MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

Something tells me that writing this post amounts to begging for more spam. If so, I’ll just have to post some extra spam haiku.

But getting back to today’s joker of a topic, last year, when my husband Mark and I vacationed in Las Vegas, Mark gambled away twenty bucks — tops, and I didn’t gamble at all.  Okay, I did get on a plane, but other than that…  

And that brings me to today’s limerick:

Me Gamble? No Dice!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You should never play cards on a lark
With a Vegas-style card-wielding shark.
Whether blackjack or poker,
Don’t deal with a joker
And gamble at being a mark.

Technorati Tags: Gambling Verse, Gaming Poem, Last Vegas, Blackjack, Poker, Card Humor, Card Sharks, Weekend Wordsmith

This week’s 3 Word Wednesday words are Care, Unexpected, and Weekend. Somehow they eventually managed to fit inside a limerick:

Possibly Good, Albeit Annoying Advice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ev’ry weekend take time to forget
All your worries and cares and your debt.
Please don’t aim for perfected.
Embrace unexpected.
Try yoga. Play Set. Buy a pet.

Technorati Tags: Advice Humor, Anxiety Humor

Toying With Kites (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The sight of a kite in the sky
Is delightful and lovely, so why
Is it quite impolite
To say, “Go fly a kite!”
This idiom just doesn’t fly.

(You’ll find more kite poetry and prose here. And you can find more of my outdoor sports humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Kite Flying, Idiom Humor, Outdoors Verse, Sports Limerick

These two horse-related poems were loosely inspired by this week’s Totally Optional Prompt:

First, a limerick:

A Horse of A Different Color
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are folks who succumb to a weakness
For races like Belmont and Preakness.
But there’s only one horse
Race I’ll bet on—the course
To the White House—a sign of my geekness?

And now, a haiku about New York City:

Trumpeting cars horns.
Clip-clopping carriage horses.
Central Park Sunday.

(You can find more of my horse humor here.)

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And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Feminism At Its Finest
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival Of Satire
* Blog Carnival of Observations On Life
* All Women Blogging Carnival
* Anything Goes Blog Carnival

Technorati Tags: Horse Humor, Central Park, New York, Horse Racing, Triple Crown, Belmont Stakes, Preakness Stakes, Political Horse Race

Here’s an oddball byproduct of global warming: New York State Park officials reopened Long Island beaches for swimming this Columbus Day weekend because of unseasonably warm temperatures.

For the first time in more than three decades, beaches on Long Island will be open for swimming in October.

It’s because of this unseasonably warm weather. The average high in October is 64 degrees. Friday’s high was 86!

So you could swim as if it were July, celebrate Columbus Day, and shop for Halloween decorations all on the same afternoon.

And speaking of Halloween, it seems that adults have stolen it from their kids.

One sign of just how much Halloween has changed and can change is the relatively rapid development of it from a children’s holiday into a largely adult holiday. Adults are spending more and more on Halloween costumes, favors, and parties. Children’s celebrations have been curtailed and eclipsed. …

And that cries out for a limerick:

Hijacking Halloween
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The holiday called Halloween
Has been hijacked by grownups. How mean!
In their masks, adults stroll,
Looking scary or droll—
Some in garb that would best suit a teen.

(You can find more of my holiday humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Halloween Humor, Long Island, New York Beaches, Columbus Day, Swimming, Holiday Weekend

Chick Flick Flack
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a film’s called a chick flick, it’s meant
To appeal to most women. How bent!
I’m a gal through and through,
But those flicks make me boo,
While my husband applauds. What a gent!

(You can find more of my marriage humor here and my feminist humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Husband Wife Humor, Feminism Humor, Flick Film & Movies, Chick Flicks

Reviewing The Reviewers
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I just saw a play I abhorred
That reviewers quite simply adored.
‘Twas pretentious, third-rate,
But the dailies raved, “Great!”
Could it be that they like being bored?

Has this sort of thing ever happened to you? Please rate your experience with reviews by taking this poll:

(You can catch up with my previous polls here.)

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* There’s still time to preorder Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police, the “hilarious excursion through the mind of Rob Kroese, aka ‘Diesel,’ the twisted mastermind behind the humor website MattressPolice.com.” 
* Carnival of Satire
* Hillary’s Breasts Invited To GOP’s CNN/BOOBTUBE Debate
* Blog Carnival On Observations On Life
* Carnival of Family Life
* Blawg Review 119
* Carnival of Craziness
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Blawg Review 118 

Technorati Tags: Plays, Reviews, Newspaper Reviewers, Play Humor, Theater Humor, Bad Productions

I love animals, so I can understand why pet owners sometimes get a bit carried away.  But this takes the kibble:

Yoga for What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There is yoga for doggies, I swear—
Caught a canine-filled class on the air;
Watched the owners and pets
Stretch and pose in their sweats—
Cosmic moolah they must have to spare.

Technorati Tags: Canine Humor, Dog Humor, Dog Yoga, Canine Yoga, Pet Owners, Dog Owners, Wealthy Dog Owners

My husband Mark and I were never meant to own a motor boat. Why not? Any couple who can’t figure out how to open their car hood, should probably stick to something propelled by oars. And we surely would have done just that, had the prior owner of our weekend home not made it a package deal. If we wanted his irresistible house, we’d have to spring for his 120 horse power boat — perfect for anyone whose idea of relaxation is charging across a rocky three mile lake at the speed of screams.

OUR FIRST TIME OUT: My husband — a man who can build a wood stove fire in a flash, who whips up gourmet feasts in fifteen languages — couldn’t figure out how to unhook the boat’s cover. Refusing my help, he struggled for an hour. Victorious at last he hurled the cover off, in the process spilling gallons of water all over the boat.

By then I was ready to bail out. But Mark handed me a pail, and we spent the next 45 minutes heaving water overboard. Once all the water was safely under the boat, it was time to begin boating. I optimistically climbed onto our 16 footer, while my husband worked the knots from ashore. A former boy scout, he did this rather well. So well, that the boat (free at last) started to drift without him. ….   (Motor Boating Just Isn’t Our Speed continues here.)

Technorati Tags: Boating Humor, Motor Boating, Outdoor Activity Humor, Husband Wife Humor, Outdoor Fun, Water Activities, Outdoor Sports

As regular readers know, watching American Idol is one of my guilty pleasures.  But it sure wasn’t much of a pleasure last week, when mellifluous Melinda was sent packing and Blake wasn’t:

Yet Another American Idol Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Melinda was beat out by Blake?
Now that’s what I call a mistake!
He’s all shtick and no voice.
What a terrible choice!
I suspect that his fans ain’t awake. 

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And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* StoryBlogging Carnival
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Blog Carnival On Observations On Life
* Worldwide Opinions
* Carnival of Modern Sage

Technorati Tags: TV Humor, Television Humor, American Idol, Blake and Melinda, Music Satire, Singing Humor, Singers, Vocals, Vocalists, Fox TV Humor

As just about everyone knows, 24 is a popular, award-winning Fox television series about a federal counter-terrorism unit (CTU) in Los Angeles. It stars Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer, on whom everyone perpetually counts.  

I was surprised to read that the “devotees of 24  [are] struggling to keep the faith” because hubby Mark and I are big fans:

More 24, Please (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m hooked on the show 24.
Those CTU plots I adore.
And I’m counting on Jack
To defuse each attack
And survive at least one season more.

Technorati Tags: 24 Humor, Fox Television Humor, Television Limerick, TV Humor, Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer, CTU, Counter-Terrorism TV Show

I live in New York City, so my husband Mark and I often catch great musical acts, plays, art shows, and other entertainment and cultural diversions in the Big Apple.

Why don’t I write about our New York fun?  I keep meaning to, but quickly forget to. Blame ADD, a bad memory, or just being a wee bit disorganized.

Anyway, I’ve decided to launch a new posting category — Night On The Town — in which I’ll write more regularly about our Manhattan adventures … in theory, anyway.

And what better way to start, than with the wonderful Judy Carmichael!  We caught her stride piano act Friday night at the Knickerbocker Bar and Grill, and she was excellent, as always. Mark and I own every one of her recordings!

For those who don’t know what stride piano is, it’s a musical style that originated in Harlem early in the 20th century.  And nobody does it better than Judy Carmichael.  In fact I love her playing so much, I’ve written her a limerick:

Ode To Judy Carmichael (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Judy Carmichael’s known for her stride.
She’s a pianist of note far and wide—
A female Fats Waller.
You’ll whoop and you’ll holler
With joy at her musical ride.

Technorati Tags: Judy Carmichael, Jazz Pianist, Stride Piano, Fats Waller, New York City, Big Apple, Musical Acts, Plays, Art Shows, Entertainment, Knickerbockers Bar and Grill

American Idol — My Guilty Pleasure
By Madeleine Begun Kane

American Idol’s a show
I enjoy. Why? I really don’t know:
Awful singing, odd judging,
And, maybe, vote fudging.
I’m missing it now. Gotta go!

Technorati Tags: TV Humor, Television Humor, American Idol, Music Satire, Singing Humor, Singers, Vocalists, Vocals Humor, Judging Humor, Vote Fudging, Fox TV Humor

Give Me A Break!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The play was quite talky and lacked
Something crucial. It had but one act.
What was missing, you say?
Not one break in that play!
While they blathered, my bladder was racked.

Technorati Tags: Theater Humor, Theatre Humor, Bathroom Breaks, Bladder, Play Reviews, Intermission, Ladies Room, Women’s Room, Entertainment Satire, Health Satire

It’s Not That I Don’t Like Movies, But…
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I prefer to catch movies at home,
Not in theaters where tall fellows roam.
There they prowl, on the hunt
For the seat right in front,
To bestow a great view of their dome. 

Technorati Tags: Movie Humor, Film Humor, Theater Humor, Theatre Humor, Movies, Height Humor, Short, Petite, Height Challenged, Physical Appearance Humor

Sibling Trickster
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Pick a card,” was a phrase I would hear
As a child, from my brother, all year.
He did card tricks—his hobby.
I’d answer, quite snobby:
“Magician, please go. Disappear!”

Technorati Tags: Brother Humor, Sibling Humor, Relatives, Family Satire, Sibling Rivalry, Magic, Magician, Card Tricks, Hobby Humor, Hobbies, Entertainment

The last time I went bowling, I aimed my ball so badly, it went flying diagonally and landed in a neighboring lane. (On the other hand, I’m not half-bad at Wii-Bowling.)

I’m Not Bowled Over By Bowling
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Don’t ask me to bowl. I’m the worst.
When I try to, I’m bound to be cursed.
Other bowlers complain:
“You must aim for your lane!”
No more bowling, unless I’m coerced.  

Technorati Tags: Bowling Humor, Sports Humor, Wii, Virtual Sports, Virtual Games

Surmounting Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Before agreeing to marry my husband Mark, I asked him the usual questions:

1. Do you know what a hamper is and have you ever actually used one?
2. Do you spend weekends sprawled in front of a sports-spewing screen, devouring couch potato chips?
3. Are your parents likely to drive me to drink?

Mark told the appropriate fibs, I pretended to believe him, and several months later we wed. But soon after the wedding, I realized I’d forgotten to ask the most important question of all: When you see a mountain, do you get an irresistible urge to do something stupid?  (Surmounting Marriage is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Mountain Climbing, Outdoor Humor, Husband Wife Relationship Humor, Marriage Satire,

Why I Rarely Go To Parties
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The minute I walked in the door,
I was trapped by a talkative bore.
Though he thought he was deep,
I was soon deep asleep.
They should bottle this guy. What a snore!

Technorati Tags: Party Humor, Boring People, Insomnia, Sleep Humor, Socializing Humor

Amusing Wine?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When experts say wine is amusing,
It’s a compliment. Ain’t that confusing?
Why laugh at a wine
If you think that it’s fine?
Methinks they do far too much boozing.

(My food and drink humor is collected here.) 

Technorati Tags: Wine Experts, Wine Humor, Amusing Wine, Drinking Humor, Liquor Humor