MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

What is it about December 31st that spurs fantasies of self-reform? Is it too much food and drink? Seasonal exuberance? Lunacy induced by crowds?

Every December, otherwise rational people make resolutions meant to transform them into organized, addiction-free souls with clean houses, healthy bodies, wholesome relationships, perfect children, and career paths soaring to the top — the same vows they made last year and the year before that.

Can our resolutions endure past January 1st? Can we make it to year’s end without ripping up our lists? … (It Is Hereby Resolved is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: New Year’s Resolutions Humor, Husband-Wife Humor, Holiday Fun, Holiday Gifts, Funny Contracts

Tasty Verse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are folks who like food rather bland,
Where all trace of flavor’s been banned.
But if I had my wishes,
They’d serve fiery dishes
In every joint in the land.

Technorati Tags: Food Humor, Restaurant Humor, Spicy Food, Bland Food, Flavor Fiery Food, Hot Food

Some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of Snark
* Carnival of the Liberals 28
* Carnival of the Mundane

Technorati Tags: Blog Carnivals, Blog Publicity, Linky Love, Self-Promotion, Weblog Publicity, Weblog Promotion

If you’ve ever visited the delightful Bobbarama, you know that its witty proprietor  posts the occasional Take Two. So, what exactly is a Take Two?  It’s a  battle of the sexes type humor collaboration, in which Bob and a funny female both write about a given topic.

Why am I telling you this?  Because today I’m the female half of Bob’s collaboration, and the topic is shopping. I hope you’ll enjoy my take on shopping with your mate, which is in the form of a multiple choice quiz.  (You’ll find a link to Bob’s take at the end of this post.)

Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate. Not only is joint shopping stressful, but it amplifies differences in temperament and taste. It can even lead to bickering, brawls, and mayhem. So take this compatibility quiz now. Or risk being ousted from your favorite boutique.

1. When you arrive at the mall he:

a. Says “Let’s shop together. It’ll be fun.”
b. Says “Meet me in hardware.”
c. Vanishes.

2. In men’s clothing he:

a. Asks your opinion and compliments your taste.
b. Buys a tie he already owns.
c. Bemoans the demise of the leisure suit.

3. In lingerie he:

a. Says you look sexy in an oversized robe.
b. Asks you to model see-through garments too small to identify.
c. Hands you a Wonderbra. … (“Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate?” is continued here.)

(Click here for Bob’s Shopping Take Two: Shopping For An Excuse To Stay Home, and be sure to meander around his fun site.  But don’t forget to come back here, so you can visit my marriage humor collection.)

Technorati Tags: Shopping Humor, Shopping With Your Spouse, Shopping With Your Husband, Men, Women, Gender Differences Humor

Ode To Ambling
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Deserting my day-to-day scramble
When the weather is nice, I will amble,
Just taking my time
While I’m still in my prime,
My terminus strictly a gamble. 

Technorati Tags: Walking, Exercise, Outdoor Activities Humor

Is Mental Health Overrated?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a drunken, loud fellow
Who ordered his drinks with a bellow.
Then they put him on meds.
Now he’s placid, instead,
And quite boring, since turning so mellow.

Technorati Tags: Mental Health Humor, Personality Humor, Medication Humor, Personality

What A Card!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I haven’t been carded in years,
But the last time it brought me to tears.
I was laughing, I mean:
To be seen as a teen
By a fellow whose folks were my peers. 

Technorati Tags: Carding, Bars, Restaurants, Liquor, Law Humor,  Age Requirement, Aging, Appearance Humor

Some links for your reading pleasure:
* The Who’s New Rock Opera: ‘Bushy,’ Featuring ‘Pinhead Lizard’
* Carnival of Satire 58
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival of the Vanities
* Carnival of Family Life
* Best Of Me Symphony
* Blawg Review 87
* Avoiding Gift Giving Headaches
* Alaska, where women win the Iditarod and men mush poodles!
* Carnival of the Mundane

Technorati Tags: Blog Carnivals, Blog Publicity, Linky Love, Self-Promotion, Weblog Publicity, Weblog Promotion

Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing.

And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn’t buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it’s on sale.

But there is a cure for the holiday gift blues. Just substitute this agreement for those subtle hints — the ones that are always either missed or misconstrued. Then kiss that Returns Counter good-bye. This year’s gifts are for keeps.

AGREEMENT entered into this ___________ (Date) by Husband and Wife, hereafter called “Couple.”

WHEREAS, Couple often argues over ill-chosen gifts; and

WHEREAS, a gift giving agreement may save Couple’s marriage and/or reduce return trips to the mall.

NOW, THEREFORE, Couple hereby agrees to these provisions:

GIFTS FOR WIFE:

1. Self-serving gifts shall be avoided. For example, Husband shall not buy Wife the following:
a. Chocolate when Wife is on a diet.
b. Tight clothing meant to encourage Wife to diet.
c. Anything transparent.

2. Husband shall not give Wife practical gifts such as an iron, a dish washer, or a vacuum cleaner… unless husband plans to use them. … (My Mad Gift Giving Guide is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Christmas Gift Humor, Gift Giving, Husband-Wife Humor, Holiday Fun, Holiday Gifts, Funny Contracts

For more reading pleasure:
* There’s a brand new humor carnival in town and it’s called, oddly enough, the Carnival of Humor. Here’s the first edition of the Carnival of Humor.
* It’s Official: Network Declares Civil War In Iraq … Study Group
* Carnival of Satire 57
* Carnival of the Decline of Democracy
* Carnival of Family Life
* StoryBlogging Carnival
* Tax Carnival 7
* Carnival of Investing

Technorati Tags: Blog Publicity, Linky Love, Weblog Publicity, Blog Promotion

For your reading pleasure:
* Music Carnival 2
* Carnival of the Vanities
* Carnival of the Liberals
* Best Of Me Symphony
* Personal Growth Carnival
* Success and Growth Carnival

Technorati Tags: Blog Publicity, Linky Love, Weblog Publicity, Blog Promotion