MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

This space has been quiet of late.
But it’s not that my readers don’t rate.
I’ve broken my wrist,
And my brain’s in a twist
From pain killers. Writing must wait.

Technorati Tags: Pain Killers, Broken Wrist, Brain Humor, Health Limerick, Injury Verse. Accident Poem

Before I get to today’s limerick and haiku theme, I want to thank you for the many kind comments and emails concerning my father’s death.  I was very touched by your thoughtfulness. 

My latest limerick and haiku prompt topic is absent-mindedness and memory. First, my limerick:

“Please help me! I really need aid,”
Said a lady who looked quite afraid.
“Seems I can’t find my purse,
And, perhaps, even worse
It appears that my maid’s been mislaid.”

And now, my haiku:

Memorized data—
Still there, but hard to access.
Mulltiple choice brain.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about absent-mindedness and/or memory. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. (Due to my late posting, this prompt will be open through February 14th.)

If you want to keep up to date with my poetry prompts, you can subscribe to either my entire blog feed or just to my limerick and haiku prompt topic feed.

Technorati Tags: Absent-mindedness Humor,  Memory, Losing Things Limerick, Behavior Humor, Personality Humor, Brain

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is decisions and indecision.  First, my limerick:

If there’s one thing I cannot abide,
It is people who cannot decide
What to eat, where to go,
Hot or cold, fast or slow.
Do you think I should take it in stride?

And now, my haiku:

Postponing decisions
Eliminates your options:
Fate accompli.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about decisions or indecision. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

NOTE: Thanks to the few of you who have been joining in on the limerick and haiku prompt fun. But I’m beginning to wonder if it makes sense to continue these prompts, with so few people participating.

I’m not sure what the problem is. Lack of publicity? The themes? The difficulty in writing limericks? If anyone has any suggestions as to how to widen the appeal of these prompts, I’d appreciate your posting them in the comments section. Thanks!

UPDATE: Although I usually post prompts every Friday, my current prompt will remain open until February 1st because I’ll be traveling.

If you want to keep up to date with my poetry prompts, you can subscribe to either my entire blog feed or just to my limerick and haiku prompt topic feed.

Technorati Tags: Decision Humor, Indecisiveness Limerick, Personality Satire, Behavior Haiku

This week’s 3 Word Wednesday words are Care, Unexpected, and Weekend. Somehow they eventually managed to fit inside a limerick:

Possibly Good, Albeit Annoying Advice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ev’ry weekend take time to forget
All your worries and cares and your debt.
Please don’t aim for perfected.
Embrace unexpected.
Try yoga. Play Set. Buy a pet.

Technorati Tags: Advice Humor, Anxiety Humor

I love a good challenge, and Tricia at Miss Rumphius has provided a tough one: Write a poem that begins with one of five preexisting lines. I’ve written both a limerick and a four-liner, altering the limerick’s first line a bit so it conforms to limerick rhythm rules.

Here’s my limerick:

Time Travel
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Please stop all the clocks.  Cut the phone.
Pull the plug on each ‘puter you own.
Ain’t the silence sublime
As you go back in time?
With your thoughts you’re at last all alone.

And here’s my four-liner:

I wandered lonely as a cloud,
While wondering why I felt so cowed
By life, while others lived unbowed.
Must be  like them, I vowed, aloud.

Technorati Tags: Time Travel, Technology Limerick, Mind & Spirit

I dedicate this to everyone’s who’s ever been driven mad by a website or blog outage:

Web Withdrawal Woes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This outage has led me to think
I’ve gone bonkers, berserk—need a shrink.
I keep checking the site.
It’s still down—what a plight!
Web withdrawal may drive me to drink.

Technorati Tags: Net Humor, Web Humor, Site Outage Poem, Web Withdrawal, Techie Humor, Addiction Humor, Web Addict, Net Addict, Technology Verse, Computers, Psychology Humor, Internet Limerick

I’ve been out of school for far longer than I care to admit.  But I still have nightmares that go something like this:

School Daze (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I crammed for the test—studied madly.
But, alas, I’m afraid I did badly
Cause I choke under stress.
I go blank. I’m a mess!
Take a do-over test? Yes, please. Gladly!

Technorati Tags: Education Humor, School Humor, Tests, Exams, Examinations, Stress Humor, Anxiety Humor, Blank Memory, Mind Freeze

Do you work with anybody like this?  I sure hope not!

Bandwidth Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I’ve no bandwidth for that,” some folks say.
It’s their style of responding, “No way!
I’ve no time. I am beat.
I have deadlines to meet.
I’m maxed out. I can’t help you. Okay?”

=========

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Blog Carnival on Observations on Life
* Carnival of Family Life

Technorati Tags: Stress Humor, Workplace Tension, Pressure, Anxiety Humor, Bandwidth, Deadlines, Time Pressure, Maxed Out

For some reason, I almost forgot to post this: 

ADD Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Hey, doc, have I got ADD?
My attention span’s short as can be.”
“Take this test, and we’ll know
If you have it, although…”
“If I’ve what?” “ADD, sir.” You see? 

Technorati Tags: ADD Humor, Attention Deficit Humor, Health Satire, Attention Span Humor, Doctors Humor, Medical Humor, Mental Health Satire

Is It Spring Yet?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We are having a foul-weather bout—
Lots of snow, sleet, and hail—not a drought.
Cabin fever has struck,
And my husband feels stuck,
Trapped indoors, starved for sun—must go out. 

Technorati Tags: Cabin Fever, Weather Humor, Snow, Sleet, Hail, Husband Humor, Marriage, Indoors, Outdoors, Sun

Is Mental Health Overrated?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a drunken, loud fellow
Who ordered his drinks with a bellow.
Then they put him on meds.
Now he’s placid, instead,
And quite boring, since turning so mellow.

Technorati Tags: Mental Health Humor, Personality Humor, Medication Humor, Personality

Becoming an insomniac isn’t as easy as it might appear. But with the help of these guidelines, dark circles and a cranky disposition will soon be yours.

1. Be born into a family of worriers. (Certain ethnic groups have the advantage here, but won’t be identified for obvious reasons.)

2. During your infancy, become accustomed to dozing in serene silence, a state you will never encounter as an adult.

3. Have parents so desperate for peace and quiet, that they routinely send you to bed hours before you feel even a hint of fatigue. This will allow you to develop helpful habits like gazing at the ceiling, counting sheep, and plotting revenge.

4. Cultivate your neuroses. A dedicated would-be insomniac will work on this throughout the day. But if time is limited, performing any of these activities right before bedtime should do the trick: … (How To Become An Insomniac is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Insomnia Humor, Health Satire, Humorous How-To, Funny Self-Help

Unless you live on another planet, there are never enough hours in the day. But if you use these efficiency techniques, you can win that battle with time:

1. Always do at least two things at once. While showering, write a screenplay. While sorting laundry, invent a handy appliance for the home. While chatting on the phone with a dull acquaintance, take a nap.

2. Consolidate self-improvement routines. Exercise to learn-a-language tapes while watching watercolor videos. Not only will you save time, but you’ll have thin thighs for that trip to Le Musée du Louvre.

3. Buy a speaker-phone for your kitchen. You’ll be able to cook, vacuum, and knit dog-hair booties while you talk on the phone.

4. When you’re in the kitchen, post reminder notes on the fridge. (”It’s the laundry, stupid.”)

5. Group chores alphabetically. If you have to go to the pharmacy, combine your trip with errands beginning with the letter ‘P.’ …”  (Contending With Time is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Time Humor, Self-Help Satire, Household Chores, Time Management, Time Pressure, Multitasking, Self-Improvement, Efficiency Humor

“Stop The Chaos!” screeches the magazine cover. “Take Control Of Your Cluttered Life!” Periodicals are packed with chaos-avoidance techniques. But do they work? Let’s see.

1. Awaken early, inspired by self-help articles to finally organize your life. Grab paper scrap and jot down all urgent chores. Admire list, savor it, enhance it with scribbled notes. Spill coffee, rendering list illegible. Then, lest you be tempted to do something that might garner a check mark, file list under “T” for “To Do.” … (How To Disorganize Your Life is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Self-Help, Health Satire, Media, Magazines, Finances,  Humorous How-To

Are you stressed out? A quivering blob of nerves? Are your muscles lodged in a permanent clench? Here’s what not to do:

1. Lie down on the floor with your knees bent and pointed upward. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. Take another deep breath. Wonder if that smell is gas.

2. Concentrate on your breathing, on releasing that stale, toxic, virulent energy trapped inside you. Feel your body begin to relax. Sense the tension seeping out of your shoulders and toes, your life force beginning to renew. Jump up to check the stove.

3. Resume the position. Resume breathing. Become obsessed by cobwebs on the ceiling.

4. Decide to play a relaxation CD. Your choices are “healing harps,” ocean waves, and whales. Wonder which best suits your persona. Whales remind you of sharks. Decide to go with the harps.

5. Lie down a third time, notice ceiling, slam eyelids shut. Breathe deeply, welcoming the return of your vital juices. I.n.h.a.l.e…t.w.o…t.h.r.e.e…f.o.u.r…E.x.h.a.l.e…t.w.o…t.h.r.e.e…f.o.u.r. Savor the rise and fall of your abdomen. Focus on the harps which remind you of angels which remind you of heaven which reminds you of hell which reminds you that maybe you should listen to something else. … De-Stress Or Distress is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: New Age, Health Humor, Mental Health, Stress Humor, Relaxation Humor, Tension Humor,  How-To Humor, New Age Humor, Meditation Humor, Holistic Humor, Self-Help Humor, Aromatherapy Humor