Archive for the ‘Physical Appearance’ Category
Monday, April 7th, 2025
As the cop brought her in, the young lass
Acknowledged she’d done something crass:
“In hindsight,” she said,
When her rights had been read,
“I shouldn’t have bared my cute ass.”
Tags: Arrests, Bawdy Humor, Bawdy Limericks, Cop Humor, Cop Limerick, Naked Humor, Naked Limerick, Nudity Humor, Nudity Limerick
Posted in Bawdy Limericks, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Physical Appearance | 1 Comment »
Sunday, March 16th, 2025
My short height makes it hard to withstand
Heavy wind gusts. I’d rather not land
On the sidewalk face down.
Broken bones make me frown…
And I DON’T want more body parts scanned.
Tags: Accident Humor, Accident Limerick, Height Humor, Height Limerick, Walking Humor, Walking Limerick, Weather Humor, Weather Limerick, Wind Gusts, Wind Humor, Wind Limerick
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Outdoors Humor, Physical Appearance, Weather Humor | No Comments »
Saturday, March 15th, 2025
Can you help me get out of my jam?
I was eating some jelly and, damn,
It’s all over my dress
And I’m rather a mess,
So I need something STAT to look glam!
Tags: Appearance Humor, Appearance Limerick, Clothing Humor, Clothing Limerick, Dress Humor, Dress Limerick, Emergency Humor, Emergency Limerick, Food Humor, Food Limerick, Glamor Humor, Glamor Limerick, Jam Humor, Jam Limerick
Posted in Clothing Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Physical Appearance | No Comments »
Sunday, December 22nd, 2024
It is “National Short Person Day,”
So I can’t resist shouting “Hooray!”
On a good day, I’m just
Five foot zero, and lust
For more height. (But my ruler says “Nay!”)
Tags: December Holidays, Height Humor, Height Limerick, Odd Holidays, Short Person Day
Posted in Limericks, Odd Holidays, Physical Appearance | Comments Off on Limerick Ode To “National Short Person Day”
Friday, April 19th, 2024
I went gray at a premature age,
But embraced it and hoped to look sage.
For a lawyer sans penis
Back then? Mars v. Venus!
Young, female, and short — NOT the rage!
Tags: Appearance Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Bawdy Humor, Bawdy Limerick, Discrimination, Feminist Humor, Feminist Limerick, Hair Humor, Height Limerick, Law Humor, Law Limerick, Lawyer Humor, Lawyer Limerick, Personal Limerick, Sexism, Sexism Humor, Sexism Limerick
Posted in Aging Humor & Verse, Battle of the Sexes, Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Feminist Satire, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Personal, Physical Appearance, Workplace & Career Humor | Comments Off on A Hairy Tale (Limerick)
Saturday, March 16th, 2024
My endurance in gym class was poor.
I was slow, klutzy, small, and what’s more,
The mere sight of a ball
Made me duck. After all,
My two goals were “Break nothing! Don’t score!”
Tags: Athletics, Athletics Humor, Athletics Limerick, Ball Games, Behavior & Personality, Gym Humor, Gym Limerick, Klutzy Humor, Personal Humor, Personal Limerick, Physical Humor, School Humor, School Limerick, Sports Humor, Sports Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Education & School Humor, Gym Humor, Limericks, Personal, Physical Appearance, Sports Humor | Comments Off on My Unathletic Career (Limerick)
Saturday, March 9th, 2024
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SHOT or SHOTS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PICTURES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PICTURE-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
AMUSING, DOCTOR, NEUROTIC, POSTPONE, VANITY.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 7, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 6, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SHOT or SHOTS-Rhyme Limerick:
“That damn bartender’s AWOL,” said Scott
To his prep cook. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
“Though I’ve never mixed drinks,
I can do it, methinks,
So I gladly will give it a shot.”
And here’s my Picture-Themed Limerick:
“Gotta rush to the bookshop. I’m late!
I am meeting another blind date.
And that chick better look
Like her pic, or I’ll book
It, cuz boy, am I sick of pic-bait!”
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
An old woman who loved to complain,
Was neurotic and stubborn and vain.
When her doctor prescribed
Her a cane, the gal gibed:
“That will ruin my look. Where’s your brain?”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Alcohol Humor, Bartender Humor, Bartender Limerick, Battle of the Sexes, Beverage Humor, Blind Date Humor, Competition Limerick, Dating Humor, Dating Limerick, Deception Humor, Doctor Humor, Doctor Limerick, Health Humor, Health Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Vanity Humor, Vanity Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Dating Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Restaurant Reviews & Humor | 122 Comments »
Sunday, September 3rd, 2023
When I’m asked, “What’s your least fav invention?”
I waver: “Too many to mention!”
But when pressed, I select
The stiletto; feet wrecked
By the score just for leggy extension!
(National High Heels Day is celebrated on May 20.)
Tags: Feet Humor, Foot Humor, High Heels, Inventions, Shoes Humor, Shoes Limerick, Stilettos
Posted in Clothing Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Holiday Humor, Inventions Humor, Limericks, Physical Appearance | Comments Off on What Heel Invented Stilettos? (Limerick)
Monday, March 13th, 2023
An adventurous person? Hee-hee!
I’m a bit of a coward, you see.
So to physical risks,
I say “No!” All my discs
And my bones seem essential to me.
Tags: Accidents, Adventurers, Adventures Limerick, Bones Humor, Health, Health & Medical Humor, Health Limericks, Injury Humor, Injury Verse, Sports Humor, Sports Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Hobbies Humor, Limericks, Outdoors Humor, Personal, Physical Appearance, Sports Humor | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022
I was inspired to write both a limerick and a haiku when encountering the #weird prompt in Mastodon:
When weirdness prevails,
invading lives ev’ry day,
is weirdness still weird?
and
Dear hubby, you look rather weird;
Can’t get used to your black and white beard.
A chin that’s hair-free —
What sheer joy that would be!
So how ’bout it? Let’s get your face sheared!
Tags: Appearance Humor, Beard Humor, Beard Limerick, Facial Hair, Haiku & Senryu, Haiku Humor, Hair Humor, Hair Limerick, Husband Humor, Marriage Humor, Physical Appearance, Senryu, Senryu Humor, Weirdness
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Haiku & Senryu, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Physical Appearance, Weird News Snark | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, May 18th, 2022
A would-be attacker named Bill
Is disguised and in black, but lacks skill:
He trips on his way
To assaulting his prey.
Though inept he’s, at least, dressed to kill.
Tags: Clothing Humor, Clothing Limerick, Crime & Punishment Humor, Crime Limerick, Dress Humor, Dress Limerick, Idiom Humor, Idiom Limerick, Ineptness, Violence Humor, Violence Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Clothing Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Idiom Humor, Limericks, Physical Appearance | Comments Off on The Incompetent Felon (Limerick)
Sunday, March 27th, 2022
An old-fashioned barber (and knave)
While at work, tried his best to behave.
But alas, he went nuts;
Stabbed two customers’ guts…
And a third had a very close shave.
Tags: Barber Humor, Barber Limerick, Beard Humor, Beard Limerick, Close Shave, Crime & Punishment Humor, Crime Limerick, Hair Humor, Hair Limerick, Idiom Humor, Idiom Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Mental Health Humor, Physical Appearance | Comments Off on Barbaric Limerick
Saturday, February 5th, 2022
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WEAR or WHERE or WARE or BEWARE or AWARE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SHORTAGES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SHORTAGE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 20, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 19, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my WEAR or WHERE or WARE or BEWARE or AWARE-rhyme limerick, which happens to be an ACROSTIC Limerick:
Sometimes gals have a “je ne sais quoi.”
Their “look” is the flip-side of blah.
You’ll be tempted to stare.
Leering’s bad, though. Beware!
Eschew cheering. “Hurrah?” How bourgeois!
And here’s my SHORTAGE-themed limerick:
I went shopping for something to eat.
With chicken and fish they’re replete.
They have plenty of peas,
And all manner of cheese,
But they really should beef up their meat.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Appearance Humor, Behavior Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Shortages Humor, Shortages Limerick, Staring Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 220 Comments »
Wednesday, December 22nd, 2021
It’s a holiday season for ME.
No, not Christmas; I’m Jewish, you see.
If I must, I’ll embellish:
The day that I relish
Is “Short Person Day,” for I’m wee.
(Short Person Day falls on December 22.)
Tags: December Holidays, Height Humor, Height Limerick, Odd Holidays, Physical Appearance, Short Person Day
Posted in Limericks, Odd Holidays, Physical Appearance | 4 Comments »
Friday, December 17th, 2021
When I learn a new word like “jorts,” I feel compelled to use it in a limerick:
“Don’t you dare wear those frumpy old jorts,”
A gal to her husband exhorts.
“Making shorts out of jeans
Is a well-designed means
To induce me to take to the courts.”
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Clothing Humor, Clothing Limerick, Jeans Humor, Jorts Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Legal Limerick, Marriage Humor, Shorts Humor, Style Humor, Style Limerick
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Clothing Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Physical Appearance | Comments Off on Out Of Sorts About “Jorts” (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 15th, 2021
We were packed and all ready to jet
To a beachfront resort, when “Not yet,”
Said my wife. “I must go
Get my hair curled by Flo.”
Hours later: “Let’s leave. I’m all set.”
(For the record, I don’t have a wife. But I do have a procrastinating husband with no concept of time.)
Tags: Delays Humor, Delays Limerick, Hair Humor, Hair Limerick, Idiom Humor, Idiom Limerick, Time Humor, Time Limerick, Travel Humor, Travel Limerick, Vacation Humor, Vacation Limerick
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Holiday Humor, Idiom Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Physical Appearance, Procrastination Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Time Humor, Transportation Humor, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor, Wordplay | Comments Off on Exit Interruptus
Wednesday, December 8th, 2021
Oy! December 8 is “Bad Hair Day!”
“Bad Hair Day’s” today. It’s displeasin’
When your hair appears strangled by teasin’,
Or looks dry and yet oily;
Behaving disloyally!
I’m tempted to cite mine for treason.
Tags: Bad Hair Day, December Holidays, Hair Humor, Hair Limerick, Haircut Humor, Haircut Limerick, Odd Holidays
Posted in Actors & Actresses, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Physical Appearance | Comments Off on Limerick Ode To Bad Hair
Thursday, November 11th, 2021
A pissed patron returned to Pierre’s
And demanded free haircut repairs:
“Your stylist destroyed
My look. Fire Floyd!”
The reply? “Kindly stop splitting hairs.”
(Hairstylist Appreciation Day is April 25, and National Hair Day is October 1.)
Tags: April Holidays, Hair Humor, Hair Limerick, Haircut Humor, Haircut Limerick, Hairstyle Appreciation Day, Hairstylist Appreciation Day, Idiom Humor, Idiom Limerick, National Hair Day, October Holidays, Odd Holidays
Posted in Idiom Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Physical Appearance | Comments Off on Yet Another Hairy Limerick
Sunday, October 17th, 2021
As you can see, I’m embracing “Ass Day.” (October 17)
It’s “Ass Day,” so celebrate rears
And relinquish your booty-size fears;
I suspect your can’s span
Ain’t as wide as a van.
Get behind it and relish the cheers!
Tags: Ass Day, Asses, Booty Humor, Buttocks, Butts, Derrieres, National Ass Day, October Holidays, Odd Holidays, Physical Appearance, Rears
Posted in Limericks, Odd Holidays, Physical Appearance | 1 Comment »
Saturday, February 13th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MEAN or MIEN or DEMEAN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WEED(s), using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best -related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 28, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 27, 2021, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my Mean/Mien/Demean-rhyme limerick:
A man who had long gone to seed,
Once was hunky and handsome, indeed.
But no more; he is mean,
Vain, and even obscene,
And his visage now mirrors his greed.
And here’s my Weed(s)-themed limerick:
I’m irate and upset: I’ve been sued
By a cranky, litigious old dude,
Who claims that my weeds
Wrecked his lawn with their seeds.
He’s a lawyer, which means that I’m screwed.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Appearance, Appearance Humor, Competition Limerick, Greed, Greed Humor, Law Humor, Law Limerick, Lawn Humor, Lawsuit Humor, Lawsuit Limerick, Lawyer Humor, Lawyer Limerick, Legal Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Litigation Humor, Litigation Limerick, Meanness Humor, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Vanity Humor, Weed Humor, Weeds Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 150 Comments »
