There once was a newlywed rhino
Who discovered her mate was a wino.
“We’re endangered,” she’d curse.
“Your damn wine makes it worse!”
“White wine’s fine,” he replied. “I’m albino.”
(My first rhino limerick is here. It’s included in the International Poetry Anthology For Rhino in a Shrinking World.)
Happy World Rhino Day! (September 22)
Oh brother! It’s Brothers Day. Wow!
I’ve got me a good one. And how!
With a heart off the chart
Arthur (now known as Art)
Is unrivaled. Please Art, take a bow.
Brothers Day (May 24) is actually meant to celebrate the bond between brothers. But since I missed Brother And Sister Day on March 26, and Siblings Day on April 10, this will have to do.
Asparagus doesn’t appeal to me,
And it guts what might be a good meal to me.
Brussels sprouts can be yummy.
With brocc’li I’m chummy.
But asparagus spears are “no deal” to me.
May 24 is Asparagus Day.
For some with a wealth-building mission,
“Be A Millionaire Day’s” a tradition.
And today is the day;
Yes each 20th of May
They display their great LACK of ambition.
Since it’s Golf Day, I thought I’d address
My embarrassing lack of finesse
Playing golf; Any game
That requires an aim
Leaves me minimal chance of success.
An odometer’s great when I drive,
As I try to guess when we’ll arrive.
But I also get mileage
From lims — even smileage.
But no limming while driving — no jive!
May 12th is National Odometer Day.
Gals remember your trusty school nurse?
You’d tell her, “I’m sick. It’s ‘the curse.’
I have to skip gym
And lie down. All my vim
Has vamoosed and the pain’s getting worse!”
(National School Nurse Day falls on the Wednesday of National Nurse Week, which is May 6 through May 12.)
“Intuition is something I trust,”
Said a gal when told trust is a must.
“I instinctively feel
That you’re surely a heel
Who would tempt me with feelings of lust.”
May 10th is Trust Your Intuition Day.
AWOL socks are a grim laundry given;
Former pairs inexplicably riven,
Dresser drawers oddly littered
With orphans, embittered
And wond’rin’ where old mates are livin’.
May 9 is National Lost Sock Memorial Day.
A man who was known for his rants
Was caught on the street with no pants.
He was standing half-nude
With a bellicose tude,
On par with his usual stance.
But he HAD a defense for his act
That accounts for the clothing he lacked;
The fellow’s fine mission
Was spur recognition —
“No Pants Day’s” today! That’s a fact.
Happy “No Pants Day!” (First Friday of May)
If you’re five-four or under, “petite”
Is what many will call you. Don’t cheat
And pretend to be taller;
Be proud that you’re smaller…
Then savor a thick booster seat.
May 4 is Petite And Proud Day.
And yes, at only five-zero, I’ve been known to use a “booster” provided by a Broadway Theater — the very same one used (according to an usher) by Peter Dinklage.
It’s time for a string of rhymed words
To acknowledge this day for the birds.
And to those who cry foul
With an anti-lim howl,
How dare you insult lim’rick nerds!
There are three separate bird days, that I know of: Bird Day, National Bird Day and Migratory Bird Day
Bird Day is today, May 4. National Bird Day falls on January 5. And Migratory Bird Day is celebrated on the second Saturday in May.
A professor, while teaching a class,
Called one of his students an ass;
Not a classy remark,
But his class (this is stark)
Loudly cheered his assessment en masse.
National Teacher Day, also known as Teacher Appreciation Day, is celebrated during the first full week of May, on a Tuesday.
If you’re wearing a shoe that is black
And another that’s brown, is that wack?
Not today; On May third
It’s endorsed – not absurd –
Your defense, should you get any flack.
Happy Wear Two Different Colored Shoes Day. (May 3)
Holiday Tip (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m presenting a holiday tip.
No it’s not what you think. Get a grip!
It is Waitstaff Day. See?
And I’m sure you’ll agree
That those folks deserve more than this quip.
(National Waitstaff Day — May 21)
Limerick Ode to National Beverage Day (May 6)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s National Beverage Day—
The vaguest of days, you might say,
Cuz your options are fluid;
Each bev’rage will do it.
Drink anything — scotch the bouquet.
Happy World Naked Gardening Day (1st Saturday of May)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Naked Gardening Day is tomorrow.
As I write this, I shudder with sorrow.
So I strongly advise:
Stay indoors, avert eyes…
Or give gard’ners some clothes they can borrow.
Limerick Ode To Women In Trousers Day (May 28)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear damsels in pants, take a bow
Cuz it’s “Women In Trousers Day” now.
Seems in Nineteen-Two-Three
On this day, the AG
Said you must allow gals to wear trow.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
