Limerick Ode To “Female Viagra”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a “female Viagra?” Oh my!
I’ve boned up on its risks, so no-buy.
Should I need to feel horny,
The problem ain’t thorny.
No not porn! Just a flash of Mark’s thigh.
Archive for the ‘Aging Humor & Verse’ Category
Limerick Ode To “Female Viagra”
Friday, June 5th, 2015An Old Story (Limerick)
Tuesday, September 9th, 2014An Old Story (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’d like to feel old, here’s a way–
Besides all those aches and that gray–
Arrive home, and then hear
From your husband, “My dear,
Your Medicare card came today.”
Sunny Limerick
Tuesday, May 27th, 2014Sunny Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I confess that I’m really not one
To use sunscreen, but please don’t make fun.
My skin’s still protected;
The scheme I’ve selected
Is hide and stay out of the sun.
Happy Sun Screen Day! (May 27)
UPDATE: “Don’t Fry Day” falls on the Friday before Memorial Day.
This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)
Tuesday, June 11th, 2013Yikes! Scrotum Rejuvenation??? Yes, this Hollywood male grooming trend sounds fictitious, but apparently isn’t.
This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A new wrinkle in grooming appalls,
And it’s pricey — not offered in malls.
It stems out of a joke
From that George Clooney bloke:
“Tackle-tightening” — ironing your balls.
Note to Judd Apatow: I’d better not see any Tackle-Tightening in the 50 Year Old Virgin.
Note to George Clooney: Tell the truth: Were you REALLY just joking, when you said you got your balls “unwrinkled”?
Time Flies (Limerick)
Saturday, October 20th, 2012Dverse Poets asks us to write a poem about the passage of time. Here’s mine.
Time Flies (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Time flies” is a popular phrase.
So it does, and in frightening ways.
Where’s it go? I don’t know.
And there’s no way to slow
It all down. Simply relish the days.
Sun-Tanned Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, May 6th, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal with a very deep tan…*
or
A guy with a very deep tan…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Sun-Tanned Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal with a very deep tan
Was hoping to pick up a man.
But the guys got one look,
And that’s all that it took:
Wrinkled skin made her look like their gran.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: July 3rd is Stay Out Of The Sun Day.
Taking Stock Of Acrostic Limericks
Friday, September 2nd, 2011As I mention from time to time, I love the mental challenge of writing acrostic limericks. So on the first of each month, I eagerly visit Acrostic Only for its latest batch of prompts.
Taking Stock Of Acrostic Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Seems investments are dropping like flies,
Trouncing prices and deals that looked wise.
On Wall Street our shares
Crash and fall down the stairs —
Killed retirement plans on the rise.
Face Time (Haiku)
Thursday, April 7th, 2011Flutist misses cue.
Conductor settles the score.
Time to face music.
*****
Botoxified face,
once intelligent with age,
now frozen wasteland.
*****
(Face prompt from Theme Thursday)
Limerick Ode To a Vigorous Old Lady
Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011Limerick Ode To A Vigorous Old Lady
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An old grandma with spring in her walk
Moved so quickly that people would gawk.
When asked if a gym
Was the source of her vim
She said, “No — Jim, Kim, Henry and Hawk.”
(Posted at this spring prompt and at Poetic Asides’ spring prompt.)
UPDATE: July 23 is Gorgeous Grandma Day.
Aging Musically (Haiku)
Saturday, March 12th, 2011Nursing nostalgia,
the tribute bands play covers —
relive what wasn’t.
*****
The injured cellist,
forced to bow out of concerts,
retires her bow.
*****
The big bands play swing —
old couples dance joyously,
then reclaim their canes.
*****
Three childhood friendships —
treasured, instrumental —
piano, oboe, flute.
*****
(The first haiku was inspired by Writer’s Island’s tribute theme. The fourth haiku was inspired by Monday Memories’ friendship theme.)
Secret Cache
Saturday, March 5th, 2011Secret Cache
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow had a secret cache
of coins and stamps and gold.
He planned to sell it off one day
when he became quite old.
That time did come for him at last—
age ninety-three or more.
Alas, he’d thrown his cache box out—
forgot what it was for.
(You can find more of my bad memory humor here. And check out the secret prompt over at Writer’s Island)
Bad Memory Limerick
Tuesday, February 15th, 2011My memory is so bad, that when I spotted the upcoming memory prompt at Haiku Heights I forgot the obvious — that the prompt was for haiku. Ah well, here’s my Bad Memory Limerick:
Bad Memory Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My mem’ry is bad — getting worse.
It’s a failing I constantly curse.
I forget what I’ve done,
People’s names, whom to shun.
Now what was the theme of this verse?
(For those who can actually remember something, here’s a spot to post your memories in verse.)
Hairy Limerick
Wednesday, November 17th, 2010Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was youngish, yet gray…
Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)
Hairy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was youngish, yet gray,
Considered a dye job one day,
But was coloring wary.
(It struck her as hairy.)
She refused, to her mother’s dismay.
Her mom said, “It’s time for some dye,
Else you’ll look even older than I.
And I can not afford
An old daughter — good lord —
If I want to attract a new guy.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Limerick Ode To Long Gray Hair
Saturday, October 23rd, 2010Dominique Browning poses an excellent question in her New York Times essay Why Can’t Middle-Aged Women Have Long Hair? Well, I believe they can and should, if they’re so inclined:
Limerick Ode To Long Gray Hair
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m writing in praise of long hair.
If you think I’m too old, I don’t care.
And if short is the “norm”
At my age, won’t conform
To such ageist opinions. So there!
UPDATE: Happy Hairstyle Appreciation Day! (April 30th)
Unassailable Logic
Wednesday, July 7th, 2010I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who looked young for her years…
Here’s mine:
Unassailable Logic
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who looked young for her years
Was often assaulted by leers.
“That is rude,” pals opined,
But she said, “I don’t mind.
Soon enough they’ll replace them with jeers.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Limerick Ode To Betty White
Sunday, May 9th, 2010Limerick Ode To Betty White
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The comedy legend named White
Hosted SNL Saturday night.
She managed to sell
Ev’ry line oh so well,
Even those that lacked humor and bite.
Betty’s sassy and charming — a pro.
How she does what she does, I don’t know.
Her timing is great.
She’s a young eighty-eight,
Who’d enhance any movie or show.
Not-So-Colorful Limerick (Poetry Prompt)
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman whose hair was quite gray…
Here’s mine:
Not-So-Colorful Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman whose hair was quite gray
Was told she should dye it — said “Nay!”
She opined that most tresses
When colored were messes,
And cautioned that “Dye does not pay.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Endearing Limerick (Poetry Prompt)
Wednesday, February 17th, 2010I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this as a first line:
“An elderly fellow named James…”
Here’s mine:
Endearing Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An elderly fellow named James
Had trouble remembering names,
So he often used “dear,”
Which hurt his career.
His defense? “I just did it to dames.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Shoo, Heels!
Wednesday, January 6th, 2010I’m short. Five-foot-zero, to be specific. But I never wear heels. Okay, I do have one pair of special-occasion shoes with a one-inch heel. Does that even count?
I forswore high heels way back in my early twenties. Why? Isn’t it obvious? Because they hurt! Besides, even if I braved three-inch heels, I’d still be really short. Plus I’ve never thought teetering was all that sexy.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Shoo, Heels!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m short, but wear flats — never heels.
Cuz they hurt. Gals, you know how it feels.
So my word to height seekers:
Just give me some sneakers,
Or flip flops, or better yet — wheels.
Happy Birthday To Me
Sunday, September 13th, 2009Friday, September 11th was my birthday — one of those traumatizing, ends-with-zero birthdays. So I told my husband Mark that, unless he wanted me to be a basket case on nine-eleven, he’d better plan something good.
So, did Mark rise to the occasion? He sure did, as I describe in this three-verse limerick:
Happy Birthday To Me
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My nine-one-one birthday was great!
Hubby Mark planned a fabulous date:
God of Carnage — fine play —
Four fab stars on Broadway.
Yes, I married a wonderful mate.
The play featured James Gandolfini,
Who did not play a mafia meanie.
Hope Davis starred too
And Jeff Daniels. Woo Hoo!
Marcia Harden’s the fourth. Creds ain’t teeny.
We dined on gourmet Mex cuisine:
Toloache’s the best I have seen.
And we drank and we danced
At two bars. Age advanced?
Well, perhaps … but I felt sweet sixteen.
(Cross-posted on my political humor blog.)
