Archive for December, 2009

Vintage Wisdom

Sunday, December 27th, 2009

Are you a Winus Ignoramus? Do wine connoisseurs make you feel insecure? I once felt the same way … until I discovered that NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING, especially when mouthing off about wine.

It’s shocking but true — most wine aficionados are faking it. Sure they toss around savvy sounding terms like oak, bouquet, finish, and jujubes. But trust me — they simply memorized a few words which they lob randomly, confident that they won’t be challenged. Why? Because they’re surrounded by fellow fakers.

You don’t believe me? Okay, here’s the proof. Several years ago some friends invited hubby Mark and me to a blind wine tasting party. These friends, who I sure hope won’t be reading this, were planning their wedding and wanted to find some great, but affordable wine.

The husband-to-be, who fancied himself a wine expert, had spent thousands of hours studying The Wine Spectator in his quality wine bargain quest, while the bride did what most brides do — everything else.

When we arrived for the tasting, we learned that the groom had narrowed his choice down to eight reds and eight whites, each touted as an “excellent buy” and each hovering at the high end of their wedding budget. Our job as two of a dozen guests was to taste and rank each wine “blind.” Then, through some elaborate coding process (I’m pretty sure the CIA was involved) our host would determine the identity of our favorites.

Being a dedicated Winus Ignoramus, I was embarrassed to be included in this group of wine savvy visitors. But I gamely participated, munching on dry crackers between each taste to cleanse my palate. And trying to follow the Wine Snobus Elitus-speak that kept buzzing around the room. “An amusing white.” “A charming red with just a hint of sassafras.” “A disappointing nose.” “Alluring eyes …” No wait, wrong party.

While everyone else sniffed corks and muttered pretentiously, I concentrated on trying to discern red from white. Finally, when each wine had been sipped and ranked, I sighed with relief … until I found out we had to repeat the tasting to double check the results.

The second round was finally over, and everyone anxiously awaited the verdict. Which red had prevailed? Which white had won?

And then a funny thing happened. (Well, funny to me.) With but one exception, everyone had been inconsistent in his preferences. Each person’s Wine List 1 was dramatically different from his Wine List 2. Everyone’s lists …. but mine.

I tried not to gloat. Okay, that’s a lie. A well-rounded tablespoon of gloating and a dash of strutting seemed about right. With just a soupçon of sass … afras.

So that’s when I learned that NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING … especially when it comes to wine. Which is why I’m no longer intimidated by leather-bound wine lists and patrons who pretend to understand them. I even feel free to make reservations in fancy restaurants … without reservation.

And on the appointed evening I stride in, my head and nose held high. Once seated, I give the wine list just a cursory glance. Who needs a list when you know your stuff?

“Le Boeuf Tartare, my dear sir,” I say, “and your finest applejack on the rocks.”

Just kidding — wine connoisseurs only drink applejack with fish.

Two Nights of Big Apple Fun

Friday, December 25th, 2009

If you’ve ever fantasized about a career in the theater, you owe it to yourself to see playwright Theresa Rebeck’s The Understudy on Broadway. Actually, anybody who needs or wants a good laugh should see it. Hubby Mark and I caught it Wednesday night and loved its uproarious depiction of the theater world’s underbelly.

This Roundabout Theatre production is playing through January 17, 2010 at the Laura Pels Theatre. (It’s a limited engagement because the theater is booked after that date, and rumor has it that its great Broadway cast may be taking it on the road.)

Speaking of the cast, Justin Kirk (of Weeds fame) plays the title role. And while I really like him in Weeds, I had no idea what a wonderful comedic actor he is until I saw him in The Understudy.

Mark and I were already huge fans of co-star Julie White, who plays the stage manager. (We’d seen her in The Little Dog Laughed, for which she won well-deserved Tony and Obie Awards.)

Last, but certainly not least, is co-star Mark-Paul Gosselaar, well known to fans of Raising The Bar, NYPD Blue, and Saved By The Bell.

We’d planned to eat dinner after the show at our favorite Mexican restaurant, Tolache, which I wrote about in my Happy Birthday To Me post. But it was so damn cold out, that the thought of walking even a few measly blocks just wasn’t … well … appetizing. So we decided to give the restaurant next door a try.

Turns out it was a terrific decision. Indian food’s my favorite cuisine and the large and lovely Utsav is Indian food at its finest. Best of all, when you ask for extra spicy, you actually get extra spicy.

Okay, that was last night. But I never got a chance to post about our visit last weekend to the Comix Comedy Club. (New York City has lots of clubs featuring standup comedy, but Comix is quickly becoming a favorite.)

The reason for our latest Comix visit was headliner Kevin Pollak. After decades of seeing his comedy and impersonations on TV shows like The Tonight Show, we were eager to see him live. Wow! He was hilarious, and his impersonations of George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, William Shatner, Robert De Niro, and Christopher Walken were letter perfect.

The two warm-up acts, comedians Steve Patterson and Jon Fisch, were also good, especially Canadian Steve Patterson, whose dry delivery and idiosyncratic point of view were refreshingly funny.

After the show we had drinks at nearby Scarpetta, an Italian restaurant housed in a Greek revival townhouse. Its bar is lively and comfortable, and we would have tried its well-reviewed food, had we not already eaten burgers at Comix. Next time!

(Note to the FTC, which recently passed some annoying blogger regulations: I was neither paid nor comped for these reviews. Trust me, we spent way too much money on both nights.)

Ode To The Weatherman

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

A huge snow storm (perhaps even a blizzard) is about to descend on New York City and has already hit much of the east coast. And that means it’s the weatherman’s time in the sun:

Ode To The Weatherman (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The weatherman’s acting excited:
New York City’s about to be smited
With a snow storm real big,
Which I really don’t dig.
And just why must he look so delighted?

(Note: Yes, I know that the past tense of smite is smote. Artistic license, okay?)

UPDATE: I’ve just learned that today (February 5th) is National Weatherperson’s Day, observed on the birthday of John Jeffries.