Mad Gift Giving Guide
Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing.
And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn’t buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it’s on sale.
But there is a cure for the holiday gift blues. Just substitute this agreement for those subtle hints — the ones that are always either missed or misconstrued. Then kiss that Returns Counter good-bye. This year’s gifts are for keeps.
AGREEMENT entered into this ___________ (Date) by Husband and Wife, hereafter called “Couple.”
WHEREAS, Couple often argues over ill-chosen gifts; and
WHEREAS, a gift giving agreement may save Couple’s marriage and/or reduce return trips to the mall.
NOW, THEREFORE, Couple hereby agrees to these provisions:
GIFTS FOR WIFE:
1. Self-serving gifts shall be avoided. For example, Husband shall not buy Wife the following:
a. Chocolate when Wife is on a diet.
b. Tight clothing meant to encourage Wife to diet.
c. Anything transparent.
2. Husband shall not give Wife practical gifts such as an iron, a dish washer, or a vacuum cleaner… unless husband plans to use them. … (My Mad Gift Giving Guide is continued here.)
Tags: Christmas Gift Humor, Funny Contracts, Gift Giving, Holiday Fun, Holiday Gifts, Husband Wife Humor
OK, felony violator here. (smile) Hysterical. How in the world do you keep coming up with this stuff?!! Enjoying your blog quite a bit.
Thanks, Bob — with great difficulty. I’m enjoying your blog as well. Congrats once again on your spanking new Carnival of Humor!
This was just what I needed to read before the husband and I exchange wish lists! THANK YOU!!
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane shares her Mad Gift Giving Guide posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. What a list! I might add that neither spouse will purchase a breathing gift without the other’s consent… what would you add? [...]
Too funny. I do like practical gifts, but only the ones I ask for. :) Don’t give me a hint by buying me an iron! It is always nice to recieve something personal with the practical too though!
Thanks, Stephanie!
I got a kick out of this. But then, I’m a guy who watched his dad buy his mom a table saw for Christmas while she bought him kitchen appliances . . .
[...] Speaking of getting stuffed… Madeleine Kane at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog has whipped up another helpful marital agreement, this time concerning the exchange of gifts that don’t suck. [...]
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Mad Gift Giving Guide posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
Carnival of Shopping #7…
At the risk of spurring an SEC investigation, I always back-date my New Year’s resolutions, so as we begin 2007, I’m happy to announce that I have acheived my 2006 goals of not losing any weight, not riding a bike……