Archive for December, 2006

It Is Hereby Resolved (New Year’s Resolution Humor)

Tuesday, December 26th, 2006

What is it about December 31st that spurs fantasies of self-reform? Is it too much food and drink? Seasonal exuberance? Lunacy induced by crowds?

Every December, otherwise rational people make resolutions meant to transform them into organized, addiction-free souls with clean houses, healthy bodies, wholesome relationships, perfect children, and career paths soaring to the top — the same vows they made last year and the year before that.

Can our resolutions endure past January 1st? Can we make it to year’s end without ripping up our lists? … (It Is Hereby Resolved is continued here.)

Tasty Verse

Tuesday, December 26th, 2006

Tasty Verse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are folks who like food rather bland,
In which all trace of flavor’s been banned.
But if I had my wishes,
They’d serve fiery dishes
In ev’ry last joint in the land.

UPDATE: June 10th is National Herbs And Spices Day.

Linky Love

Tuesday, December 26th, 2006

Some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of Snark
* Carnival of the Liberals 28
* Carnival of the Mundane

Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)

Tuesday, December 19th, 2006

Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate. Not only is joint shopping stressful, but it amplifies differences in temperament and taste. It can even lead to bickering, brawls, and mayhem. So take this compatibility quiz now. Or risk being ousted from your favorite boutique.

1. When you arrive at the mall he:

a. Says “Let’s shop together. It’ll be fun.”
b. Says “Meet me in hardware.”
c. Vanishes.

2. In men’s clothing he:

a. Asks your opinion and compliments your taste.
b. Buys a tie he already owns.
c. Bemoans the demise of the leisure suit.

3. In lingerie he:

a. Says you look sexy in an oversized robe.
b. Asks you to model see-through garments too small to identify.
c. Hands you a Wonderbra. … (“Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate?” is continued here.)

(You can visit my marriage humor collection here.)

Ode To Ambling

Tuesday, December 19th, 2006

Ode To Ambling
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Deserting my day-to-day scramble
When the weather is nice, I will amble,
Just taking my time
While I’m still in my prime,
My terminus strictly a gamble. 

Is Mental Health Overrated?

Monday, December 18th, 2006

Is Mental Health Overrated?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a drunken, loud fellow
Who ordered his drinks with a bellow.
Then they put him on meds.
Now he’s placid, instead,
And quite boring, since turning so mellow.

What A Card!

Monday, December 11th, 2006

What A Card!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I haven’t been carded in years,
But the last time it brought me to tears.
I was laughing, I mean:
To be seen as a teen
By a fellow whose folks were my peers. 

Linky Love

Monday, December 11th, 2006

Some links for your reading pleasure:
* The Who’s New Rock Opera: ‘Bushy,’ Featuring ‘Pinhead Lizard’
* Avoiding Gift Giving Headaches

Mad Gift Giving Guide

Tuesday, December 5th, 2006

Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing.

And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn’t buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it’s on sale.

But there is a cure for the holiday gift blues. Just substitute this agreement for those subtle hints — the ones that are always either missed or misconstrued. Then kiss that Returns Counter good-bye. This year’s gifts are for keeps.

AGREEMENT entered into this ___________ (Date) by Husband and Wife, hereafter called “Couple.”

WHEREAS, Couple often argues over ill-chosen gifts; and

WHEREAS, a gift giving agreement may save Couple’s marriage and/or reduce return trips to the mall.

NOW, THEREFORE, Couple hereby agrees to these provisions:


1. Self-serving gifts shall be avoided. For example, Husband shall not buy Wife the following:
a. Chocolate when Wife is on a diet.
b. Tight clothing meant to encourage Wife to diet.
c. Anything transparent.

2. Husband shall not give Wife practical gifts such as an iron, a dish washer, or a vacuum cleaner… unless husband plans to use them. … (My Mad Gift Giving Guide is continued here.)

More Linky Love

Tuesday, December 5th, 2006

For more reading pleasure:
* It’s Official: Network Declares Civil War In Iraq … Study Group
* Carnival of the Decline of Democracy
* Tax Carnival 7

Where’s The Beef?

Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
Where’s The Beef?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A butcher once had quite a beef.
His grievance? A meat-stealing thief,
A man who, when caught,
Claimed the beef had been bought.
‘Twas a story that beggared belief.

Linky Love

Tuesday, December 5th, 2006

For your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of the Liberals