Archive for the ‘Aging Humor & Verse’ Category

What Have They Done To My Treats? (2-Verse Limerick)

Sunday, November 1st, 2015

Halloween week I sampled some candy,
But stuff that I used to find dandy
Made me cringe with distaste.
Has aging laid waste
To my taste buds? I’d rather drink brandy.

Have the folks who make chocolate treats
Altered recipes, cheapened these sweets
Till they taste like debris?
Is it them? Is it me?
Either way, here come healthier eats.

Limerick Ode To “Female Viagra”

Friday, June 5th, 2015

Limerick Ode To “Female Viagra”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a “female Viagra?” Oh my!
I’ve boned up on its risks, so no-buy.
Should I need to feel horny,
The problem ain’t thorny.
No not porn! Just a flash of Mark’s thigh.

An Old Story (Limerick)

Tuesday, September 9th, 2014

An Old Story (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you’d like to feel old, here’s a way–
Besides all those aches and that gray–
Arrive home, and then hear
From your husband, “My dear,
Your Medicare card came today.”

Sunny Limerick

Tuesday, May 27th, 2014

Sunny Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I confess that I’m really not one
To use sunscreen, but please don’t make fun.
My skin’s still protected;
The scheme I’ve selected
Is hide and stay out of the sun.

Happy Sun Screen Day! (May 27)

UPDATE: “Don’t Fry Day” falls on the Friday before Memorial Day.

This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 11th, 2013

Yikes! Scrotum Rejuvenation??? Yes, this Hollywood male grooming trend sounds fictitious, but apparently isn’t.

This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A new wrinkle in grooming appalls,
And it’s pricey — not offered in malls.
It stems out of a joke
From that George Clooney bloke:
“Tackle-tightening” — ironing your balls.

Note to Judd Apatow: I’d better not see any Tackle-Tightening in the 50 Year Old Virgin.

Note to George Clooney: Tell the truth: Were you REALLY just joking, when you said you got your balls “unwrinkled”?

Time Flies (Limerick)

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

Dverse Poets asks us to write a poem about the passage of time. Here’s mine.

Time Flies (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Time flies” is a popular phrase.
So it does, and in frightening ways.
Where’s it go? I don’t know.
And there’s no way to slow
It all down. Simply relish the days.

Sun-Tanned Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, May 6th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal with a very deep tan…*

or

A guy with a very deep tan…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Sun-Tanned Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal with a very deep tan
Was hoping to pick up a man.
But the guys got one look,
And that’s all that it took:
Wrinkled skin made her look like their gran.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

UPDATE: July 3rd is Stay Out Of The Sun Day.

Taking Stock Of Acrostic Limericks

Friday, September 2nd, 2011

As I mention from time to time, I love the mental challenge of writing acrostic limericks. So on the first of each month, I eagerly visit Acrostic Only for its latest batch of prompts.

Taking Stock Of Acrostic Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Seems investments are dropping like flies,
Trouncing prices and deals that looked wise.
On Wall Street our shares
Crash and fall down the stairs —
Killed retirement plans on the rise.

Face Time (Haiku)

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

Flutist misses cue.
Conductor settles the score.
Time to face music.

*****

Botoxified face,
once intelligent with age,
now frozen wasteland.

*****

(Face prompt from Theme Thursday)

Limerick Ode To a Vigorous Old Lady

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

Limerick Ode To A Vigorous Old Lady
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An old grandma with spring in her walk
Moved so quickly that people would gawk.
When asked if a gym
Was the source of her vim
She said, “No — Jim, Kim, Henry and Hawk.”

(Posted at this spring prompt and at Poetic Asides’ spring prompt.)

UPDATE: July 23 is Gorgeous Grandma Day.

Aging Musically (Haiku)

Saturday, March 12th, 2011

Nursing nostalgia,
the tribute bands play covers —
relive what wasn’t.

*****

The injured cellist,
forced to bow out of concerts,
retires her bow.

*****

The big bands play swing —
old couples dance joyously,
then reclaim their canes.

*****

Three childhood friendships —
treasured, instrumental —
piano, oboe, flute.

*****

(The first haiku was inspired by Writer’s Island’s tribute theme. The fourth haiku was inspired by Monday Memories’ friendship theme.)

Secret Cache

Saturday, March 5th, 2011

Secret Cache
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow had a secret cache
of coins and stamps and gold.
He planned to sell it off one day
when he became quite old.

That time did come for him at last—
age ninety-three or more.
Alas, he’d thrown his cache box out—
forgot what it was for.

(You can find more of my bad memory humor here. And check out the secret prompt over at Writer’s Island)

Bad Memory Limerick

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

My memory is so bad, that when I spotted the upcoming memory prompt at Haiku Heights I forgot the obvious — that the prompt was for haiku. Ah well, here’s my Bad Memory Limerick:

Bad Memory Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My mem’ry is bad — getting worse.
It’s a failing I constantly curse.
I forget what I’ve done,
People’s names, whom to shun.
Now what was the theme of this verse?

(For those who can actually remember something, here’s a spot to post your memories in verse.)

Hairy Limerick

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal who was youngish, yet gray…

Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Hairy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal who was youngish, yet gray,
Considered a dye job one day,
But was coloring wary.
(It struck her as hairy.)
She refused, to her mother’s dismay.

Her mom said, “It’s time for some dye,
Else you’ll look even older than I.
And I can not afford
An old daughter — good lord —
If I want to attract a new guy.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To Long Gray Hair

Saturday, October 23rd, 2010

Dominique Browning poses an excellent question in her New York Times essay Why Can’t Middle-Aged Women Have Long Hair? Well, I believe they can and should, if they’re so inclined:

Limerick Ode To Long Gray Hair
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m writing in praise of long hair.
If you think I’m too old, I don’t care.
And if short is the “norm”
At my age, won’t conform
To such ageist opinions. So there!

UPDATE: Happy Hairstyle Appreciation Day! (April 30th)

Unassailable Logic

Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal who looked young for her years…

Here’s mine:

Unassailable Logic
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal who looked young for her years
Was often assaulted by leers.
“That is rude,” pals opined,
But she said, “I don’t mind.
Soon enough they’ll replace them with jeers.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Limerick Ode To Betty White

Sunday, May 9th, 2010

Limerick Ode To Betty White
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The comedy legend named White
Hosted SNL Saturday night.
She managed to sell
Ev’ry line oh so well,
Even those that lacked humor and bite.

Betty’s sassy and charming — a pro.
How she does what she does, I don’t know.
Her timing is great.
She’s a young eighty-eight,
Who’d enhance any movie or show.

Not-So-Colorful Limerick (Poetry Prompt)

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman whose hair was quite gray…

Here’s mine:

Not-So-Colorful Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman whose hair was quite gray
Was told she should dye it — said “Nay!”
She opined that most tresses
When colored were messes,
And cautioned that “Dye does not pay.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Endearing Limerick (Poetry Prompt)

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this as a first line:

“An elderly fellow named James…”

Here’s mine:

Endearing Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An elderly fellow named James
Had trouble remembering names,
So he often used “dear,”
Which hurt his career.
His defense? “I just did it to dames.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Shoo, Heels!

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

I’m short. Five-foot-zero, to be specific. But I never wear heels. Okay, I do have one pair of special-occasion shoes with a one-inch heel. Does that even count?

I forswore high heels way back in my early twenties. Why? Isn’t it obvious? Because they hurt! Besides, even if I braved three-inch heels, I’d still be really short. Plus I’ve never thought teetering was all that sexy.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Shoo, Heels!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m short, but wear flats — never heels.
Cuz they hurt. Gals, you know how it feels.
So my word to height seekers:
Just give me some sneakers,
Or flip flops, or better yet — wheels.