Mad Gift Giving Guide

Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing.

And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn’t buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it’s on sale.

But there is a cure for the holiday gift blues. Just substitute this agreement for those subtle hints — the ones that are always either missed or misconstrued. Then kiss that Returns Counter good-bye. This year’s gifts are for keeps.

AGREEMENT entered into this ___________ (Date) by Husband and Wife, hereafter called “Couple.”

WHEREAS, Couple often argues over ill-chosen gifts; and

WHEREAS, a gift giving agreement may save Couple’s marriage and/or reduce return trips to the mall.

NOW, THEREFORE, Couple hereby agrees to these provisions:

GIFTS FOR WIFE:

1. Self-serving gifts shall be avoided. For example, Husband shall not buy Wife the following:
a. Chocolate when Wife is on a diet.
b. Tight clothing meant to encourage Wife to diet.
c. Anything transparent.

2. Husband shall not give Wife practical gifts such as an iron, a dish washer, or a vacuum cleaner… unless husband plans to use them. … (My Mad Gift Giving Guide is continued here.)

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8 Responses to “Mad Gift Giving Guide”

  1. bobbarama says:

    OK, felony violator here. (smile) Hysterical. How in the world do you keep coming up with this stuff?!! Enjoying your blog quite a bit.

  2. madkane says:

    Thanks, Bob — with great difficulty. I’m enjoying your blog as well. Congrats once again on your spanking new Carnival of Humor!

  3. Bonnie says:

    This was just what I needed to read before the husband and I exchange wish lists! THANK YOU!!

  4. Stephanie says:

    Too funny. I do like practical gifts, but only the ones I ask for. :) Don’t give me a hint by buying me an iron! It is always nice to recieve something personal with the practical too though!

  5. madkane says:

    Thanks, Stephanie!

  6. Andy says:

    I got a kick out of this. But then, I’m a guy who watched his dad buy his mom a table saw for Christmas while she bought him kitchen appliances . . .

  7. [...] Speaking of getting stuffed… Madeleine Kane at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog has whipped up another helpful marital agreement, this time concerning the exchange of gifts that don’t suck. [...]

  8. [...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Mad Gift Giving Guide posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]