MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

The last time I went bowling, I aimed my ball so badly, it went flying diagonally and landed in a neighboring lane. (On the other hand, I’m not half-bad at Wii-Bowling.)

I’m Not Bowled Over By Bowling
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Don’t ask me to bowl. I’m the worst.
When I try to, I’m bound to be cursed.
Other bowlers complain:
“You must aim for your lane!”
No more bowling, unless I’m coerced.  

Technorati Tags: Bowling Humor, Sports Humor, Wii, Virtual Sports, Virtual Games

Man Can’t Live By Bread Alone … Or Can He?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s some bread for some bread at the store.
Bring back change or you’re toast, cause we’re poor.
Get me wheat bread or white,
And I’ll toast it quite light.
But this dough ain’t for anything more.

Technorati Tags: Money Satire, Bread, Food Satire, Shopping, Wordplay Humor

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of Satire
* Dems ‘Embrace’ Brits’ Pullout, Seek To Revoke Declaration Of Independence
* Brilliant! (James Blunt’s Songwriting Journal)
* Carnival of the Vanities
* Carnival of Family Life
* Lewis Black on Bigotry (courtesy of OneGoodMove)

Technorati Tags: Blog Publicity, Linky Love, Weblog Publicity, Blog Promotion

Backup Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane

They told me to back up my drive,
Which has crashed—it’s no longer alive.
Had I heeded their warning,
I wouldn’t be mourning
My data, which didn’t survive. 

Technorati Tags: Computers, Technology, Backups, Lost Data, Hard Drive, Crashes, Technology Satire, Computer Satire, Business Satire, Money Satire

Antique Antics
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Is this lampshade antique or just old?
They tell me it’s rare. I’m not sold.
But I had it appraised
And was rather amazed:
It’s worth thousands, though covered in mold.

Technorati Tags: Antiques Humor, Appraisals, Mold, Shopping Fun, Money Satire

Deal? Or No Deal!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You lied in your last deposition,
Further weak’ning your flimsy position.
I’ve been fleeced, I can see—
It’s apparent to me.
So an out-of-court deal ain’t my mission.

Technorati Tags: Lies, Law Satire, Legal Satire, Lawyer Humor, Court Humor, Litigation Humor, Out-Of-Court Settlements, Depositions

Here’s another limerick about our recent New York snow and ice storm: 

The Up Side Of Winter
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Outside our abode, it ain’t nice;
There’s snow on the ground and there’s ice.
But I’m snug in my house—
Just me and my spouse
And our mouse. Leave this haven? No dice! 

Technorati Tags: Weather Humor, Snow, Ice, Storm, Winter, House, Home, Seasons, Marriage

My latest limerick was inspired by this week’s New York weather: 

Wintry Woes
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In winter, a job I’d not pick
Is wielding an ice pick, when sick.
I abhor it, when well
And, when ill, well, it’s hell.
Oh my heavens, the hail’s coming quick! 

Technorati Tags: Weather Humor, Winter, Hail, Ice, Snow, Ice Picks, Tools, Chores, Illness

Surmounting Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Before agreeing to marry my husband Mark, I asked him the usual questions:

1. Do you know what a hamper is and have you ever actually used one?
2. Do you spend weekends sprawled in front of a sports-spewing screen, devouring couch potato chips?
3. Are your parents likely to drive me to drink?

Mark told the appropriate fibs, I pretended to believe him, and several months later we wed. But soon after the wedding, I realized I’d forgotten to ask the most important question of all: When you see a mountain, do you get an irresistible urge to do something stupid?  (Surmounting Marriage is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Mountain Climbing, Outdoor Humor, Husband Wife Relationship Humor, Marriage Satire,

Those &^%$#$% Auditions!!!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If a symphony job is your mission,
You’d better learn how to audition.
Those try-outs are trying.
Remember, no crying!
Can’t hack it? Become a physician.

Technorati Tags: Classical Music, Music Satire, Orchestra Musicians, Symphony Orchestras, Symphonic Music, Instrumentalists, Auditions Humor

Why I Rarely Go To Parties
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The minute I walked in the door,
I was trapped by a talkative bore.
Though he thought he was deep,
I was soon deep asleep.
They should bottle this guy. What a snore!

Technorati Tags: Party Humor, Boring People, Insomnia, Sleep Humor, Socializing Humor

Litigation Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“You don’t care about others. You’re callous,”
Said the plaintiff, with undisguised malice.
“Well, you haven’t been sweet,”
He replied in a beat,
“Since the night that we wed, my dear Alice.”

Technorati Tags: Litigation Humor, Wedded Bliss, Divorce Humor, Plaintiff, Defendant

Some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Obama Announces For President… In Hit Show ‘24′
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Vanities
* Carnival of Family Life
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Ringing of the Bards
* Best of Me Symphony

Technorati Tags: Blog Publicity, Linky Love, Weblog Publicity, Blog Promotion

A Valiant Guy’s Guide To Valentine’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

Attention guys — it’s time to get ready for Valentine’s Day. After all, you don’t want a repeat of last year, do you? I didn’t think so.

For most men, the very mention of Valentine’s Day conjures up memories of a last minute, fruitless shopping expedition followed by a quarrel with their girlfriend or wife. Women, on the other hand, tend to think romantic thoughts: champagne, dining by candlelight, strolling violinists, and an after-dinner brandy in front of a roaring fireplace. This scenario exists only in their fantasies, mind you. After all, they are dating or married to you.  … (A Valiant Guy’s Guide To Valentine’s Day is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Valentine Day’s Humor, Holiday Fun, Relationship Satire, Battle of the Sexes, Men and Women, Gift Humor, Romance Humor

Edu-Gaffe
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Being accurate’s highly essential.
This is math, not some course existential.”
We enjoyed a brief laugh
At the lecturer’s gaffe,
For our subject was jurisprudential. 

Technorati Tags: Education Satire, Math Humor, Law Humor, Lecturers, Existential, Philosophy Humor, Gaffe, Jurisprudence Humor

Some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of Humor 3
* Carnival of Family Life
* Carnival of the Mundane
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival of Satire

Technorati Tags: Blog Carnivals, Blog Publicity, Linky Love, Self-Promotion, Weblog Publicity, Weblog Promotion

Open Sesame
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Why on earth are CDs packed so tight?
You can’t hear them without a huge fight.
When you buy a CD
Then your plight is to free
That damn disc. It might take you all night.

Technorati Tags: CDs, Recordings, Music, Records, CD Cases, Discs, Money, Shopping

Deep Pockets/Pricey Dockets
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you’re broke, it ain’t smart to defame
An affluent fellow’s good name.
With his pockets so deep,
Your defense won’t be cheap.
No, the law ain’t a poor person’s game.

(My legal humor is collected here.)

Technorati Tags: Lawyer Humor, Attorney Humor, Law Humor, Legal Humor, Defamation Humor, Libel Humor, Slander Humor, Litigation Humor, Money Humor

A Biting Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Ow! My tooth aches,” a man told the nurse,
Whose answer was biting and terse:
“The Doc’s in a tizzy.
His schedule’s too busy.
Take asp’rin. Come back when it’s worse.”

(My Dental Deal, a funny dentist/patient contract, is here.) 

Technorati Tags: Health Humor, Dental Humor, Dentistry,   Medical Humor, Pain, Teeth

Practice, Practice, Practice
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The teacher called out from his car:
“Ma’am, your daughter’s a driver’s ed star.
Her steering’s quite deft,
She knows right turns from left,
And, with practice, she’s bound to go far.”

(My car humor is collected here.) 

Technorati Tags: Cars, Automobile Humor, School Humor, Education Humor, Teachers, Drivers Ed