Posts Tagged ‘Gardening Humor’

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: JUST or UNJUST or ADJUST at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 29, 2023)

Saturday, April 1st, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using JUST or UNJUST or ADJUST at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to COURTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best COURT-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
PLANT, HOBBIES, LEARN, LIKEABLE, WARN.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 30, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 29, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my JUST or UNJUST or ADJUST-Rhyme Limerick:

“Adulting” requires hard work;
The mundane kind we’re tempted to shirk.
But do it, we must!
So I try to adjust
And pretend I don’t feel like a clerk.

And here’s my COURT-Themed Limerick, a 2-Verser:

A big gun at a law firm brought suit.
He was gunning for those who pollute.
But his target, alas,
Had a limitless mass
Of moolah to fight the dispute.

That’s not all that his target possessed;
It had friends in the courts and was blessed
With political cronies,
Republican phonies
Who impeded his actions with zest.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

I should take up some hobby this week
To ensure my brain works at its peak.
Learning Greek is too hard!
Planting chard in my yard?
No, my marred mind needs more than a tweak.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Thumbs Down On Plants? (Limerick)

Saturday, May 18th, 2019

A fellow was planning to plant
Some fruit, but his wife said, “You can’t.
I hate to sound mean,
But your thumbs aren’t green;
Seems your nurturing talents are scant.”

May 18 is Fascination of Plants Day and May 19 is Plant Something Day.

Enforcer Madness (Limerick)

Thursday, October 22nd, 2015

Headline of the Day: “Heavily armed drug cops raid retiree’s garden, seize okra plants.”

If you’re targeting reefer in mass,
Keep in mind: It’s best NOT to harass
Those with innocent crops.
So be well-informed cops.
Learn the dif between okra and grass.

Happy World Naked Gardening Day (1st Saturday of May)

Friday, May 1st, 2015

Happy World Naked Gardening Day (1st Saturday of May)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Naked Gardening Day is tomorrow.
As I write this, I shudder with sorrow.
So I strongly advise:
Stay indoors, avert eyes…
Or give gard’ners some clothes they can borrow.

Edgy Limerick

Friday, February 18th, 2011

Edgy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

His cash flow had put him on edge,
And he needed a day to just veg.
He was stressed to the max
Over real estate tax,
And could not even fund his new hedge.

(Lots Of Laughter edge prompt)

My New Policy

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

That’s it. No more vacations!

Sounds a little extreme, I know. But strange things tend to happen when my husband and I have the nerve to travel or take time off.

No, I don’t mean canceled flights, lost luggage, or stolen passports. Nothing so mundane as that. I’m talking about incidents like:

* a drowned Toyota;
* a windshield collision with flying branches while my car is going 55 mph;
* a Mazda smashed by a tree while it’s parked and minding its own business.

Detect a pattern here?

We’ve had so many weird holiday episodes, that our insurer has created a special policy provision just for us:

Notwithstanding the aforesaid incomprehensible coverage terms, this policy shall be subject to the following limitations and exclusions, hereinafter referred to as Madkane’s Oddball Vacation Incident Exclusion clause:

1. Claims for beach sand, in excess of four (4) gallons, entering automobile via sunroof, shall be subject to a $2,500 deductible.
2. Damage to fuel line by reptiles, including but not limited to alligators and crocodiles, is hereby excluded.
3. Hotel parking lot car-drowning incidents shall be subject to a “one more time and you’re canceled” cap.

Our most recent adventure took place at our weekend house. And before you get too impressed by our owning a weekend house, let me hasten to add it’s only 380 square feet. In fact, when we got it appraised for mortgage purposes, its “comparables” featured our neighbor’s garage.

Mark had spent the entire day telling me he “really, really, really should plant the flowers” — those very flowers that were waiting patiently in our Mazda, hoping against hope that the fellow who bought them the previous day would eventually recall that occasional sunlight is somewhat better than a hot, dark trunk.

Knowing better than to meddle in Mark’s planting activities — or lack thereof — I didn’t say a word. I didn’t have to. I already knew the answer: “I don’t want your help. Go away.”

Besides, I had complete faith that at some point before the plants died, Mark would remember that replacements cost money and he’d unload the car and begin digging and uprooting our resident worms. I also knew this would occur just as the last vestiges of sunlight said goodbye. (“Anyone can plant by daylight. Where’s the challenge in that?”)

Mark didn’t disappoint me. He cracked open the car trunk at 8 p.m. and finished around 10. He even did it without the sort of event that might trigger an insurance claim.

And then it happened: Just as Mark was walking up the driveway toward our refuse cans (in an aberrational instance of his actually taking out the garbage), he heard an unfamiliar noise. And thank heavens he did. Because the sound made him stop in his tracks, just as a huge tree limb came barreling down across our driveway, striking our car and our garbage cans but miraculously sparing Mark.

Mark naturally took this as a sign from God: “Thou shalt never again take out the garbage.”

We spent the rest of the night celebrating Mark’s survival. And devoted the next day to tree-limb removal, car-repair estimates, and insurance negotiations.

Needless to say, Madkane’s Oddball Vacation Incident Exclusion clause is longer than ever.

Yard Yarns (Limerick and Haiku Prompt)

Friday, March 14th, 2008

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is yards and/or gardens. First, my limerick: 

I admit that I’m bad with a rake,
And disposing of leaves makes me quake.
So that pile—I ignored it,
But then was rewarded
With saplings—benign neglect’s wake.

And here’s my haiku: 

Milk, juice, chicken breasts
Plunged into backyard snow drifts:
My fridge on the fritz.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about yards and/or gardens. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)