excuse
    For your self abuse.
    Oh well, c’est chacun a son gout.

  4. Sondra Landin says:

    I was shocked as I worked on my taxes.
    What I owe does not wane, it just waxes,
    But my sweetie came through
    And I’ll give him his due!
    With his cash I can pay to the maxus.

  5. John Ordover says:

    I had no idea what to do
    when my cat threw up in my shoe
    In a state of despair
    I bought a new pair
    Now my cat ate my new Jimmy Choos.

  6. Sondra Landin says:

    My chic neighbors next door had fine rugs.
    They were deathly afraid that my bugs
    Might well skitter through doors
    And would eat on their floors,
    ‘Til their rugs would soon turn into shrugs.

  7. Kirk Miller says:

    There is many a wedding, it’s true,
    That has vows that conclude with “I do.”
    And for those who attend,
    You will find, near the end,
    There are some who respond with “eye dew.”

  8. Rudy Landesman says:

    Dear Pfizer, I love your vaccine
    It stops that bug Covid Nineteen
    I sing this refrain
    “Bei mir bist du sheyn”
    Like Patty, LaVerne and Maxene

  9. Michael P Moulton says:

    Nikki Haley says credit is due
    To Trump and all of his crew,
    For producing vaccine,
    For Covid-19,
    Which we know they did not really do.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    (The following four posts were all written for a Limerick-Off many, many years ago – so long ago that I haven’t the faintest recollection whether any of them won. Oh, well, perhaps Mad will have forgotten them as well …)


    From Mad:

    LOL! (My handy internal search engine will reveal all. :) )

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    We got drenched by the cold morning dew
    While attempting an open-air screw.
    My girl, giving head,
    Had to sneeze, so instead
    All she gave me that day was “a chew”!

    The next morning, we set out to do
    It again, but the weather, on cue,
    Started snowing – we froze,
    And her dear little nose
    Was the only appendage she blew.

    The third day – I felt it her due –
    I heated some nourishing stew.
    When she’d finished, I tried
    For dessert, but she cried
    “I’m too full now to swallow more goo!”

    So now we have learned what to do:
    Stay home where it’s warm, and dry too.
    Indoors, life is grand
    With a bird in the hand,
    But a bird in the bush gives you ’flu.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    A woman cried “What shall I do?
    I’m pregnant, but don’t know by who.
    On vacation in Mali,
    I had sex with Charlie,
    But later that day, Tim bucked too.”

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    (Moses complains of back problems):

    “Stop telling us what we should do!
    Commandments? OK, one or two,
    But on marble, all ten?
    Can’t You just use a pen
    On something that’s light, like bamboo?”

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    A fellow said “What should I do?
    I can’t get my girl to come through.”
    He consulted an owl;
    “What you need”, said the fowl,
    “Is to charm her – to wit, to woo.”

  15. Tim James says:

    Mr. Allgar, about this ado:
    I did NOT give that woman a screw.
    Not one “buck” did I show her.
    I don’t even know her!
    It’s slander. A falsehood. Untrue!

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Mrs. Johnson, your baby is due
    Next Thursday, your wish will come true”
    “Oh No! that’s the night
    We’ll be watching the fight!
    Can you change it to Friday at two?”

  17. Sondra Landin says:

    My apartment was ransacked by thugs.
    I suppose they were looking for drugs.
    They grabbed my computer
    And found my six-shooter,
    Then dropped all, shrieking “Look. damn bedbugs!”

  18. Rudy Landesman says:

    Some guys are plain vulgar and crass
    And act like a snake in the grass.
    They might try to hug you,
    That surely would bug you.
    A bugger’s a pain in the ass.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    Serve your termites some treats that are good.
    If they’re tasty, then all of them should
    Be so happy they’re yummy
    Want more in their tummy.
    (It’s a scheme known as “better than wood”.)

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    An ineffective way to kill bugs.

    I know that you have a strong will
    To kill bugs, but it’s not your best skill.
    What the hell is this quirk?
    That surely won’t work.
    When you whisper, “Be quiet. Stand still”

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: one limerick up: today at 3:13 PM , (termite limerick)
    line 4 reads. “And want more in their tummy”
    Could you please delete “And”… it reads, Want more in their tummy

    Thank You,


  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    I tried writing a verse with “ado”
    Couldn’t do it, (that sure made me blue)
    I soon figured out
    What the snag was about.
    What the hell does it mean? Got no clue.

  23. Sondra Landin says:

    We’ve had a long friendship. we two.
    In good, and in bad years pulled through.
    But times are a-changing
    Our needs now far-ranging,
    Let’s say our adieu sans ado.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    A baby’s a dream that comes true.
    Can’t believe my sweet girl’s almost two!
    But her dad’s of no use
    Always finds an excuse
    To not change her when smelling ado.

  25. Thomas Vincent says:

    If you want to use something that’s new
    Try our super thick quick-drying glue
    But take care and beware,
    If applied to your hair
    You surely will rue your new do

  26. John Cooney says:

    A God-fearing gent from Nantucket,
    Set sail o’er the foam in a bucket,
    But, in less than a week,
    The craft sprung a leak,
    And, as it sunk down, he said: “Bug it!”

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Little Tiny Hammers”

    Those carpenter ants are just great!
    They come here each day about eight.
    They’re building my deck,
    But Blimey! Oh Heck!
    They charge a huge hourly rate!

  28. Thomas Vincent says:

    An entry into both categories:

    Each time that I feel down and blue
    I munch on an insect or two
    Though humans like hugs
    I’ll just stick to bugs
    What else is a shrew supposed to do?

    I have an illustration but your site won’t let me download it. :-(

  29. John Cooney says:

    Shakespeare penned stuff about “Much Ado”,
    Shipwrecks and shy such and such a Jew,
    Bloody battles, romance,
    Bitchy witches and France,
    Contriving words new, give him such a due!

  30. John Cooney says:

    Line 5: (Amendment)
    Contriving words too, give him such a due!

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    When Einstein had nothing to do,
    More intellect he would pursue.
    He would sit in his home.
    Read a scholarly tome.
    His fav’rite was “Winnie The Pooh”

  32. John Cooney says:

    More deadly than crocs and than gators,
    Are Beamers, hot rod operators,
    The white ones are worst,
    For the buggers come first,
    And they never use no trafficators!

  33. John Cooney says:

    p.s. We call ‘em indicators.

  34. John Cooney says:

    And we don’t generally use no double negatives neither.

  35. John Cooney says:

    B.T.W. Beamers = nickname for B.M.W. Cars (from Germany)

  36. John Cooney says:

    Does one put a “k” in “traffic(k)actors”?
    I dunno how to spel it.

  37. John Cooney says:

    Just what consitoots “Traffickator”?
    It guess it could be when a gator,
    Eats bugs on main route,
    Then, cops are called out,
    To search and blow up and deflate her!

  38. John Cooney says:

    Apologies for typo:
    Line 2: I guess (not “It guess”)

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    I accused him of being real coarse,
    But now I have painful remorse.
    Cuz I thought I would die
    When I spotted a fly
    OH WHY! did we get a divorce??

  40. Michael P Moulton says:

    Those who still think Trump won,
    Agree with the tales he’s spun,
    And likely are due
    For an I.Q. review,
    When they’re not staring into the sun.

  41. Brian Allgar says:

    I’d begun to have sex in the grass
    With the prettiest girl in my class,
    When “Oh God!” cried the chick,
    “What a terrible prick!”
    … She’d been bitten by ants in the ass.

  42. The CPAC cries, “No more Ado!
    Just give the gold calf-man his due!
    Enough of his cronies
    and wannabe phonies!
    We just want to hear our God moo!”

  43. Brian Allgar says:

    Our pup loves to sniff doggy-doo,
    (And at times, tries to roll in it too!),
    Especially that
    Which our neighbour’s dog shat –
    Not surprisingly, she’s a Shih-Tzu.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    Tonight is for me and for you.
    I’ve bought candles in lavender blue.
    We’ll have caviar, steak,
    Then red velvet cake.
    And to wash it all down: mountain dew.

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    We have bugs, but somehow we get by.
    But this morning, I sure had to cry.
    I freaked out and shook,
    When I read in a book
    That roaches can actually fly.


  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Love Poem”

    I’ve written a poem for you:
    “My darling, I’ll always be true.
    You’re simply divine,
    Oh, will you be mine?
    You sweat smells just like mountain dew.”

  47. Tony Holmes says:

    When a rooster, grown old, tries to do
    What he did when he had his debut …
    Off he struts with a maid
    In the hope he’ll get laid.
    All he proves is, his thinking’s askew.

  48. Sondra Landin says:

    I was sad when I worked on my bills,
    My tight budget left nothing for frills.
    But my dealer came through
    And I’ll give him his due,
    ‘Cause he fronted me cash – for my pills!

  49. Dave Johnson says:

    The G.O.P.’s over, it’s true;
    Evolved into something that’s new.
    With nothing the same,
    It should have a new name:
    ReTrumplickin’ Party will do.

  50. Sondra Landin says:

    The prof talks with too much ado
    Her drama queen ‘training’ shines through.
    She mocks and harangues,
    Creates hunger pangs;
    What else is a student to do?

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    You wait 17 years to come back?
    I would just love to give you a smack!
    You cicada’s are liars,
    With leery desires.
    And no! I won’t “cut you some slack”

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    You wait 17 years to come back?
    I would just love to give you a smack!
    You cicada’s are liars,
    With leery desires.
    And no! I won’t “cut you some slack”

  53. Tony Holmes says:

    How you’re greeted will give you the clue.
    You’re in Britain. It’s, “How do you do?”
    Down in Oz, it’s, “Goo’ day!”
    And in Pari so gay,
    It’s, “Bonjour,” and then, “Merci beaucoup.”

    In some states they say, “Howdy!” (It’s true.)
    In some others, “Hey ya’ll,” or, “Hey you.”
    “How’s it hangin’?” is hip,
    Though “Whassup?” has more zip,
    And for Cajuns, “Bonjour,” and “Adieu.”

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    When evenings are humid and warm,
    Mosquitos invade – true to form.
    Attacking their prey
    As we swat them away;
    While mega-bites grow by the swarm.

  55. Dave Johnson says:

    This music site’s loaded with bugs;
    Developers might be on drugs.
    An example of this
    For your listening bliss:
    “Sukiyaki” performed by The Fugs.

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    a quiz! Can you guess?

    His horns make me sick through and through.
    His hooves need special-made shoe.
    But Pierre Gripari
    Never had to say, “sorry”
    So I’m giving the devil his due.

  57. Rudy Landesman says:

    The Volkswagen, nicknamed “The Bug”,
    Once crawled on our streets. We said “Ugh!”.
    I traded mine in
    For its kith and kin.
    My brand new Bugatti, I hug.

  58. Rudy Landesman says:

    # 58

    Our poor Madeleine, what can she do?
    She is swamped with these limericks, all new.
    In only two days!
    Like Heinz in some ways,
    Fifty-seven varieties of goo.

  59. Placido D'Souza says:

    I haven’t the slightest clue,
    How I’ll pay all my bills due,
    I’m in a real stew,
    Unless something new
    Turns up – or I’ll have to live like the lady in a shoe!

  60. Tony Holmes says:

    “In the war, Daddy, what did you do?”
    Daddy coughs. “I was fighting for you.”
    “Did you win?” “I’m not sure.
    As I’ve told you before,
    Mummy asked for a truce. P’rhaps we drew.”

  61. Tony Holmes says:

    I thought, “Catering school,” as you do,
    “Where they’ll teach me to roast and to stew.
    Gordon Ramsey’s,” I thought,
    “Is the place to be taught,
    And once trained, I can claim, ‘Gordon Blue’.”

  62. Tony Holmes says:


    “There are some things in life you don’t do!”
    “Such as?” “Letting your emails accrue.”
    “Yes. Bad form.” “Yes! It’s rude –
    As is spraying your food.
    And I wouldn’t do either. Would you?”

  63. Tony Holmes says:

    For those occasional days when you’re not in the mood.

    Home invasion is not at all nice.
    Best avoid it, whatever the price.
    Here is what you should do:
    When a friend calls, say, “Shoo!
    I feel lousy.” (Infested with lice.)

  64. Tim James says:

    When Satan came sauntering through
    The salon door, the hairdresser knew
    She could NOT blow him off.
    So she fashioned his coif,
    Thereby giving the devil his ‘do.

  65. Jean McEwen says:

    Jane requested a drink—Mountain Dew.”
    Joe the Bartender, then, right on cue,
    Gladly climbed on aboard,
    Pulled his pants down and scored.
    (Now insisting he’d heard “mount and screw.”)

  66. Jean McEwen says:

    Don’t assume, though my buttocks are jerking,
    That I’m out of control and just twerking
    Or have Saint Vitus dance.
    No, it’s ants in my pants–
    And I’m irked by the way they are lurking!

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Fruit Flies”

    I decided to make apple pie.
    Found the fruit, although one had a fly.
    It said, “Don’t be afraid.
    Just go get me weighed,
    Cause tomorrow’s the day that I die”

  68. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    Noah boarded the beasts two-by-two —
    ‘Twas a task the Big Boss bade him do.
    He faced it, unblinking,
    But couldn’t help thinking,
    “The world is becoming a zoo.”

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last night, when I went up the stairs,
    Saw a ladybug covered with squares.
    She said, “These mutations
    Go back generations.
    I received them from one of my heirs.”

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    I have numerous genuine fears,
    Cause my son always brings me to tears.
    He came home with a “do”
    I was shocked through and through.
    He had sideburns behind both his ears.

  71. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    A diner, so bugged by the guy,
    Who waited his table yelled, “Fie!
    You have managed to pour
    On my lap soup du jour,
    And now there’s a soup in my fly!”

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Let’s all go to “Fare” , Sweetie Boo”
    (She’s got 20 kids! what shall I do?)
    “Hmm, I’ll whisper to Claire
    (She’s the owner of “Fare”)
    To announce, “Johnson, party of two”.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:


    I love sterling, and oh! it’s my wish
    To display a nice filigree dish.
    Well, I wasn’t enthused
    When John got confused,
    And gave me a wet silverfish.

  74. Tony Holmes says:

    Bitten by the bugs.

    When disporting alfresco, beware!
    Gnats and midges may nest in your hair.
    This, in turn, makes you itch –
    And that itch is a bitch.
    It’s a high price to pay for fresh air.

  75. Bob Turvey says:

    From the bugs lab – great news that I’ve scooped,
    From two DNA strands that they’ve looped,
    They’ve developed a virus
    Which really will tire us
    And make us feel worn out and pooped.

  76. Bob Turvey says:

    An opera singer from Basingstoke,
    Of bad luck, once had an amazing stroke.
    At her wedding in Kew
    She warbled, “I DO.”
    And all of the church’s stained glazing broke.

  77. Bob Turvey says:

    After sealing my parcel with glue,
    There was only one thing left to do,
    I wrote, on the end,
    But the postman wrote, “OH YES THEY DO.”

  78. Bob Turvey says:

    Said the doctor, “I thought you had flu;
    But I’ve run tests like good doctors do.
    Is what your complaint is –
    Will you wake up – I’m speaking to you!”

  79. Bob Turvey says:

    St. Norbert (he existed – it’s true!)
    Was a breeder of sloths at the zoo.
    If one is not queasy
    It’s really quite easy –
    They like to fuck slow: and they do.

    (With a tip of the hat to the Young Man of Natal and his Hottentot gal.)

  80. Bob Turvey says:

    With a man I know just what to do;
    And a girl I know just how to screw.
    But that’s where it ends;
    I’ve no trans-gender friends;
    I’m a bi-sexual just built for two.

  81. Rudy Landesman says:

    In Memoriam

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re dead.
    You couldn’t just linger instead?
    I’m now asking you,
    Why all this ado?
    It must have been something I said.

  82. Rudy Landesman says:

    You’ve swept them right under your rugs
    They’ve given you love bites, not hugs
    They’ve crawled now instead
    Right into your bed
    Those lovable, cute little bugs

  83. Tony Holmes says:

    To give Algernon Twinkling his due,
    He had never intended to sue:
    But the thought of the splash
    He could make with the cash
    Caused integrity’s downfall. Would you?

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    Cuz you are my special sweet pea,
    Whatever you want, I’ll agree.
    You’re forever my bride.
    Go ahead and decide
    The mall today, dear, or a flea?

  85. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I am pleased — without further ado —
    To present this fine poem to YOU!
    It scans and it rhymes,
    (Nearly). (Some of the time).
    And what’s nice? It’s concise. See, I’m through.

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    This is Costco, now what do we do?
    Oh yeah! that nice clerk said, “aisle two”
    We need one jar of honey.
    We’ve got enough money.
    But WHAT?? twenty jars of that goo?

  87. Dave Johnson says:

    Mike Pence is a guy who should know
    How fate can deliver a blow.
    His moment came late;
    At the V.P. debate,
    That fly was the star of the show.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    We just don’t have sex anymore.
    My husband now says I’m a bore.
    So what can I do?
    Gee, I guess we are through.
    Since his fav’rite position’s next door.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Dear Abby, don’t know what to do.
    I’m “John”, and just turned 22.
    But the truth must be told.
    I like broads who are old”

    “Call Lisi, she’s age 92”

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s a spa just for “seniors” who knew?
    When your breasts hang down low, they will do
    Something very sublime
    Called, “Mammogram/Pedicure Too”

  91. Clay Wild says:

    Mother Nature is not all that new
    Yet she’s state-of-the-art in my view
    If God took all her powers
    So she couldn’t make showers
    I’m sure that she still could ‘make dew’ !

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: at 12:03 PM today, I wrote a limerick, in which the last line reads
    “The mall today dear, or the flea?”
    Could you please change “the” to “a”, so it reads
    The mall today, dear, or a flea?

    Thank You, Lisi


  93. Sondra Landin says:

    My dear neighbor is really quite fun.
    Yes she flits ev’rywhere on the run.
    When lockdown is through,
    I just know what she’ll do;
    She’ll continue to act ninety one!

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Something That He Never Knew”

    I’ve seen many lines, some askew
    On the streets in your town, through and through.
    I assume they imply
    That we all must comply
    With things that we all should not do.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:


    I’ve seen many lines, some askew
    On the signs in your town through and through.
    I assume they imply
    That we all must comply
    With stuff that we all should not do.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    “To Do List”

    “The kids are at camp, Whoop-De-Do!
    Tonight, I’ll make hot love to you”.
    “No need to persist
    Cuz here’s today’s list.
    And it doesn’t say, “Monday we screw”.

  97. Rudy Landesman says:

    My mom told me not to ignore
    That “less very often is more”.
    “If lim’ricks you do,
    Please do just a few.
    Too many of those will just bore.”

  98. Tony Holmes says:

    A ruckus at the noisy neighbour’s.

    “You may call it a hullabaloo,
    Or, quite rightly, a proper to-do:
    But whatever it’s called,
    We should all be appalled
    When we’re told to our faces, “Go screw!”

  99. Tony Holmes says:

    “Dearest friends, may I have your attention.
    Welcome all to our comics’ convention!
    Some apologies due,
    From Mel Brooks and his crew,
    And from others too humorous to mention.”

  100. Tony Holmes says:

    “If it’s nothing, what’s all the ado?
    I don’t know. Why d’you think I asked you?
    Since we’re asked to invest
    He should keep us abreast.
    If he doesn’t come clean, can we sue?”

  101. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, please add the an ‘s’ to the beginning of the last word in the limerick above, please. To make sue. Thank you. Tony


  102. Tony Holmes says:

    P G Tips used chimpanzees in its advertising fron the mid-nineteen fifties on and was/is the most popular tea in the UK.

    To give credit where credit is due,
    P G Tips make a very fine brew.
    But the ultimate tea
    Isn’t made by P G,
    But by chimps who take tea at the zoo.

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hey mosquito! let’s have a nice chat.
    Don’t be shy, cuz I know where you’re at.
    You’ve sucked up my blood.
    But I’ll be your best “bud”
    If you guzzle up some of my fat.”

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    My ants asked for real good advice.
    They sadly said, “Halloween’s nice.”
    “But we’re so vey small,
    Nothing fits us at all ”
    (I suggested they dress up as rice).

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hey mosquito! let’s have a nice chat.
    Don’t be shy, cuz I know where you’re at.
    You’ve sucked up my blood,
    But I’ll be your best “bud”
    If you guzzle up some of my fat”

  106. Tim James says:

    A fellow has started to swell
    After spending a night with his belle.
    For the bedbugs were bad
    And they munched all he had.
    So it goes in a Trump-brand hotel.

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hey mommy, I’m terribly blue.
    Can you hear me? I’m talkin’ to you!
    I surely can’t wait
    For that real special date.
    It’s so cramped in here! when are you due?”

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Sugar Daddy Boy” always comes through.
    Our love is so heartfelt and true.
    The day that he died,
    I cried and I cried.
    It was just when my rent check was due.

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    above limerick had the wrong tenses. They all should have been past tense.
    just noticed. Here’s the right way:

    “Sugar Daddy Boy” always came through.
    Our love was so heartfelt and true.
    The day the he died,
    I cried and I cried.
    It was just when my rent check was due.

  110. Dave Johnson says:

    While looking for something to do,
    He dialed up a lady he knew.
    Saying “Hey, I’m so bored”.
    She said “Here’s your reward
    For calling – now come bore me too.”

  111. Thomas Vincent says:

    A library worker named Drew
    Stole mystery books that were new
    Though he pilfered for years
    His arrest garnered cheers
    Fo his booking was long overdue.

  112. Dave Johnson says:

    I’m puzzled what everyone sees
    In purchasing items like these.
    They’re blankets and such
    Which I’d rather not touch
    That come from a market of fleas.

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    The spiders we see are all hairy.
    And so, my friend, you must be wary!
    If you see one that’s hissing,
    Then, poof! it is missing.
    You’ll know the true meaning of scary.

  114. Tony Holmes says:

    “Have you ever tried taming a shrew?”
    “Oh, is that what we’re trying to do?”
    “While she’s wild, we’ve no chance.
    She will lead us a dance.”
    “Well, I’m not going first. After you.”

  115. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    To-do List?

    Keep the mob on the job; stoke the coup;
    Find more suckers and losers to screw;
    Keep stirring up trouble;
    Turn Dems into rubble…
    When you’re Trump, there is so much to do.

  116. Tony Holmes says:

    “Yes, at once, Mister Hesitant, sir!”
    “No change there, then. Just do, no demur.”
    “He‘s still thinking, the louse,
    That he’s up at the House.”
    Let’s be thankful he’s not and defer.”

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    The groom wasn’t really that clever.
    (Real puzzled about this endeavor).
    The bride said, “I do”.
    The groom said it too.
    Then mentioned, “It won’t be forever”.

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    Let’s go to “Unusual Zoo”
    It’s really a fun thing to do.
    The squirrels do not squeak.
    The parrots can’t speak.
    And the cows cannot udder a moo.

  119. Dave Johnson says:

    Announcing the show right on cue,
    He wanted to say something new.
    A phrase that was sure
    To amaze and endure:
    “And now, without further ado…”

  120. Sondra Landin says:

    Those dear people drank coffee from mugs
    That were often infested by slugs.
    Tell me, what would you do
    If you looked down in rue,
    And your mug was all filled with dead bugs?

  121. Rudy Landesman says:

    We write lots of lim’ricks, that’s true,
    But quality’s not our purview.
    Our words loosely stroll
    With little control.
    Thus, quantity will have to do

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just Common Sense

    You need to get rid of your spout.
    After that, you just won’t need to pout.
    Then Miss Itsy Bitsy
    Who thinks she’s real glitzy,
    Can’t get up, can’t go in, or get out.

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    Trump loves me, and I love him too.
    He told me his feelings are true.
    He writes me love letters.
    Now I’m one of them debtors.
    Cuz each one is stamped, “postage due”

  124. Rudy Landesman says:


    Gadzooks, alas and forsooth!
    ‘Tis sharp like a serpent’s false tooth.
    Its bite, overdue,
    Is harmless, that’s true,
    And never can injure my couth.*

    * “couth” is a perfectly good word. Why is it underlined in red?

  125. Tony Holmes says:

    On the label, it said, ‘Mountain Dew’,
    Which, in hindsight, may not have been true.
    When my eyesight returns,
    And I’m over the burns,
    I shall drop them a line – maybe two.

  126. Clay Wild says:

    In politics, so many are lost but not found
    When unfounded claims, lies, and clear bias abound
    To calm this storm, rife with ado
    And unite ALL, both red and blue
    Is agreement that LIMERICKS are the best common ground!

  127. Tim James says:

    News item: Former Trump State Dept. staffer Federico Klein, arrested for taking part in the Jan. 6 Capitol riot, has complained about cockroaches in his jail cell.

    Insurrectionist Klein loudly cursed:
    “Damn these roaches! They’re simply the worst!
    Move me out of here! Ick!”
    But the roaches were quick:
    They petitioned to move him out first.

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    A modified “Unusual Zoo”

    Let’s go to “Unusual Zoo”
    It’s really a fun thing to do.
    The squirrels don’t squeak.
    The parrots won’t speak.
    And the cows will not udder a moo.

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh, when will this virus be through?
    I say to myself, “Don’t be blue”
    I breathe out, I breathe in.
    And that’s a “win-win”
    Cuz at least it is something to do.

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    Bugs and Due (double)

    As a child, ev’ry bug made me blue.
    When I saw one, I always said, “Shoo!”
    After years, took some bees
    On a cruise to Belize.
    My diligence surely was due.

  131. Sondra Landin says:

    I’ve practiced a year and a day;
    There’s nothing my fingers can’t play.
    But oh what shall I do,
    There’s a concert that’s due,
    And my notes have all floated away.

  132. Kirk Miller says:

    A machine to kill insects he lugs
    To his yard. It is broken; he shrugs.
    His arthropod zapper
    Is not a good trapper
    Of mosquitoes. It still has some bugs.

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    A new kind of pet store: “The Musical Zoo”

    Bought our rooster from “Musical Zoo”
    They sell talented cockerels too.
    Ev’ry morning we hear,
    (It’s so sweet to the ear)

  134. Lisi Nortman says:


    We went to the “Musical Zoo”
    We walked all around, through and through.
    The cows rock and roll.
    And the roosters all troll:
    “Cock-a-doo-da-lee-doo-da-lee doo”

  135. Rudy Landesman says:

    Your phone, you believe, has been bugged.
    Not worried and you’ve merely shrugged?
    No problem, you’re fine.
    The phone’s a land line.
    You simply just leave it unplugged.

  136. Tony Holmes says:

    Callipygous maid, Melody Pugh,
    Was not brazen, to give her her due.
    She wore clothes to disguise
    That delight to male eyes.
    So successfully, nobody knew.

  137. Tony Holmes says:

    When the misandrist, Melanie Pugh,
    Spoke in public, promoting her view,
    She said, “Men are a plague—”
    Which I thought a bit vague,
    “And extinction is long over-due.”

  138. Tony Holmes says:

    There are some things you don’t, some you do,
    And you ought to know which of the two
    Should apply, when and where,
    So you’ll know when to dare
    And then when to turn tail and, “Adieu!”

  139. Tony Holmes says:

    “if it’s nothing, what’s all the ado?
    I don’t know. Why d’you think I asked you?
    Since we’re asked to invest,
    He should keep us abreast.
    If he doesn’t come clean, can we sue?”

  140. Tony Holmes says:

    The pogontrophist, Amorous Proud,
    Was afraid he’d get lost in the crowd.
    To stand out from the throng,
    He grew whiskers so long,
    Women thought he was too well endowed.

  141. Tony Holmes says:

    The pogonophobe, Strawberry Moon,
    Seeing beards would immediately swoon.
    Her psychiatrist said,
    “The girl ought to be wed –
    Introduce her to Glabrous Muldoon.”

  142. Lisi Nortman says:

    Liverpool Limerick (their very first single)

    He said that he wants someone new.
    (Like me), and he’ll always be true.
    He knew begging was wrong,
    Yet he sang me this song:
    “So Plee-e-e-eze Love Me Do”.

  143. Sondra Landin says:

    Hello Mad,
    I just noticed some gremlins appeared on my March 6th, 7:38pm limerick.

    there’s no is sitting on top for no reason. Please delete if you can. Thanks.


  144. Tony Holmes says:

    Callipygous miss, Melody Pugh,
    Was not brazen, to give her her due.
    She took steps to conceal
    Her aesthetic appeal:
    So successfully, nobody knew.

  145. Tony Holmes says:

    Addled alchemist, Archibald Swain,
    Took to messin’ with nature again.
    He perfected a brew
    And declaimed, “‘Mountain Dew’ –
    Panacea, whatever the pain.”

  146. Tony Holmes says:

    Young pogonophile, Engelbert Stride,
    Thought his whiskers might look better dyed.
    He applied every hue –
    “It’s the right thing to do.” –
    And had just got to blue, when he died.

  147. Tim James says:

    Where’d he get that incredible ‘do
    With the hair standing up straight and true?
    There’s a sign on display
    At the stylist’s today:
    “Try electrical current! It’s YOU!”

  148. Rudy Landesman says:

    In Memoriam II

    My octogenarian friend,
    You’ve come to an untimely end.
    I miss you, I do
    While hoping that you
    Haven’t started a morbid new trend.

  149. David Friedman says:

    There’s a raunchy giraffe at the zoo
    Who shouts (as giraffes seldom do):
    “If you think my neck’s long
    Just look at my schlong!”
    Then pisses to show that it’s true.

  150. David Friedman says:

    An ambulatory young roach
    Said, to his friend’s stern reproach,
    “Well, sure I can fly
    But you know that I
    Can’t stand the people in coach.”

  151. David Friedman says:

    A busy young fruit fly named Rudy
    Was feeling frustrated and moody
    “I walk on your food,”
    He said, in his brood,
    “And lose my day’s coating of doodie!”

  152. David Friedman says:

    A fly where you’d hardly expect him
    Flew on Mike Pence to inspect him.
    His fly friends asked why
    And he said in reply,
    “It smelled just like Donald Trump’s rectum!”

  153. Tony Holmes says:

    Young pogonophile, Engelbert Stride,
    Allowed robins to nest in his pride.
    Robins make much ado,
    So young Stride had to, “Shoo!”
    But the guilt took its toll and he cried.

  154. Tony Holmes says:

    Eager businessman, Emerson Drew,
    Wracked his brains to create something new:
    But contrive as he might –
    And he worked day and night –
    A new debt was the best he could do.

  155. Rudy Landesman says:

    “Limerick, limerick, limerick”
    That was trimeter purely dactylic.
    As lim’ricks you do
    Break a rule, maybe two.
    Ban the Meter! That would be idyllic.

  156. Dave Johnson says:

    An entomological way
    Of running a prank they can play:
    In essence, it plants
    A few vials full of ants;
    For bugging their colleagues all day.

  157. Tony Holmes says:

    Reggie Mangold was good, and he knew:
    And as such, he demanded his due.
    He got paid on the dot
    Without quibble. If not,
    He got dressed in a huff and withdrew.

  158. Mike Young says:

    It’s time that we made Meghan Markle
    Adopt a new pose that is darkle.
    It we set her to weed
    It might fulfill her need
    To get rid of all bugs with a sarcle.

  159. Mike Young says:

    Harry’s action is now really due.
    He must reveal what he says is true.
    For so long we’ve waited
    With breath that is bated
    To see Meghan’s own Waterloo.

  160. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, please delete the one above. I felt that, as I’m claiming a twofer, I needed to make a better effort – which I hope this is.

    Bugs are many, and various, too,
    Some so small that they’ll drown in the dew.
    But regardless of size,
    With their fangs and their eyes,
    All arachnids make bodies unglue.

  161. Dave Johnson says:

    The palace, while lacking in bugs,
    Is certainly no place for hugs.
    Their process to sweep
    All the customs they keep
    Requires a truckload of rugs.

  162. Lisi Nortman says:

    Got a bite from a tick, what a shock!
    “Can’t see you this week”, said the “doc”
    And boy! did I curse!
    And what makes it much worse
    All the clocks in my house just go “tock”

  163. Lisi Nortman says:

    makes more sense. Every 17 years, they’re back! (Well, at least here in Chicago they do and they’re disgusting)

    You wait 17 years to come back?
    Well, this time I won’t “cut you slack”
    You cicada’s are liars
    With leery desires.
    Get ready! You’re gettin’ a smack!

  164. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hearing buzz at the fun’ral for “Reb,”
    A high flyer (well known in Zagreb),
    Made house-fly Croations
    In search of vacations,
    Quite leery of searching the web.

  165. Dave Johnson says:

    The “Former Guy” isn’t quite through…
    “So here’s what I want you to do:
    Send donations to ME
    Not that RINO.P.
    From now on, it’s just ME and YOU!!”

  166. Tony Holmes says:

    There are bugs that will bite in the night
    And some others that sting you on sight:
    But the bugs to beware
    Are the ones that just stare
    And convince you, “You move, and I might.”

  167. Rudy Landesman says:

    There once was a literate fly
    Who stepped on some toes. My, oh my.
    He landed on David
    Who could not evade it
    And brought out a huge hue and cry.

  168. Tony Holmes says:

    What’s this bug doing, snug in my rug?
    What’s its thinking? I’m some kind of mug?
    Spider, cockroach and fleas,
    Bugs just do as they please.
    If I squish, does it make me a thug?

  169. Tony Holmes says:

    There are phasmids, a stick-insect sort,
    Which pretend, to avoid getting caught.
    They are ghosts in the trees,
    Who disguise for a wheeze,
    And defy you to spot them for sport.

  170. Tony Holmes says:

    Bitten by the …

    “It’s no good, he’s been bitten. That’s it.
    You’re a widow. It’s hard to admit:
    But accept it you must,
    You won’t see him for dust.
    He’s all clubs, greens and putting. Submit!”

    “You should take on a lover, or two.
    That at least gives you something to do.
    If that’s not to your taste –
    And I think it’s a waste –
    You could purchase a set and play, too.”

  171. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s no good, he’s been bitten. That’s it.
    You’re a widow. It’s hard to admit:
    But accept it you must,
    You won’t see him for dust.
    He’s all clubs, greens and putting. Submit!”

    “You should take on a lover, or two.
    That at least gives you something to do.
    If that’s not to your taste –
    And I think it’s a waste –
    You might purchase a set and play, too.”

    “But I warn you, the game is a curse.
    You’ll espouse mashie niblicks, or worse.
    Hearing, “Tea?” you’ll shout, “Fore!”
    Get obsessed about score,
    And say stymied a lot. It’s perverse.”

  172. Lisi Nortman says:

    Politically Incorrect

    A wasp can get nasty and smug.
    If it stings you, it’s surely a thug.
    But don’t call it “that name”.
    It’ll cause you much shame.
    Just kill it, and call it a “bug”.

  173. Sondra Landin says:

    My mentor expounds with ado;
    She claims that my rhymes are askew,
    But thoughts come a-biting
    And I keep on writing
    Those perfect new lim’ricks for you!

  174. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Please be more original”

    Who was it who named a fly “fly”?
    It’s the VERY SAME WORD! Was he high?
    Hey! I’ll ask my friend Judd
    He’s my really smart bud.
    To spy on this guy, (he’s a spy).

  175. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: 12:01 one today I wrote my “politically incorrect” limerick about wasps.
    Just realized that wasps don’t bite; they sting.
    Could you please change line 2 from “If it bites you, it’s surely a thug”
    to If it stings you, it’s surely a thug.

    Thank You,



  176. Dave Johnson says:

    “I’ll tell you who bugs me the most.”
    She said to the afternoon host.
    “It’s people you ask
    About wearing a mask
    Who claim that their ‘freedom’ is toast.

    But now that the vaccines are here,
    Their purpose in life becomes clear.
    They scheme and design
    To be there first in line;
    I hope they get shot in the rear.”

  177. Dave Johnson says:


    Mad, in my post above, could you change the very first line to read:

    “I’ll tell you who bugs me the most.”

    Thanks, Dave


  178. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Mad,
    I, too request a correction for one of my posts.
    My limerick dated 3/10 at 3:54 a.m.

    Change the last two lines to read:

    Who could not evade it
    And brought out a huge hue and cry



  179. Paul Haebig says:

    “We’re pandas who live at the zoo.
    We don’t have a whole lot to do
    but lie in the sun
    play around and have fun
    and spend all day eating bamboo.”

  180. Tony Holmes says:

    Missy Shanks had a boyfriend named Due’,
    Whose amours caused her parents to stew.
    “He will lead her astray
    And then we’ll have to pay.”
    But in fact, it was Missy led. True.

  181. Tony Holmes says:

    Seems bonobos have got the idea.
    They’re relaxed about sex, so I hear.
    When the fancy to ‘woo’
    Takes a hold, well, they do –
    And with gusto, no guilt and no fear.

  182. Tony Holmes says:

    There is so little romance these days.
    ‘Making love’ is those, ‘old-fashioned ways’.
    Nowadays we all screw –
    No, I don’t! P’raps you do? –
    Let us hope it’s no more than a phase.

  183. Tony Holmes says:

    What would happen to grooms who say, “Don’t!”?
    Or to brides who refuse and say, “Won’t!”?
    Would there be a to-do?
    Would they still get to screw?
    Or would life just go on, as it’s wont?

  184. Suzanne Heymann says:

    My suede SHOES are a beautiful blue
    I walk HOME in when night shifts are through
    But wet GRASS soaks each shoe
    The suede’s ruined, boohoo!
    Much ado I do, due to the dew.

  185. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Home from school, my young fifth-grader rants
    Asked me, “What has six legs and eats ants?”
    How I felt somewhat trapped
    When his little gums flapped –
    “Just three uncles”, and crapped in my pants!

  186. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The weatherman hasn’t a clue
    How to forecast some weather that’s true.
    A meteorologist –
    Just a mythologist
    Needs a proctologist too!

  187. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The worst CRITTER this planet has known
    Whether baby or all fully grown
    And which scares me to death
    Worse than taking bad meth
    I get shortness of breath when alone.

    It’s a spider I’m talking about.
    I just see one and then I break out.
    The question then begs,
    Why do hatchlings from eggs
    Turm my legs into pegs? (ain’t no doubt!)

    Ev’ry spider has venom for sure
    They should save it for bugs they allure
    They scare even my cat
    When I see one, it’s “Splat!”
    Or a blow torch; now THAT’S a good cure!

  188. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I walk a lot, that’s what I do.
    Saw Peru, been to Kalamazoo,
    Kathmandu, Timbuktu,
    Waterloo, Tuvalu
    Wore out fitbits and many a shoe.

  189. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The world’s deadliest bugs (Nature’s blunder)
    Seem to congregate mostly Down Under.
    You can paint a complaint
    Or just die, maybe faint
    Lacking tourists? It ain’t any wonder!

    No offence to you Aussies out there
    As you DO have great traits that are rare:
    Nothing scares you; your zest
    And your accent’s the best really impressed (yes, I swear!)

  190. Tony Holmes says:

    Aging wisecracker, Valentine Spool,
    Is devoted to playing the fool:
    And to him, ‘much ado’,
    Means embarrassing you,
    Which, at times, is extremely uncool.

  191. Tony Holmes says:

    Politician, Malodious Spink,
    Was regarded by all as a fink.
    But what did for this scum
    Was the deal for his mum,
    Whom he sold for two ‘dogs and a drink.

  192. Lisi Nortman says:

    The dancers all stripped while they swayed.
    The bugs sat and joyfully played
    Stud poker and gin
    But the fuzz then barged in.
    And the roaches all screamed, “It’s a Raid!”

  193. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Bug Club” (better)

    The termites all stripped while they swayed.
    The ants sat and joyfully played
    Stud poker and gin.
    But the fuzz then barged in.
    And the roaches all screamed, “It’s a Raid!”

  194. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hey Honey! come over and bring
    Some music, we’ll buzz while we sing!
    Bring the Bee tles, bee bop.
    Then we’ll both do the “hop”
    And please don’t forget to bring Sting.

  195. Tim James says:

    Said a man to a witch that he “knew”:
    “I’m so sorry I cheated on you.
    Since your spell on my winky
    Has rendered it dinky,
    I rue that true voodoo you do!”

  196. Tony Holmes says:

    I stare into the barrel and scowl,
    Like frustrated, bad-tempered owl.
    The next deadline is due.
    Inspiration? No clue.
    Must be time now to throw in the towel?

  197. Tony Holmes says:

    I stare into the barrel and scowl,
    Like a frustrated, bad-tempered owl.
    The next deadline is due.
    Inspiration? No clue.
    Must be time now to throw in the towel?

    Sorry! Getting very careless in my old age.

  198. Gary Pineless says:

    Poor Meghan didn’t know what to do,
    Said Harry, I know—interview!
    You must sound sincere,
    Speak with one you revere,
    To Oprah, you’ll always ring true!

  199. Rudy Landesman says:

    Those Royals are doing their thing
    A rumor, a scandal, a fling
    But nothing they do
    Can ever outdo
    The tragedy of Mayerling

  200. Rudy Landesman says:

    The limerick virus broke through
    It’s beats us ’til we’re black and blue
    The numbers are mounting
    Two hundred and counting
    Oh Madeleine, what’s there to do?

  201. Rudy Landesman says:

    Please note:
    My last submission was #200

  202. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.)

  203. Brian Allgar says:

    The rioters made ‘Much Ado’,
    Although not ‘About Nothing’, it’s true.
    They were fighting a lie,
    And were willing to die
    For their anti-democracy coup.

  204. Brian Allgar says:

    Young Gregor awoke with a scream;
    He’d had a most terrible dream
    Where he’d turned to a roach …
    He heard footsteps approach –
    Crunch! It wasn’t a dream, it would seem.

  205. Brian Allgar says:

    Damned mosquitoes! It isn’t the pain
    That is driving me slowly insane,
    But that nerve-racking whine
    As they zoom in to dine
    Once again, and again, and again!

  206. Tony Holmes says:

    Time and tide wait for no one. The dread,
    As, ‘the deadline approaches.’ (Mad said.)
    Tim and Bri’ – Rudy, too –
    Gasp their last, as they do.
    At this hour aren’t they best off in bed?

  207. John Edwards says:

    I went to a very posh do
    But (strictly between me and you),
    To my utter dismay,
    I got turned away.
    They couldn’t find me in “Who’s Who”.

  208. Brian Allgar says:

    Trump’s boasting and lying on cue:
    “Give credit where credit is due!
    If it wasn’t for me,
    There just wouldn’t be
    Any vaccine for any of you!”

  209. Tony Holmes says:

    H G Wells, modern prophet, forecast,
    That in time, bugs would conquer, at last.
    That said bugs should deploy
    Before Martians destroy,
    Seems ungrateful and, frankly, ha’f assed.

  210. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A pillbug, aggrieved, won’t reveal it;
    When insulted he tries not to feel it.
    Called a “sow” or a “louse,”
    He’ll be tempted to grouse,
    But rolls up in a ball to conceal it.

  211. Tony Holmes says:

    If you’ve ever been bitten by fleas – which cat owner hasn’t? – this will make complete sense.

    Sellotape is my weapon preferred
    When my bloodlust for vengeance is stirred.
    Sneak attack, while they suck –
    They can’t spring once they’re stuck –
    And their sentence is never deferred!

  212. Tony Holmes says:

    The Liberal view:

    Surely, bugs should have rights, shouldn’t they?
    Or, at least, we should hear what they say.
    Just to brush them aside,
    Or worse, bug genocide,
    Would seem undemocratic today.

  213. Sondra Landin says:

    Exquisitely made, through and through,
    A purchase that I’ll never rue,
    For dishes sublime
    With lemon or lime,
    I use my new pot – yum, I do!

  214. Sharon Neeman says:

    Now that COVID is practically through
    And we’ve all had a jab — maybe two —
    Can we take our guitars
    And sit under the stars
    As we sing (and pass round) Mountain Dew?

    This old folkie’s not put off by bugs
    Or by (mild) recreational drugs,
    But I surely do long
    To exchange — not just song,
    But a thing that’s far better — real hugs!

  215. Rudy Landesman says:

    There was Archy and Mehitabel
    Their friendship was real and just swell
    Archy got much reproach
    Just because he’s a roach
    But his stories still sell rather well

  216. Gary Pineless says:

    This rhyme may seem like a crock,
    My Bugs eats carrot, leans on rock.
    Not trying to be funny,
    But my Bugs is a bunny,
    Read this and say, “What’s up Doc?”

  217. Valerie Fish says:

    My phobia has plagued me for years
    People say you must confront your fears
    But try as I might
    I have to take flight
    Every time Incy Wincy appears

  218. Mark Totterdell says:

    Dodos died, so it’s tragic but true
    That there’s nobody left now who knew
    Of the shape or the length
    Or olfactory strength
    Of the doo-doos a dodo would do.

  219. Tim Gray says:

    I ask you, how insects learn
    When they’ve got no parents to turn?
    How do they know what to do
    When they’re free from egg goo
    What job and how much to earn?

  220. Tim Gray says:

    I say, “I’m sorry”, when I’m not.
    I say, “I don’t think”, which is rot.
    “I don’t suppose”, when I do,
    “You don’t say”, when I heard you…
    I say things I don’t mean quite a lot.

  221. Tim Gray says:

    I now spend most of my time
    Mulling and thinking in rhyme.
    You said “Most”, is that true,
    What else do you do?
    I exaggerate, is that a crime?

  222. Tim Gray says:

    One thing that John liked to do,
    And was sure that none else knew,
    Was to dress up as a girl
    And to dance and to whirl
    Wearing his sister’s tutu.

  223. Tim Gray says:

    Trump, last year…

    There were things we were planning to do
    About this new type of flu,
    But we were distracted
    And the planning protracted
    By the impeachment started by you.

  224. Tim Gray says:

    Trump was given his cue,
    But he froze, “What do I do?”
    Then in his longest ad lib
    He proceeded to fib
    He lied for an hour, if not two.

  225. Tim Gray says:

    I would say, when I look at you,
    That walking’s not something you do.
    You look unfit and fat
    And I’d guarantee that
    You’d rest after one step not two.

  226. Tim Gray says:

    Insects now known as a butterfly
    Were originally known as a flutter-by
    But the namer’s young daughter
    Misheard over water
    The name her father had muttered by.

  227. Tim Gray says:

    You can push the blame to one side
    But there’s one thing you cannot hide,
    You were told to take heed,
    But you said “There’s no need,
    The bugs not coming!” You lied.

  228. Mark Totterdell says:

    When indulging my urge to keep Kudu,
    I should have let just one or two do,
    But instead, (how absurd!)
    I obtained a whole herd.
    Now my garden’s knee-deep in their doo-doo!

  229. Tony Holmes says:

    Cruciverbalist, Eleanor Pugh,
    Stared, cross-eyed, at this challenging clue.
    Nine across, ‘To behave
    As audaciously brave’:
    And the answer, of course, ‘Derring do’.

  230. Tony Holmes says:

    Cruciverbalist, Eleanor Pugh,
    Stared, cross-eyed, at this challenging clue.
    Nine across, ‘To behave
    As audaciously brave’:
    And the answer, of course, ‘Derring do’.

    Still with Eleanor, now at, ‘Sun’s crown?’.
    Concentrating, ah yes, hence the frown.
    What’s that noise? Constant drone –
    Crossword puzzle is thrown …
    And unwelcome intruder goes down.

  231. Tony Holmes says:

    The ‘bug’ that cures:

    “Every bug isn’t nasty!” “Don’t say?”
    “Some are actually helpful.” “No way?”
    “Take the phage—” “Thanks, I’ll pass.”
    “Pay attention, you arse!
    It’s the phage kills the virus.” “Okay!”

  232. Tony Holmes says:

    Cruciverbalist, Eleanor Pugh,
    Sat, cross-legged, as she pondered this clue.
    Nine across, ‘To behave
    As audaciously brave’:
    And the answer, of course, ‘Derring do’.

    Still with Eleanor, now at, ‘Sun’s crown?’.
    Concentrating? Ah yes, hence the frown.
    What’s that noise? Constant drone –
    Crossword puzzle is thrown …
    And unwelcome intruder goes down.

    Sorry about this, but let’s be honest. The clue was all that challenging, was it?

  233. Tony Holmes says:

    Surely, bugs should have rights, shouldn’t they?
    At the very least, given a say.
    Just to brush them aside,
    Or worse, bug genocide,
    Would seem undemocratic. Dismay!

    It’s a serious issue.

  234. Sharon Neeman says:

    I don’t envy you, staff of the zoo
    Who not only clean up piles of “doo,”
    But contend with the worms
    And the bugs and the germs
    That the animals carry. Poor you!

  235. Valerie Fish says:

    When she told me the date she was due
    I counted back the months and I knew
    The back end of May
    I was working away
    So who the hell did she screw?

  236. Clay Wild says:

    So one night on my walk with ‘His Highness’, with a leash and in hand a bag blue
    My fate, it was tempted by Satin, who tip-toed up behind me with, “BOO!”
    He demanded I give in to his lure
    And to give him something bad and impure…
    But I didn’t believe him, and slyly deceived him, by giving the Devil ‘His’ do!

  237. Tony Holmes says:

    When the bug bites, what else can we do
    But give in, our new craze to pursue?
    Some discount. “It’s a phase.
    He’ll grow out … a few days.”
    I’m still wining and wenching. Yahoo!

  238. Lisi Nortman says:

    An actor whom I briefly knew
    Said, “Your costume, I’d love to undo”
    But when in my bed,
    His line simply read,
    “It seems I can’t do it on cue”

  239. Dave Johnson says:

    It came while in bed from her side;
    A quiver she couldn’t quite hide.
    Although they were through,
    He asked “What did you do?”
    “Just gave you a hand” she replied.

  240. Byron Miller says:

    Oh, what’s a poor straggler to do
    For a last minute lim’rick or two,
    When he’s promised his daughters
    We’d visit the otters
    This Saturday down at the zoo?

  241. Byron Miller says:

    Despite taxes, the mud and the fleas,
    I think life as a serf is a breeze.
    I would take up the sword
    Anytime for my lord;
    Don’t defeudalize me, if you please.

  242. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 465. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off State.